Tornado hits Kimball, TN. 9 people injured.

[Megamantn]

Last night, I was tracking a Tornado in Marion County, TN from the first Tornado Warning in Franklin County, TN to the last warning which was for Hamilton County, TN which did include the city of Chattanooga.

John Pless of WTVC-TV in Chattanooga, TN is on the scene right now & he posted the Story on the Tornado that hit Kimball, TN.

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By daybreak people who live in Kimball appeared shocked to see for themselves the damage left behind by the tornado that hit the small town Wednesday night.

Many saw televised reports with night time footage of the damage on NewsChannel 9 at 11 Wednesday night and on Good Morning Chattanooga Thursday.

"I think it's crazy, I mean devastating. Nothing's left," according to Whitney Layne, who came from Dunlap to see the damage.

Layne was at the end of General Roberts Lane, where three houses were destroyed by the tornado. Two of the houses were leveled to a pile of rubble - the third was twisted on it's foundation beyond repair.

In one of the houses, Jason and Kayla Boston were trying to hide in their bathroom from the storm when it hit. The house was lifted and then blown to pieces according to their relatives, who said the couple was thrown into their backyard.

The Boston's survived, but the family says Kayla is being treated for a fractured pelvis at Erlanger Medical Center while her husband Jason was treated for a large cut on his head.

"I don't know how they did it, I know God was with them," neighbor Diana Winters said.

The Kimball Baptist Church was also hard hit just moments after the congregation began it's Wednesday night services. Members heard the tornado warning and scrambled into a hallway for cover.

The storm ripped apart the roof and a wall, sending debris flying. Three children were taken to Grandview Medical Center for treatment of cuts from flying glass.

The National Weather Service confirms it was a tornado packing winds of about 130 miles per hour and is being classified as an EF-2 tornado. Twisters are ranked on a scale of 1-5, with 1 being minimal and five being the most catastrophic.

NWS Meteorologists said it was on the ground for about three minutes and traveled a 200-yard wide path for about two miles.

Many large trees were either uprooted or snapped in half by the winds that left debris scattered through many neighborhoods in town. Pieces of buildings, inlcuding concrete blocks, were also scattered about.

At Kimball Baptist Church several cars and SUV's were either flipped around or turned completly over onto their tops.

A building once used by the Kimball Fire Department that was most recently used to store ambulances and police equipment had it's roof torn apart, as did a next door building that's used to store public works equipment.

By mid-afternoon Thursday Highway 41 was closed so that crews could clean up the damage and repair utility lines near Kimball Baptist Church.

[Vesnic]

Wow, what a cowinkydink. I also happen to moonlight as an incompetent weatherologist (not to be confused with meteorologist, since the former requires no degree) for my local rag, and had the following to report in the Wednesday morning paper:

"Late Tuesday night, an unprecedented event took place in the once sleepy town of Bumfuck, Massachusetts. Residents on Woebegone Street were hurdled from their beds by what little 5-year-old Johnny Johnny could only describe as "a great big BOOOOMM!" His mother, Mrs. Johnny, told local reporters that she had been in the process of servicing her husband when "a loud crack", followed immediately by a rush of rancid wind, threw her backwards onto the floor. "I knew it wasn't him," quipped Mrs. Johnny. "Cuz' after four beers, old Mr. Johnny sure wouldn't be able to shoot it out like that!" Mrs. Johnny was then escorted from the scene by an irate Mr. Johnny and no further testimony has been obtained from her.

"The blue smoke blew my windows clean off their frames! It smelled like the devil himself!" added old Mrs. Hillbilly, a Bible-banging old bitch if ever there was one. "I just kept praying 'O my sweet Jesus, come in your big chariot, swing high, swing low, carry me home, sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph, though he doesn't really matter poor old cuckold that he is!'"

Other residents, standing in their pajamas in the bluish early morning darkness, shivered while holding their noses. The vile smell still permeates Woebegone Street, and many have sought refuge with relatives.

After an extensive investigation by local police and fire departments into the strange anomaly, the answer was finally uncovered when local children noticed a neighborhood dog busily chewing off the face of a man lying dead on the sidewalk. Though further autopsy results are pending, it would seem from initial investigation that the man died from a massive radioactive fart measuring a whopping 5.8 on the Richter Scale. The stench from the blue cloud surrounding him suggested that said fart was produced by an unholy quantity of MSG and catgut consumed earlier that evening at a local Chinese restaurant. Mr. and Mrs. PingPong, proprietors of Amazin' Asian, are currently being held in custody for willfully and with malice aforethought causing the death of the unidentified man.

One cannot help but be touched at the sight of these poor residents trudging about through their once lovely neighborhood, clad in just PJ's and gas masks. It is like Hiroshima and World War I and Adam Sandler's worst jokes all rolled into one. This is a truly tragic setback for Bumfuck, which was just beginning to emerge from its state of post-industrial slumpiness.

Shaking his head, Mayor Rimjob had just this to say: "It's a shame. A real shame. We haven't had an episode like this since the hot-dog stand next to the abortion clinic closed down a few years ago. A real crying shame."

Article by Vesnicie, assistant apprentice weatherologist for the Bumfuck Beagle

[donteatpoop]

Tornados should be outlawed. I say we deport the tornados and send them back to wherever it is they come from.

[apotheosis]

I always thought it would be awesome if someone dumped a truckload of razor blades into a tornado. That way if someone entered the tornado they would be sliced and diced into thousands of tiny pieces. Think about it, a razor-tornado. It would kick ass and chew bubblegum... except for the fact that it is all out of bubblegum.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

That is the stupidest thing I've heard in like...3 days.

[End Master]

This thread sucks, time to liven it up with a little music…


Chubby went down to I-S
He was lookin' for some drugs to steal
But he wasn’t blind
'Cause he saw a behind
And he was willin' to make her squeal

He came across this young girl
High and eyes blood shot
And Chubby grabbed her ass
And said, girl lemme tell you what

I guess you didn't know it
but I'm a fuckin’ druggie too
And if you care to take a dare, I'll fuck the shit outta you

Now you talk a good game, Chubb
But give this boy his due
My name’s Ves
An you gotta take my test
To see if he’s better than you

The boy said my name's Apoth
With a drunken grin
I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause my dick’s eight foot ten!

Chubby lube up your dick and ride Veshy hard!
Cause an orgy’s broke out in I-S and full of fuckin’ tards!
They’re fuckin’, suckin’ and smokin’ a booooowl!
But after tonight, VD gets their hooooles!

Chubby unzipped his pants
And he said I'll start this show
And he pulled her head closer
And Ves began to blow

Then he grunted and groaned
And nearly took a piss
And then Apoth joined in
And it sounded something like this

BOW CHICKA CHICKA BOW BOW…

When Chubby finished
Ves asked you already shot your gun?
Well just sit down in that chair right there
I gotta wait for Apoth to be done

Crotches on fire
Cum boys, cum!
They’re fuckin all night ‘till the risin’ sun!
She’s gettin’ bored, but her standards are low
Wonders is it worth it
She thinks nooooooo

(More porno music)

Chubby bowed his head
Because he’d fallen asleep
And Apoth now laid there too
On the sticky floor at Chubby's feet

Ves said, both of you assholes get out
An if you ever wanna try again
Just lose my number you sons of a bitches
That was the shittiest 3-way I’ve ever been in!

Crotches on fire
Cum boys, cum!
They’re fuckin all night ‘till the risin’ sun!
She’s gettin’ bored, but her standards are low
Wonders is it worth it
She thinks nooooooo

(More porno music to end)

http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/028.gif

[Usoki]

I shrudder to think how bored you were that you actually managed to make that. It's high quality, too- which makes it all the more frightening.

[End Master]

Well that song’s been in my head for the past few days and bad thoughts started to form. Soon hideous laughter ensued as I typed madly on the keyboard.

Guess it’s just a good thing I choose a more “positive” outlet when such things occur.

However I’ve done songs like that about various people before in the past, so it didn’t take as much time as one might think, (Just needed to look up the lyrics) though I do try to strive for quality.

[Vesnic]

Does this mean that none of you liked my drugged-out report about the goings-on up here in Bumfuck?

Does this mean that no one respects me?

Does this mean I get to have a three-way in the near future?

I heart that little song, Endy. Now I only play the cello but y'all know the cello is just an oversized, oversexed fiddle (oversexed cuz it's got rockin' lady curves) so I'm sure I could figure out your little melody on it.

It's amazing, the things that happen while you're sleeping. While I was sleeping, alone and chaste and semi-overdosed in my bed, what poison was spoken against my good name. I am simply scandalized. WHERE ARE MY FUCKING DRUGS?

Hey, do you think Megaman (the poor son'bitch who started this thread disaster) was actually serious about that tornado? In my humble Yankee opinion, only douches put themselves in the way of big twisty razorblade spinny clouds...

[End Master]

I used to play the cello back in elementary school, but I’d only joined because there was this girl I liked that also joined the class and I wanted to be close to her all the time.

But then she got an “E” on some math assignment and the homeroom teacher was bitching at her just as the violin/cello teacher came in to pick us all up for our first class. The homeroom teacher said she couldn’t go and was pulling her out because she was fucking up in class.

So I got stuck in a class that I didn’t have any interest in, and my whole reason for joining wasn’t even going to be in there any more. I couldn’t quit because my parents were so thrilled that I was finally taking an “interest” in a musical instrument that I felt obligated to stay.

Hardly matters though, she never liked me anyway and I basically stalked and harassed the poor girl all the way through 3rd grade.

I would eventually learn that doing such things later on in life would result in police involvement. (Sigh) Things were just so much simplier back then...

[Vesnic]

I chose the cello because it is yet another thing I can stick between my legs. ;)

[Megamantn]

Tornados should be outlawed. I say we deport the tornados and send them back to wherever it is they come from.

Dude, It's logically impossible.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

It's called sarcasm, dude.

[Locke]

Hmm. But logic never had much to do with bureaucracy, and tornadoes almost certainly qualify as one of today's exciting buzz words: terrorists. These days you don't even need a warrant to arrest those and detain them at Guantanamo. You can bet that next time a tornado tries to hit Kansas, Homeland Security will be waiting. And in the meantime, if one picks up a phone from a house somewhere, they can legally bug it without asking a judge. Many Americans feel that giving up their civil rights is a small price to pay for safety from tornadoes...

When Homeland Security absorbed the Weather Bureau last month, a meteorologist friend of mine was suspected of having ties to a group of storm cells moving across the Gulf. He protested he was just doing his job by getting to know the weather he had to report, but he was placed on the No Fly List. One of the storms looked like it was fixing to become a tropical depression... I haven't heard from my friend since then, and there's a new weather man wearing dark glasses on Channel Five. He says our area's risk for tornado activity is a "dark orange" and that we should call the station if we see any suspicious activity going on outside. Apparently they're close to busting another storm cell, and they've asked us to remain in our homes or face kidnapping - err, lawful detainment. The guys with the earpieces and binoculars in the Doppler van with the tinted windows across the street look like they mean business, too.

[apotheosis]

It's 338 here right now and I'm really fucking trashed... I loved your poem though end and It hink I' going to drink some wanter and go to sleep right now goodnight.

[donteatpoop]

Dude, It's logically impossible.

Yeah? Tell that to the millions of people who are marching on DC with me to protest the legality of tornados.

I made a sign for it and everything, it says "Hell No, Tornados".

[donteatpoop]

A lot of good points.

Thank you, Locke. That was awesome.

[Vesnic]

Nobody thanked me for my awesomely drugged out rant. Well that's just fine, guys. I don't have to be awesome and drugged out around here if you just can't handle the awesomeness.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

It was great Ves.

I meant to tell you that but the conversation got a little...something. I dunno. It was actually very funny.

Right guys?

[donteatpoop]

What? Oh yeah, it was totally great. And I mean that, I don't just say "totally" at random; it's totally not a word that I use lightly.