The Michael Ray Holt Qualification!

[apotheosis]

Just a parody I threw together. If I don't end up writing anything else I guess this will count as my "From Hell" entry.

It was all in the spirit of jest, though I'm sure MRH won't think so.

http://www.infinite-story.com/story/3486/

For your reading pleasure.

[End Master]

I didn’t even read it yet, and it already sounds hilarious.

The only problem with this is you might cause him to come back to the forums where he'll proceed to babble bullshit as usual.

Oh well, I guess we can all test out the ignore feature if that happens.

[apotheosis]

Oh and if anyone does not know, this story is a parody of Michael's recently released story, The Girlfriend Qualification.

http://www.infinite-story.com/story/3435/

[Vesnic]

Read and rated. Thanks for the show, Apoth!

And thank you also for the hunchback troll...

I share End's trepidation, however. This may be the catalyst to bring back Michael. But let's face it, guys. Don't we all miss him? Just a little bit? In a sick, depraved, backwards way, don't we relish his risible rants?

[apotheosis]

Anything that will give me a chance to raise my post count AKA e-penis. Otherwise, it will never compete with the real one.

[Vesnic]

Oh baby, that's for damn sure. ;)

[apotheosis]

Someone is going to get an extra long, deep tissue massage while being fed delicious choclate and whispered sweet romantic lines of poetry into their ear with some ferocious nibbles on their neck.

[End Master]

Read and rated. Thanks for the show, Apoth!

And thank you also for the hunchback troll...

I share End's trepidation, however. This may be the catalyst to bring back Michael. But let's face it, guys. Don't we all miss him? Just a little bit? In a sick, depraved, backwards way, don't we relish his risible rants?

You guys might miss his whines because you didn’t have to slap him down to reality as much as I did. And he just got more retarded and pathetic with each clash. I’d take drum’s idiotic trolling over Michael’s whines and delusions any day.

Last time it got to the point where it was almost getting sad. Couple that with some of the stuff we were laughing about at the other forums he was getting flamed at AND his emo whine story and I can’t even be bothered to argue with the guy anymore. It's like kicking a repeatly beaten dog at this point. I’d probably just to ignore him, since it’s never really been a challenge and everything I’ve said about him in the last clash pretty much summed it all up anyway.

If anything you, Usoki, DEP, Veshy, Katie, and even Drag have all said at one time or another that he’s pretty much a worthless human being. So its sort of a given that nobody here likes him, except maybe to laugh at as the forum joke.

[apotheosis]

Well, it's my turn with him then End. I'll knock him down lower than you ever thought possible! I ain't ascared. Plus, I'm sure Nappi would help me. He seems to be exceptionally good at flaming when he wants to be.

[Nappi]

I never talked with MRH,so I cant really say anything bad about him.I thought he was sorta funny in the forums.Actually if it wasnt for a hilarious forum thread I found via google,I probably would never had discovered this place.MRH and Kag were going at Mom jokes and Kag said "yo momma such a heroin addict all her veins stopped workin so she has to shoot heroin into her dick"of course MRH freaks out in his signature way...I swear I was almost crying it was so funny.I have read a couple of his stories and found them well written and enjoyable.However his off site personal web page was very awkward,kinda strange feeling while reading it.

[apotheosis]

Nevermind, Nappi has joined MRH's side. I will still prevail!!!!!!!!!

Mwahahahahahaha!

(someone's being a little childish right now... I think that's me... it's not my fault though, my blood sugar is low and mother needs to go grocery shopping)

[donteatpoop]

I never talked with MRH,so I cant really say anything bad about him.I thought he was sorta funny in the forums.Actually if it wasnt for a hilarious forum thread I found via google,I probably would never had discovered this place.MRH and Kag were going at Mom jokes and Kag said "yo momma such a heroin addict all her veins stopped workin so she has to shoot heroin into her dick"of course MRH freaks out in his signature way...I swear I was almost crying it was so funny.I have read a couple of his stories and found them well written and enjoyable.However his off site personal web page was very awkward,kinda strange feeling while reading it.

He's a decent writer, but a bit of an ass. He had moments of civility and charm (including his times of being a bigoted asshole), but as time wore on he seemed to get more rude and irritating, picking fights at every turn.

That said, I think this story is pathetic. I hate when people mock persons who are not present to defend themselves. It's one thing to call michael an arrogant bastard in passing, but to actually create an entire story dedicated to mocking the man is low. Real low. (for example, despite my vehemnt hatred for the guy, you don't see me kicking around jokes at drumsy)

Not that I ever considered you to be a classy guy, apoth, but I never imagined you would stoop this low.

[apotheosis]

DEP, did you read The Girlfriend Qualification? I want you to read every word of it, then tell me this story was not necessary.

EDIT: Nevermind, you did read it. I thought it was the most pompous arrogant piece of self promotion ever. My story was simply to balance everything out. It SCREAMED parody the moment I read it. Infinite-Story is not a personal ad site...

[bigblotbob]

I think this is for MRH's own good. If someone never points out that he's an ass it would be cruel, like having a retard in the room and giggle under your breath that he's got snot hanging indecisively from his nose. Instead, let's all be brutally honest and help the poor guy. We love him, and that's the difference between us and his parents.
As I was banging his ex-wife repeatedly in her dripping wet vagina last night, I had a realization that I didn't hate him, I just hated his mannerisms, his stories, the way he looked, and how he acted. I voiced these realizations to his ex-wife and she agreed by nodding her head in consent the way one has to when their mouth is too full of semen to talk, then I physically kicked her out of my house, realizing she looked like Michael Moore and I was only fucking her to spite MRH. Why should I have to suffer to express the feelings of everyone else on this forum. Though I'm Jewish, I'm not going to play Jesus for you dripping cunts. Anyhow, let's all try to gently coerce MRH out of the closet, even if he may not be gay. That's not the point. Even if evolution will eventually wipe him from the gene pool, it's all our jobs as human beings to alleviate pain and suffering from the world, the kind that will be suffered by his children by their mere existence, and us by having to somehow acknowledge their existence.

[Vesnic]

Ah, let's just leave Michael alone already. What good is he to us post-mortem anyway? He would appear to be dead and gone from the forums, and even if he's not, who gives a shit?

Oh, and Bob, you do of course realize the irony of being a Jew arguing for genetic purification, right?

[End Master]

Just one last bit, but I sort of see DEP and Apoth’s side in this.

On one hand, yeah Apoth is being a little immature, however given that he’s a teenage guy he’s got somewhat of a little leeway on the matter and given certain recent events :wink wink: :nudge nudge: its natural that he’s going to be doing a little flexing, and that does tend to overlap into other areas.

However, Mikey who’s 31 years old and acts like a 2 year old, his story wasn’t a story either and was basically just him whining and ranting about women. That’s fine and dandy, but do it on your personal web page (Wasn’t that why he got MySpace?) OR if you are going to do it, then at least do it in a humorous story format.

The thing was, he could’ve portrayed women as evil, backstabbing bitches in an actual story and it wouldn’t have been as embarrassing. Making up a character that’s having girl troubles and having him complain about how he’s constantly getting fucked over by them and getting into bad situations with them in his attempt to find the “perfect one” would’ve been a good story. He could’ve even made the character have similar traits as himself and it would’ve been passable. (Though anyone that was on the forums would’ve instantly rolled their eyes and instantly known that this was a story in the form of a whine)

He didn’t do any of that though; he made up some lame ass questionnaire which is longer than any of his real stories. The fact that he put himself in the story to try to bloat his decimated ego and based it solely on his “woman woes” just adds to the embarrassment.

That story was basically the equivalent of drums talking about child sex robots. He set himself up to be taunted, so as far as I’m concerned whatever anyone did or said to him in response to his story was completely on him as usual.

And he’s still lurking around, because he just changed his avatar recently, so it’s not really like talking about him behind his back, if anything its pretty open given the title of the story.

But anyway, I agree with Ves, let’s just stop talking about the fucktard. He’s probably so desperate for anything to be said about him at this point (good or bad) that he’s jerking off to these posts.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

I dislike Michael, but not enough to read a bunch of stuff about him. I dislike him in to an almost uncaring degree. I haven't really read the stuff in question, but I support Apoth's right to speak his mind. Michael does come back from time to time to lurk, he'll defend himself if he sees fit... I certainly have no reason to defend him. However, I do hope he doesn't return, because just to defend himself... sometimes speaking of the devil brings him back around.

[apotheosis]

Blah, I only did the story to get back at him for that horrible piece of auto-fellatio he posted... but I guess the whole thing is blown out of proportion. (wow, two references to oral sex in one sentence, I win)

[End Master]

Meh, I wouldn't worry about it. Mostly everyone's in agreement that he's an asshole. I say keep the story up. If anything it at least bumped off his idiotic story from the new story list.

Besides, if he does come back, he'll probably blame me for everything anyway. http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/028.gif

[apotheosis]

I'm not sure what my next parody story will be. I like them because they are very easy to write and require little effort. Only take two hours tops but they make one feel like they've accomplished something.

So who should I do a parody of next?

Drums? Dragavan? Facepunch Gang? Tycamden? Or maybe you End, though that would be a challenge to do for sure.

[End Master]

Nah, you probably shouldn’t make a habit out of them. This one was okay, since you sort of balanced out the cosmos as it were. Nobody else needs to be parodied.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

I prefer people not to pick on Drag, I feel some kind of loyalty to him for bringing me to the site... but you can pick on End... though he can be quite aggressive if backed into a corner I understand.

Perhaps some political figure, or something bigger than this forum. An actor or actress... you could make a game out of it, and have us guess which actor or actress you are portraying... Or you know, some philosopher or something academic.

You are so clever, I'm sure you'll find something delightful without pissing off my peeps.

[donteatpoop]

I think this is for MRH's own good. If someone never points out that he's an ass it would be cruel, like having a retard in the room and giggle under your breath that he's got snot hanging indecisively from his nose. Instead, let's all be brutally honest and help the poor guy. We love him, and that's the difference between us and his parents.
As I was banging his ex-wife repeatedly in her dripping wet vagina last night, I had a realization that I didn't hate him, I just hated his mannerisms, his stories, the way he looked, and how he acted. I voiced these realizations to his ex-wife and she agreed by nodding her head in consent the way one has to when their mouth is too full of semen to talk, then I physically kicked her out of my house, realizing she looked like Michael Moore and I was only fucking her to spite MRH. Why should I have to suffer to express the feelings of everyone else on this forum. Though I'm Jewish, I'm not going to play Jesus for you dripping cunts. Anyhow, let's all try to gently coerce MRH out of the closet, even if he may not be gay. That's not the point. Even if evolution will eventually wipe him from the gene pool, it's all our jobs as human beings to alleviate pain and suffering from the world, the kind that will be suffered by his children by their mere existence, and us by having to somehow acknowledge their existence.


Have you read the forums with MRH in them? No one holds themselves back from calling the guy an asshole, arrogant bastard, stupid fucktard, neanderthal damn near every time he opens his stupid mouth. And every time it is true. I don't hold back from him either... When he is here.

I don't care though. I laughed at it, and all, but it's low. That's all I'm saying.

[apotheosis]

Hmmmmm. After reading all of your suggestions, I've determined that the person who most needs a good parody is.... SHABTI! That's right, I know you are lurking here Shabti... waiting for your time to strike and send as all into oblivion... but I'll be ready for it! I shall make a preemptive strike to seize all of Shabti's weapons of mass destruction and then his people shall great me as a liberator! Then, all the oil I harvest from him will be more than enough to fund my crusade.

I don't really have anything to go on though... so perhaps, a story about all the enigmatic members of IS. I'll talk about Shabti's lurking and that massive story he has yet to release, or Chubby and what could have possibly happened to him, or TyCamden and whatever the hell is is, and any other member wrapped in enigma. Yeah. That would be a good story. Not really a parody... but a good one.

Until then, I must go decimate the UN. They want to send weapon inspectors to Shabti's story. The time for talk is over. The time to act is now. They tried to kill my daddy....

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on what happened to Chubby. He was the only Teletubby on the site, and while I never met him, I feel like everyone cherrishes his memory.

[donteatpoop]

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on what happened to Chubby. He was the only Teletubby on the site, and while I never met him, I feel like everyone cherrishes his memory.

Chubby was in and out of trouble with the law alot, and I can't help but hope that he is in some prison somewhere. I say that I hope he is in prison because he also had some major medical problems and I would prefer not to think that he is dead.

[apotheosis]

Perhaps Chubby was the second coming of Christ... and he's already taken all the faithful with him... which means, we are the ones left behind to suffer the advent of the four horses and the coming of the apocalypse.

[End Master]

Maybe he got a sex change and changed his name to Vesnicie. Now THAT would make for an interesting story for Apoth to write! http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/028.gif

[apotheosis]

Hmmmm... would that make me gay? I don't think so. Post op is now considered straight.... right?

Though I know for a fact Ves is a bonified legitimate girl. You can tell they are a real girl from some subtleties which I'm not at liberty to discuss.

I'm st6ill drunk by the way... Anyway... you guys rock. The end. Gondinight. Wow... bad spelling. I'm sorry.


Doctor Zhivago wins! (not sure why I said that)

But Lawrence of Arabia may win more!


Anyway Ves...

If you ever read this...

Which I'm sure you will.

And might be upset or might not be....


Lassen Sie uns Geschlecht wie Tiere bald haben!


Lassen Sie uns Geschlecht wie Tiere bald haben!


Lassen Sie uns Geschlecht wie Tiere bald haben!


I actually editted this post to just change a few periods to explmatnation points!

Why did I do that?!

Becuase I want to fuck even baddeder when I'm druink!


But serious;yl you guys rock.

ALot.

Even Dragavan... and MRH... and Drums... and.... Bearglove


(bearglove isn't a real member.... but if he was he'd be okay)

[Vesnic]

"Geschlecht" bitte? Du machst da einen grossen Fehler und da ist's offensichtlich, du kannst KEIN DEUTSCH!

I am an aspiring Chubbist, but this is merely a vain hope. Though isn't it strange he disappeared just as I came onboard?

Muahahahhaa!

And Apoth, you drunk little monkey: wenn wir uns einmal wieder ficken, kann's ja ganz tierisch sein! ;)

[apotheosis]

Ich entschuldige mich für meine Unfähigkeit. Ich mache am besten mit den Ressourcen ich habe verfügbar zu mir.