Home babysitting on a friday night...

[apotheosis]

And I sadly have nothing better to do, will someone put me out of my misery?

[Vesnic]

Well I would gladly shoot you if you were in range, but no such luck. I am also home early on a Friday night and wishing things were different, but they're not, so just get drunk and get over it.

[apotheosis]

Nevermind, made plans. Bye everyone.

[Vesnic]

Good, so now I can bitch. It's just really awesome to see all my friends sign off one by one to go party while I'm stuck at home for the umpteenth time with a knot in my neck the size of my fist. Nothing helps. Not muscle relaxers, not alcohol, not exercise, not even relaxing. Relaxing! As though that were possible!

Do I feel sorry for myself? Yes. Is that worthwhile? Probably not. Do I give a shit? Certainly not.

This one guy I'm friends with, he's on his way right now to a bar to meet up with some people he works with, to hang out, drink, whatever. My house is ON HIS WAY to this bar. Does he ask if I'd like to come along? Of course not. In fact, I've found that since my surgery, people generally don't want to hang out with me in public places. SO THANKS A FUCKLOAD to all my BUDDIES and to those of you here in the IS nether-regions, I hope your youth is better lived than mine.

[apotheosis]

I could say something cliche like, it's all going to get better, or hang in there for the virtuous at heart can never be defeated...

But that would probably only piss you off so.... I'll give the only truly honest and insightful response to your dilemma.

STBU


Anything else would be blowing smoke up your ass, and I know you are simply to smart for that.

[End Master]

STBU?

Is that "shut the bitch up"?

I've heard of STFU, but never STBU.

Either you're altering tried and true acronyms for experimental purposes, or combined with your previous DILF acronym in the other thread, you're currently having difficulty in commandeering your computer's keyboard at the moment.


Ves: It's ALL going to get better.

[apotheosis]

STBU is sucks to be you. I've resorted to acronyms because I've only been able to be on the computer for 3 minute stints recently due to college stuff I have to get together.


What I'm saying is her situation sucks but I don't want to say things like everything will get better if you just wait.

[End Master]

Ah well, that makes sense.

And now for more inspirational cliches...

Don't be a negative Nancy, be a Perky Patty!

Everything is going to be alright because you're just terrific!

Don't frown! Get super pumped for the awesomeness of life!

Cheer up, because you're the best possible YOU, you can possibly be!

http://www.websmileys.com/sm/crazy/071.gifhttp://www.websmileys.com/sm/crazy/071.gif

[apotheosis]

It could be worse, you could have cave diving anal crabs....

[Vesnic]

How do you know I don't have anal crabs?

You're both a couple of assholes, but I love you anyway. :D

I'm not quite ready to completely spare everyone my angst. Just the other day, a friend called me to whine about bad sex that she had with a superhot guy. I listened and advised and laughed and made her feel better. Then, later in the day when I was feeling vulnerable and trying to relate to her the horrors of being roughly manhandled by orderlies, injected up to fifteen times a day and just generally picked, prodded and embarrassed, she was like, "K-so luvyahs byeee!" But that's all good because Happy Ves is here today!

And besides, Apoth has already promised to present me with a fully functional hookah the next time we meet. Thanks, sweetie, it really is darling of you to nurse my blossoming drug habits! xxoo!

[End Master]

Do whatever you like according to this religious tract. (http://www.geocities.com/neverclan/c/cthulhu.html)

[Usoki]

Wow...that's nice. It's a good parody of one of those retarded conversion comics, except they have no idea how to use contractions or possesives.

I've always wondered...who do those things convert? Are people really that shallow and easily persuaded? "So, I was driving down the highway, when a few billboards caught my eye. I'm now a pro-life Christian who just ate at McDonalds, only five minutes off of the last exit for 43 miles!"

[End Master]

There’s sometimes been a rumor that Jack Chick’s actually an atheist and does all those little tracts to secretly discredit Christian fundamentalism. Pretty good long standing joke if that’s really the case.

Most people that read those tracts are probably enjoying them for the wrong reasons anyway. He’s so over the top with his hellfire/brimstone cartoons that he sort of reminds me of how I might be if I was a Christian fundy.

The road not traveled eh?

[apotheosis]

I'd want to watch everyone get eaten... and possibly join in the feasting. If cannibalism was socially acceptable I'd be totally into it... so long as they were thoroughly cooked and disease free.

I just did 110 pushups and 160 crunches. I'm proud of myself. Got to get ready for the ladies in college.

Anyway, back to eating people.... yummmm.

[End Master]

The big problem with cannibalism is that humans are pretty filthy. It would be like eating pig, but even worse for you.

I guess eating vegetarians or Mormons would be the safest way to approach it.

Remember, don’t eat the brain though. (Unless you’re a zombie)

[apotheosis]

Of course not. I'd go for the tender strips of meat off of the back. Possibly arms and legs as well... and the eyes. You have to eat their eyes in order to consume their soul... not that I believe in such a thing.

[Vesnic]

So, I'm picking through heaps of paper and other assorted junk on my desk and just came across the first sheets of paper that I used to communicate after my surgery. It was impossible to talk with a trache in my throat and they held off for awhile on trying to place a valve in there (which I ended up rejecting anyway). Now we all know that people are a little loopy when they're just getting off of anesthesia, but these are some written words of wisdom from me to you all from those glorious few days I spent in the ICU with untold numbers of wonderchemicals circulating through my system:

"Tell him thanks for calling--I'm doing ok--great nurses, greater drugs."

"Can you turn up the music? I just knew I'd get my freakin' period!"

"'A fool stares at the finger that points.' Where is the fucking machine at and where is my nurse?"

"I want to be sisters. Say goodnight to Tess."

"It's not floating. It's a sinking feeling."

"COMMUNICATE!"

"...incredible...slowwwww down....immobility...fear"

"It was too much. Everyone is like ooh la la impressive. Why did they do this?"

"Dilaudid once more?"

"Why did you guys spend your time talking to Maxine? I need you back here while Tess was getting my medicine. What does this Maxine character want?"

"I don't like Maxine."

"I lifted you under your armpits and you said ouch."

"Raju said they were able to fuse with base. If not by end of day, call him tomorrow. If you clear your throat again, you will lose your eyeball! I luv u!"

"DR. PHIL?"

"Still some numbness, occasional tremors in right hand."

"You are REALLY annoying. Find Maury NOW. I wanna see fat kids. Elmo sucks."

"Is there a way I can reduce the need for suction? Does swallowing make it worse?"

"My mother keeps getting confused and reading the wrong thing. Please educate her."

"Fuck them they can suck my goddamn buttcheek."

"I'm pretty comfy, but what sounds like a galloping?"

"Is my catheter ok?"