Bowm Chicka Bowwwwm Bowwwwm!

[Vesnic]

You're all a bunch of irrevocable philistines, hopeless sophomoric sots who don't deserve one pixel of virtual space.

But, I love you guys. And I'm horny. And god dammit, I've got a bad reputation to defend!

So, in honor of all the mumblings and grumblings I've heard in relation to this year's IWT topic, and in light of the new-ish suggestions (which were probably at the back of everyone's mind anyway), I venture that you should all step forth boldly and glorify the internets with some well-written, jerktastically ecstatically sexybombastically BUT STILL WELL WRITTEN...

PORNOGRAPHY!

The way I'm going to work this is thusly: if you are still interested in/have already begun an allegory, please do continue. The contest this year will be a choice between allegory or porn or, if you're truly adventurous and unbelievably talented, PORNOGRAPHIC ALLEGORY!!! (or is it allegorical porn?) Either way, if you could pull that off, it would probably cinch the prize.

Oh Lord, what has become of me?

[End Master]

Seriously Ves, you had to know deep down that it could ONLY end this way. ;)


Well anyway, good luck to all that enter and remember anything goes because hey, it's porn! :D

[donteatpoop]

The only problem I can see with this is reading through them all and voting. My keys are going to stick together for sure.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

SpermGuard by Cinco. Works great.

:confused:

I'm willing to give this a shot, but I've never had actual sex with an actual person who actually happens to exist, factually. Much less a conscious woman. Do men actual stick their members into that disgusting, infection prone orifice called a 'vagina'?

Ewww.

Is that how you people replicate? Mammals are gross.

You people make me sick.

As a chronic masturbator with little to no actual human contact, I've always thought of human on human sex as a myth perpetrated by the media. I guess I was wrong.



The way I'm going to work this is thusly: if you are still interested in/have already begun an allegory, please do continue. The contest this year will be a choice between allegory or porn or, if you're truly adventurous and unbelievably talented, PORNOGRAPHIC ALLEGORY!!! (or is it allegorical porn?) Either way, if you could pull that off, it would probably cinch the prize.

Oh Lord, what has become of me?

Oh, I'll pull it off, alright.

[Usoki]

I dunno, Chubb's got a point. I feel like I'm at a serious disadvantage, here. Virginity intact, minimal viewing experience... I've only got a year or two of porn against you vets of the vag!

Think of all the research I'm gonna have to do to catch up. Mmm...

[Sven Smokevich]

Y'all's big writing event of the year, and you gotta use it to sleaze up the site? Damn. I's sorry to hear about this.

[Usoki]

Considering there's no pressure or motivation to compete, I wouldn't call it the big writing event of the year. Heck, it's a forum started tradition that stuck around because no one felt like stopping it. We all just do it because we're bored.

Or at least that's how I've always seen it. XD

[Vesnic]

I dunno, Chubb's got a point. I feel like I'm at a serious disadvantage, here. Virginity intact, minimal viewing experience... I've only got a year or two of porn against you vets of the vag!

Think of all the research I'm gonna have to do to catch up. Mmm...

Remember, you can still choose to do an allegory. This will probably win you a lot more points in the "plot" department, since we'll be using the same criteria as last year. You don't HAVE to write porn, in fact I'd be happy if not everybody did because in my opinion, once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.

My main concern is that people actually contribute to the contest. I think it has the potential to keep people motivated and isn't necessarily just a boredom killer. However, the majority of people here weren't responding well to the idea of writing an allegory, so in the interests of actually having a contest with contestants, I needed to expand the category.

I am thinking of giving a slight scoring advantage to those who write an allegory, but I haven't made any conclusive decisions about this yet.

[End Master]

The problem I'll have with the contest is staying on topic as usual. Even with something as simple as porn I see myself forgetting about the focus on sex and concentrating on something silly like "plot" and "dialogue".

Plus anytime I've tried to write a straight up porn story it usually ends up mixing with a lot of violence as well.

I'll try to keep this genuinely "arousing" for "normal" folks, but I'm not making any promises.

Though I guess if I get really motivated (Ha ha) I could attempt to do that porn allegory story.

[End Master]

Fuck it, I'm going with what I do best. I never win these contests anyway.

I have a cunning plan to attempt to make the story a little different though. I'm calling my story "Exploitation Theater."

[Vesnic]

Plot DOES still matter, though. Remember, this is one of the criteria used to judge the stories. Seeing as most people are probably going to write porn, then I anticipate that the plot marks will be pretty low all around. So it would give you an edge if you did work in a plot, assuming of course that it's not in inverse proportion to enjoyment. You see? Porn is trickier than you'd first imagined.

[donteatpoop]

Did somebody order Pizza? a story by donteatpoop

[donteatpoop]

Y'all's big writing event of the year, and you gotta use it to sleaze up the site? Damn. I's sorry to hear about this.

Lol. The man who isn't aware that there is more to the site than forums is upset with the topic. Prior to this change, we were such a high class writing community, too.

My story will be about Sven's penis. It will be a very short story.

[End Master]

Other than Drag's story, it's not like we even have too many "regular" porn stories on here. So I doubt if we'll be "sleazing up" the site all that much.

Seriously I'm pretty damn sure that any one of us on these forums (Porn addicts or prudes alike) could still write better and more meaningful porn than someone at CHYOO2 mainly because it usually takes like 10 of them to even write one story that 10 "rooms" long.

[xnull]

Here I was going to wait for ISv2.0 before writing more! I think this story contest will be a challenge. Pretty awesome Ves. I'm in. 2023 could have been entered last year. I'm not going to miss my opportunity this year.

I might have to bust out the webcam for this one.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

CRACK ATTACK, episode 2 : Whitney Strikes Back!

[End Master]

There definitely was the temptation to do Love SICK 2, but like I said I came up with a different idea...

Exploitation Theater

It was a dark and stormy night…

And you have dragged your girlfriend kicking and screaming to an exploitation double feature. You both get out of the car as the rain pours down, but you aren’t even paying attention to getting drenched; you’re too busy admiring the theater’s marquee sign in all its neon glory.

As you’re appreciating the crooked and sometimes missing lettering on the marquee sign your girlfriend is urging you to move.

“Will you come on? I’m getting fucking soaked over here!”

You quickly run into the theater and nearly trip over a passed out bum laying near the doorway. Ah just like the old days.

You and your girlfriend attempt to dry yourselves off when you’re in the lobby. One quick glance and it’s very apparent that this place has seen better days. The ceiling is cracked, the walls are peeling with holes in them and the floor is stained with unidentifiable substances. The lobby is currently empty save for a lone worker at the ticket desk reading some sort of magazine. Your girlfriend jumps a little when a fairly large roach scuttles across the floor seemingly perturbed at humans walking all over its “territory”.

You take all this in stride, but your girlfriend feels a lot differently.

“Christ, I know you like these movies, but why the hell do we have to come to some run down theater that should’ve been shut down by the health department years ago? Couldn’t you have just rented the things?” your girlfriend asks.
“No, because the big screen is the best way to see these things and when I heard they were showing some here, I had to bring you so you could experience it too! I’m telling you when I was a kid, I used to love seeing these old exploitation movies!” you answer.
“Yeah, yeah I know. But you were watching these things as a kid? Aren’t these things filled with a bunch of sex and violence?”
“Yeah, well Dad didn’t make enough to take me to Disneyland so he took me to the movies on the weekends instead. He said it was better since these movies would teach me more about the real world and the facts of life.”
“Didn’t your Mom’s stripper job already do that?”
“Well yeah, but this was different! When I was in the strip club, I could only watch these pathetic guys wasting their paychecks on whores that didn’t really love them. But here in the movie theater I could see all these bad asses get the girls and kill their enemies! And sometimes I’d get so into the movie I could actually believe that I was in the movie doing all the same things! So it was a totally different experience!”

Your girlfriend shakes her head.

“It never ceases to amaze me how you can be so warped and be completely oblivious to it.”

You ignore your girlfriend’s comment and focus on getting the tickets. When you approach the ticket desk, the ticket guy looks up from reading the latest issue of “Beavers and Blowjobs” to address you.

“Yeah?”
“Two tickets please.”
“Well, that’s just dandy, but what the fuck do you wanna see? We got two movies showing.”
“Both of them of course, isn’t it a double feature?”
“Fuck no, we barely stay in business as it is thanks to the internet and DVDs and you want a free movie? You wanna see both, you gotta pay for both.”
“We are NOT paying to see both of these things! In fact I want to spend as little time as possible in this place.” Your girlfriend interrupts before you can even say another word.

You’re a little disappointed by this. You wanted to see a double feature just like in the old days, but it looks like you can’t go home again. You wish your girlfriend was into this as much as you are.

Still, you’re here now and you can see something. And maybe you can change her mind on things. At very least you can enjoy a movie and relive your misspent youth for a little while.

In the meantime the ticket guy wants to get back to his literature.

“Hey buddy, so what’s it gonna be? I ain’t got all fucking night.”

1. White Devil Black Heart

2. Dead Head

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Great. DEP already got the pizza delivery boy angle, and now End works his magic thusly. What's left?

What's left?

I'VE GOT IT!

It's 50,000 BC and you're a Neanderthal trying to hook up with some homo sapien tang. All you got is your huge 2 foot long cock and a crude smashing implement. Maybe a sidekick sabre tooth tiger.

Nope. Blew it again.

Seriously though, End. That's a great start. And I really mean that.

[End Master]

It's 50,000 BC and you're a Neanderthal trying to hook up with some homo sapien tang. All you got is your huge 2 foot long cock and a crude smashing implement. Maybe a sidekick sabre tooth tiger.

You MUST write this story NOW.

Except maybe make his 2 foot long cock ALSO his crude smashing implement.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You know, I meant this as a joke initially. But it's starting to grow on me as well, End. It's time I 'pick up the pen' again, anyway. I think the club is more of a phallic extension, maybe adding to the whole 'allegory' theme. Allegories confuse me, though. They really do. And in most cases I don't really appreciate them.

And ya, Sven, I think you underestimate the writing talent over here at I-S. Sex is a vital part of being a disgusting earthling. By no means are we debasing the 'moral fiber' of this site. There's a reason Sev added an 'MA' rating.

You're a hard nut to crack, Sven. Just like that silly Finn I've been arguing pointless politics with. I like you though.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Under a blameless blue sky you stand proudly erect upon the lone outcropping of rock that has served your tribe so well for time out of mind. The wind swept plain below you stretches out as far as the eye can see, yet in your mind’s eye you are keenly aware of what lies beyond the distant gray autumn haze. You have always been a wide wanderer - in your sing-song, primeval tongue you are known as ‘He Who Walks Erectly’. Although this is simply a loose translation.

You smile at the promising panoramic view laid out before you, a banquet table laden with the bounty of the fall migration. You take a long drought of the frigid air, laced with the pungent scent of your prey, and your smile broadens. Your stomach is full and your thoughts are as crisp and clear as the cloudless sky above. A savage laugh escapes you.

It’s not mammoth you’re after today.

[Sven Smokevich]

Lol. The man who isn't aware that there is more to the site than forums is upset with the topic. Prior to this change, we were such a high class writing community, too.

My story will be about Sven's penis. It will be a very short story.

Hey bro, call the shit I put on paper "writing" and dat be a compliment it don't deserve. I know it, but art's art, and I's a rapper wit Tourette's, I's a painter wit Parkinson's, I's a historian wit Alzheimer's, okay? The stuff I write down's some weak shit, aight, but I still digs good work and I's seen some on da main site. Porn's writing like my Vega's reliable transportation, to me, is all. A brother reads it when he's gotta work it, he writes it for his papers or his kinks, dig? You want good writing, you go read some damn writing, you can't score and you want wankage, you pull dat x-rated shit. Y'all don't seem to mind though, anyway, and I give y'all y'all's props and respect witout no smack talk, but it don't make sense to my black ass, and weak as my shit is, this time around it's gonna beat down, own up and violate at least one of them abortions you gonna call a story.

What's wit da hata vibe anyway, dog? What I do to you? I be pissed, aight, but I know da score. You go on and write about what I got under the hood, bro. You still be at it when ya cold, dead old hands can't txt me no more compliments. I be dere to laugh at ya funeral, bitch, I do it wit hardcore fly sisters at my side and ya girl waitin' on me back home. You gotta be hatin', let my pride & joy alone. Let y'all's own shit do da talkin come judgement, aight? I's in, playa, watch out for ya girl and ya game cause you's fixin to get served down in North Philly.

Massa, dat intro remind me of somethin' outta one of them old movies, Existenz.

Tubby, dat poor brotha remind me of one of them pornos where the dude gets down and actually fixes tha heater fore he gets himself down to business.

Montgomery style, dog. Peace.

[donteatpoop]

Hey bro, call the shit I put on paper "writing" and dat be a compliment it don't deserve. I know it, but art's art, and I's a rapper wit Tourette's, I's a painter wit Parkinson's, I's a historian wit Alzheimer's, okay?
Painter with Parkinson's, nice.
What's wit da hata vibe anyway, dog? What I do to you? I be pissed, aight, but I know da score.
Hater vibe?
You go on and write about what I got under the hood, bro.
Oh that. I'm an asshole, is all.

Are you one of those guys who can't take jabs? Here's how I roll, I cut people up like Jeffy Dahmer. No vibes of hatred, just amuzing insults. I expect to get them in return, honestly.

What is it the brothers call it? I'm just crackin' on ya.

No harm intended, I just make jokes. I haven't actually seen your junk (and really don't want to, so please stop sending me those e-mails) so I have no way of knowing how tiny that shit is.

Anyway, of course I'm not writing a story about your penis. I have twenty rooms to fill for the story to post, man.

I think a lot of the "hata vibe" can be attributed to my refusal to use those stupid fucking smiley face things. You know how it is, people say something rude and include one with a tongue sticking out and it dismisses the rudeness so that people know that person was just joking. Just assume one of those is at the end of everything I write.

As to the porn theme, I understand where your aprehension is coming from, but keep in mind that the focus of these stories will still be "plot". You can expect some crazy ass stories from us, and I hardly think they'll be the standard "porn" that you are fearing.

Chubby's caveman idea looks like gold to me. Wish I'd thought of that first.




By the way, here's what I'm thinking for mine: Post Apocolypse Zombie Porn

[End Master]

By the way, here's what I'm thinking for mine: Post Apocolypse Zombie Porn

But Dead Head was going to be that or rather that was one of the ideas for it.

It was either going to be about a serial killer who chops off women's heads to get oral sex from them because he was searching for the perfect blowjob.

OR

It was going to be about this girl who in her last act of misguided love, blows her dead boyfriend and it somehow brings him back to life. At which point the zombie plague spirals from there and all the zombies don't lust for brains but for the genitals of the living! Put on your iron underwear folks!

[donteatpoop]

But Dead Head was going to be that or rather that was one of the ideas for it.

It was either going to be about a serial killer who chops off women's heads to get oral sex from them because he was searching for the perfect blowjob.

OR

It was going to be about this girl who in her last act of misguided love, blows her dead boyfriend and it somehow brings him back to life. At which point the zombie plague spirals from there and all the zombies don't lust for brains but for the genitals of the living! Put on your iron underwear folks!


Damn you, EndMaster.

Maybe I'll just write about Furries.

[Vesnic]

I feel somehow responsible for this Frankenstein of a forum thread. Is there anybody in the house who's still planning on doing a straight-up allegory? I will sweeten the deal with extra plot points!

[Usoki]

I always get confused between "allegory" and "story with far too much fucking symbolism", personally.

[Vesnic]

Allegory tends toward a larger message, partially through symbolism. If it's bogged down with tons of random metaphors, then it might still be an allegory, just a shitty one.

[End Master]

My whole story is an allegory on how easy graphic porn and violence is accepted by people once exposed to it and how its only contributing to the increased decadence of our once moral society.

[Vesnic]

Lick my balls, End Master.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I always get confused between "allegory" and "story with far too much fucking symbolism", personally.

Me too, Usoki. Allegory is a tricky animal to tame. And I'm slow on the uptake. Sorry, Ves. I'm just not thmart enough. :(

EDIT: Oh, and DEP - I love you.

In a really sick, perverted way. I want to touch your body. All over.

[Usoki]

I just wish you could throw the pokemon angle in there, somehow.

Chubby, you're a genius. Poképorn!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Hey there, pikachu baby. You're lookin' good enough for a POKE! How about you step into my office and I'll make that happens for you. Huh? You like that?

Pika! Pika!

I knew you would.

[thoric]

Im still doing straight up allegory, that is if I manage to get off my lazy ass and start writing the damn thing. I could fit sex into one of the branches though if I feel like it. *shrugs*

And I once had to watch Pokeporn as a dare. Ash and Pikachu: Best Friendz Forever.

He went pika pika when climaxing and shot bolts of electricity.

It was... pure genius.

[donteatpoop]

Alright, I know what I'm doing now.

Sex Robot

[Usoki]

Why didn't any of the rest of us think of that?

Well, you'll definitely do better than something drums would do, even if it is well within his famous territory. If drums were here, he'd throw together 20 rooms to get it visible, bitch about some random censorship thing, write a 100 room 'maze', complain that no one will "collaborate" with him, and then try and get sympathy from the forums.

Which, of course, never ends well. No one should ever expect emotional support from this forum. Ever.

We are such bastards. It's pretty awesome.

...Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. drums is a fuck-wit. I think that effectively sums up anything I have to say.

[End Master]

Furry Zombie Child Sex Robots From Outer Space

[ChubbyTeletubby]

We are such bastards. It's pretty awesome.


Shut the hell up you fuck-faced fucker.

How's THAT for creative writing? Bitches.

[Dragavan]

Shut the hell up you fuck-faced fucker.

How's THAT for creative writing? Bitches.

I'd rate it about a 3. You've done so much more creative things.

[Usoki]

Furry Zombie Child Sex Robots From Outer Space

I'm kinda missing those Google Ads right about now... God only knows what sort of horrors this conversation would have triggered.

[End Master]

Probably something like this (http://www.pumpkin-porn.com/zombies/)

Erm, you probably shouldn't click on that if you're at work or something...

[JJJ-thebanisher]

pumpkin porn? Wtf is that, I'm too scared to click. . .

[ChubbyTeletubby]

It's no worse than what's going on in your parents bedroom.

[End Master]

It's not really as bad as it sounds. It links to a Zombie Sex guide with dirty pictures of zombies and amusing descriptions.

The Pumpkin porn part is just someone that carved pumpkins to look like Vaginas & Goatse and then inserting a dildo in them. No human nudity.

[JJJ-thebanisher]

Oh well now it just sounds boring.
And CT, for someone so "apalled" by "mamals" having "sex", you know alot about what goes on between DEP and my mom.

[End Master]

So anyone started on this yet? I’d be surprised if anyone has.

Anyway, I’ve got a few branches done so far.

[Usoki]

I keep forgetting this is the IWT thread. I keep seeing the thread title and thinking of those old Axe body spray commercials.

[xnull]

End Master - I only believe in morals as a system for the guiding of a functional society. Therefore I believe moral standards (I like to call them functionality rules) can - and in fact should, change with the situation they are applied to. I don't think that there is some law in the universe which explicitly states that all sentient life must value virginity and bake cookies for each other. In fact if I were on the endangered species list I think it would be immoral to remain chaste or for another of my species that is fully capable of reproduction to remain chaste.

Somehow this makes pornography very okay. :-D

Anyway - announcing the title of my porn story. I am creating a challenge for myself and I am guaranteeing myself something plot driven to write about.

Serial Rapist.

[End Master]

Ah putting the sensual back in non-consensual I see. Very good.

[donteatpoop]

I'vee been workin the plot out in my head, nothing written yet but I'm making a lot of progress.

[Vesnic]

As for me, I'm just writing my autobiography.

Baddda BAAANNNGGG!!!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I've been doing lots of research on the subject.

[End Master]

Hey Ves, let's make the due date for this year's contest on Christmas.

[xnull]

That happens to be perfect. My family wants me to visit them from college on Christmas. I've been looking for a good excuse not to socialize.

[Vesnic]

I'll get back to you guys on this soon. I'm wrapping up my time at the kult, so everything is in krazy overdrive at the moment.

[Vesnic]

In light of the fact that the contest theme has been changed so late in the game, and to give all of you slackers some more time to procrastinate, I've decided to change the deadline for this year's contest from Halloween to December 29. That's right. It is neither Christmas nor New Years, but a date still thoroughly within Calendar Year 2008, while being also certainly one of its last days and thus an ideal deadline for a contest that is identified with said Calendar Year. So, there you have it.

11:59:59 p.m. YOUR TIME (that means you've gotta scramble, thoric, my dear) on December 29, 2008.

Why 29? Because it's my favorite number. Now leave me alone.

[End Master]

Cool, I always felt that we should have these contest deadlines around Christmas or New Years anyway.

[thoric]

This is like one of those circular race tracks. Only I can't switch timezones.

And I really needed that 2 month extension. I haven't written bumsquat yet and exams are creeping upon me. I won't have time before October to write anything and then I need a month or two for polishing. Yeah, I work slowly.

[donteatpoop]

I haven't written bumsquat yet.

Bumsquat? That's the only part I've written.

You're not writing the same thing as me, are you?

[thoric]

No, I'm not! -You're - trying to copy my story. You're copying stuff from my computer. No wonder my keys are sticky and there is furry porn in the browser history.

[apotheosis]

-Drunken Text Removed-

[Usoki]

Hah! I have a contest piece planned out! Go me! It's an alleporn. Or a poregory. I'm not sure which.

The Sneeze

"Sorry I'm late, guys" said Jacob, as he walked up to his friends. It was a Friday afternoon, and it was tradition, practically a ritual, for them to hang out in front of the local gas station before deciding what they were going to do that day. There is nothing quite so American as a group of small town youths hanging out in front of a gas station on a hot summer day.

"It's about time you showed up," said Rod. "Anna's almost done with her popsicle already. Mmmm," he added, his eyes watching the novelty treat in her hand.

Her mouth had enveloped most of the orange ice, and her lips moved up and down the base of the popsicle as her tongue caressed its sides. She stopped the vigorous in and out motion to glare at Rob, her mouth making one last slurp before removing the popsicle from her mouth with a loud 'pop'. "Grow up," she said, wiping the loose juices off of her hands.

"Oh please," replied Jacob. "Like you can blame us for...for...achoo!"

"You ever wonder why we're supposed to say 'bless you' when someone sneezes?" asked Rob, turning abruptly to Anna.

"Well, I heard it was because they used to think your heart stopped momentarily, and so it's supposed to bring you back to life," Jacob said absentmindedly, wiping the snot on his jeans; rubbing it until the white mucus turned clear.

"Nah, I thought it had something to do with someone talking about you behind your back," Anna replied.

"I thought that was just a sneeze in general," said Rod, laughing. "I feel better now, though. I'd heard it had something to do with your soul being vulnerable, and so saying 'bless you' helped prevent evil spirits from inhabiting your body."

"Don't be silly. Who'd believe something like that?"

Both Rod and Anna turned to stare at their friend in shock; Anna's popsicle fell to the ground, slowly melting into a bent shape.

"What? What are you staring at? Come on guys, it's me- your friend Jaik'nob!"

"...Jaik'nob?" asked Anna, raising an eyebrow.

"Come on," he said, laughing, "who else would I be? You act as though I've been possessed by a demon from the sixth circle of hell sent on a mission to possess a mortal being and proceed to cause massive amounts of mayhem or something."

"Yeah...so, umm, I've got to go now. Bye Anna, bye Jacob," said Rod, running for his car.

"Hey! Don't leave me here!" shouted Anna, watching Rod pull out of the parking lot. He always kept his car unlocked, and he'd installed the keyless ignition himself only days before.

"Don't worry, Amna, I can drop you off wherever you need to go," said Jaik'nob, wrapping his arm around Anna's shoulder.

"No! I mean, umm, no, that's alright. I...I'll just...yeah," she said, staring at the ground.

"So...what now?"

[Vesnic]

Interesting start to the pornegory. Sneezes and spirits and popsicle sex!

I think you've won already...

[KaticaLocke]

What happened to not calling a race until it was over? What the fuck am I writing this shit for if you're handing out trophies already?
(Was thet verbally abusive enough for y'all?)

[Vesnic]

Keep your fucking skirt on.

[apotheosis]

This fucking drunken text wont be removed because I wont' eb a psusyy about it this time. Bowm chicka bowm fuck you are all wasting your timem the end is comign and th ebest you can conjure up is a pathetic excuse to ignore the warning signs and weight helpess and ignorant tot he oncomeing apocolypse.

Stop with you rbown chicka bowming and start facing facts. Change needs to happen and fast or all of this will have been for naught!

Yeah, suck my dick you cock sucking mother fuckers. I hope this is the first thread a newbie on this forusm reasds. Yahahahahaahaha! I win. 10 points fo rme.

No deleting this post for me. I win, and I accept that.

[apotheosis]

I just read and laughed at my own post. I think that warrants 10 more bosu points.

[Sven Smokevich]

Okay bro, 10 bosu points to you. Don't blow em all at once.

[apotheosis]

Something about this thread title must really appeal to me when I'm trashed.

[xnull]

Update on "Serial Rapist" (my entry to this year's competition):

Three pages done! 0 branches done!

But things are forming in my mind and in my pants. This is going to be a great story. I might even take top spot and make you all write in iambic pantameter next year!

Bo-yah!

[Vesnic]

A little sampling from my contest story...My apologies to Usoki, I didn't remember that you had a character named Anna too, but the coincidence is sort of funny don't ya think? I can't change my character's name because it has allegorical meaning.

"Suddenly, there is a sweet acrid aching in your jaw and you double over someone’s lawn, loudly throwing up the grotesque contents of your stomach. You start choking as a barely-chewed piece of lettuce catches in your throat. You collapse to your hands and knees, the sky spinning in circles above you. A grayness begins to creep in from the edges as you fall flat on your stomach. The impact sends a reflexive cough through your whole body, propelling the lettuce sideways from your mouth. You lie gasping on the ground, your whole body abuzz with the thrill of death. You get to your wobbly feet as quickly as you can, brushing yourself off dismissively as you half-run, half-stagger back to your apartment. You close your eyes, desperate not to lose that feeling.

You bolt the door. You grab the torn pair of panties. You claw your pants off. You throw yourself onto the bed. Your chest rises and falls in quick succession. You open your mouth wide, slowly feeding the wet cloth down into your throat. You push it down further and further. You start to gag. With both hands, you grab furiously at yourself, rubbing and pulling and thrusting with your fingers. The same grayness begins to seep in from the sides of your vision. You thrust your hips up and up with the last of your life force."

[Usoki]

Meh. No worries. I chose it because of its palindromic nature. That, and it's almost like "anal", though the reference is not nearly as straightforward as Rod is.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Sadly, the first part of that little excerpt is something I can relate to. As far as stumbling through suburbs late at night and puking in random assholes lawns.

Asphyxiation has never been quite my cup of tea, though. Well...at least not when self-inflicted. I'm all for strangling OTHERS, though. Great stress reliever!!!

True story!

HAHAHA! And you people think I joke.

I joke! Look forward to the finished product, Ves!

And on a completely unrelated subject: YAY FOR NIPPLES!

[Usoki]

I've looked at that snippet several times now, and it never ceases to disturb me. Whatever the final result will be, it shall certainly be epic.

[Vesnic]

Aw, shucks!

Yes, if this story continues along its predestined path, then it should have a piss-in-your-pants-cry-out-for-mommy-while-furiously-jerking-it kind of effect!

[apotheosis]

So considering the amount of work I've gotten done on the contest thusfar (none) you guys may see Mudkip make a return.

[Usoki]

My progress has been less than stellar as well. There's something wrong about working on a porno with your roommate sitting right next to you. Ahh, dorm life. But I have two months, including a Thanksgiving and Christmas Break that I can work on it. I foresee it getting finished, no problem.

For the love of God, please no Mudkip. At least choose a different meme.

[apotheosis]

I'm reconsidering taking on this contest since there is still a decent amount of time left. I haven't really let loose creatively in a long time, and probably have a lot of stuff backed up and ready to vent. Maybe I'll actually write something legit... I guess you will all have to wait and see.

[End Master]

I haven't worked on this thing since August.

Guess I should stop slackin' already.

*Goes back to slackin'*

[Vesnic]

There is one month remaining until the contest deadline.

[Locke]

Is anyone actually writing on the original theme?

[Vesnic]

Mine will be a combination of the two themes: a true ALLEGORIPORN.

[Usoki]

Same here. Assuming my lazy butt finishes. XD

[End Master]

Don't think I'm doing the contest this year. Just too many other distractions going on and I'd rather submit something finished and put some time into it rather than just slap something together.

[xnull]

Hire a college student to follow you and Katie around for the night with a pen and paper and submit this to the contest.

I know there might be a lot of rough spots - hours upon hours of descriptions of you posting on messageboards before we get to the good stuff - but to be honest I've always wanted to read about brain-in-a-jar sex, so I'd be willing to slog through hours of detailed forum posts to get to the 10 minute brain-in-a-jar taboo insertion scene.

But...
...I hear you.

Lots of stuff is going on. I'm stock full of things to do at every moment. That's why I'm posting right now. Because I have other things I really need to do.

[apotheosis]

I still have nothing. This mystery illness has really put me behind with school work. It looks like I have super aidscancerdiabetesdepressionheartdiseasemononucleo sussinusituspneumoniabubonicplagueanthraxflesheati ngbacteriadeath

Anyway, if I end up not doing anything decent, would you guys rather me submit something shitty or not submit anything at all?

[Vesnic]

Well, I'm disappointed that End has decided to poop out of the contest and it would be nice to keep the number of entries up, even if they're not all competitive. Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing Mudkip return wearing a sexy black negligee.

EDIT: In fact, I would like to take a tally on who is planning on making a contribution. With only a month to spare, you should probably know by now who you are.

I am submitting a story, and it will be called Todestrieb.

[donteatpoop]

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

I need to really get to work if I'm in this contest. So far I have 0 words typed. I'm hoping to at least triple that number by the end of the week.

[KaticaLocke]

I've got six or seven rooms written and the rest planned out. It's going to be allegorical porn, if I get around to finishing it.

[End Master]

Bah, curse my twisted sense of honor...

Alright, I'll really try to submit something by the 29th. I don't know if it'll be allegorical, I don't know if it'll be porn, hell I don't even know if it'll be finished, but what I do know is it'll have blood, zombies, incest and blow jobs.

[Vesnic]

Hip hip HOORAY!

I knew you'd find it in ya', End!

[apotheosis]

I found out Mudkip has evolved forms... the possibilities are endless.

I could just submit the first 70000 words of that novel I never finished, but it would be a pretty linear choose your own ending.

[End Master]

Writing porn is hard work but at the end of the day you really feel like you've accomplished something...

Got about 10 rooms done so far, so I'm fairly certain I'll get something in on time.

Kept the premise of "Exploitation Theater" since I think it's still a good idea, but I changed the "movies" to something a lot quicker to write because (A) I don't have much time (B) I'm a lazy lazy man (C) One of the movies wasn't really working out for me and (D) I think what I replaced the original movies with are a little funnier since the whole story really isn't to be taken seriously to begin with.

Kept the sex scenes I already wrote out though and just changed them around a bit.

[donteatpoop]

I dont' think I'm gonna make it.

BUT... If I can get myself to not dick around with other things, I may be able to pull something off.

[Dragavan]

If I can get myself to not dick around with other things, I may be able to pull something off.

But that still won't be a story for here... perhaps you should try NOT pulling things off so much. Then perhaps you could get some writing done.

[xnull]

Remind me when this is due? I have 5 rooms done.

I plan on having 15-25 rooms done for the competition.

How many rooms/day am I at?

Nevermind I did the calculations myself.

Due December 29th... so... 1.6 to 3.2 rooms per day (shit).

[End Master]

I gotta say I'm more motivated for this contest now than when it was first announced months ago.

So far I got rape, oral rape, mutant rape, anal rape, consensual rape, dead rape, torture rape, animal rape, barely legal rape, illegal rape, incest rape, undead rape, demon rape, more rape, rapey rape rape and even rape!

It's like I always said sometimes it's just better to just stick to what you know. http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/028.gif

Nah just fucking around, I don't have THAT much rape in it. (But it's enough)

Anyway one of the "movies" is shaping up nicely. Should be done with that one soon.

[Dragavan]

So far I got rape, oral rape, mutant rape, anal rape, consensual rape, dead rape, torture rape, animal rape, barely legal rape, illegal rape, incest rape, undead rape, demon rape, more rape, rapey rape rape and even rape!

"Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape!"

Shut up.

"Rape! Rape! Rape! Wonderful Rape! Rape! Rape!"

I said Shut Up!

"Rape! Rape! Rape! Lovely Rape! Rape! Rape!"

SHUT UP!

"..."

Bloody Vikings.

[Vesnic]

...consensual rape...

Mind clarifying that one?

[End Master]

I was being silly.

Though I suppose it could be when some couple enact some "rape fantasy" or when you're in the middle of rape and then the rapee starts to like it and demands you not stop.

Story time!

This woman my Mom knew by the name of Debbie once got sexually assaulted at some bus station or somewhere like that and while he was in the middle of it, he suddenly stopped.

Debbie being the fucked up person she was, asked why he stopped since I guess she started to like it, but he just hanged his head down and said "I can't do this anymore." and walked away.

Now here's the even weirder part.

Debbie's mom used to keep clippings of various interesting articles and send them to her for some reason. She sent an article to Debbie describing how the police recently found the body of a man who was this serial rapist that they'd been looking for, for months. He apparently committed suicide shortly after his encounter with Debbie.

EDIT: Story update. The first movie is finished and I have about 13 or 14 rooms done so far.

[Dragavan]

...consensual rape...

Mind clarifying that one?

There is a series of stories I've read online by a guy who goes by Richard Hertz called the College Code of Conduct series (Originally the Donna and Crysta Stories, but he has branched out from focussing on just them and has allowed a lot of other authors post stories on his sites too), and in the codes of his school is a Consensual Rape clause. It's one of the only things about the concept of the series that I didn't care for.

According to the rules of his school...
If a girl indicates her readiness for sex by any clearly identifiable condition of arousal, then she is, in a very real sense asking for sex. If she is raped as a result, then the rape is a response to her body's request. This is what we define as consensual rape.

If you care at all you can read more about it on his currently active site: College Code of Conduct Blog (http://www.collegecodeofconduct.com/)

[xnull]

Consensual Rape happens all the time. Sometimes it isn't sexual rape. Watching TV is usually Consensual Intellectual Rape, for example. Listing to Dane Cook/Carlos Mensia/etc is Consensual Comedic Rape.

For sexual rape I'm going to have to go with Statutory Rape.

"Statutory Rape is Illegal Sexual Activity between two people when it would otherwise be legal if not for their age."

Two 16-year-olds having sex is consensual sexual rape.



Oh and great story End Master.

[Vesnic]

This is your official ten-day warning, asscrackers!

[End Master]

So who's exactly all in this thing?

Ves- Confirmed
End- Confirmed
Katica Locke- ?
Usoki- ?
Apoth- ?
Xnull- ?
DEP- ?

We need at least ONE more person since the minimum number of participants for these things has always been at least three.

[Usoki]

I have something, I just have no idea what its state of completion will be.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

I'm not in this year, BUT, I have been really tempted. All this porn... mmmm...

20 rooms... seems easy enough, and yet I have not applied myself.

:: sigh ::

[Vesnic]

I am going to take you all, mince you into meat, and cook you in my cauldron. I will be eating loser soup for weeks to come!

You have all greatly offended your goddess and your puny little intellects cannot even begin to comprehend the horrors that surely await you.

[End Master]

Well if everyone I mentioned enters it should be an interesting selection.

Reading over this thread Ves, Usoki and Katica are genuinely going for allegorical porn, so they're probably in the best positions to win.

Xnull said his was called Serial Rapist, so I'm guessing he's going for shock and nastiness. Apoth mentioned to me he's putting a bunch of twisted sex in his, so I assume he's going for the same.

And I'm pretty sure you know which of those two categories I'm going to fall in.


Anyway how the hell do we rate these things again? Is it:

Plot/Originality
Enjoyment
Writing Quality

And I know a 4th factor got added at some point, but I don't remember what it was.

I propose that Apoth do the scoring again.

[apotheosis]

I can be the number cruncher if you guys would like. I'm not sure if I will make the deadline. I have about 3 rooms down of a story, but I am not sure if I will complete it, I'm feeling a bit iffy in general. If push comes to shove maybe I will crap out another 17 rooms and submit it, though I'm certain it won't win. My mystery illness alone has just put me horribly behind this semester so I haven't been able to produce to much, plus a lot of my efforts go towards the blog.

On an up note, I've slowly been adding to HOID so I will eventually beat Endmaster's record of most rooms contributed by a single author to a story.

[Vesnic]

I don't remember any fourth factor, except maybe plot and originality used to be separate criteria? I don't know, but as far as I'm concerned, I don't see any reason to change the judging system now. That would likely take an excessively verbose thread filled with the philosophical ramifications of judgment, a vote, a re-vote and then a referendum that would ultimately disintegrate into the heretofore inconceivable flamewar between Thoric and Shabti. I don't remember anyone voicing discontent with this system before. If it needs changing, that should probably be a project for early '09. But again, I don't anticipate it.

Thank you, Apoth, for being our scorekeeper and numbercruncher and flu fighter.

[Locke]

The judging criteria used for the last contest seemed to work well enough. You do realize, though, that by asking Apoth to keep score, you're only feeding his addiction?

[Vesnic]

People with addictions are going to stay addicted whether you help them along or not. If an addiction is going to be broken, it needs to come from the individual, and I don't see any indications that he's intent on stopping. Quite clearly not, in fact, since he prioritizes his own room-embellishing number game over contributing to the contest.

[Vesnic]

Getting back on topic, I propose that we handle the commentary as we did last year, with site PM's to each writer. People can choose if they want to start threads about their commentary, as they did last year. I encourage people to continue writing detailed responses, as those were helpful and interesting, in addition to the number ranking.

[Usoki]

We might want to consider a fourth rubric, for "Application of Theme". As in, how well was the allegory written/ was there enough porn to call it a porn story/ did the porn detract from the allegory part of the allegoriporn?

[Locke]

I was joking about the addiction thing.

Yes, the way the contest was handled last year worked very well; do keep it similar, though I wouldn't mind Apoth posting all comments, particularly as most if not all will be anonymous. The authors might wish to see the individual scores from each judge along with the averages, though those would be PM'd rather than publically posted.

The categories End posted were indeed last year's three criteria. During judging, a voter placed an asterisk next to one of the three categories to double-weight it, indicating what was most important in the story to that judge. I don't care one way or another about it, but it seemed to work out well.

I kind of like the proposed addition of the theme category. It seems particularly appropriate this year for some reason. As I'm not entering, those who are should have more of a say, but I thought I'd throw my two cents in.

[Vesnic]

I don't think it needs its own category. We could just ask people to keep "application of theme" in mind when they judge the plot.

[Vesnic]

Betcha can't beat mutual rapesturbation. :p

[End Master]

How the hell does that work exactly?

Two women holding guns to each others' head while they shove dildos into one another?

[apotheosis]

If it is, that sounds really hot and I definitely want to find lipstick lesbian porno of that. It would have to be acted out decently well though.

[Vesnic]

Haha, well my variation is a bit different from that, though it certainly has the same violence going for it. In fact, the only scene in my story that could be considered romantic by any stretch of the sane imagination involves a priest.

[End Master]

Damn it, I got so caught up in the rape I forgot to include any blasphemy.

That's going to lose me some points in the quarter finals, hopefully I can make it up in the child sex robot and zombie orgy rounds.

[Vesnic]

Well, you know what they say--Writing is 92% autobiography.

[Usoki]

Well, you know what they say--Writing is 92% autobiography.

I hope not- I'd really not like to read Chubby's work about being unable to pleasure a woman in various circumstances, and then crying himself to sleep under a box somewhere in the Rockies.

I might actually be able to pull something together. Of course, I say that and probably jinx myself.

[Vesnic]

Ves' jaw drops to floor.

Ves picks up jaw and places it neatly back on shelf.

Hooray!

In my bed as in my contest,

THE MORE THE MERRIER!

[Usoki]

I win! Hah hah! See all of you people in the new year!

[End Master]

Good, we got at least 3 people in it now. The minimum for a proper contest.

There's still time for Katica's gay pornfest and Xnull's serial raping.

[Vesnic]

Todestrieb is complete.

http://www.infinite-story.com/story/3139/

I am tired.

[xnull]

Mutual rapestrurbation.

http://ultimatesurrender.com/site/?c=1

I'm not sure if I just broke any rules...

[End Master]

As long as you didn't post a link to illegal porn or post any porn pics on the forums you're golden.

[xnull]

With only 9 rooms but close to 5,000 words, Serial Rapist is NOT done.

I would like to finish this story and plan on someday doing exactly this.

I hope this is enough to enter the contest with.


My character doesn't really do any Serial Raping. Not yet. I didn't get that far in the story. Instead you have a choose-your-own-first-rape sequence. There are two possible victims and three ways it can go down.

When rating my story, please read all of the paths for the first rape.

Serial Rapist (http://www.infinite-story.com/story/4127/).

[donteatpoop]

I'm officially bowing out.

I just don't have time anymore.

[xnull]

C'mon. Post whatcha' got.

[donteatpoop]

C'mon. Post whatcha' got.

Okay. Ready? Here it is in it's entirety:

[xnull]

Damn that's hot.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

I've just been reading Usoki's story, I haven't gotten very far, but I did notice that he really described well the whole twitching of a penis in the mouth of a maiden. I LOVE that. However, I am concerned because he also described the shaft as being the largest ever seen by this broad, and I mean, I haven't been around all that much, but the largest I've seen wouldn't even fit in my mouth, or if it DID fit in my mouth, it would really stress the soft tissue where my lips meet and might even make my jaw ache. Anyway, I'm guessing Usoki hasn't seen one that big, but he really does know about that twitch a girl feels when someone is pushing a big one into the soft wet recesses of her pie hole. I hesitate to ask, but I am burning with this question... however did dear Usoki discover this very real and accurate sensation as experienced from the receiver. Is this research at work, and if so, academic or experience based?

[End Master]

And that's time people! Deadline! Let's see what we have here...




Well Xnull's serial rapist looked promising, but unfortunately is not eligible! As I recall he seemed to have that problem last year of taking too long. Stop jerking off before doing it, it really works! Seriously though finish the story, I wouldn't mind reading more of it.

And besides Chubby could Katica Locke have won the rest of us over with hawt steamy man on man love? We may never know because she didn't submit her story either!

Also this year the founder of this infernal contest, DEP bowed out, placing his family above all. While some would call this a nobel and infinitely more worthwhile endeavor than hanging out on some obscure writing forum, around here we mock such behavior and DEP will now be mocked. Mock! Mock! Mock!


So what's that leave us?

The closet faggot, the whore and the asshole who wrote the same story as he did last time except he just changed the names and settings around again!

This is an exciting contest folks! Anyone could win! Well not really anyone, since just three people submitted stories, but you know what I mean!

And remember:

Vote early!

Vote often!

:D

[Vesnic]

You guys are enjoying this entirely too much.

[Usoki]

however did dear Usoki discover this very real and accurate sensation as experienced from the receiver. Is this research at work, and if so, academic or experience based?

Hah, well, as you might have guessed from my error in deep throat judgement, it's not experience based. In fact, nothing in that story is. Except the awkward kiss scene. That one is true.

To create the Anna/Jaik'nob scene, I simply went back to my roots. As early as April 2005, I was writing CYOA style literature on the Internet. Between pass-around stories and the old CYOA books, I thought it'd be amusing to do, and I figured that the Internet, with the ability to link to the different rooms, would be a perfect place to join some collab efforts. All I could find was the BE Addventure (http://www.bearchive.com/~addventure/game1/trees/index.html). It's all porn, 80% breast enlargement with other random crap thrown in, and it usually doesn't last more than ten rooms before the storyline changes. And there's always at least five blanks per one written choice. I learned a lot from it as an awkward preteen.

I had hoped to write all of the "Porn!" options with similar 'realistic' details, but I don't think they ever came across quite as well as they did in those first two rooms. Probably because the last eighteen rooms were written in a period of eight hours before I had to leave on vacation, returning to a computer well after the deadline had passed. I'm amazed I was able to complete something.