Welcome to ISville!

[End Master]

Apoth has just moved to ISville. Or more precisely, he has inherited a piece of farmland on the outskirts of the town from his great grandfather who died horribly in an elephant accident.

Normally Apoth wouldn’t leave the big city, but he took this opportunity to hide from Russian mobsters for his gambling debts.

He now has a piece of farmland which he must get started on right away to earn a living and fit in. He virtually has no experience but his new home is equipped with everything he needs to get started.
He only has $500 spend on whatever else he may need.

His nearest neighbors are DEP and Usoki. Both have thriving farms.

DEP has 3 wives and 10 kids to help him run the farm.

Usoki has a hunchback who he saved from being lynched for jaywalking.

Maybe one of them can provide Apoth with assistance?

Currently living in ISville: Locke, Xnull, Ves, Chubby, Drag

There may be more citizens, you will have to explore and interact to learn more about the facinating town of ISville!

>_

[End Master]

Ves has just opened the brothel.
Locke has just opened the hardware store.
Usoki feeds his hunchback.

>_

[End Master]

Chubby wakes up from a hang over and goes back to sleep.

You have unlocked a new character! Leblanc!

Leblanc has re-entered ISville from his job in the city.
DEP orders his kids to go buy barbwire from town.

You have unlocked a new character! Katie!

Katie has opened up the library.

>_

[End Master]

Apoth has explored all of his new home.
Apoth has travelled to Usoki's farm.
Apoth has asked Usoki for help.
Usoki laughs at Apoth and orders his hunchback to beat him up.
Apoth attempts to use his penknife to defend himself.

COMBAT!
The hunchback swings!
The hunchback misses!
Apoth swings!
Apoth hits!
Apoth does no damage.
Apoth’s penknife is not a suitable weapon.
The hunchback swings!
The hunchback hits!
Apoth’s nose is bleeding!
Apoth runs away.

Usoki gains 2 dollars that Apoth dropped during his flight.

Xnull has opened the bar.
Chubby has decided to wake up and heads to the bar. He buys a drink and hits on some off duty prostitute from Ves’ brothel.

>_

[Usoki]

Usoki has used the 2 dollars to buy the hunchback a pair of shoes.
-The hunchback has gained +2 DEF!
-The hunchback has gained +5 SPD!
-The hunchback has gained +1 CHA!

The hunchback looks at his shoes in the mirror.
The hunchback looks at his reflection.
-The hunchback has lost 20 CHA.

Usoki looks into his basement, where he has chained several of ISville's worst criminals.

You have unlocked a new character! MichaelRayHolt!
You have unlocked a new character! drums!
You have unlocked a new character! Megamantn!

>_

[Usoki]

Apoth walks down the street.
Apoth meets LeBlanc.
Use Item: Hallway of Infinite Doors

LeBlanc becomes enthralled by the story.
LeBlanc has become your ally!
-LeBlanc lends you +5 STR
-LeBlanc lends you +10 STA
-LeBlanc lends you +5 multiple personalities
-LeBlanc gives you an item(s): Ultros the Octopus

Apoth approaches Usoki's farm.
Use item: Ultros the Octopus

Usoki goes into a grammatical rage!
Usoki has become a grammar nazi!
Horrid spelling attack!
No plotline attack!
Misuse of Your/You're attack!
Inability to use apostrophes attack!
Unfunny use of video game characters attack!
Usoki has defeated his hunchback!
Usoki has destroyed his farmhouse!

MichaelRayHolt has been released!
drums has been released!
Megamantn has been released!

Usoki has powered down.
"I hope you're happy, Apoth. You will now have to quest after these ISville villains, and bring them all to justice. Go visit the others. Maybe they can give you aid. As for me, all I can give you is this."
-Usoki has given you a hunchback! +5 STR, -50 CHA
-Usoki has given you an item(s): Rentyre, Teatime
-Usoki has given you an item(s): A grammarian's rectal ass-stick!

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

So I wake up in the bar...

The Bar

You are in a bar, retard. Some country western music blares from a juke box, dampening the mood. The stench of stale cigarette smoke lingers in the air like a bad joke. There's a couple of pool tables, a dart board, a couple of TVs playing ESPN, and a restroom.

Also in the bar: A respectable prostitute, two assholes playing pool, a drunk passed out at the bar, and a semi-toothless whore licking something off the floor.

Exits: North, south, east.

approach whore_

You approach the whore.

"Whaddya want?" the whore prompts.

say "You baby."_

"You baby," you say, slurring the words badly.

"It'll cost you," she drones, blithely unconcerned with your raging, pent-up sexual urges. "2 coppers for a handjob, 1 silver for everything else. No kissing."

RIPOFF!

Attack whore_

You attack the whore!

The whore bites you in the neck!

-5 hp.

Bite whore_

You attempt to bite the whore and miss!

>_

Elsewhere in ISville...

[Usoki]

drums walks down the street.
"I must censor anything inappropriate! Minors could be lurking!"

drums finds an instance of profanity.
drums attacks an instance of profanity!
-drums deals 5 damage.
-drums deals 8 damage.
-drums deals 2 damage.
-drums has defeated an instance of profanity!

"Victory is mine! I must celebrate with a child sex robot!"
"But where in ISville could I find such an inappropriate device?"

drums enters the Gay Sex Toy Emporium.

You have unlocked a new character! Shabti!

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

A pleasant smell of sex and sandalwood greets the visitor to this cozy little shop. Most available surfaces have been covered with a wide array of dildos, vibrators, lubricants, and other various tools of the Devil's delight. They are presumably for sale. Oh, and don't forget the anal beads! At a few seemingly random spots, curtains have been hung, separating one shelf from another, one table from the next, in this endless Sea of Sin.

There are two obvious exits: North and south.

Also in the room: Shabti, ChubbyTeletubby, Michael Rayholt, dead whore

Donteatpoop arrives from the north.

Donteatpoop exits to the north.

Look ChubbyTeletubby_

The pitiful specimen before you could hardly be called human. He reeks of liquor, hasn't shaved in God-knows-when, and is completely naked. He obviously shaved his pubes several days ago, as his entire nether-regions is covered in 3rd day stubble and ingrown hairs. Disgusting. His penis is the most awful thing you've ever seen.

Attack ChubbyTeletubby_

ChubbyTeletubby helps you in this endeavor and kills himself.

>_

[apotheosis]

Apoth decides to use his small plot of farmland to grow heroin
He heads down to Chubby's house and trades his whore of a daughter for a couple of opium poppy seeds

-1 whorish daughter
+10 handfuls of opium poppy seeds

Apoth plants the seeds and prepares for a wonderful harvest
Some of his crackwhore dopefiend bitches from the city move up to help him with the harvest

[End Master]

DEP’s son enters the library.
DEP’s son tries to buy barbwire and offers money to Katie.
Katie says “I’m sorry little boy, but I think you want the hardware store, we only offer books here.”

DEP’s son goes to the hardware store.
DEP’s son tries to buy barbwire and offers money to Locke.
Locke says “Yeah, that’s nice, but that isn’t enough. Go back and get some more money kid.”
DEP’s son kicks Locke in the shin!
Locke’s shin is bruised!

COMBAT!
Locke grabs a hammer!
DEP’s son runs down one of the aisles.
Locke says “Hey kid, come back here!”
DEP’s son sneaks down one of the other aisles and pushes the wobbly shelves.
The wobbly shelves fall on Locke along with all their contents!

Locke takes head damage!
An eye has been blinded!
Locke takes body damage!
A nipple has been torn off!
Locke takes groin damage!
A testicle has been crushed!
Locke is severely wounded!
Locke is unconscious!

DEP’s son has won!

DEP’s son loots Locke’s register for $250!
DEP’s son loots Locke’s store for barbwire!

DEP’s son returns home.

DEP returns from the Gay Sex Toy Emporium.
DEP passes out dildos to his wives and says “You’ll have to keep yourselves busy, I got work to do.”
DEP’s son hands DEP the barbwire and money.
DEP takes the barbwire and pockets the money without asking questions.
DEP puts up barbwire fence around his property.
DEP’s home defense has increased by 5.
DEP’s reputation has decreased by 10.

You have unlocked a new character! Thoric!

Thoric has opened up the convenience store.

You have unlocked a new character! March!

March has entered ISville from CYSville.
March has entered Vesnic’s brothel.

>_

[Usoki]

Apoth locates CYSville on the map given to him.

You have unlocked a new character! JJJ!

"I hate CYSville! ISville is the best place I've ever lived in, fuckers!"
JJJ has left ISville to re-enter CYSville.

You have unlocked a new character! EndMaster!

"Shit, they noticed I wasn't actually in this thing."
EndMaster has been employed as Sheriff.
EndMaster receives a badge, reading "Moderator".

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

INV_

EndMaster does a check of his inventory:

Helm: an orcish battle helmet [worn] [+10 arm][-5 int]
Gloves: Michael Jackson glove [worn: serviceable if the year is 1983] [+20 stam]
Weapon: Keyboard [excellent]
Armor: Tommy Hilfiger shirt. [outdated] [ -20 arm]

You carry 64.7% of your allowed body weight.

>_

[Locke]

Locke attempts revival.
Grim Reaper appears.

COMBAT!
Grim Reaper attacks! -5 Int.
Locke attempts PLAYFUL BANTER. Grim Reaper is confused!
Locke casts SMALL MIRACLE.
Locke tests LUCK: 15. Success!

Locke wakes up.
DEP's son dropped something in the fight.
Locke acquired CELLPHONE!
Locke tests DEXTERITY: 13. Success!
Locke dials 911.
Locke receives medical attention.

>_

[Locke]

DEP's sons eye Apoth's land: SIX TURNS TO INVASION!

Apoth tests INT: 6. Success!
Apoth dons OVERALLS.
Apoth chews HAYSEED

Apoth sits on porch.

Apoth uses SUMMON.
Apoth tests INT: 6. Success!
Apoth summons DOG.
Apoth uses EAR SCRATCH.

+ 1 Canine CHA. +1 FARMER.

Apoth attempts WORK.
Apoth tests INT: 6. Failure!
Apoth stays put.
Apoth ends turn.

>_

[Vesnic]

Madam Ves sends HORDE-O'-WHORES reinforcements to Apoth's farm in exchange for a percentage of the poppy plant to feed her growing habit and sell to inebriated customers at 4,000% markup.

Define: HORDE-O-WHORES.

HORDE-O-WHORES is a WEAPON used in combat against male heterosexual or female homosexual enemies. HORDE-O-WHORES attacks in a large group, confusing the enemy with lascivious flashing, involuntary heroin overdose injecting, deadly stiletto blows to the head and kidneys and other unfathomable sexual tricks. HORDE-O-WHORES requires maintenance of +10 opium per turn to prevent possible mutiny.

Describe: Madam Ves' Brothel

Madam Ves' Brothel:
Music: Edith Piaf, "La Vie en Rose"
Appearance: Plush velvet furniture inherited from the Grand Guignol theatre that used to occupy the building. Shiny taffeta curtains hang from the large Victorian windows. On the thick carpet are scattered several plush cushions, upon which several whores and their customers are engaged in conversation over colorful glass hookahs.
Smell: Mixture of cheap perfume, sweat and opium

Madam Ves asks March: "Why how can I be of service to you today, fine sir?"

cd\
cd otrail
oregon
____________

[Locke]

DEP's sons eye Apoth's land: FIVE TURNS TO INVASION!

Locke recovers all health at HOSPITAL

Locke mortgages HARDWARE STORE to fund EXTENSIVE PLASTIC SURGERY and CYBERNETIC IMPLANTS.

Locke is discharged from HOSPITAL

Locke recieves VICODIN! +2 STA

>_

[End Master]

End Master receives a call about a disturbance at DEP's farm
End Master receives a call about a disturbance at Apoth's farm
End Master receives a call about a disturbance at Gay Sex Shop Emporium
End Master receives a call about a disturbance at Ves' Brothel

End Master makes INT check (-5)
Int check fails.
End Master is confused!

End Master wanders over to the library instead.

The Library

Katie is here reading erotic literature.
Katie says "You must be the new sheriff in town. Can't quite make out your face with that helmet on, let's take that off."
Katie removes End Master's orcish war helmet.

End Master gains 5 INT!

With new found intelligence End Master says "What the hell am I doing wearing this Hilfiger and Michael Jackson crap?"
End Master removes Hilfiger shirt and drops it.
End Master removes Michael Jackson glove.

Katie looks at End Master who is now shirtless.
Katie makes a willpower check.
Katie fails.
Katie is overcome by lust!
Katie attacks End Master!

End Master's stamina has decreased by 100!
End Master's happiness has increased by 100!

End Master has been ensnared!
End Master loses 50% of all future income!
Katie gains 50% of End Master's future income!

Katie gives End Master a black hooded robe.
End Master wears black hooded robe.
End Master gains Shadow Meld!
End Master blends in with the shadows.
End Master temporarily wears Michael Jackson glove while humming "Beat It" to slowly regain stamina.

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

God we are the biggest bunch of dorks_


>_

[Locke]

DEP's sons eye Apoth's land: FOUR TURNS TO INVASION!

Locke enters HARDWARE STORE.
Locke tests DEX: 12. Success!
Locke assembles COMPONENTS from fifth shelf.
Locke assembled SNIPER RIFLE!
Locke attaches SCOPE: +50 RANGE
Locke acquires PISTOLS
Locke acquires HAND GRENADE
Locke acquires TRUNCHEON

Locke begins stalking the first of DEP's many children (Pierce Edgar Poop, or PEP)

>_

[Locke]

Apoth chewsHAYSEED. +1 FARMER

Apoth tests INT: 6. Success!
Apoth walks inside.

Apoth feeds DOG: +1 Canine CHA.

>_

[apotheosis]

Apoth summons a terrible curse upon all of ISville, he chants in forgotten ancient tongues and the skies grow dark. Lighting flashes and thunder shakes the very foundations of the small humble town. Then, in the black clouds that now envelop the sky, there is an opening, and an erie off-white light shines down. Then descending from the tempest of terror comes the most horrible thing imaginable. He begins to sing... and dance...

http://www.singoro.com/v2/book_img/upfile1_1155872585_P1170746-1.jpg




How do the members of ISville react?

[ChubbyTeletubby]

We're going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever

All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)

>_

[End Master]

End Master casts “Protection from the 80s” over ISville with his Michael Jackson glove.

Lionel Richie loses 83 STR!
Lionel Richie loses 98 AGI!
Lionel Richie loses anti-gravity ability!
Lionel Richie falls off the ceiling!
Lionel Richie takes massive head damage!
Lionel Richie has died!

One of DEP’s wives has given birth!
DEP gains 1 kid!
DEP hands pistols and shotguns to all 11 of his kids.
DEP’s newest kid has shot himself in the face due to lack of firearm experience!
DEP has lost 1 kid!

The DEP clan eyes Apoth’s land THREE TURNS TO INVASION!

Megaman has met Drums.
Megaman says “There’s too much swearing in this town!”
Drums says “I agree! Let’s clean it up together!”

Drums and Megaman have formed an alliance!
Censorship has increased by 26!

Ves’ Brothel has lost 18 points of defense!
Apoth’s Farm has lost 12 points of defense!
Shabti's Gay Sex Toy Emporium has lost 38 points of defense!

>_

[apotheosis]

Apoth's necromancer cousin Arch arrives and raises Lionel Richie from the dead. Zombie Lionel Richie joins undead M.J. and all of the zombies from thriller and they begin digging trenches around apoth's farm, building towers, laying booby traps and preparing to defeat DEP's clan.

[Vesnic]

Don't forget you've got the horde-o'-whores to defend you too! They're mighty vicious!

[Dragavan]

Don't forget you've got the horde-o'-whores to defend you too! They're mighty vicious!

Perhaps those were the booby traps he mentioned.

[Vesnic]

Hahahaha! Good one, Drag.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya Dragavan comes up with some real gems once in a while.

>_