Another one of my slightly homosexual crushes bites the dust.

[apotheosis]

It is a sad day. One of those occupying my very short list of men I'm slightly attracted to, has died. Heath Ledger was found dead in his apartment on Monday.

That narrows my list down to: Brad Pitt, the Lead Singer of Europe (back when he was young), Steve from blues clues, Jude Law, and the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya dude, I just saw the headline. What did he OD or what?

[Vesnic]

Yeah, they think it's drug-related. And he was found dead in Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment. Maybe he forgot their safeword and they took the pain thing a little too far.

In all seriousness, though. What will Jake do now on those lonely nights up on the mountain?

[End Master]

I guess this means that everyone will praise his performance as the Joker in the new Dark Knight movie coming up.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya. Nobody wants to demean a dead guy until he's been in the ground for at least 10 years.

Mary-Kate Olson, huh? This is getting spicier by the minute. This is good for Hollywood. There hasn't been a juicy, drug-related death since Anna Nicole Smith - and everyone saw that coming from a mile away.

EDIT: The only thing that could make this better is if a sex-tape is found by the New York police and somebody leaks it to the public. Now anybody who says they wouldn't watch that is just flat out lying. I'd be jerking off to that thing for a month at least.

Ooooh. Even better. A THREESOME with Ashley. Oh God. Please, please, please find a sex tape. PLEASE, you over-worked, underpaid public servant who has been preordained to find it. PLEASE!!!! GOD! PLEEEAAASE! I know I said I hate you, but if you just did this one little thing for me I think I might actually regain my faith in you.

[Vesnic]

We're all missing the implied question here.

Apoth, who was your first homosexual crush that got killed off? River Phoenix or something?

[End Master]

Always thought it was weird how “Stand By Me” semi-mirrored all those child actors real lives.

River’s character died.
Corey’s character ended up getting into a shitload of trouble with the law.
Wheaton’s character became a geeky writer who hangs out on his computer.(Not that there’s anything wrong with that)

Oddly the “loser fat kid” (O’ Connell) was the only one who went on to enjoy a relatively successful acting career.

[apotheosis]

I don't think any other ones have died. Not sure why I said another....

Though.... nevermind.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Heath isn't dead. I decided it the moment I read the headline of the article. I then spent the next hour combing the internet for confirmation. And, while every news agency from here and in a few other countries is reporting his death, I keep expecting him to show up and say it is a hoax.

Seriously, if it had been Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, or the Lohan girl, I would have understood. If it had been Mel Gibson, or Danny Devito, or Bob Barker, or that dude Hillary Clinton, I would have been able to accept it.

But someone as talented and great as Heath? My mind is boggled. So, I'm writing God via this thread....

Dear God,

tonight you took someone worth sharing air with. He has a kid that he seems to love and not frighten. In the spirit of fairplay, I'd like to offer an exchange. I will trade you any of the afore mentioned celebrities in exchange for getting Mr. Ledger back. If you accept this offer, please feel freed to conduct the exchange at your leisure. Even if you don't accept this offer, feel free to take those losers. Just kidding, you shouldn't just kill them for spite, but seriously, if we can work a deal with the Ledger let me know.

~Katie

Edit: Ok, maybe not Mel... but, that annoying doctor on the TV show LOST that always sits in the jungle and cries is fair game. Do you watch LOST, God? I highly recommend it.

[End Master]

Gah, definitely don't want see Mel dead. I actually liked most of the movies he's played in. (And Apocalypto)

Anyway they say deaths come in threes and it seems to usually happen with celebrity types.

We already had that Brad Renfo guy and Heath, so there's probably going to be another one coming up.

If we're lucky it'll be someone like Paris Hilton or Andy Dick.

If we hit the jackpot it'll be Rosie O' Donnell.

[Vesnic]

Brad Renfro died?!

Ok, back to bed now.

[End Master]

He died like only a week before Heath. They made a semi-big deal about it.

I didn't even know who he was until they mentioned that he played in Apt Pupil and Sleepers.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

And tragically, Mary-Kate Olson was not involved with ledger. Reports that it was her apartment were false.

I would say that we should do three for the price of one: Hilton, Spears, and Lohan (hell let's throw Winehouse in just because) for one Ledger.

It's a fair deal, God!

No? Ok...well. Could you just take those sluts anyway? Please?

FINE. At least keep Barker around a few more years. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!?

[apotheosis]

That's to bad. I was kinda hoping for a 3 way video between him and the Olsen Twins as well... that would've been spectacular. Maybe even a snuff film, where they kill him at the end.

[End Master]

I see Lohan dying before Hilton and Spears. She’s constantly getting drunk and crashing into shit.

Spears is trailer trash, and those type tend to be a hardier breed, so I see her getting grossly fat first and then dying in a similar fashion as Anna Nicole Smith.

As slutty/alcoholic/pill poppin’ as Paris is, she’ll probably live to be fairly old or at least outlive the other two since she’s basically a cockroach in human disguise.

EDIT: Hey Chubby, now would be a good time to update and rewrite your Paris Hilton story, except you could include the rest of the Power Slut Girls in it as well.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Good idea, End! Also, behold the power of Microsoft paint! What do you guys think of the cover for the new sex tape that I can only hope beyond hope WILL be found despite all the evidence to the contrary!http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h11/ChubbyT/Sleeplessinsoho.jpg

[apotheosis]

I just came myself looking at that chubby, well alright, not came, but there was certainly a little bit of precum.

[Shabti]

One word. EW!!!!!!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya, I wasn't sure of a title at first. 'Sleepover in Soho' was one that came to mind. And along those same lines, 'Slumber Party in Soho'. Or maybe, 'The Olson Twins Go Down Under'.

I wonder if Mary Kate (the anorexic one) would spit or swallow? I think it would be healthier for her if she swallowed. Not sure if ejaculate has many calories but I hear it's loaded with protein and is an excellent source of Vitamin C.

[apotheosis]

"Dear P,

A typical ejaculation fills up about one teaspoon; the actual amount is determined by a man's age (younger men usually make more semen), when he last ejaculated, and how long he's aroused before ejaculating, among other factors. Contrary to what you've heard, semen is not loaded with calories. Each teaspoon of ejaculate has about 5 - 7 calories and some 200 - 500 million sperm. Since sperm make up only about 1 percent of semen, what accounts for the other 99 percent? Well, its other ingredients include:

* Fructose sugar
* Water
* Ascorbic acid (a.k.a., vitamin C)
* Citric acid
* Enzymes
* Protein
* Phosphate and bicarbonate buffers (bases)
* Zinc

Can swallowing semen enrich a poor diet? Unless you're gulping gallons of it each day, it's no substitute for real nutritious cuisine."

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Unless you're gulping gallons of it each day, it's no substitute for real nutritious cuisine.

No wonder Elton John is so spry!

EDIT: One teaspoon?

Hmm. I'm going to have to test this. I'll get back to you.

Everyone on the IS boards in unison: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Don't get me wrong, when I see these freaks with their mullets ejaculating on some poor girl I'm thoroughly convinced it's stunt-sperm. But one teaspoon?

Just a spoon full of semen makes the VD go down, the VD go down, the VD go down...in the most delightful way!