Movies (recently seen)

[Nappi]

I know this is a tired way of getting discussions started on forums,however,I am hoping that there is at least one topic started where Apoth can share his thoughts without reminding every one he is diddling Ves.

So I will go first and tell you about Shooter,starring Markie-Mark.It is a good action movie.Reminds me of a white trash/redneck version of the Borne Supremacy.Like most action movies and porn, the plot is simple and easy to follow,making it possible for the villain,Danny Glover to actually find work again in HollyWood without getting confused.He is a marine sniper hired to consult with the government and give his projections of a possible assassination on the president,and like most movies of this caliber,you know from the git go,he is actually helping to frame his self.Lots of running and shooting and car chasing before he finally clears his name.The best part is when you think the movie is over,the marine actually goes sniping for the bad guys..Great movie to kill a few unwanted hours. (2 and one half stars)

[apotheosis]

I'm going to watch Transformers tonight at 10. I will come back and edit this post using the new handy-dandy edit feature and tell everyone what I think of it. For now, this post is just a place holder. How cool is that?!





EDIT: Here is my official review for Transformers. It was better than I expected. The dialouge was terrible, the jokes were even worse and the plot was borderline retarded but it still managed to keep my slightly entertained. I thought they could've cut it down a bit in length though. 3.5 stars for kids, 2.5 stars for adults, 3 stars for a mixed audience is my official rating.

[donteatpoop]

I could have sworn you were going to say that you couldn't write the Transformers review because you were "diddling" ves...

And Nappi, "diddling"? Seriously? Diddling??

[Nappi]

I heard my boss say it today and thought it was funny...I love the word piddler too.Gotta love the country grammar.

[apotheosis]

I wasn't sure about the word diddling, I haven't really heard it used in conventional language before... so I consulted dictionary.com and got this:

1. Informal. to toy; fool (usually fol. by with): The kids have been diddling with the controls on the television set again.
2. to waste time; dawdle (often fol. by around): You would be finished by now if you hadn't spent the morning diddling around.
3. Informal. to move back and forth with short rapid motions.
–verb (used with object)
4. Informal. to move back and forth with short rapid motions; jiggle: Diddle the switch and see if the light comes on.
5. Slang.
a. to copulate with.
b. to practice masturbation upon.


Apparently Nappi is a fan of slang from the 1800's.

Anyway... I am mature about things and had no intention of bringing it up.

[End Master]

I haven’t seen any new movies lately, since nothing has really caught my attention. I’ll probably go see Hatchet when it comes out in September though.

Last “new” movie I saw on DVD was Last King of Scotland which I liked.

[Nappi]

I heard that was pretty awesome.

I watched the Last Legion last night,it is sort of the prequel to the Arthurian legends.The actors are so so,but the story is pretty good.Ben Kingsley kinda holds the movie together as merlin (but he never uses that name till the end).

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

The last movie I saw was Knocked Up... but I only saw half of it. I know no one else here would have attempted to watch even that much of it. I was trying to be brave... and you know... like... normal. It was too far beneath me to enjoy it. The last thing I saw and enjoyed was Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix. It was awesome. I'm a big Potter fan, I loved the use of affects for the Death Eaters. And I really liked the scene where they fly through London.

I also just read the book, which is so well written, it is almost like a movie playing in my mind I can visualize every scene in technicolor with dolby digital, I almost jump at each exclamation point! Ahh!

Also... diddling is a perfectly respectably word ya'll.

[Vesnic]

I remember, Katie, that you added "diddling" to that superb little short thing you did about murder on Sesame Street. Wasn't someone diddling Elmo?

I am not in fact being diddled at the moment, but just saw a movie called "The Forest Woman". No plot. No special effects. No English. Just my kind of flick! As much as I want Potter's broom to burst into flames and send him plummeting to Earth like a pretty little firework, I have to admit that Order of the Phoenix was the last thing I saw in the theatres. I thought of it as kind of a low-level drug. I paid someone about $8.50 to effectively erase my mind for two plus hours. Not a bad way to waste time.

I want to see the Simpsons movie and really, if anyone puts spoilers up about it, I'll be an unhappy camper and not even all the diddling in the world will make up for it.

[End Master]

I heard that was pretty awesome.

I watched the Last Legion last night,it is sort of the prequel to the Arthurian legends.The actors are so so,but the story is pretty good.Ben Kingsley kinda holds the movie together as merlin (but he never uses that name till the end).

I hadn’t heard of that one, but I did see the 2004 King Arthur movie. I liked it for what it was since despite its claim to be based on “historical facts” I knew it wasn’t going to be.

Probably one of the better movies concerning the King Arthur legends is an old 1981 movie called Excalibur.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

my favorite movie of all time which relates to this thread only in that I haven't seen it recently is Amelie... followed by Sordid Lives... followed by Zoolander, Pan's Labyrinth, Lady in the Water, and several other crappy movies with good ones like Princess Bride thrown in for good measure.

[Nappi]

I saw the Arthur movie you were talkin about End and I agree it was good for what it was.The Last Legion also has more to do with the Roman empires ending.The director subtlely tells the origins of excalibur,unfortunately at the end of the movie he decides to hit you over the head with it just in case you didnt catch on.
Excalibur from the eighties is still the best to date.

@Katie;I wish I could say I had heard of those movies.Princess' Bride was excellant,I havent got to see the Harry Potter movie yet.I have never read the books but I liked the first movie.

[donteatpoop]

Have you seen Pans Labrynth? Amazing film. Dark fantasy, dramatic storyline, one of those movies that leaves you in awe as the credits start to roll. Simply one of the most brilliant films in the last ten years.

[Nappi]

well you are the second to mention it so I am going to go download it now.
I watched part of bridge to Tabithia thinking it was Pans Labrynth when I got it,boy was I let down;that movie was just not what I was lookin for.

[BTW,DEP,I got Viva Wisconsin and love it.I thought the VFemmes just kinda sucked after the first album and stopped paying any attention to them,thanx for the input.]

[Vesnic]

I went to see Pan's Labyrinth with my mom and we actually did just sit and stare at the credits until the screen went blank. Totally spellbinding! I hope three of us blabbering on about it is enough to get the rest of you to see it.

If, rather than seeing a dark fairytale, you'd rather see dark romance, I really recommend watching the movie Head On (Gegen die Wand). Yeah, you have to read subtitles, but it's another jaw-dropper.

[apotheosis]

Best movies that have come out relatively recently I would have to say are 300, The Departed, and Borat. I suggest everyone see those movies if you have not already. Every single one was excellent. They came just as I was beginning to believe they no longer made good movies, and I was able to regain my faith in the film making industry.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Has anyone seen any good documentaries recently? I saw SiCKO, but I'm not sure that counts as a REAL documentary. I am just dying to see Living Goddess, about the Kumaris, or child goddesses... It looks completely fascinating, and I really hope it is well done. I also love documentaries on sharks, but never remember the titles... I think one was called Jaws maybe?

300 was great.
Departed was stinky.
Pan's Labyrinth deserves even more kudos.


Oooh... what is a really good foreign horror flick?

[Nappi]

I watched Sicko on the internet and thought it was the only film M Moore has made that you could say was a documentary.I cant stand his politics or even him,but this movie kinda made me rethink some views on the whole subject.Of course I fell asleep and missed the last thirty minutes of it.Still the testimonies were thought provoking and believable.I just hope it doesnt come out that they were all phonies.

I seen an advertisement for a new Documentary coming out on sharks that will be in super HD,it looked pretty enticing.I think it was on the Nat Geographic.

[End Master]

I got Departed on DVD and I still haven’t gotten around to watching it yet! I guess I’ll get around to watching Pan’s Labyrinth now.

300 is coming out this Tuesday so I’ll definitely be buying that and I already own Borat.

Off the top of my head, Dead Alive is a good foreign horror movie. Takashi Miike does some good ones. They don’t exactly fit the traditional idea of a “horror” movie, but you could certainly put them there.

[Vesnic]

Suspiria is a classic horror flick from Italy. It's not so much horror as just really disconcertingly bizarre and nightmarish. Its most famous scene involves a man and a dog standing in the middle of an empty plaza. I won't tell you what happens...

[donteatpoop]

Ninja Scroll

'nuff said

[apotheosis]

I watched the Jimmy Neutron movie on Nickelodeon this morning.. it may have just been a 1.5 hour episode... not sure... but yeah. It was.... actually slightly entertaining. I must have taken brain damage at some point in the last 48 hours....

[Vesnic]

You people have such unrefined taste in film!

Are there no other film snobs in the house? I want to talk about mise-en-scène and denouement and, naturally, le grand bullshitte!

[apotheosis]

Ves, I have refined tastes. I plan on seeing Superbad when it comes out.

[End Master]

Well what were you looking for exactly?

I know you said Susperia, but I’ve never really been a Dario Argento fan. Thought most of his movies were overrated. I liked Lucio Fulsi a little better, but his movies are sort of slow moving and boring at times as well. But a lot of “Giallo” movie are, so I’ve never really liked most of those.

I know I’ve raved over Takshi Miike tons of times so I won’t bother again. I suppose his American equivalent would be David Lynch, but his movies have always been a bit hit or miss with me.

There’s Irreversible which is French and the events in the movie play out backwards. Monica Bellucci is in it. Some of the highlights, Gay S&M Bar, 9 minute rape scene, and some guy getting his head graphically smashed in by a fire extinguisher.

Not quite French, but there’s a Belgian movie called Man Bites Dog which I’ve always liked. Basically a camera crew following around a Serial Killer as he explains his work. It’s even in black and white if that adds anything to its French art fag status.

I guess Gummo could be considered an "art film". Art film about inbred small town hicks, but its still got that quality.

And I think I’ve already mentioned City of God and Oldboy before in other threads.

[apotheosis]

I think I liked Bigblotbob's review of City of God. He really summed it up... though you will greatly disagree end. He imed this to me, he submitted it to Urban Pollution.

"Why do people make movies? And do we, the critics, judge them based on what they're attempting to achieve or what how well they achieve it? Can one's failure spoil the other? I think City of God answers a few of these questions for me upon my having recently viewed it.
Firstly, why was it made? It seems through the symmetry of the narrative that Mierelles and Lund want to show the nihilistic cycle of poverty that leads small children to kill innocent people for money and bond together into gangs. They show the narrator/protagonist Rocket(Alexandre Rodrigues) growing up as his friends eventually all join and run gangs based on the sale of drugs and some kind of warped sense of order. Eventually they grow up to a certain point and their replacements who are given the most obvious introduction in the narration to let us know where they'll eventually end up:"That was the first time I met the runts." This is a noble cause, and the filmmakers should be commended for telling the truth about an awful situation in the world that most people aren't aware of.
Or should they?
The film seems to be trying very hard to make us know they don't condone the violence but never makes us feel why the violence is damaging to the youth and community. When studying the actual form of the film as opposed to it's anti-violence rhetoric(,hidden in the mechanical form as opposed to in it's dialogue, throwing the lay viewer off to it's true message,) you can see Mierelles' training in advertisements become apparent, and his need to remain comfortably within the meaningless viral medium as a hindrance to what could make the film effective. Mierelles and Lund have storyboarded all life out of their film, making it prey exclusively on the id and have the effect of actually glorifying the violence by refusing to let themselves feel for their characters, cynically distancing themselves through the constant cutting and handheld camera. The viewer is never shown suffering in any lasting way, and as a result it is ultimately numbing. Carl Dreyer's Joan of Arc was a deeply humanist film because it showed suffering unflinchingly and cut through it's intellectual justifications. City of God never shows any characters that are more than vessels for basic ideologies and narrative cliches. It, like a commercial, avoids all actual internal conflict in favor of the easy pull of repetitive rhythmic death; snuff with the same effect as a pornographic film. Like Ray Carney once said about Schindler's List, the viewer is meant to "...feel good about feeling bad."1
The characters never gain any depth and become absurdly comedic, rendering the film socially impotent. When the new gang of kids emerges at the end of the film, their rendering didn't give me a deeper feeling that their actions were an escape from their reality, but a nostalgic recollection of Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids. By trying to be non-judgmental the filmmakers have actually distorted the truth by phasing out the consequences of violence."

[End Master]

I probably liked it for the “wrong” reasons anyway. The “message” (or lack thereof) didn’t really matter to me one way or another. I understood that there was supposed to be some sort of anti-violence message in there and all of that. But I basically liked it for showing how fucked up the situation was and how utterly hopeless it seems. The more nihilistic it got the better.

I already knew about stuff like that going on in that part of the world anyway through docs and just reading up on it. Typically I go to the movies to be entertained in some way. I liked the story, the brutality and I liked how they showed passage of time. So it’s a good movie to me.

Over the top villains like L’il Zee don’t really bother me. If anything he was one of the better movie villains I’d seen in awhile. Movies generally have unrealistic bits in them anyway.

I think one of the other reasons why you don’t really feel anything for anyone though too, is because really none of the characters are all that sympathetic in the first place. Even Rocket who’s the only “good guy” in the film, is just so dull compared to all the gangster characters that you could care less about him in the scheme of things. He did serve the purpose of a narrator though.

Really other than Rocket, none of the other characters needed too much "depth." Their whole lives are basically about survival and killing. Just like predatory animals actually which is what most of them were. I think they showed just enough "depth" with a couple of the other major drug dealers who are presumably a little higher on the evolutionary scale, but again they're little more than animals so they really weren't going to be that "deep" to begin with. Hell, most people in real life (criminal or not) don't run too deep.

[donteatpoop]

Are you shitting me? Have you seen Ninja Scroll? It's one of the greatest animes of all time. Spirited Away ranks right up there with it.

Memento is also one of my favorite films.

Pulp Fiction and Resevoir Dogs as well, but the Kill Bills (while entertaining) were not as hip as I had hoped they would be.

Four Rooms is one of the best comedies of all time.

Has anyone seen Mirror Mask yet? I've raved about this film for a few years now, but I'm apparently still the only one to see it.

Want to see a creepy fairy tale of sorts? Tideland was excellent.

[apotheosis]

Equal parts sadism, nihilism, hedonism with a dash voyeurism and wit and you have Endmaster.

[End Master]

I know. I’m terrible. http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/028.gif

I got Ninja Scroll on DVD. I still haven’t seen Spirited Away though.

I’d say I also liked Pulp and Dogs more than the Kill Bills.

Didn’t see the others DEP mentioned. If you want dark comedies I'd recommend Death to Smoochy, Very Bad Things and Comic Book Villians.

[donteatpoop]

Very Bad Things was excellent. I still haven't seen Death to Smoochy, and I've never heard of Comic Book Viallians. When did it come out?

[End Master]

It came out in 2002. It’s one of those independent movies that Lions Gate Film distributed, but I don’t think it ever played in the theaters or if it did, it didn't play for very long or in very many.

It’s basically about two competing comic shops and their rivalry that gets way out of hand.

[apotheosis]

Death to Smoochy and Spirited Away were both excellent films. Spirited Away is in my opinion the best animated film ever made.

Oh, and I just got done with Fritz the Cat, the first pornographic theatrically released film ever. It was really warped, but I enjoyed it. Many parts seemed unecessary though... I think the film would have been better on some sort of substance. Still, I recommend everyone watch it at least once. A good commentary on society in the 60's.

[End Master]

R. Crumb hated that movie so much that he ended up killing off the character in his comics. There's a weird ass documentary on him too called "Crumb." It's pretty interesting.

But don’t watch “Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat” which is the sequel to the first one. It seriously sucks.

[apotheosis]

I'll take your word for it. The one thing I have to say about Fritz though is all the females in that movie had really nice breasts. Crumb must've had a breast fetish... but yeah, I heard that he sued to get his name taken out of the credits. That guy has issues.

[Nappi]

Hey EndMaster,I just finished another one you might like;its called Pathfinder.Its about a viking boy who is abandoned by his people while marauding naitive american villages and is raised by the indians.After he is grown up more vikings come as one would expect and he must defend his new people.As cheesy as this little synopsis sounds,this movie was really well done.The director doesnt mess around with a whole bunch of sub drama,he delves right into the action.If you like sword fights and the like,this one is pretty good.I cant believe I had never heard of it till a couple of days ago.It comes out on DVD tuesday I think.






Apoth: you should check out Kafka by Crumb,you will be shocked.

[End Master]

Hmm Crumb had more of an ass fetish, but yeah he definitely liked the breasts too. He liked stocky women in general though. All you have to do is look at any of his drawings. Watch the documentary on him and you’ll see his whole family has issues.

Yeah, I was going to go see Pathfinder when it came out, but I just never got around to it. Guess that’s another to put on the viewing list.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

I liked Spirited Away, but I think a lot of the cultural references were a bit over my head. I would have liked to have someone to talk to about it after seeing it.

Personally, my favorite movie in that same genre is My Neighbor Totoro, it's so cute!

I like cartoons a lot, End and I were just talking about Animaniacs recently. He was telling me about Katie Ka-Boom... no relation I assure you. Anyway, it got me thinking about my favorite cartoons. I really liked My Little Ponies as a girl, and I have fond memories of the Chipmunks. More recently I've watched some pretty fascinating Japanese cartoon series I get them from my library.

Read Or Die was a lot of fun.

Witchhunter Robin was interesting

Noir is my favorite... even though it walks that lezzy line very closely.

Cowboy BeBop was pretty sweet- the American dude's voice is just yummy... nice and deep, I could listen to that theme song forever!

Anyway, what other anime or cartoon flicks do you guys recommend?

[End Master]

Vampire Hunter D was good. There’s probably a whole series of books, but I only saw the movie. Demon City Shinjuku was alright.

I thought Akira was overrated. I finally got around to watching it last year and I didn't quite see the big deal of it. Though maybe I was expecting more since it was always getting hyped up as the greatest thing ever.

As far as the old cartoons you mentioned watching when you were little, the main ones that I used to watch religiously when I was young were He-Man, Voltron, G.I. Joe and Thundercats.

[donteatpoop]

Did you see the second Vampire Hunter D, bloodlust?


It's good shit.

[End Master]

No I didn’t. I didn’t even know there was a second one. Another one to put on the ever growing viewing list.

[apotheosis]

I watched The Simpson's Movie today. It was pretty good. I can send anyone a link if they want it to watch the movie on their computer. Someone's head is blocking part of the screen for 10 minutes, but other than that it is a pretty good quality internet video.

[Vesnic]

I never got a chance to diddle Ingmar! Any other Bergman fans in the house? I think I'll watch Persona tonight in his honor.

Wish I had something profound and meaningful to say about his work, but...

R.I.P., Ingy, R.I.P.

[apotheosis]

I watched Love and Death last night. It had some very good dialouge and great quotes, though I found parts of the movie weak. Overall it was good but not as good as my friend hyped it up to be. Still, some amazing sequences within it. The impromptu existential philosophical discussions were hilarious.

[apotheosis]

Alright, going to update it with some movies I watched.

First off, I just finished Cruel Intentions. That movie was fucking hot. Not sure what else to say except damn, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Reese Witherspoon were very... very... very hot. It was sort of like a particularly twisted Shakespeare play... but a hell of a lot better. Very twisted... though I think they could've kicked it up a few notches in cruelty. Then again, I'm a sadist when it comes to films.

Next we have Highlander. I had seen it before but when I was very young. It was very silly and dumb but I still enjoyed it. Not much else to say besides that.


And.... I've watched a bunch more movies.... but I'm feeling quite tired and think I may go lay down soon... so I'll update more later....

Oh yeah, I watched Cinderella Man. It was decent. Took itself to seriously though. Still, an enjoyable film.

[Dragavan]

Last night I finally watched Big Fish. I am not sure how I missed this one, as I am a big fan of Tim Burton, but I did. I can't believe how good this movie is. It has instantly become my favorite Burton movie now and I can't wait to actually purchase the DVD to keep in my collection. The movie is beautiful, in every sense of the word.

When I get home tonight I will be watching it again, only with commentary track on, and not even cracking open the other NetFlix movies I picked up until I am done with everything this DVD has to offer... perhaps even watching it again with the normal audio track.

That's what I have recently seen.

[donteatpoop]

Last night I finally watched Big Fish. I am not sure how I missed this one, as I am a big fan of Tim Burton, but I did. I can't believe how good this movie is. It has instantly become my favorite Burton movie now and I can't wait to actually purchase the DVD to keep in my collection. The movie is beautiful, in every sense of the word.

When I get home tonight I will be watching it again, only with commentary track on, and not even cracking open the other NetFlix movies I picked up until I am done with everything this DVD has to offer... perhaps even watching it again with the normal audio track.

That's what I have recently seen.


Oh yeah, Big Fish was amazing. I think it really shows how far along Burton has come. He's always been stylistically amazing, but there were a lot of emotions brought to the table in that film that I wasn't prepared to experience in one of his movies. Fantastic film.

[apotheosis]

Big Fish was very enjoyable.


Oh and I Am Legend should be coming out sometime soon. I can't wait.

[donteatpoop]

I saw the previews for Stardust and got really excited, the book was great.

[End Master]

This weekend I'm going to finally set some time aside and watch Spirited Away and Pan's Labyrinth.

[donteatpoop]

This weekend I'm going to finally set some time aside and watch Spirited Away and Pan's Labyrinth.

Be sure to get some blotter acid first.

[apotheosis]

I just had my first drug/movie experience though it was very lame. I got drunk before watching the Borne Ultimatum. Sadly, even five or six shots of rum (in a 140 pound person) only made the movie bearable. I might finish off the whole bottle tonight just to try to wash my memory of the fact that every single Borne movie is EXACTLY the same.

[Vesnic]

Alcohol with movies does not produce the same effect as pot with movies, or certain movies at least. Have I mentioned this before? Some movies actually have a whole SUBPLOT that can only be ascertained through the influence of marijuana. A couple good examples are Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle and Orgazmo. I swear there is actually a whole new MEANING to those films if your brain is set to the correct potarameters.

[End Master]

Okay I saw both movies and I liked them, so I’m part of the club now I guess.

[apotheosis]

Just going to make a note that this is the biggest thread on the forum. Hurray for movies. We need a good insane thread like back in the old days though to rival it. Where everyone shows up and just starts posting perverse off topic shit and randomly flaming people and constantly hijacking the thread. Those are my favorites.

Also, no post limit on threads here so we could go all out.

[End Master]

I just saw a preview of Rob Zombie’s remake of Halloween. I must go see it.

Just out of curiosity, how many people thought she just imagined all that stuff in Pan’s Lab, and none of it really happened?

[Vesnic]

Isn't the counterpoint between her vivid imagination and the grim reality she lives in kind of the whole point of the movie?



SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER

I think her death was real enough though.

[End Master]

I suppose, but it seems like it could be open either way that none of it really happened and she was just using the fantasy stuff to escape reality. Maybe she was even suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Then at the end she took the Captain’s son away because he basically took her mother away. The bit where the Faun was going to stab the baby was probably her own warped mind wondering whether or not to kill her brother. (Kill his son, in revenge for her mother’s death)

But she realizes despite the Captain being responsible for the misery in her life, it’s not the baby’s fault so she doesn’t do it. The Captain shoots her and as she’s dying she imagines that she’s going to a better place where her mom and dad are. Why else would her Underworld mom look exactly like the Earthly mom?

Of course the problem with that scenario is how the hell did she escape in the first place when the door was locked, there was a guard next to it and there was no other exit, so there’s a strong case that she had to have used the chalk to get away in the first place. And the fantasy stuff really did exist.

[Dragavan]

Just out of curiosity, how many people thought she just imagined all that stuff in Pan’s Lab, and none of it really happened?

The movie was very much left open to interpretation. On purpose. BOTH "truths" are correct. There is no set way you are supposed to see it. It's something American movies don't do very often and never really in mainstream ones. We seem to have to have a set single answer to our plots here, which I think is a great disservice to our viewing public. More intelligent and well crafted movies that make you think and don't spoon feed all the answers to you should be made.

My personal interoperation is that she both died AND went to the land of fairies, as both worlds exist intermingled and real. But no matter how you look at it the movie was amazing.

[donteatpoop]

I suppose, but it seems like it could be open either way that none of it really happened and she was just using the fantasy stuff to escape reality.


Dude seriously, you need to watch Tideland. Talk about a chile needing to escape reality.

[Vesnic]

Sorry for my snarky answer earlier. I agree with Dragavan, that it's unfortunate that American movies (at least the vast majority of mainstream ones) tend to be so literal. In terms of Pan's Labyrinth, it's interesting to note that both Spain and Latin America have strong literary traditions in magical realism, which has carried over into film. I think it raises a lot of interesting philosophical questions about which is the "realer" reality: the one determined by external events or the one created in the mind and lived in the perceptions that are unique to each individual? Imagine Ofelia's obituary: it would of course leave out all the details of her magical realm and just tell the grim story of a little girl who suffered and died. It would be an incomplete story, a partial truth. However, if the story was told strictly from a fanciful perspective, it would perhaps lose its credibility in the eyes of many viewers and be labeled as a mere fairy tale. After all, the Spanish Civil War did really happen and caused an unfathomable amount of suffering, especially in its aftermath. It's really wonderful that the movie challenges the viewer to attempt to accept two contrasting and sometimes contradictory storylines simultaneously. Now it's been awhile since I've seen it, but the most poignant scene for me, the one that really embodied the theme of the whole film, was when Ofelia's mother destroys the creature that was kept hidden in a bowl under the bed. It was devastating to watch because this was an official denouncement of the fantasy realm, and I think even a foreshadowing of the mother's death. I hope I'm remembering these facts straight...I really should rent it again.

[Dragavan]

Dude seriously, you need to watch Tideland. Talk about a chile needing to escape reality.

I just watched this on your suggestion. I don't exactly know what to say about it, as I can't clearly form an opinion of it yet. On one hand it's very good but on the other it's a horrible movie. I am very glad I saw it, but I will never watch it again. I did like it but I can't ever seeing myself suggesting that anyone watch it. The thing creates such a strange set of contradictions within my brain it almost hurts to think about how I am going to write my review.

So thanks a lot for suggesting it DEP.

[donteatpoop]

I just watched this on your suggestion. I don't exactly know what to say about it, as I can't clearly form an opinion of it yet. On one hand it's very good but on the other it's a horrible movie. I am very glad I saw it, but I will never watch it again. I did like it but I can't ever seeing myself suggesting that anyone watch it. The thing creates such a strange set of contradictions within my brain it almost hurts to think about how I am going to write my review.

So thanks a lot for suggesting it DEP.

That's the same feeling I got watching it (except for the not suggesting others watch it). It's so good, but so bad. It's an experience, for sure. You're right though, it's a 'watch it once' movie. How fucking uncomfortable was it to watch the girl play with her fathers corpse, or come so seemingly close to strange sexual tension with that retarded kid? Such an uncomfortable story.

[apotheosis]

I recently watched "Alien Nation" because it was on cinemax. It was fairly silly and dumb. Don't watch it unless you have nothing better to do.

[End Master]

watch the girl play with her fathers corpse, or come so seemingly close to strange sexual tension with that retarded kid?

Why am I only just now hearing about this movie?!!?

*puts it on the viewing list*


Alien Nation was alright. I used to like watching the Alien Nation series that they had a long time ago. Too bad they cancelled it after one season, since it was interesting how they expanded on the alien culture and such.

[Nappi]

Alrighty,I finally seen The Bourne Ultimatum and I must say it kicked ass.Despite certain voiced opinions otherwise around here,I had to watch it twice.I am not sure exactly what else any one would be expecting from an action flick like this,but that is just what you get,awesome action sequences.This has got to be as good as the first one.Not to mention it fills in alot of those eagerly awaited tidbits from Bourne's past that every one wants to know and still manages to dangle a few unanswered questions in front of the audience (just in case they opt for part four later on).Apoth after careful consideration of your review of this movie I would advise one of two things;either give up the booze when planning to watch a movie or start getting regular testosterone injections to help flush out the weazey in you.
This movie kicked ass.Yes I had to say it again.

As for the movie Tideland;I have tried to watch this silly movie three times now since reading about it for the first time here,and I just cant seem to stay awake.This movie is so artsy fartsy,so wanting to be a movie of merit,it puts itself to sleep.Watching a little nine year old girl hook up her daddy's heroin rig is just so...hollywood.I cant believe I am going to try to watch it one more time before completely writing it off as a waste of film.

[End Master]

Maybe I should just pass on this movie; everyone seems to say it sucks despite having its moments. Is it acting, or is it just so horribly random (Even for an art film) that they ignored a plot and its like they just put a bunch of stuff together, and thought they were trying to be “deep”?

[Dragavan]

Maybe I should just pass on this movie; everyone seems to say it sucks despite having its moments. Is it acting, or is it just so horribly random (Even for an art film) that they ignored a plot and its like they just put a bunch of stuff together, and thought they were trying to be “deep”?

It is not horrible. It is a movie with amazing acting and strong themes, but is hard to watch (not due to boredom on my part, but just disturbing themes). It is seen through the eyes of the nine-year old girl, so not everything is "real" and the farther she gets from stability the more off it gets. But I will admit that it does have slow parts. It was meant to, but some would be off put by them as they are so set in the hollywood "Wizz! Bang!" fast cut action style of movie making these days. This is NOT a hollywood movie. I still won't recommend it to most people, but I am very glad I saw it.

[donteatpoop]

Don't listen to nappi, EndMaster. He kept falling asleep because he needed a nappi. (Sorry, bad pun, I know).

It's worth watching. I didn't find it to be "Hollywood" at all. It's almost an anti-hollywood movie.

It was brilliantly done by the director as well as the actors. The main character was portrayed by the most brilliant little acter girl I've ever seen. She really did a bang up job. The movie is creepy/wierd and definately worth seeing.

[Nappi]

Just the very sound of that brilliant little actor's exaggerated southern accent mixed with her annoying high pitch voice should have been enough to keep me awake,fortunately Morpheus prevailed.
I didnt mean that the movie itself was "hollywood" just the derelict cliches' that are the characters.I believe this was actually intentional.The picture itself is very well done with beautiful photography and detailed sets and the like.

[apotheosis]

I watched a bunch of Woody Allan movies recently. My favorites of his are Sleeper, EYWTKASBWTATA, Match Point (cause of Scarlett) and Annie Hall... though I saw Sleeper and EYWTKASBWTATA a long time ago when my tastes were less mature so I might not like them as much anymore. Banana's was pretty funny, but I made a bad association to that movie since it was my very first time throwing up from drinking as I watched that film. Manhattan was alright, though kinda eerie since it predicted his whole underage girl thing...

[End Master]

Just watched Pathfinder. It was better than I expected.

Naturally with any of these historical “epics” you have to throw real facts out the window, this one though seemed almost more like a fantasy movie mainly due to how they portrayed the Vikings.

The Vikings all basically looked like “sword & sorcery movie bad guys” or for the geek inclined; they looked like Chaos Warriors/Anti-Paladins, complete with spikey armor bits and skull helmets with big ass horns. Not to mention they’re all pretty big and they’re completely ruthless as well.

The guy who played The Kurgan in Highlander is the Viking leader, so he was certainly approps for the part.

There’s a lot of action from beginning to end for the most part. A lot of brutal kills, coupled with the environment looking pretty harsh gave the movie a grittier feel.

I remember the American Indians AND the Swedes/Norwegians complaining about the movie when it came out. The Indians were complaining about how the movie portrayed them as having needed to be “saved by a white guy” and the Swedes were complaining of how they were basically being portrayed as bloodthirsty armored ogres.

Of course I ignored such things and enjoyed the killing. Be sure to watch the Unrated version for maximum carnage!

[Vesnic]

Anyone in the mood for a little lusty French transvestite dwarf sex?

[Locke]

If you're after violence, Old Boy and Bittersweet Life (sort of Korean gangster movies) deliver. As do Banlieue 13 and Crank (was quite funny as well, actually). Leon: the Professional was really great. Oh, and the Cube movies. I like something calmer, though. The first half of Perfume was amazing (the last half was good, but it's like they completely switched gears: the magic is gone); I like the Fountain (most people seem to disagree with me there, and the dialogue WAS pretty stilted in a couple of areas, but I liked it anyway), Existenz, Dark City, Pi, Ghost World (kind of a chick flick), Frequency, Thrill Seekers, and anything Wes Anderson directs: Rushmore, Bottle Rocket, Royal Tennenbaums, Life Aquatic.

Mall Rats and Haggard were funny (though Haggard was rather crude, too). Wedding Crashers and Dumb and Dumber were also funny (I tend to like stupid humor now and then, though the subtitled version of Battlefield Baseball was a bit too long on the stupid and too short on the humor). Dead Poets' Society is an old favorite. I'm not a movie buff, so my free opinion is worth everything you paid for it. In fact, I very rarely see films, especially as most these days are little better than that last Fantastic Four movie (I can't believe my friend talked me into going. I want my money back. Never pay to see it. Don't even download it. If you find a copy, spit on it, then burn it). The same friend once had Kung Pow: Enter the Fist playing in his home, so I should've known better.

[End Master]

Anyone in the mood for a little lusty French transvestite dwarf sex?

Are you still talking about movies?

Speaking of French art films, there's another I can recommend. Quest for Fire. It's probably the best "cave people" movie I've seen. Even if you're not into the whole art/scenery of it, there's some violence in as well. (These weren't polite times after all) There's no dialogue either, well none that you can understand.

Locke: I’m pretty sure Old Boy is held in high regard around here. (To all that have seen it anyway) I'm sort of glad the proposed American translation of it is in production Hell, because I know it would get changed all the fuck around and ruined. Though I heard there’s a shitty Bollywood version of the movie which sucks. That version is also considered a blatant rip off the original since they didn’t even get an “okay” for remake/translation rights.

Mallrats was funny, but I probably still liked Clerks better for the Kevin Smith movies.

Definitely right about Battlefield Baseball. I might’ve liked it a little better if it hadn’t been as long. It had its moments though.

Liked all the Cube movies. (Yes, even Cube 2, which everyone else seemed to hate passionately)

[Vesnic]

Yes, I just saw a Belgian film in which a drunken dwarf who is angry at the fact that his fat old horse of a countess doesn't love him anymore slathers on some makeup and passes out in a chair before murdering her with his bare hands. He also has a thing for little circus girls.

I hope that didn't wake Drums up from the dead. Probably not, because the girl wasn't a robot.

Anyway, Red Dwarf is where you can fulfill all your unrequited carny carnality needs.

[Locke]

Ha, I saw Red Dwarf a good while back and loved it. Probably a little less today, but some of those lines can't help but endure.

[End Master]

Saw Resident Evil: Extinction.

They finally made one I actually really liked this time, though given the new setting they would’ve really had to of screwed it up something terrible for me to dislike it as much as the first one. (The second one was sort of “Meh”)

It’s basically Road Warrior + Day of the Dead with Milla doing a lot of acrobatics while she kills zombies/mutants.

[Vesnic]

For your Friday viewing pleasure!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aKQMZ_HTb8&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ejasonm ulgrew%2Ecom%2Fmain%2F

[apotheosis]

Can't wait for American Gangster to come out, it is going to kick ass.

[donteatpoop]

I've been meaning to thank you guys for telling me to rent Children of Men. Amazing film. Absolutely amazing.

[apotheosis]

Ooohhh, I just watched that one again. I liked it even better the second time.

Few things I picked up that I really didn't the first time through.


1- The use of animals. If you notice there are animals everywhere in the movie. Dogs, cats, sheep, birds, cows, deer, ect. I don't think five minutes went by without them showing an animal in plain sight. I had two theories for why they did this. Either they were showing how humans use pets as a poor substitute for children, or were trying to show mankind's reliance on animals... or possibly how nature prevails over all things.

2- Towards the end, their was a very long sequence that was done entirely with one shot. The camera-work in general was incredible. Best I've seen in a long time.

3- The protagonist, Theo, wears sandals at one point when he stops at his friend Jasper's house. Possibly a Jesus symbol? Far fetched... but I thought it was worth mentioning.




Also, I was thinking, if someone wanted to capitalize on this movie they could shoot a porno titled "Children of Men II: Re-population Time"

[Dragavan]

I've been watching movies I already own... only with RiffTrax (http://www.rifftrax.com) playing against them. I sure do miss MST3K and this helps me remember the good times.

[End Master]

I'm going to go see American Gangster when it comes out as well. I might go see 30 Days of Night too. I never read the comic though.

[End Master]

Saw 30 Days of Night. it was one of the better vampire movies I've seen.

Also saw the previews of Beowulf. That looked cool as well.

[Nappi]

man the previews for 30 Days of Night looked pretty good...the comic books sucked big time in my opinion.
I just finished watching 3:10 to Yuma,this movie gives hope to the western genre...of course iffin it had starred any one else besides Russel Crowe and Christian Bale,I believe the outcome would have been very different.Both are powerful actors and a credit to their profession.It was much the same with the movie 'The Quick & The Dead',the movie was laughable but Crowes' performance
was memorable despite his character's lack of development or depth.Of course being a fan of his I may just be biased.
At any rate I recommend it,its a good movie.

[Vesnic]

Yeah, 3:10 to Yuma was very good, almost despite its story. The plot itself meandered a little and was really saved by several excellent performances. Of course, my bloody man fetish might be clouding my judgment...anyway, I actually thought Ben Foster stole the show as one of the slimiest, most fantastically insidious villains I've seen in a long time. You don't wanna fuck with Charlie.

[End Master]

Heh, I remember Quick and Dead. The character I liked the best was Gene Hackman's role, mainly for the fact that he killed Leo Decaprio in it.

(Sigh) Why are they still making Saw movies? They're already got plans to go up to 6!

Yes I know, its money, but Jigsaw's and his apprentice are dead! There was a nice little trilogy (Even if it did get off to a rocky start) that told his story, there doesn't need to be anymore. Using "Flashbacks" and presumably prerecorded Jigsaw messages for the rest of the series just doesn't seem like it's going to work.

Anyway, I'll probably complain to you all how much it sucked this Friday. (Thus contributing to the problem of more being made)

[Shabti]

I watch the Saw movies for the entertainment of watching people get blown up and pulled apart. I absolutely love the traps in the third film. Especially the "Angel Trap"

[End Master]

Yeah that’s pretty much why I’m going to see the 4th one, though I am sort of curious how they’re going to do the whole Jigsaw beyond the grave thing.

At this point I’m discarding any sort of “realism” that some guy that was deathly ill with cancer managed to have the strength to set up and design all these elaborate traps and also plan several years in advance for everything to be set in motion after he died.

[Dragavan]

At this point I’m discarding any sort of “realism” that some guy that was deathly ill with cancer managed to have the strength to set up and design all these elaborate traps and also plan several years in advance for everything to be set in motion after he died.

I will give you the years in advance thing, but they haven't gone there yet (and may not). As for the last several years, he has had an apprentice/assistant doing most of his work for him, while he could rest and plan and stuff. It was nice to see the flashes back to her being one doing the dirty work all this time. But she's dead now too, so they have one set-up situation he could have set in motion left for #4, but past that they better do something else or it will get lame and really unbelievable.

[apotheosis]

You don't watch the Saw movies for plot, acting... or anything except gratuitous torture. They are the violent equivalent of pornography, just like hostel. I love every minute of it.

Also, punishment reflecting the crime is always a cool concept. And I love the whole fitness/natural selection aspect of jigsaw's traps. Only the strong survive them.

[Dragavan]

You don't watch the Saw movies for plot, acting... or anything except gratuitous torture. They are the violent equivalent of pornography, just like hostel.

I completely disagree. There are plenty of gore movies out there and I hate most of them. I watch movies like Saw because they are NOT just gore films. They actually have cool plots and stories with great twists and surprises that actually make sense. The cool machines and tests are there for a reason and not just to have gore. They have intelligence behind them and I really appreciate that. If they removed that part and just became pointless gore-fests I would stop watching and enjoying them.

As for Hostel, it has surprisingly little gore in it for what it was advertised as, and the story would have worked just as well if they didn't actually show most of it. Hell, you get through like half the movie before you really even get into any of it and you are already sucked into the story by the time it starts. I have not seen 2 yet, but I did enjoy the first one because of the good writing, directing, and editing they did. It was a well crafted movie that happened to have gore in it as a pivotal part of the plot.

I can say the same thing for Touristas too, but that one had some real pacing problems. Otherwise they did a good job with the suspense and horror.

Now you take something like the new Texas Chainsaw movies or the remakes of The Hills Have Eyes and you have movies that don't have anything going for them other than the shock and gore. The plots are dull and uninteresting and the acting was atrocious. They are just made to have horror and gore, which means I have no interest in seeing more. The same can be said for most Rob Zombie movies too, although I thought he did a great job with the Halloween remake. He actually gave some cool backstory and depth to the story, which worked well with the insane attack scenes.

[End Master]

Oddly his Halloween remake was probably the most hated of his movies. Though actually I liked it better than the original since it delved more into character background, but then I always thought the original Halloween movie was overrated. I thought Rob's 1000 Corpses movie didn't really achieve what he was originally trying to do, but he got there with Devil's Rejects. Though I liked them both.

The first half of Hostel was basically soft porn then the second half was "torture porn", so they had some false advertisement with the commericals. Though my big problem with that movie was that the all the main characters were just really annoying to the point that it actually decreased my enjoyment of the movie. I liked the 2nd one better since it had at least a couple of characters I didn't mind that much.

The Texas Chainsaw remake sucked big time. I didn't even think it had that much shock and gore, if it did I would've been slightly more entertained. TCM the Beginning was better since they went into a little more background of how the family got that way and focused on them a lot more. (Though Leatherface's family from the original first 2 movies were WAY more entertaining and the less said about TCM 3&4 the better)

The Hills have Eyes remake was meh. It doesn't get going until the mutant rape/attack, but then I never really cared for the original to begin with either. The problem with the Hills remake is you had all these cool looking cannibalistic mutants, but you don't really learn anything about them. I would've liked to see more mutant family interaction. Hills 2 SUCKED badly (That goes for the original and the remake)

[End Master]

Okay, it was cool. I’ll retract my naysaying.

They did do a little cheating and are using an excessive amount of twists, but at this point they can at least make a Saw 5 and have it not be completely stupid. They also set this one up in such a way that you’d want to go see the next one due to the unanswered question they left.

[Vesnic]

I'm back from a tabledancing trip to that stain on the American map known as "Little Rhody". Man, I have been to third-world countries with better drinking water than that state.

Oh, and I saw The Darjeeling Limited. Even by Wes Anderson standards, it was completely obnoxious and self-indulgent, trying much too hard to be artsy and deep and symbolic and stylishly edited. That director seems to have a real talent for putting otherwise good actors into their worst roles ever. It was two plus hours of utterly pointless excruciation and by the end, I really wished I could reach my hand through the screen and grab some of that codeine cough syrup or "Opio-Tonic" for myself. Yeah, that movie actually gave me a stomachache.

There was also an incredibly stupid short at the beginning featuring a mostly nude Natalie Portman, which for some of you guys would probably be the film's only real draw.

The award for Most Annoying Cameo Ever goes to Bill Murray, who was seen at the beginning of the movie huffing and puffing along with Adrien Brody to hop on board a moving train. Bill Murray is cool. Sweaty, overweight, out-of-shape, now-you-see-him-now-you-don't Bill Murray is just kind of gratuitous.

[Nappi]

I just finished watching an 'American Gangster' advance screener;I must say Denzel Washington is in top form in this one.It kinda reminded me of the movie 'Blow' with J Depp.Not a whole lotta action but very revealing into the world of Frank Lucas and his brief rise to power in the heroin trade.The supporting cast also delivers a solid presentation headed up by R Crowe.Like I said,its not an action movie but there are some pretty choice scenes if you like seeing people shot in the head.:)

[End Master]

Seconded for American Gangster. It's a pretty good movie.

There were a couple of characters in it that seemed like they should've been fleshed out a little more, but it wasn't excessively detrimental to the film.

[apotheosis]

I really want to see that, but have no access to an up to date movie theater from college so I will have to wait until thanksgiving unless I pirate (but I really want to see this on the big screen).



Watched Saw IV... it was mediocre. It was like the others for the most part.... no tortures and traps that I found particularly stunning or creative.

[Nappi]

I just watched Saw IV and I am a little confused as to how they did an autopsy on Jigsaw yet at the end of the flick his body is still in the lair.Is this the "unanswered question" Endmaster was eluding to?
I love how they delve into Jigsaw's past as he is 'becoming'.All in all I really liked it,but like Apoth says (except for the chair with the face knives)there wasnt the trademark awesome traps/setups as the previous three movies had.

[End Master]

I just watched Saw IV and I am a little confused as to how they did an autopsy on Jigsaw yet at the end of the flick his body is still in the lair.

Basically Saw 4 really isn’t a sequel or prequel so much is it’s a series of events going on at the same time as Saw 3 (Minus Jigsaw’s flashback scenes) There are only two scenes that really occur after Saw 3’s events, and that’s:

1. Jigsaw’s autopsy at the beginning when they find the tape and the detective comes in.
2. The very end when he’s listening to the tape.

Presumably the cops took Jigsaw’s body out of his lair at some point to get him to the autopsy room though that raises the question of when they exactly did that, since near the end of the movie after the twistfest you see the detective lock the door when he sees the FBI agent standing in the room with Jigsaw’s body, trapping him inside.

I can only assume the detective either did away with the agent shortly after or just waited for the agent to die of starvation/dehydration (Unlikely), then he “found” jigsaw’s body and called it in.

That’s one question; the other would be when Jigsaw managed to indoctrinate the detective in the first place and how he’s going to keep testing him from beyond the grave.

[Nappi]

That’s one question; the other would be when Jigsaw managed to indoctrinate the detective in the first place and how he’s going to keep testing him from beyond the grave.

I figure he was an early recruit considering all the background info and files he has had on his participants.The knowledge of the people in Saw II in particular;you can do background checks on any one,but Jigsaw had what appeared to be actual police records.It makes sense that he would have an inside person on the force.The public might not know about a dirty cop's habit of framing people with planted evidence but other cops might.

[Vesnic]

Does anyone have any thoughts on The Forbidden Zone? (I mean the Elfman cult movie thing, not the shitty softcore Redshoe thing)

[End Master]

Oh yeah, I got that on VHS and on DVD. It's a cool movie.

Listening to the commentary with Richard Elfman and the guy who played "Squeezit" is pretty funny too.

[apotheosis]

Just watched Rocky Balboa (2006). I wasn't expecting much, but it turned out to be pretty decent. At first a thought the entire idea was ludicrous, but after I watched the movie I have to say it was a pretty good way to finish off the series. It would actually make a good family movie believe it or not.

[End Master]

Yeah it was one of the better ones. I still liked Rocky 3 the best since Mr. T is pretty much the only antagonist that decisively beats the hell out of Rocky at least once. Not even Drago did that despite being a Russian steroid freak.

I saw the previews of Rambo 4 recently, it's probably more ridiculous looking than Rocky 6, but it should at least be good for lots 'o killin'.

[Vesnic]

Don't ever watch The Nightmare Before Christmas while in an altered state of consciousness. And by "don't ever", I mean of course that doing so is absolutely indispensable to your existence. "Wow" is what I uttered just before I died of frigid frightshock and my ghost floated upstairs to warn you, my friends, of this lethal combination...

This is Halloween! This is Halloween!

[Vesnic]

GUTE DEUTSCHE FILME

Here are two German-language movies that I've seen in the last week, both of which I would recommend:

The Ninth Day: about a Luxembourg priest interned in Dachau in 1942. He is suddenly put on "leave" from the concentration camp for a period of nine days. Dazed and traumatized from his experiences, he is quickly brought into the office of the Untersturmführer, where he is told that he must choose between signing a letter of cooperation with the Nazis on behalf of his Archdiocese or face his own destruction and possibly that of his fellow clergymen and family. The movie works on two levels: first, as a suspense thriller, with tension slowly mounting as each day passes and various elements complicate the priest's decision. Secondly, it is quite an eloquent look into faith and human weakness. The various moral points of the story are brought out subtly, and through its unassuming characters, cinematography and narrative style, the film never becomes preachy. It is also not excessively emotional, instead leaving the viewer with some challenging thoughts in their mind at its completion.

The Edukators: about three disenchanted young people in modern Germany who take a new approach to revolutionary activities, breaking into wealthy homes and leaving notes that say, "The Days of Plenty are Over" while leaving furniture and other possessions in disarray. When they are caught in the act by a rich man re-entering his home, they take him hostage and flee to a cabin in the woods. The rich man claims to have once been much like them, but explains how aging and the need for security made him slowly into the image of everything they detest. The movie offers a fresh look at the struggle between idealism and necessity. There is also a twist ending that makes the rather slow last half hour worthwhile. It mostly avoids the incredibly easy pitfall of completely exalting one side while vilifying the other.

[apotheosis]

I just finished Manos- The Hands of Fate

It is the worst movie ever made. There is no question about that. I wrote a review of it for IMDB, it went as follows:





I've seen the vast majority of the bottom 100 movies, as well as many other horrible flicks that were not on the list and I can honestly say that this is the worst. Horrendous production qualities, terrible repetitive dialouge, at times completely incoherent, and 90% of the film serving no purpose to the primary plot... it was really a labor to sit through. There were times I actually cried from the pain of watching it and others I considered hanging myself because I could not possibly bare the thought of living in a world where this film existed. I would have trouble forcing even my most hated enemy to watch this movie. It is really, really, really bad.

Did I mention they dubbed over the entire thing? Well, apparently the camera they used had no audio, so some of the worst dubbing I have ever heard was employed with a bland repetitive soundtrack commensurate with Chinese water torture.

Basically, if someone says "Hey, let's watch Manos, the Hands of Fate" think of it as them saying "Hey, let's go castrate ourselves with a piece of steel wool and some elbow grease."

[End Master]

My favorite thing to say about that movie (And others similar to it) is:

"You know how some movies are so bad, that they're good? Well this one is so bad, it's AWFUL!"

If I remember correctly that movie was made by a fertilizer salesman. I guess selling crap in all forms really was his area of expertise.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I like the Little Mermaid.

[apotheosis]

She was pretty hot.

[End Master]

Isn't there some sort of hidden sex message in that movie? I know there was supposed to be one in Aladdin.

[donteatpoop]

Isn't there some sort of hidden sex message in that movie? I know there was supposed to be one in Aladdin.

On the cover of VHS/DVD packaging, the image shows Atlantis, and one of the pillars is an erect penis. Also, one of the statues had an erection at some point. I think they edited those out or somethign though.

[apotheosis]

Princess Jasmine may have been the hottest Disney character of all. I always wanted to see her get it on with Raja.

[donteatpoop]

Princess Jasmine may have been the hottest Disney character of all. I always wanted to see her get it on with Raja.

Nah, Belle is the hottest of all time. Not to say I wouldn't stick it to Jasmine, but Belle is the sexiest Disney bitch of all time. 3rd place goes to the chick from the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

[Vesnic]

That would be Esmeralda.

And about the penis on the cover of The Little Mermaid. A disgruntled animator who knew he was about to be fired had one last laugh at Disney by drawing the castle penis. Or so the urban legend goes, anyway. I am the proud owner of the original VHS and still snicker whenever I open it up to watch The Little Mermaid, which is pretty frequently.

[donteatpoop]

I always assumed an animator was just bored and drew a penis on real quick for shits and giggles, but forgot to delete it before pushing it out. (heh, pushing it out)

[Dragavan]

I just finished Manos- The Hands of Fate

It is the worst movie ever made. There is no question about that.

Like the way it Laps itself too? Not even in a creative way, just loops around and starts all over again. Scared the crap out of me it was going to keep going too.

On the upside, it did make for one of the best episodes of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 ever.

Princess Jasmine may have been the hottest Disney character of all. I always wanted to see her get it on with Raja.

I've seen those pictures. You can find anything on the internet.

Although personally I always thought Ariel (in human form, no fish tail) was the hottest, closely followed by Belle and then Jasmine. All three would the best though... and I've seen those pictures too. heh

[donteatpoop]

Run Lola Run, anyone? Fantastic film; and a CYOA at its roots to boot.

[Vesnic]

Where's Waldo?

http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/1534/mermaidpenisoz6.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

It's a penis, tee hee! It's a penis!


Run Lola Run is one of my all-time favorite movies. In college I used to watch it about once a week and I think I can still recite whole sections of it from memory. There was also a humongous Lola poster hanging in my room for a long time. So yeah, I'm just a teensy bit of a fan of that movie.

Oh, and I have the soundtrack too...

And write fanfic about Moritz Bleibtreu in a Scheisse porn. We won't get into that.

Sorry, guys, I have to break into the German again!

Wer sind wir? Woher kommen wir? Wohin gehen wir? Woher wissen wir, was wir zu wissen glauben?

(Who are we? Where do we come from? Where are we going? From where do we know, what it is we think we know?)

AWESOME FUCKING MOVIE!

If you haven't seen it, stop what you are doing and watch it NOW. It is indeed a CYOA with three full branches!

[End Master]

Hmm cartoon chicks getting rated on hotness. The geekdom has truly hit a high point tonight.

Well, no point in looking like an outsider…

Feeeeel…her chest!
Feel her chest!
Are they real or fake breasts?
Real are better
In a sweater
And they last in any weather
Is she fat?
Can’t have that!
I want her agile, like a cat
I need her beautiful and thin
With a mind of freaky sin
Get a lass with some class
But don’t forget a shapely ass
A hot chick who sucks my dick
Can’t be surpaaasssed
Just make sure she’s not a hoe,
I don’t want AIDS you know!
Feel her chest!
Feel her chest!
Feel her chest!

Heeeeear that screaming
That’s her sing-ing
About the pleasure that I’m bring-ing
But in bed she better be the very beeest

So let’s get ready for fun
Oh baby you’re the one!

Feel her chest
Feel her chest
Oh please, let me please, feel her cheeeeeest!

[Vesnic]

If I had a penis, it'd be getting seriously droopy after that little ditty.

Then again, if I had a penis, I would most likely be male and not female. If I were a straight male, then I might not have such an adverse reaction at all.

So I guess my adverse reaction makes me a gay male with my hypothetical penis.

But what if just my penis was gay but I was a mentally straight man? What then? Imagine being a straight man and trying to get it up for Jasmine and Belle and Ariel and all the other two-dimensional ladies, yet not being able to because your penis was gay and therefore much more interested in Aladdin, the Beast and Eric.

If my penis was gay, would my mind eventually cave in and also become gay just in the interest of harmony? Or would I be doomed to a life of celibacy?

Then again, if my hypothetically gay penis has made me a fully gay man, and I remove the hypothetical penis, then I am once again a straight woman. I have come back to the beginning.

I feel like I just proved something earth-shattering here.

Time for naked yoga!

[End Master]

If you were gay you’d probably prefer a song like this…

No one can fuck like Gaston!
No one can suck like Gaston!
No one's dick is as incredibly thick as Gaston's!

For there's no man in town half as faggy
Perfect, a homo paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team he’s on
No one's kneeled like Gaston
Bit pillows like Gaston
No one takes cum on his chin like Gaston!
As a specimen, yes, he’s flaming!
My what a fag, that Gaston!

Can’t continue... too busy laughing…

[apotheosis]

I love that you said "Homo Paragon"

That is like gay-lord on steroids.




EDIT: Oh, I can't remember if I ever posted this link. If I haven't here it is now. Even if I have, watch it again, it is worth it.

WARNING NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18! NSFW

http://www.pornotube.com/media.php?m=226592

[End Master]

I doubt if you needed to even warn people, given that the term "pornotube" is in the link.

I have to admit I'm pretty much in the dark about most Disney movies and don't know much about any of these interchangeable princesses or any of the other characters within them. I've never really actively watched most of them, the ones I've seen bits and pieces of are only mainly due to someone else watching them in the room, or they just happened to be on in the background, which in either case I'm hardly paying attention. :confused:

Anyway, Katie informed me that Rajah was some tiger and she was surprised that I hadn't make a furry joke about Apoth since he wanted to see Rajah fuck Jasmine. I now lament the lost opportunity due to my lack of knowledge on Disney crap. :mad:

Of course the time for such an action has passed now, but it's good to know these things for future reference. :)

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I wish I was pterodactyl.

And Ariel will always be my favorite. I think I was 7 when I saw that the Little Mermaid in theaters and I walked out of the movie a man.

And Ves, don't even imagine what it would be like to have a penis because you could never comprehend it. Just your remarks alone show your ignorance when it comes to that.

Or balls. You have no idea how annoying they are. Although sometimes they make a nice stress relief toy.

Like my high school girlfiend told me, "I don't think you guys realize how much fun balls are."

I was like, "Oh, believe me, we do."

Flounder, Ariel, and Sebastion? Nah, too weird.

[apotheosis]

Ariel and the hot young form Ursala takes when she tries to sabotage Ariel. They could have really angry violent sex involving strap ons. Better yet, they could use strap on sea cucumbers to keep with a theme. They even shoot out a white liquid when stroked!

[Vesnic]

Boobs can be lots of fun for the owner too. Especially on cold days, I find the most effective way to warm my permafrost hands is to stick them up under my shirt and grab one tit with each hand. Gets 'em nice and toasty in ten seconds flat. It's especially entertaining to do in public.

My mother once told me that when I am dressed up and have no pockets and also no purse, that I should put my money in my trouser socks. My mother, however, has breasts that are so small, I think they are actually a little concave. She never realized that there's nothing like the cleavage for producing lots and lots of personally warmed greenbacks. I have made lots of bartenders happy this way, including in a dykebar called Cubbyhole that I once unwittingly stumbled into and was nearly assaulted by a band of 50+ motorcycle mamas bent on getting a bite of my juicy young flesh.

The terror! The terror!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya, I went to a gay club a couple of times and was overwhelmed.

I felt like a cheap piece of meat. This one older black gentleman offered to pay me $100 to fuck some girl in front of him while he masturbated.

Another guy, when I told him I was straight, commented, "Too bad. There's a lot of guys here who would want to suck and fuck you."

Why don't I get this sort of attention when I go to NORMAL clubs. IT JUST ISN'T FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Vesnic]

The trick, ChubChub, is to go to a gay bar/club where the fags bring their hags along to dance. Hags, as a class of sexually frustrated women, are almost always straight, horny, and acclimated to the unbelievable sluttiness of gay clubs. In other words, they're EASY.

So go to a gay club. Steal a hag from her fag while he's busy grinding that same huge muscular black man with a bulging package. Whisk her out the door before he notices and you're made.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

BRILLIANT! I think you could be on to something here, Ves.

Wait, wasn't this thread supposed to be about movies?

AH, screw it. I NEED TO GET LAID!

[donteatpoop]

If you film it, then you are still on topic chubby.

[Vesnic]

Twisted minds think alike. The same thought just now occurred to me in the shower and I was about to post it...

[donteatpoop]

Twisted minds think alike. The same thought just now occurred to me in the shower and I was about to post it...

You were about to post your shower? Please don't hesitate to do so.

[apotheosis]

Would it be gay to beat another man to death with your penis?

Because I don't think it would be, it would just be completely awesome.

[End Master]

I suppose it depends on the status of your penis and where you’re beating him.

Now for the purposes of this example we’ll assume that your penis is made of some sort heavy material or magical in some way that causes excessive damage. Beating someone in the head would get the best results for death, so we’ll assume that’s where you’re primarily doing it. (Like you’re using a blunt object that just happens to be attached to your pelvic region)

Beating the guy in the head, but focusing on the mouth is an automatic GAY.
Beating the guy anywhere below his waist is an automatic GAY.
Using thrusting motions rather than swinging ones is an automatic GAY.

Now on to the penis status.

If your penis is floppy the whole time you’re beating the other guy to death, you’re in good shape, since you’re obviously not aroused by any of this and just interested in your opponent’s death. However the fact that your penis has been touching another man several times, well that does raise some questions...

If your penis is erect, you’re steadily approaching GAY, because while you may be interested in your opponent’s death, you’re also getting aroused by all this. You’re probably a foot away from stepping out of the closet while singing showtunes. At best you’re just a Necrophiliac, though you’re probably still a GAY one. (Though at least nobody can tell on you, in this case)

If you ejaculate in anyway, that’s an automatic GAY.


In other words, just don't do it unless you're gay, then I guess it's alright.

[apotheosis]

Well, let's take this hypothetical situation. There is a damsel in distress. She is really hot and as soon as you see her you get a raging hard on. Then, as you approach to rescue her and take her to the nearest cheap motel, the evil man who kidnapped her jumps out from behind a bush ready to fight out. Not having any weapons except your erection, you knock the man over and proceed to beat him senseless with your penis. You then jab it in his eye not for sexual gratification, but to finish the job. Anytime during this when you feel you are going flaccid, you look at the damsel to get it hard to add force too the blows. When he is dead, you wipe off the blood, and take the damsel away to a cheap motel where your battle hardened penis is used to show her a jolly good time.


Would that be gay?

[donteatpoop]

Why didn't you use your fists?

[End Master]

“Battle hardened penis.” That’s hilarious.

But I’d question why you didn’t use your fists, like DEP said. I can only assume you either don’t have any hands or feet and the penis has more of a reach than your stumpy limbs.

Anyway, I suppose an exception could be made for this usual scenario. You’re still going on gay watch until further notice though.

[donteatpoop]

You’re still going on gay watch until further notice though.

Consider our butt cheeks firmly clenched.

































Okay, apoth; that's not how I meant it. You can stop considering it now.

[westernjesta]

I seen, "I Am Legend," last Saturday and can say that it wasn't what I thought it would be. There really is no explanation for this, just that I didn't like it.

Anyone else seen it? How'd you like it?

[apotheosis]

I saw Devil's Rejects last night. It had some entertaining moments and wasn't as retarded as House of a Thousand Corpses.

[End Master]

I'm still pondering whether not to see I am Legend or not. On one hand it's Post Apocalyptic, but on the other it's got Will Smith in it...

Peter Jackson is on board for The Hobbit. Somehow I find that reassuring.

And I don’t give a shit what the fuck the elitists say. I liked the LOTR Trilogy. Yes, we know they had a “Skateboarding” Legolas and they cut out some stuff, but I still think Peter did a good job with it.

EDIT: And I liked Willow too, so there!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I LOVED Willow!

And I'm still debating on whether or not to see Legend as well. I know it raped the box offices, but did it get good reviews? I thought it looked pretty interesting.

They're coming out with a Hobbit movie!?!?!?!

That is by far one of my favorite books of all time. CLASSIC!!

Peter Jackson did a good job with the films. And this coming from a guy that read that series five times through.

Not a GREAT job. I think he cut out parts that were integral to the story, and added parts that had nothing to do with advancing the plot.

And Saruman and Sauron were never in league with each other. Saruman was trying to be like Sauron, but in the end fell WAY short.

You know, I think Peter WILL do a good job with it (The Hobbit). It's a much easier story to make into a movie, and he did an expert job at capturing the 'FEEL' of the books. The sets were perfect. And New Zealand was a great place to film the LOTR trilogy.

He did a GREAT job with the Shire and Bag End. That scene were Bilbo and Gandalf are sitting on the hill smoking is one of my favorites.

The problem is NO ONE would have been able to make those movies live up to the grandeur of the books. There's just no way. He made a valiant attempt, and ended up with a product he should be proud of.

Much less could be said of George Lucas. The man should move to a deserted island and never show his face in public again.

BANISH HIM, I SAY!!!

DO you know when the release date for the Hobbit is, End? And you better be right about this. If you get my hopes for a movie and you're wrong I will make it my life goal to...do...something mean...to you...

ZzzZzzzz...

[End Master]

Dunno when the Hobbit is supposed to come out. I only just heard about Peter Jackson finally coming to an agreement about doing it, since there were problems between him and studio and they were going to get another director.

EDIT: Crap, he’s just producing, not actually directing. Still I’m guessing he’ll probably have some input. Here’s some links briefly about it. Apparently they’re splitting The Hobbit into two movies and they’re supposed to be coming out in 2010 and 2011.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7150644.stm

http://www.imdb.com/news/sb/2007-12-19/

http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2007-12-19/#2

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf again! WOO HOO!!!

This is definitely good news for me. The Hobbit holds a special place in my heart. And a two-parter, too! I really hope they stay true to every detail of the book. It isn't that long so there's no excuse not too.

This is going to be great! I'm going to have to post-pone my suicide plans for another couple of years!

I wonder who's going to direct it, though?

[donteatpoop]

I really hope they stay true to every detail of the book. It isn't that long so there's no excuse not too.


I hope so too. That way the first forty minutes can be about what the hobbit hole looks like.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You know what, DEP? I don't like your attitude.

[Vesnic]

This is great news! The Hobbit holds a special place in my heart too. I was in a play adaptation and it was just marvelous to be wrapped up in the Tolkien universe for a few months. Have you guys seen the cartoon version of it? I know it's sort of old and crappy, but that song from it has just stayed with me even though I haven't heard it for years. It reminds me of a very sweet time in my life. I'll also be happy to see more cinema fantasy that isn't overwhelmed with violence. As exciting as it was to see thousands of bloody men in 300 and others like it, it's just wearing a little thin.

[End Master]

You mean these?

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c50/Phototyrant/LOTR.jpg

[Vesnic]

Yep, those ones, though I never saw the LOTR ones.

Is anyone else really excited about seeing Sweeney Todd?

[End Master]

I might see that too. I was thinking about seeing that one and I am Legend on Christmas.

[xnull]

I just recently watched the musical rendition of Sweeney Todd. Not half bad. I really hate the story, though. Just melodrama A, B, C, D. I personally do fantasize about Johnny Depp with a slit throat sometimes, so maybe I'll steal a copy under the nose of the MPAA.

On that note, did you know that neither the RIAA or MPAA have ever filed a complaint against any student at Harvard. They know they would get their asses kicked.

Hint, if you are in college, get a friend in Harvard to provide a DC Hub for you.

What do you guys think about piracy. Actually I'll start a new topic.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

This is great news! The Hobbit holds a special place in my heart too. I was in a play adaptation and it was just marvelous to be wrapped up in the Tolkien universe for a few months. Have you guys seen the cartoon version of it? I know it's sort of old and crappy, but that song from it has just stayed with me even though I haven't heard it for years. It reminds me of a very sweet time in my life. I'll also be happy to see more cinema fantasy that isn't overwhelmed with violence. As exciting as it was to see thousands of bloody men in 300 and others like it, it's just wearing a little thin.

Yes yes and yes!!!! I LOVED that animated hobbit movie! The dwarf song went:

Far over the Misty Mountains cold,
To dungeons deep and caverns old,
We must away, ere break of day,
To seek our pale enchanted gold.

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells,
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gleaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught,
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.

On silver necklaces they strung
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, on twisted wire
They meshed the light of moon and sun.

Far over the Misty Mountains cold,
To dungeons deep and caverns old,
We must away, ere break of day,
To claim our long-forgotten gold.

Goblets they carved there for themselves,
And harps of gold, where no man delves
There lay they long, and many a song
Was sung unheard by men or elves.

The pines were roaring on the heights,
The wind was moaning in the night,
The fire was red, it flaming spread,
The trees like torches blazed with light.

The bells were ringing in the dale,
And men looked up with faces pale.
The dragon's ire, more fierce than fire,
Laid low their towers and houses frail.

The mountain smoked beneath the moon.
The dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom.
They fled the hall to dying fall
Beneath his feet, beneath the moon.

Far over the Misty Mountains grim,
To dungeons deep and caverns dim,
We must away, ere break of day,
To win our harps and gold from him!

The wind was on the withered heath,
But in the forest stirred no leaf:
There shadows lay be night or day,
And dark things silent crept beneath.

The wind came down from mountains cold,
And like a tide it roared and rolled.
The branches groaned, the forest moaned,
And leaves were laid upon the mould.

The wind went on from West to East;
All movement in the forest ceased.
But shrill and harsh across the marsh,
Its whistling voices were released.

The grasses hissed, their tassels bent,
The reeds were rattling--on it went.
O'er shaken pool under heavens cool,
Where racing clouds were torn and rent.

It passed the Lonely Mountain bare,
And swept above the dragon's lair:
There black and dark lay boulders stark,
And flying smoke was in the air.

It left the world and took its flight
Over the wide seas of the night.
The moon set sale upon the gale,
And stars were fanned to leaping light.

Under the Mountain dark and tall,
The King has come unto his hall!
His foe is dead, the Worm of Dread,
And ever so his foes shall fall!

The sword is sharp, the spear is long,
The arrow swift, the Gate is strong.
The heart is bold that looks on gold;
The dwarves no more shall suffer wrong.

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

On silver necklaces they strung
The light of stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, from twisted wire
The melody of harps they wrung.

The mountain throne once more is freed!
O! Wandering folk, the summons heed!
Come haste! Come haste! Across the waste!
The king of freind and kin has need.

Now call we over the mountains cold,
'Come back unto the caverns old!'
Here at the gates the king awaits,
His hands are rich with gems and gold.

The king has come unto his hall
Under the Mountain dark and tall.
The Worm of Dread is slain and dead,
And ever so our foes shall fall!

Farewell we call to hearth and hall!
Though wind may blow and rain may fall,
We must away, ere break of day
Far over the wood and mountain tall.

To Rivendell, where Elves yet dwell
In glades beneath the misty fell.
Through moor and waste we ride in haste,
And whither then we cannot tell.

With foes ahead, behind us dread,
Beneath the sky shall be our bed,
Until at last our toil be passed,
Our journey done, our errand sped.

We must away! We must away!
We ride before the break of day!

Magical time in my childhood. That movie is what got me into the whole fantasy genre to begin with.

EDIT: Although the movie version is a condensed version of this drawn out song. Which I admit, most of Tolkien's stuff is. It's a very catchy and haunting tune though, and it has always stayed with me as well.

[Vesnic]

Oh, that brings back so many memories!

I also really loved the Warg song

Seven little birds in five fir trees
Their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze!
But the funny little birds, they had no wings
Oh what shall we do with the funny little things?

Roast 'em alive or steam them in a pot?
Fry them, boil them, and eat them hot?
Bake 'em, toast 'em, fry 'em, roast 'em
Till beards blaze and eyes glaze
Hair smells and skins crack
Fat melts and bones black

In cinders lie beneath the sky
So dwarves shall die
And light the night for our delight
Ya hey ya herry hay ya ho!!!

I don't know if that's canonical Tolkien, but it sure was fun to sing.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I think it is, actually. And I forgot about that one! HA! There's a bunch of others, too. The Trolls were hilarious, the elves of Mirkwood (constantly drunk on wine) were hilarious, that guy that switches between bear and man form in Mirkwood is just plain cool. The giant hawks. The giant spiders. The mountain-goblins. The battle of Five-Armies. The lonely mountain. The Dragon Smaug. Golumn.

The dwarfs are so pitiful and get themselves into so many horrible situations!

I can't wait! Anyway...

Sweeney Todd? Never heard of him.

[Vesnic]

Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street is an old musical about, well, a psychotic barber. It's been adapted for the screen by Tim Burton, with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, who seem to be the current president and first lady of spooky. It's gotten good reviews. Supposedly lots of gore, good acting and awesome cinematography.

[xnull]

Basically Sweeney Todd =
A barber is wronged by another man.
He comes back for revenge after many years.
He gets consumed in his "work" of revenge.
Lots of people die.
More people die because he is driven quite mad.
There is love involved.
There are more deaths.
Then, there is some killing and some love.
Finally, Sweeney Todd catches up to the man who wronged him.
There is an ending I refuse to ruin for you.
Expect a "twist" (I mean twist very lightly).

Now, give that a ton of cash behind it and some computer touching. Keep in mind that Johnny Depp is playing an insane barber.

[westernjesta]

Man those cartoon LOTR and Hobbit movie are the best. Whenever I would rent movies(usually from the public library) I would rent one of them and watch it over and over. They ended up being late all the time but it was worth it!

I want to see Sweeney Todd too.

[End Master]

I didn’t even know there was a musical until I heard about Tim Burton’s version.

I saw a Sweeny Todd movie back in the 90s which had Ben Kingsley as Sweeny.

Seems a lot different from what I’ve been hearing about the musical. He kills folks and then sells the kills to the neighborhood butcher in the one I saw. No wronged man or anything, just a straight up serial killer.

[xnull]

Yeah, the old Bond version (the one the movie is based off of) is about a wronged man. Instead of being a butcher, there is a pie shop lady.

[westernjesta]

Mabye this is just me, but in the movie Jersey Girl does the daughter do part of the musical for a talent show or something? Mabye I'm wrong.

[Dragavan]

Mabye this is just me, but in the movie Jersey Girl does the daughter do part of the musical for a talent show or something? Mabye I'm wrong.

You are not wrong. It was the only thing from that movie I found redeeming and amusing at all. I love Sweeny Todd (one of my top five favorite musicals of all time), so I was happy to see it in there and I was stoked to see Tim Burton doing it. I can't wait to see it.

[westernjesta]

I thought so, thanks for clarification. I found that part of the movie to be the highlight, even though it was very short.

[End Master]

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c50/Phototyrant/lotrtruthdare.gif

Has anyone seen Blood Diamond? I wondered if it sucked or not.

[xnull]

It sucked. I had to watch it and then write a paper about how it applied to sociology in the modern world. Here is the essay before I edited and spell checked it (which I seem to have not saved a copy of). Warning, contains spoilers. I don't suggest watching the movie anyway. You already have.

____The movie "Blood Diamond" is about a man with questionable morals, a beautiful woman who always says the right thing, a country in a desperate situation being overlooked which has bad guys that are bad because they are, and it is about something worth putting everything on the line for. The man with questionable morals finds that there are things worth more in life than a stone and finds peace rapidly even after being hardened by years and years of army work. I have seen "Blood Diamond" before. I saw it when I saw Star Wars, Kill Bill, E.T., and Rocky (to name a few). They have the exact same format. This movie is basic melodrama with a swirl of poorly placed romance and a little bit of unstrategicly injected politics (which is meant to make the film seem like it is standing on the moral highground). The setting could have been anywhere, the plot could have had any "blood diamond" and the moral message could have been any of thousands of large-scale issues in our world today.
____It is interesting to look at the sociological aspects of the movie from a real-world standpoint. Why are we as a society so obsessed with this type of movie layout, this melodramatic structure? Why do we look up to the half-god who always seems to dodge every explosion and every bullet fired from every automatic weapon? I think each individual truly wishes to rise to the top of their social niche – to be praised by all of their peers for being full of action and for dodging bullets (in a literal or metaphorical sense). We look up to these characters because they are superior to those around them, but interact on the same level and are still integrated into society. Stories about heroes who do good deeds and who dodge bullets but aren't integrated into society are not looked up to (for example Dead Man and Phantom Stranger whose comics never made it to a tenth issue, as compared to a plethora of integrated heroes who persist nearly a hundred years later). People need to feel like the hero is threatened as well, or there is no glory in their surviving through a two hour spectacle (as seen in many bad action movies, such as "They Live" and "Black Fist", where no threat in percieved).
Without there being some obstacle, the accomplishment isn't much, and that person shouldn't be held high by the rest of their society. In the same sense, the higher the accomplishment, the greater the reward. This is why the hero can be a hacker (the best hacker) or a sailor (the best sailor) or a mathematician (the best mathematician). So why did the romantic hero need to come to peace of mind at the end? Why couldn't he have screwed over his helpless and trusting comrade and left on the plane with a super-precious diamond? When the movie was written, I'm sure Charles Leavitt entertained the idea for a few seconds. Movies with such endings have been made before (usually just to "give the audience a suprise ending"). It doesn't change the format of the movie; we still have a perfect gunslinger and the form of the movie is identical. These types of films do not typically sell as well.
____We as a group, with our group-think, have agreed that good must triumph on all fronts (unless of course there is to be a sequel) in order to feel like the movie is finished. We want to see the resolution of a battle. If our Blood Diamond hero got on his plane and the lowly fisherman had been left below, tears falling from his eyes, it would imply that the problem in Africa would persist past the end of the movie and the audience would feel like they were missing out on the rest of the story. I believe Vandy is brought into Congress at the end to testify on the conditions and affects of the dirty diamond trade for precisely this sociological reason.
____The closure of "Blood Diamond" displayed some very inspirational sentences after the falling action. The sentences expounded upon how the individual can help save a country and all of these poor people. To be honest, I don't expect the movie will make any difference. If you assume every person who watched the movie had a sudden change of heart and set up a personal boycott of diamonds (ignoring the fact that many of the people would already have diamonds or will only feel pressure to buy diamonds several years later), it would make no large difference in the trade. Diamond sales are highly regulated. At the head of most diamond sales is a large amount of computational work to keep diamonds in demand and at high prices through group manipulation techniques in advertising and by controlling the number of diamonds available for purchase. I feel that a good number of people today like to feel they need to be on the moral highground – that they suscribe to some value which will make peoples' lives better or fix global warming or save cows from slaughterhouses but rarely ever put any personal effort forth to ammend the situation (there are also groups who engage in deviant behavior and purposefully go out of their way to be the anti-thesis of these groups). These people who dream of their morality play the part of the audience not only to the movie, but also to the ongoing stories of these world issues. For the audience member, this helps them to rationalize certain things about themselves and helps them to feel good about themselves in (unfortunately) an non-constructive way.
____All of this plays to Blood Diamond's advantage – Hollywood knows that. The movie was not made to aid the African World. Peace negotiations were in progress before the movie was released, and of the appromiately 57 million dollars grossed by sales from Blood Diamond, I have not read anywhere of any money being used to aid these conflict regions. In all – I think we can tell more about our society from the format and content of the movies we enjoy and from which movies do well in the box office than the instances recreated inside these films. Films are (generally) representational of real life, but are then skewed by the addition of romantics and inspirational dialog.
____This adds a lot of room for error and manipulation to take place. Music is added to the movie to enforce feelings and reactions from viewers. The villians are ugly and the heroes are beautiful. In fact, heroes can be seen to reflect the concept of beauty at the time a melodramatic piece such as this is recorded. When a script is rerecorded in a different era there is a stark contrast in the dress and look of the heroes. Few movies recreate stories that are accurate portrails of society. However, no matter what the format or flavor a movie is made with, it will say something about the people who enjoy the movie and it will say something about the person or group that created the movie (I need only cite "Birth of a Nation") and it will say something about society.

[apotheosis]

Oh, I saw a few movies I should probably review. I'm going to be brief because I feel lazy.

I Am Legend- Had a pretty solid beginning and I was enjoying it up until the last third of the movie. It had a horrendous ending which I hated. The writer and director managed to take a great thing they had going and completely and utterly destroy it. I was disappointed overall. First half is really good though. Oh, and the infected people looked way to benevolent. They should not have gone with CGI, people with make up would have worked much better for the film.

No Country for Old Men- Great movie, but I really have to watch it again to fully understand it. I don't really want to say much about it because I went in to see the movie knowing nothing about it and I think that is really the best way to see it. I suggest everyone watches it. Best movie of the year IMO

The Devils Rejects- Not as terrible as house of a thousand corpses. It entertained me.

[End Master]

The chicken scene in Devil’s Rejects is hilarious. Personally I liked William Forsythe’s psycho “good guy” bit. As much as I liked the Fireflys I started rooting for Sheriff Wydell near the end.

As for Blood Diamond, I kinda figured that’s how it would play out with Leo being the merc with the “conscious” by the end of the movie. That’s why I liked Lord of War, the protagonist just stays the same throughout the movie. No “redemption” path at the end and it still got across whatever social message it was trying to convey. (Arms dealing is bad, all the major powers do it, blah blah, etc)

Guess I’ll give that and I am Legend (Which sounds disappointing too) a miss. Probably watch them when they come on TV.

[End Master]

Quick question, what was the name of that story that was very similar to Lord of the Rings except it had more of the setting like as if Sauron had won the war? Or did I just imagine this?

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I haven't the foggiest idea.

I think you may be imagining things. It's okay. Take deep breaths. It's gonna be alright. We're all rooting for you.

*whispers to the others: Can you believe this asshole? What a nutjob.*

[Shabti]

Sweeney Todd sucked ass!!!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I'm confused. I mean coming from you - does that mean it was good or bad?

I only joke. :)

[donteatpoop]

Sweeney Todd sucked ass!!!

It couldn't have sucked ass. I saw the previews.

[Vesnic]

It didn't suck ass at all. Blood. Johnny Depp. A bloody Johnny Depp. Does life GET any better than that? Really, Shabti, I'm surprised at you.

[Shabti]

LOL Chubby I had a good laugh. The movie was horrible. Would have been decent if it wasn't a musical.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

LOL Chubby I had a good laugh. The movie was horrible. Would have been decent if it wasn't a musical.

Okay, now I KNOW you're a raging Hetero.

[Vesnic]

Holy fucking monkeyplops. I just saw I am Legend at an IMAX. Holy fucking monkeyplops. I will not be able to sleep tonight. The pale bat zombies are gonna get me! They're gonna eat me! This place had a blasting Bose sound system that shook the shit out of all the chairs. Every time one of those bat people jumped out of nowhere....AAAAAAGGHHH!!

Heart attack. Heart attack! Fucking scary shit that movie, mmhmm. Only redeeming moment was that glistening body using the chin-up bar.

[Dragavan]

I just got "Stardust" from NetFlix and I will now have to buy this movie (I hope there is a special edition DVD with more extras). What a beautiful fairy-tale they made. I am sorry I missed this in the theaters. Good acting, great multiple thread story, wonderful visuals. All in all this was a great movie watching experience, without the need of excessive gore, over the top action and explosions, or constant swearing. I think I shall watch it again before returning it.

[Vesnic]

Juno

Unplanned teenage pregnancy has never been so witty and cute. "Juno" plays out like an after-school special while trying at the same time to deliver a very serious message. What that message is can't be determined for sure because it's buried under mountains of contrived dialogue and cinematography tricks that can only be described as "tres artistique". Don't get me wrong. If I had to sum up the movie in one word or less, I would probably spout out "good" while waving my arms in protest trying to qualify this answer with everything I am writing down here. It's "good", because all of the director's and screenwriter's acrobatics taken in isolation are entertaining. Ellen Page also did an excellent job in the title role. But now for the arm-waving. From the very beginning, I got the overwhelming sense that "Juno" was trying to appeal to too many different audiences at once. It wanted its street cred with the kiddies, so it loaded in all sorts of new slang. It wanted to get some viewership in the Bible Belt, so it made Planned Parenthood look like a cold and incompetent hellhole, out of which Juno was right to escape. However, it then got afraid that all this would make it too square, so it rationalized Juno's choice to not abort her fetus for no other reason than that it had fingernails so early on in its gestation. This undoubtedly ruffled the feathers of the pro-lifer audience, but they'd already gotten their cake and eaten it too when Juno walked out of the clinic untouched by the hands of Satan. For all the witty dialogue and emotional richness that fell into Ellen Page's hands, the rest of the characters were frustratingly one-dimensional. By the end of the movie, I wanted to line up Juno's parents, little sister, boyfriend, best friend and adoptive baby parents against a wall and shoot them execution style. Let's also throw in Rainn Wilson in his strange cameo appearance as the vaguely psychotic cashier in the convenience store where Juno first finds out the bad/good news. The ultimate representation of the insane amounts of audience pandering can be found in the soundtrack, which could aptly be named "Smattering of the Last 50 Years or so"--there is one song for each subset of the American population. I can think of lots of different people I would be comfortable taking with me to see this movie, but I can't think of anyone who would stand up afterwards and declare, "That was the best movie ever!" before dashing out the door to pre-order it on Amazon.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ves, you'd make a great film critic.

I've read like three critiques of Juno in newspapers ect., and yours was by far the most intelligent and entertaining.

On that note, they seem to agree with you. It's weird, they all like it, yet they're still on the fence for some reason.

Moral of the story: Maybe filmmakers CAN appease everyone?

[Vesnic]

I just got my first Netflix: "Superbad" and "The End of the Affair". My new lifeplan is to sit around and watch lots of movies, hit the gym every now and then, and enjoy my new bed until my parents finally get wise to the fact that I'm a bum and kick me out for good. But until such a time, I hope to do a whole lotta flixin'.

[Usoki]

I dunno, though... Juno was pretty good. There really wasn't any part of it that was outright hilarious, but it was just amusing enough to never get bored or bogged down. And it was surprisingly emotional, given that every single character other than Juno was written in one dimension, as you said. I didn't mind it as much as you did, but...

Still, I found it weird that they wrote the Ultrasound lady as a bitch. Amusing, yes, but rather weird. And of all the flavors for a condom...why boysenberry?

But it still gets the message across in the end. "Babies want to be borned! God thanks you for your miracle!"

I still don't know why they chose the ending they did- watching those two slaughter a perfectly good song (Well, he did, anyway) for five minutes more than necessary was just odd. And added nothing- the audience knew they were together. It'd've been way more poignant to have ended with Juno's note where the family photo would've been. I'm surprised they didn't, considering how freakishly modern the opening credits were.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Never mind.

[End Master]

I'm going to randomly ask if anyone has seen the following movies for no apparent reason...

Jacob's Ladder
Kids
In the Mouth of Madness
Sling Blade
U-Turn
Lucky Number Slevin
The Thing
Smokin' Aces
Falling Down

[Vesnic]

I saw Lucky Number Slevin during a "bad movie marathon" with my best friend. She researched the worst films of the year (2005, wasn't it?) based on their tomato ratings and then she downloaded a bunch of them as I made sure to stock her apartment with sketchy imported wine to lubricate the whole process. Also in the group were Hoodwinked, Saw II, and The Family Stone. Of all of these, that last one was the only movie in the bunch that definitely made me want to slit my own throat. As for Lucky Number Slevin, I thought it was pretty run-of-the-mill action/suspense with nothing really making it stand out, but it didn't deserve the trash rating either. For some reason, the critics really seem to have it out for Josh Hartnett. But that's because they're mostly a bunch of jealous old limpdicks.

[End Master]

I always thought Lucky Number Slevin was underrated, the only annoying person in it was Lucy Lui, but given that her character was supposed to be ditzy, I didn't mind her as much.

EDIT: Lucky Number Slevin was a 2006 movie. Though there was a movie called Domino that came out in 2005 which sort of had a similar feel. I think that one got a "worst movie". (Liked that one as well despite everyone else hating it)

As I remember Slevin got a few awards from a couple of indy award shows or something like that (Josh I think even got one for acting)

[Dragavan]

Jacob's Ladder -Yes, enjoyed it but it was so long ago I forgot most of it

Kids -Yes, but remember little about it other than I didn't care for it at the time

In the Mouth of Madness -Nope

Sling Blade -Yes, pretty good movie and was quoting it for days after seeing it

U-Turn -Nope, never been an Oliver Stone fan so I never had the urge to see it

Lucky Number Slevin -Nope, but it's in my NetFlix queue

The Thing -Yes (even if you mean the old BW original), the Carpenter one kicks ass

Smokin' Aces -Nope, but it's in my NetFlix queue

Falling Down -Yes, and I absolutely hate this movie. I think it is so completely overrated by everyone I know

[End Master]

Hmm, I'm usually hearing the exact opposite for Falling Down. Usually people are always saying how it was a racist movie.

In the Mouth of Madness has a whole Lovecraft vibe. I think it's one of the better movies to attempt it, (Even more than most movies that are based on the actual books) but then I like a lot of Carpenter's movies. He really dropped the damn ball on Escape from LA though.

[Shabti]

I just watched Freedom Writers the other night. That was a good movie! God damn Hilary Swank is hot as fucking hell!!!! Especially when she played a boy in Boys Don't Cry. I have yet to see that movie. Anybody have it? I want it!

[Vesnic]

A friend of mine recommended The Secret so I added it to my queue.

Such a mistake I have not made in a long time.

I hate this movie on so many levels. Where do I start?

1. Mindfuck. Eerie music, whispered quotations, odd visual effects, shadowy visual references to freemasonry...it was all no doubt intended to be very convincing. I, as the average American idiot, was sitting in my chair slackjawed and drooling because of the overwhelmingly convincing awesomeness of the special effects. And as we all know, there is a direct logical argument leading from technical wizardry to Absolute Truth. Hold my hair back while I barf on the carpet.

2. Experts. Any documentary worth its weight in shit will employ the opinion of various experts, each of whom weigh in on the subject, invariably agreeing with one another. This was the motley crew of "experts" if ever there was one, ranging from "visionaries" and "entrepreneurs" to "feng shui artists" and the occasional "quantum physicist" because, as we all know, the real litmus test of awesomeness is if you can find a quantum physicist who agrees with it. I don't know if some of these so-called scientists got their PhD's from the internet, or just did too much acid in the 60's or were willing to sell their academic integrity for a nice paycheck. At any rate, they were bold enough to make claims way way way way way (and I mean really) out of the realm of what can actually be proven. But your average slackjawed dumbass doesn't require the scientific method for convincing.

3. The American Dream: 21st Century Style. Are you sinking in debt because you buy all sorts of crap you don't need on the shitty salary you earn? Are you fat because you eat at Mickey-D's five times a week? Are you miserable because you haven't found true love online yet or gotten that Malibu dreamhouse that you're convinced you deserve? Has The Man got you down? Don't be discouraged! All of these things are still firmly within your reach! Despite every single possible bit of evidence to the contrary, the streets are still paved with gold! Rather than get mad about the fact that you are being simultaneously fucked from every direction on every possible level, just use...

Here it is, folks!

Tibetan Gong...

Flash of light...

Close-up of the Eternal Flame burning bright...

(Have you pissed your pants yet?)

THE SECRET!

And it really is so simple, you can sum it up in ten words or less without leaving anything out. How you feel about things directly affects their outcomes. That was just nine words!

Yep, folks, that's all. By thinking it, you make it happen. Through the Law of Attraction, you draw to you what you put out. The Universe is listening to your every whim and all you have to do is think positive to make it come true. You don't have to try. You don't have to sacrifice. You don't have to be a good person. Hell, you don't even have to get up off your couch! The best scene in this fakeumentary was the shot of the fat man in his recliner tripping out as he imagined zooming down suburbia in his sexy new sports car. Hallucinate enough and POOF! that sexy sports car will be sitting in your driveway with two blonde beachgirls draped over the hood.

Hold my hair back while I puke all over the carpet.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Wow, that sounds like a great plan. Is this just a movie? Do they have it in book format? I want an entire franchise telling me how to fantasize a new reality into existence. Thanks for the tip V!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

*holds Ves's hair*

You are so smart when you're sexy.

The Secret? never heard of it.

All of that Free Mason shit never interested me. Don't get me wrong, back in 1700s it was a legitimate cult. And it's ideals were sound and legit, for the era.

And there is some truth to the notion that to think it is to bring it about. That is how our species has risen above the mundane existence of beasts.

I think however that Western culture needs to re-evaluate what matters. There is this whole idea these days (even among, or might I say ESPECIALLY among, Evangelical Christians) that wealth and prosperity are inherit to the human experience.

The only thing inherit to being human is pain, loss, and questioning. Everything else is a diversion.

[Vesnic]

The only thing inherit to being human is pain, loss, and questioning. Everything else is a diversion.

You said it, ChubChub!

This movie would have won at least a tiny bit of respect from me if it at least acknowledged all the work that must occur between the dream and the reality.

This reminds me (and I know this has come up here before) of the eternal plight of the Underpants Gnomes.

1.) Get underpants.
2.) ?
3.) Profit!

It's that crucial middle step that people never want to be burdened with.

Oh, and here's some more well-deserved ridicule that a more reliable friend just sent to me to ease my rage:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usbNJMUZSwo

[ChubbyTeletubby]

LOL!

Leave it to South Park.

This whole 'self-help' phenomena that runs so rampant in our country these days really speaks to the level of stupidity among our fellow citizenry.

Even my brother, God bless him, who is ten times more successful than I'll ever be, buys into this shit. Abraham Lincoln didn't need a self-help books or movies, he helped himself to books!!!!

Every human experience is different. Pardon the over-used analogy, but you're born with the hand you're dealt.

No other human can ever hope to understand your hand. If you want something done right, do it yourself. We're looking for easy answers. The questions are easy, the answers are hard.

Get over it.

Back to movies. Anyone remember 'The Burbs?

Great flick!

[apotheosis]

I've watched a bunch of movies recently, but most of them were not very memorable. Smoking Aces was just an absurd movie. Not very good, but entertaining none the less. The Ali G movie wasn't nearly as good as Borat. The soccer movie with Amanda Bynes, which I was forced to sit through five minutes of, was a piece of shit, and she's fat.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You know, a movie I watched recently on my fancy new TV was 'Sideways'.

Does this make me evil?

I simply adore this movie and, aside from being a drunkard, I don't know why.

We need more low-key movies like this. I'm starting to really appreciate movies that are more down to earth and subtle.

[Vesnic]

Remove the scene where she's waxing orgasmic on pinot noir and Sideways might even be in my top 20.

It had some great moments...the image of him running down the hill with the bottle to his mouth, when he dumped the entire contents of the bucket on himself, the orchestrated car crash gone wrong. It's movies like that that lead you to believe that you could actually live a little more easily if you tried (or, in their case, didn't really try).

I am returning to form with some dark European explorations into darkness. I love Netflix! I'll be sure to post again if something strikes my fancy or sets my rage ablaze.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

the image of him running down the hill with the bottle to his mouth, when he dumped the entire contents of the bucket on himself, the orchestrated car crash gone wrong.

I am not alone.

Don't forget toward the end where he pours that 20 year old bottle he's been saving for a 'special occasion' into a disposable cup at that fast food joint, glancing about nervously.

I hated that 'Pinot Noir' scene myself. But then again, I'm not a wine snob. I drink the $9 a bottle Australian stuff.

Please, keep the reviews coming, Ves. You have at least one fan.

[End Master]

Back to movies. Anyone remember 'The Burbs?

Great flick!

Yeah I liked that movie. That movie was another one that was hated when it came out.

As for Smoking Aces, I enjoyed it for what it was. The Tremor Brothers needed a whole movie based just around them.

[End Master]

El Topo

I was looking for this movie for awhile since I heard how odd it was, I eventually found it, but it was in a movie pack with 3 other movies by this guy (Alejandro Jodorowsky). I figured I’d risk it and bought the pack since Suncoast was having a going out of business sale (Again)

Well so far I liked El Topo. If the rest of his movies are similar, then I guess I hit the jackpot, but if not I’m still glad I got El Topo in my collection now at least.

If you’re a film snob into watching weird ass allegorical films with a bunch of symbolism that you feel the need to analyze, re-analyze and then analyze again just to make sure, then you should probably watch it.


Rambo 4

Altogether different animal. It’s really obvious and nothing deep about it. Just a bunch of people getting blown to shit and an old ass Sly still racking up the body count.

Considering its Rambo we’re talking about it isn’t surprising that it feels like a throw back to those over the top 80s action flicks. There are even a few places where the movie changes color, lighting or gets grainy. (Almost like a Grindhouse effect)

The movie could rank up there with a few of the hard core horror movies in terms of violence. There are heads getting graphically blown up, limbs flying to flinders, people getting shot in two, set on fire and hacked apart. Hell, they even have kids getting killed on screen, which is usually a major no-no in most mainstream movies.

I liked it.

[Vesnic]

If you’re a film snob into watching weird ass allegorical films with a bunch of symbolism that you feel the need to analyze, re-analyze and then analyze again just to make sure, then you should probably watch it.

Awesome! I'm adding it to my queue right now!

This weekend I will be enjoying Rosenstrasse followed by The Best of Youth. Add a Japanese movie and I'd have the Awesome Axis Movie Weekend.

[End Master]

Yeah, it did seem like a movie you'd probably like, either that or you'll come back saying "What the fuck was that shit? That movie sucked!"

Oh I saw a preview of this movie called 10,000 BC too. That looked pretty cool. It had wooly mammoths, giant saber tooth tigers, barbarians, ancient civilizations and everything!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya I saw that preview in the theaters and it piqued my interest. Definitely one to see in the theaters! Although weren't most Mammoths extinct by 10,000 BC? I think there were a few stragglers of the pygmy variety living on secluded islands in the arctic north until around 7,000 BC. I think big variety went extinct around 20,000 - 15, 000 BC along with the saber tooth tigers and sloths and shit.

But I'm no scientist!

[Shabti]

I watched Over the Hedge last night. I like teh squirrel, HAMMY..."can you help me find my nuts?"

[apotheosis]

Traffic was very mediocre.

[End Master]

Yeah, I agree.

Del Toro's character should've ended with him getting killed. It would've been a lot more realistic. I mean he even mentioned that his life probably wouldn't go on too much longer after ratting on everyone.


The total cop out was Michael Douglas' character. I think a more interesting ending for him would've been if after his experience, he just took a harder line stance, sent some agents to bust that black guy who beat him up and disowned his daughter and she became a crack hoe. Chalking it up to a "regrettable loss" in the so called war on drugs.

And Christ, I don't like Topher Grace at the best of times, but he was just down right fucking annoying in that movie.

[apotheosis]

I agree with all of those. The one thing that the movie did was show the futility of the drug war, but we have all known that for a very long time. It brought nothing new to the table.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Does anyone watch Documentaries?

I watched Jesus Camp, and it was very creepy, and similar in fact to the way I was raised. Definitely worth watching. Youtube had the entire documentary if anyone wants to check it out.

I'm also waiting for a movie on child goddesses to become available. If anyone is interested I'll let ya'll know what I think.

[End Master]

Does anyone watch Documentaries?

I think the last real documentary that came out in theaters that I watched was Crumb. The Jesus Camp documentary sounds interesting though.

[donteatpoop]

What did you think was better? The Last Man on Earth (http://web1.plime.com/entertainment/movies/l/48553/1/) or I Am Legend (http://www.watchtvsitcoms.com/Movies/I%20Am%20Legend%201.php)?

I think IAL was a good movie, and an excellent remake of TLMOE. I actually prefer I am legend to the original; even though the original featured one of my favorite actors of all time.

[Usoki]

Why would anyone want to go watch Meet the Spartans?

The only possible reason any of my friends or I could possibly want to see that movie is a deep, morbid curiousity. How bad could it be? So, in that light, I'm pretty sure Meet the Spartans is not a comedy movie- it's a horror movie.

[donteatpoop]

Why would anyone want to go watch Meet the Spartans?

The only possible reason any of my friends or I could possibly want to see that movie is a deep, morbid curiousity. How bad could it be? So, in that light, I'm pretty sure Meet the Spartans is not a comedy movie- it's a horror movie.

I can't stand spoof movies (with a few exceptions) and this one looks more repulsive than the rest.

We need more movies featuring monkeys.

[Vesnic]

Then by all means, Poop, you should audition.

Badda-BING!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya but Michael is a Carlos Mencia fan, so it has already been established that he has bad comedic tastes.

Sorry, Michael. You know it's true, though. But enough about you. How was the movie? Was it as horrible as the commercials on my Hypno-Box made it out to be?

[Vesnic]

Hey, guys!

Have you ever wanted to hear the philosophical musings of unemployed Bulgarian heroin addicts?

No, you say?

Oh...

Nevermind, then.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ummm...YES.

Jesus, don't you know me at all, Ves?

Oh, and Michael - the only way I CAN see movies is alone. Just like everything else in my life:

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, walking in the woods, sex, sex, sex, and sex.

[Leblanc4prez]

LeBlanc: I'm planing on making an animated movie about my charecters. Any intrest?

[ChubbyTeletubby]

LeBlanc: I'm planing on making an animated movie about my charecters. Any intrest?

Of course!

Sometimes I wish LeBlanc would just speak for himself, though.

[Leblanc4prez]

Of course!

Sometimes I wish LeBlanc would just speak for himself, though.

Okitay... But first thing first... I need writers, oh you fired them? Well get Chubby he works cheap.

[Nappi]

I don't think I've ever been that honest in my entire damn life. :cool:

You da man, Chubby. You da man.


I think you are an imposter.The real MRH,even when making light stupid jokes,used proper punctuations in his grammatical efforts;and heaped derision on others for their minor infractions....you are not da' man.

[Vesnic]

Sing along, kids!

All her friends, they just watch her
(watch her)
For they know the great impostor
(impostor)
Don't you know he's on the stage?
(Ra ta ta, ra ta ta)
It's not real, it's just a play
(Ra ta ta, ra ta ta)
And he's playing the part
(Ooh oooooooooooh)
That is soon to break her heart
(Doobie dooooooo)

On a completed unrelated note, I am not watching any movies tonight!

[Nappi]

I on the other hand have an entire evening line up consisting of Michael Clayton,Charlie sumbodies' War,and My Own Private Idaho ( ...I have been on a Gus kick here lately;just finished Last Days and Drugstore Cowboy by GVS and it was pretty awesome.Better than I remembered).

[Vesnic]

I found the cure to insomnia!

Roman Polanski's Tess.

In addition to the ever-present, ever-somnolent English countryside, the movie is also just really, really awful. It's always sad to see a great novel with good cinematic potential get utterly butchered. Well, it would be sad if I had energy enough after suffering through the entire thing to give a rat's ass.

So, kids, what do we expect in movies adapted from novels?

Awesome scenery! I'll grant it that. It won an award for cinematography.

Loyalty to the original! No. Scratch that. Important events were eliminated. Characters were mutated. Chickens were molested.

Accurate casting! Whoever casted this dud had either never read the book or was just working as someone else's bitch, because just about every important casting choice was a complete disaster. First of all:

Nastassja Kinski cannot act! It's a plain, sad fact. She has the emotional range of a diaper. She also couldn't pull off a convincing English accent to save her life. Nor does she even look in the least bit English. The other major offense was the casting choice for the *snort snort* romantic leading man, Angel Clare. I mean, he's supposed to be attractive, not the sweaty, flu-flushed, carrot-topped...

No, you know what? This has gone on too long already. It's not even a new movie. Just make sure you give it a miss if your girlfriend ever tries to get you to watch it with her.

[apotheosis]

I just puked a lot. It wasn't pleasant. Why do I drink?

[End Master]

Nastassja Kinski cannot act!

Her dad, Klaus Kinski on the other hand was great at playing psychos. Though he probably wasn't acting.

[Vesnic]

He was more famous for his personality than his actual acting talent, but I agree that as a character actor he had a definite niche. I rather liked him in Nosferatu.

[Leblanc4prez]

I just saw the bestest movie ever... as both an avid Star Wars and Family Guy fan... I love BLUE HARVEST!

[Vesnic]

One of my all-time favorite movies! Black Cat, White Cat (Serbian, "Crna Macka, Beli Macor") by director Emir Kusturica.

Like all of his work, this movie is an explosion of pure uninhibited energy. How many things could possibly be put together in one movie? Young love, individualistic midgets, a gypsy band tied to a tree, orangeade, a fat woman who can pull a nail out of a plank with her ass, resurrection from the dead, horny cats, eternal friendship, dancing hookers, original music, shameless swindlers, sex among the sunflowers, spinning hamster wheels, juggling grenades, animated tree stumps, and the recurring motif of a large hog slowly devouring an abandoned jalopy. The storyline itself is quite basic: an imprudent man gets himself in money troubles, which inevitably get dug deeper the more he tries to extricate himself. He asks for help from his father's wealthy best friend, whose main concern is to see his own son get married before he dies. A story as truly open-ended as this one could be interpreted in a great many ways. Kusturica's approach is one of raucous joy, haphazard optimism and unbelievable innovation. The film tumbles and rolls along through a delightfully irrational obstacle course of unlikely events, finally culminating in an absolutely unforgettable wedding scene. Even describing this movie, my first thought is that it just defies description. However, it is guaranteed to flex the creative muscle. I recommend it without reservation.

[Vesnic]

Sit yourself down and find out ;)

[Leblanc4prez]

Psy: I like all the old black and white horror movies... Ahh Boris Karlof... If only my creation will be half as powerfull as you were.

Ultros: I like the Japaneese Hentai film I stared in... I got to have sex with 18 yr old Co-Eds.... Sweetness!

[Leblanc4prez]

Blue Harvest is the SHIT dawg! Not only does it follow the Starwars Storyline very well, but, there are freakin Family Guy charecters in it for Christ's sake!

[Leblanc4prez]

I like Obi Wan... It's freakin Herbert the Pervert! And as Luke is Chris... Man You can just imagine it...

[Leblanc4prez]

Heh, heh, sorry. And now for something completely different.

[Vesnic]

Kim Kardashian Superstar! feat. Ray-J

Kim Kardashian stars in what should surely have been an Oscar-nominated role, as the young ingenue opposite rapper Ray-J. The film delves into many fascinating themes: the isolation of the modern world, the epic battle between good and evil, and the quest towards enlightenment. Every moment is fraught with tension, from the odd long-shots taken from the ceiling to the blistering close-ups of Ms. Kardashian's existentially angst-ridden face. Her eyes sear the screen, as though she would make a spiritual connection with all the world.

The dialogue is devastating. For instance:

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm gonna cum!"
"Oh fuck, I'm cumming!"

In so few words, such subtlety is expressed! It serves as a sort of absurdist argumentation, a modernist criticism of the simple laws of cause and effect. Juxtaposing the colloquial with the eternal, Ray-J has established himself as one of the most sensitive and inventive filmmakers of our day.

Look out, Orson Welles! Here comes Kim!

[Leblanc4prez]

I just watched "the commitments" It ruled... "The irish are the blacks of the UK, Dubliners are the blacks of the Irish and Northsiders are the Blacks of Dublin."

[apotheosis]

Since this thread is about movies, I just saw Eraserhead for the first time. My official review, "What the fuck just happened to my brain?"

[Leblanc4prez]

Indiana Jones.... I love Harrison Ford. If I were Gay, I'd go for a guy like him.

[End Master]

I remember seeing part of Eraserhead. One day I've got to sit down and seriously watch that movie.

It is pretty weird, but then it's a David Lynch movie so it would be.


EDIT: Speaking of Indiana Jones, what was your favorite movie of the trilogy? I always thought the second one was underrated. And Mola Ram was a cooler main bad guy than the rival French explorer in the first one and the Nazi collaborator in the third one.

[Usoki]

For the most part, I'd have to say the final movie is by far the best...but the scene where the shaman removes the guy's heart is pretty awesome, especially considering the time period.

[Leblanc4prez]

Temple of Doom is my fave too. Ha, that "Short Round" cracks me up.

[End Master]

Recent movies dragged to see against my will...

The Other Boleyn Girl- Liked it. The medieval backstabbing, plotting and all around double dealing was entertaining.

Oh and the incest and rape scenes were hot too. http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/028.gif

Juno- Liked it. The girl from Hard Candy was funny in it.

(Yes, everyone may now make fun of me for liking chick flicks)

Recent movie I wanted to see...

10,000 BC- Meh

It tried to be like a couple different movies (Scorpion King and 300 come to mind) and failed utterly at trying to do so.

The big problem was it tried to be "historical" but in parts it touched upon some more fantastic elements which didn't really work because it didn't go far enough with them.

They should've either went all the way with the fantasy type stuff or not at all.

I still like Quest For Fire better and I still rank it as the best "caveman" movie ever.

In other news, I really hate airports.

[Vesnic]

The Lives of Others (Das Leben der Anderen)

It's a couple years old at this point, but I felt obligated to mention it here. Since beginning my Netflix journey, I have had a couple of hits, but mostly misses. This, my friends, is right out of the ballpark. Six stars out of five.

The plot centers around an officer in the East German Staatsicherheit (secret police) who is ordered to spy and make a full report on an artist and his girlfriend, but who in doing so finds himself drawn sympathetically into their lives. At the peril of his own career and wellbeing, he begins to secretly help them. Several subplots also exist, each one serving to complicate the central theme and to flesh out the characters so they are believable as people, never becoming mere caricatures of good and evil. At the heart of the film is an examination of art itself. In a rather refreshing perspective, it is represented not so much as a source of salvation, but as a means for subtle transformation. Everything occurs in a hidden manner--the invisible wires recording every word spoken in the artist's apartment, the hundreds of files locked securely away that tell the story of his life and, most importantly, the change of heart in the officer, played with exquisite understatement by the late Ulrich Mühe. The "good person" is a complex figure closely studied in this film, and embodied in the character of the officer, who meets that ages-old standard of doing the right thing when no one is looking. Finally, if films are to be judged by their ending, then one could not ask for a better finale to such a wonderful work. Reserved, yet all the more powerful for this reason, the last quiet minute of this film strikes home with pure fire.

There are many other themes and ideas present in the film which validate discussion, and probably many more yet that would require a second or third viewing to be found, hidden as they are amongst the rolling tapes and wires. At two hours and seventeen minutes in length, this film felt rather too short. Despite its bleak surroundings and uncompromising realism, I wanted nothing more than to remain in its ultimately redeeming glow even as the credits rolled.

[apotheosis]

This thread is soon to be beaten in length by the word association thread. Tis sad, everyone start talking a lot about movies!

Ummm... why did they need to remake the Omen?

[End Master]

Because much like the Roman Empire, the American Empire has reached its "cultural peak" and now we just tend to rehash old classic works rather than creating new ones.

OR

To expose a younger generation to an old movie and hopefully get them interested in the original and in doing so making a shitload of money from both theater and DVD sales.

OR

Someone thought it would be a neat idea to release a movie about the Anti-Christ on the date of 6/6/06

OR

All of the above.

As far as remakes go, it wasn't really necessary, but it wasn't terrible.

The big problem with it was that they made the anti-christ too obvious in being evil whereas the old one was more subtle and he wasn't even aware of his "nature" yet. (He didn't find out until the 2nd movie)

[Vesnic]

And...I'm glad to see we're back to slasher flicks! It's nice to see that the average emotional age around here has gone up to about 4.25 years. Hurray!

[End Master]

The Omen movies aren't slasher flicks, they'd be more classified under "Devil films."

I thought the Omen 2 was the best one, since it portrayed the Anti-Christ not as a total seed of evil until later on. He actually has a bit of an inner-struggle with himself about what he is and what he’s destined to do. Best scene is when he tries to convince his "brother" to join his side. That’s about the turning point for him.

Omen 3 sucked. It’s supposed to be a final showdown between good and evil/doomsday/etc. but none of that really happens. No Book of Revelations stuff or any of that. Sort of ends with a whimper. (Literally)

Omen 4 sucked too, plus it just defies logic since if the Anti-Christ gets killed and Jesus comes back, that presumably means “life on Earth” wouldn’t be continuing as normal, we’d either all be Heaven or Hell at that point. (Hey that’s what I heard anyway)

[Locke]

I didn't even know there was an Omen movie that occurs after Damien dies. I caught the second and third on television one day when there was absolutely nothing else to do, though. Watching the monks keep trying to kill him and inevitably dying badly instead held a certain morbid appeal, particularly the one who bought it during the fox hunt; otherwise number three was just another movie.

I don't see many movies. I'm just never that interested, and I rarely enjoy them all that much, though occasionally one will surprise me. I'm thinking about seeing Amelie; does anybody know if it's any good? The composer who scored the film is excellent - it's the first movie I've been curious about in quite awhile.

[Vesnic]

Amelie is ok. I've seen it several times, usually by accident (it was playing at a friend's house, it was on the IFC at 3 in the morning when I couldn't sleep and we all know anything is better than infomercials, etc.) It sometimes tries too hard to be charming, but it often is despite this. I'd say it's definitely worth a view.

[apotheosis]

Rosemary's baby was boring.