Welcome to ISville!

[End Master]

Apoth has just moved to ISville. Or more precisely, he has inherited a piece of farmland on the outskirts of the town from his great grandfather who died horribly in an elephant accident.

Normally Apoth wouldn’t leave the big city, but he took this opportunity to hide from Russian mobsters for his gambling debts.

He now has a piece of farmland which he must get started on right away to earn a living and fit in. He virtually has no experience but his new home is equipped with everything he needs to get started.
He only has $500 spend on whatever else he may need.

His nearest neighbors are DEP and Usoki. Both have thriving farms.

DEP has 3 wives and 10 kids to help him run the farm.

Usoki has a hunchback who he saved from being lynched for jaywalking.

Maybe one of them can provide Apoth with assistance?

Currently living in ISville: Locke, Xnull, Ves, Chubby, Drag

There may be more citizens, you will have to explore and interact to learn more about the facinating town of ISville!

>_

[End Master]

Ves has just opened the brothel.
Locke has just opened the hardware store.
Usoki feeds his hunchback.

>_

[End Master]

Chubby wakes up from a hang over and goes back to sleep.

You have unlocked a new character! Leblanc!

Leblanc has re-entered ISville from his job in the city.
DEP orders his kids to go buy barbwire from town.

You have unlocked a new character! Katie!

Katie has opened up the library.

>_

[End Master]

Apoth has explored all of his new home.
Apoth has travelled to Usoki's farm.
Apoth has asked Usoki for help.
Usoki laughs at Apoth and orders his hunchback to beat him up.
Apoth attempts to use his penknife to defend himself.

COMBAT!
The hunchback swings!
The hunchback misses!
Apoth swings!
Apoth hits!
Apoth does no damage.
Apoth’s penknife is not a suitable weapon.
The hunchback swings!
The hunchback hits!
Apoth’s nose is bleeding!
Apoth runs away.

Usoki gains 2 dollars that Apoth dropped during his flight.

Xnull has opened the bar.
Chubby has decided to wake up and heads to the bar. He buys a drink and hits on some off duty prostitute from Ves’ brothel.

>_

[Usoki]

Usoki has used the 2 dollars to buy the hunchback a pair of shoes.
-The hunchback has gained +2 DEF!
-The hunchback has gained +5 SPD!
-The hunchback has gained +1 CHA!

The hunchback looks at his shoes in the mirror.
The hunchback looks at his reflection.
-The hunchback has lost 20 CHA.

Usoki looks into his basement, where he has chained several of ISville's worst criminals.

You have unlocked a new character! MichaelRayHolt!
You have unlocked a new character! drums!
You have unlocked a new character! Megamantn!

>_

[Usoki]

Apoth walks down the street.
Apoth meets LeBlanc.
Use Item: Hallway of Infinite Doors

LeBlanc becomes enthralled by the story.
LeBlanc has become your ally!
-LeBlanc lends you +5 STR
-LeBlanc lends you +10 STA
-LeBlanc lends you +5 multiple personalities
-LeBlanc gives you an item(s): Ultros the Octopus

Apoth approaches Usoki's farm.
Use item: Ultros the Octopus

Usoki goes into a grammatical rage!
Usoki has become a grammar nazi!
Horrid spelling attack!
No plotline attack!
Misuse of Your/You're attack!
Inability to use apostrophes attack!
Unfunny use of video game characters attack!
Usoki has defeated his hunchback!
Usoki has destroyed his farmhouse!

MichaelRayHolt has been released!
drums has been released!
Megamantn has been released!

Usoki has powered down.
"I hope you're happy, Apoth. You will now have to quest after these ISville villains, and bring them all to justice. Go visit the others. Maybe they can give you aid. As for me, all I can give you is this."
-Usoki has given you a hunchback! +5 STR, -50 CHA
-Usoki has given you an item(s): Rentyre, Teatime
-Usoki has given you an item(s): A grammarian's rectal ass-stick!

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

So I wake up in the bar...

The Bar

You are in a bar, retard. Some country western music blares from a juke box, dampening the mood. The stench of stale cigarette smoke lingers in the air like a bad joke. There's a couple of pool tables, a dart board, a couple of TVs playing ESPN, and a restroom.

Also in the bar: A respectable prostitute, two assholes playing pool, a drunk passed out at the bar, and a semi-toothless whore licking something off the floor.

Exits: North, south, east.

approach whore_

You approach the whore.

"Whaddya want?" the whore prompts.

say "You baby."_

"You baby," you say, slurring the words badly.

"It'll cost you," she drones, blithely unconcerned with your raging, pent-up sexual urges. "2 coppers for a handjob, 1 silver for everything else. No kissing."

RIPOFF!

Attack whore_

You attack the whore!

The whore bites you in the neck!

-5 hp.

Bite whore_

You attempt to bite the whore and miss!

>_

Elsewhere in ISville...

[Usoki]

drums walks down the street.
"I must censor anything inappropriate! Minors could be lurking!"

drums finds an instance of profanity.
drums attacks an instance of profanity!
-drums deals 5 damage.
-drums deals 8 damage.
-drums deals 2 damage.
-drums has defeated an instance of profanity!

"Victory is mine! I must celebrate with a child sex robot!"
"But where in ISville could I find such an inappropriate device?"

drums enters the Gay Sex Toy Emporium.

You have unlocked a new character! Shabti!

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

A pleasant smell of sex and sandalwood greets the visitor to this cozy little shop. Most available surfaces have been covered with a wide array of dildos, vibrators, lubricants, and other various tools of the Devil's delight. They are presumably for sale. Oh, and don't forget the anal beads! At a few seemingly random spots, curtains have been hung, separating one shelf from another, one table from the next, in this endless Sea of Sin.

There are two obvious exits: North and south.

Also in the room: Shabti, ChubbyTeletubby, Michael Rayholt, dead whore

Donteatpoop arrives from the north.

Donteatpoop exits to the north.

Look ChubbyTeletubby_

The pitiful specimen before you could hardly be called human. He reeks of liquor, hasn't shaved in God-knows-when, and is completely naked. He obviously shaved his pubes several days ago, as his entire nether-regions is covered in 3rd day stubble and ingrown hairs. Disgusting. His penis is the most awful thing you've ever seen.

Attack ChubbyTeletubby_

ChubbyTeletubby helps you in this endeavor and kills himself.

>_

[apotheosis]

Apoth decides to use his small plot of farmland to grow heroin
He heads down to Chubby's house and trades his whore of a daughter for a couple of opium poppy seeds

-1 whorish daughter
+10 handfuls of opium poppy seeds

Apoth plants the seeds and prepares for a wonderful harvest
Some of his crackwhore dopefiend bitches from the city move up to help him with the harvest

[End Master]

DEP’s son enters the library.
DEP’s son tries to buy barbwire and offers money to Katie.
Katie says “I’m sorry little boy, but I think you want the hardware store, we only offer books here.”

DEP’s son goes to the hardware store.
DEP’s son tries to buy barbwire and offers money to Locke.
Locke says “Yeah, that’s nice, but that isn’t enough. Go back and get some more money kid.”
DEP’s son kicks Locke in the shin!
Locke’s shin is bruised!

COMBAT!
Locke grabs a hammer!
DEP’s son runs down one of the aisles.
Locke says “Hey kid, come back here!”
DEP’s son sneaks down one of the other aisles and pushes the wobbly shelves.
The wobbly shelves fall on Locke along with all their contents!

Locke takes head damage!
An eye has been blinded!
Locke takes body damage!
A nipple has been torn off!
Locke takes groin damage!
A testicle has been crushed!
Locke is severely wounded!
Locke is unconscious!

DEP’s son has won!

DEP’s son loots Locke’s register for $250!
DEP’s son loots Locke’s store for barbwire!

DEP’s son returns home.

DEP returns from the Gay Sex Toy Emporium.
DEP passes out dildos to his wives and says “You’ll have to keep yourselves busy, I got work to do.”
DEP’s son hands DEP the barbwire and money.
DEP takes the barbwire and pockets the money without asking questions.
DEP puts up barbwire fence around his property.
DEP’s home defense has increased by 5.
DEP’s reputation has decreased by 10.

You have unlocked a new character! Thoric!

Thoric has opened up the convenience store.

You have unlocked a new character! March!

March has entered ISville from CYSville.
March has entered Vesnic’s brothel.

>_

[Usoki]

Apoth locates CYSville on the map given to him.

You have unlocked a new character! JJJ!

"I hate CYSville! ISville is the best place I've ever lived in, fuckers!"
JJJ has left ISville to re-enter CYSville.

You have unlocked a new character! EndMaster!

"Shit, they noticed I wasn't actually in this thing."
EndMaster has been employed as Sheriff.
EndMaster receives a badge, reading "Moderator".

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

INV_

EndMaster does a check of his inventory:

Helm: an orcish battle helmet [worn] [+10 arm][-5 int]
Gloves: Michael Jackson glove [worn: serviceable if the year is 1983] [+20 stam]
Weapon: Keyboard [excellent]
Armor: Tommy Hilfiger shirt. [outdated] [ -20 arm]

You carry 64.7% of your allowed body weight.

>_

[Locke]

Locke attempts revival.
Grim Reaper appears.

COMBAT!
Grim Reaper attacks! -5 Int.
Locke attempts PLAYFUL BANTER. Grim Reaper is confused!
Locke casts SMALL MIRACLE.
Locke tests LUCK: 15. Success!

Locke wakes up.
DEP's son dropped something in the fight.
Locke acquired CELLPHONE!
Locke tests DEXTERITY: 13. Success!
Locke dials 911.
Locke receives medical attention.

>_

[Locke]

DEP's sons eye Apoth's land: SIX TURNS TO INVASION!

Apoth tests INT: 6. Success!
Apoth dons OVERALLS.
Apoth chews HAYSEED

Apoth sits on porch.

Apoth uses SUMMON.
Apoth tests INT: 6. Success!
Apoth summons DOG.
Apoth uses EAR SCRATCH.

+ 1 Canine CHA. +1 FARMER.

Apoth attempts WORK.
Apoth tests INT: 6. Failure!
Apoth stays put.
Apoth ends turn.

>_