The English Master's Quiz of Questionable Origin

[MichaelRayHolt]

Nothing to see here...

[Locke]

1. “True Love” is a speculative concept at best. That said, how do you describe it?
- "True Love" doesn't mean love at first sight, a marriage without argument, or perfection. True love, in my book, isn't unheard of. It's simply caring for one another strongly enough to carry through the hard times, enough to sacrifice everything, if necessary, for your other's happiness and well-being, enough to grow old and content together - eyes wide open, accepting and accomodating of one another's faults.

2. Most people have a “Top Ten” list of people they’d kill/have killed if they wouldn’t get caught/couldn’t be linked to it. Who’s in your number one spot?
- I don't have such a list. Even if I were blameless, as far as the law was concerned, cold murder runs against my morals and ethics; it's not in me.

3. If you held the ultimate personal charismatic sway over human emotion (and had this person right in front of you), who’s the person you would most like to convince to have sex with you?
- It would be kind of meaningless if I had to resort to a form of mind control. I'll leave this one blank, too.

4. There is an amount, known in economic circles as the “Number of Excess”, past which any further wealth you could accrue in life would be unspendable, and therefore impractical. What amount is this for you?
- It'd be some fantastically large number. Money is a means to an end, and there are so many good uses to which it could be put. Feed, house and educate the peoples of the world, finance a true space program, build a ridiculously extravagant research center and pay people to research technologies, medicines, etc to benefit mankind... as long as there are people who will do things for money, its uses are virtually limitless. For the sake of the argument, call it a quarter of the current gross domestic product, per year, for as long as myself, the corporations and foundations I establish, and those who follow me continue to put it to benevolent use. If you're going to dream, dream large...

5. A singular king takes over the entire world and decides to give you control over any single country. Which one would it be, and why?
- I'd take the good old USA. I know and understand it better than any other nation, so I would likely be a better leader here than elsewhere.

6. It’s super-power day. Any power you could imagine in the world can be yours. It can be intrinsic, or ascribed to a sacred artifact. How would you rather have it, and what would it be?
- Having probably lived about a quarter of my life already, I don't think 80-something years is long enough for me. Immortality (intrinsic, of course) would do just fine, provided I get to turn it off and age normally if I so choose. Flight would be a great one, but if you only get one power, it's pretty far down on the practicality side of things.

7. If you could travel in time in your own body at your present age, knowing what you know now, to what time would you go, and what would you hope to do?
- I'd travel to the past and make some investments. With the proceeds, I'd do pretty much what I liked in the future - primarily good works, with enough always left over to live comfortably on.

8. Someone is heading around town with his “staff of knowledge” and handing out fluency in languages. You may keep any English fluency you already have, but will get the opportunity to master three other languages. Which ones will they be?
- Mandarin, Spanish, Arabic, for the same reasons as MRH.

9. The greatest Broadway director of all time has come knocking at your front door. He wants to give you the opportunity to have whatever role you wish in whatever play you wish, and it will appear on Broadway! What role; what play?
- I could really care less about that sort of thing. I suppose if he was really persistent and threatened to use his mob connections to have me killed if I didn't choose, I'd write one up or acquire the rights to a decent one so I'd get royalties, even after I stepped out of the limelight. My knowledge of dramatic literature is so spotty I couldn't pick a great current play even if I wanted to.

10. If you had to work one single job (that already exists - nothing like “moon farmer”) that you loved for the rest of your life, and all you made was a decent living at it, what would it be?
- I haven't found a job I love yet. I don't know. If I had to take a stab at something, I guess I'd be one of those people who travel the world and write things based on their experiences.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

1. “True Love” is a speculative concept at best. That said, how do you describe it?
True love is like the rarest diamond you can imagine. It starts out rough and basic, perhaps a physical attraction, or some evidence of charm. From that initial draw, there's a process that lovers must go through to discover whether or not they have found someone they cannot live without. The quest for this rare connection has been made famous in movies, and books. It is idealized in the American culture, like the Hope Diamond. We look at evidence of true love, and remark on how shiny it is. However, we forget the process it went through to get there. It is the process that defines true love. The ability to go through hell, suffer losses, be rebuffed, and still come out together is what makes true love beautiful.

2. Most people have a “Top Ten” list of people they’d kill/have killed if they wouldn’t get caught/couldn’t be linked to it. Who’s in your number one spot?
I don't deal well with abuse. People who abuse me offend me beyond all repair. Generally speaking these are awful people that deserve to die, and might in fact be murdered by someone else someday. I don't want to end up on a suspect list someday, so I'm going to have to deny myself the pleasure of naming names.

3. If you held the ultimate personal charismatic sway over human emotion (and had this person right in front of you), who’s the person you would most like to convince to have sex with you?
The people I want, I get. No need to have special powers of manipulation.

4. There is an amount, known in economic circles as the “Number of Excess”, past which any further wealth you could accrue in life would be unspendable, and therefore impractical. What amount is this for you?
Three trillion. It's enough for America. I'm pretty sure if I had it, I could put it to much better use, and probably wouldn't need anything else for the rest of my life.

5. A singular king takes over the entire world and decides to give you control over any single country. Which one would it be, and why?
America. My country needs me. Plus, all of the nuclear weaponry is here. If not America, then China, because they totally need new leadership.

6. It’s super-power day. Any power you could imagine in the world can be yours. It can be intrinsic, or ascribed to a sacred artifact. How would you rather have it, and what would it be?
I would like to have the intrinsic power to turn my deepest wishes to reality, with a twitch of my finger.

7. If you could travel in time in your own body at your present age, knowing what you know now, to what time would you go, and what would you hope to do?
I'd travel back to when I was in college and convince myself that lying is not always bad. And that Jesus doesn't exist anyway.

8. Someone is heading around town with his “staff of knowledge” and handing out fluency in languages. You may keep any English fluency you already have, but will get the opportunity to master three other languages. Which ones will they be?
French, Spanish, Sign Language

9. The greatest Broadway director of all time has come knocking at your front door. He wants to give you the opportunity to have whatever role you wish in whatever play you wish, and it will appear on Broadway! What role; what play?
Elpheba in the musical Wicked

10. If you had to work one single job (that already exists - nothing like “moon farmer”) that you loved for the rest of your life, and all you made was a decent living at it, what would it be?
A librarian. I'm not sure what kind of librarian. I might work in a museum, or I might work in a law library. Am I allowed to switch roles among the profession? I find a satisfying variety of tasks fall under librarianship.

[End Master]

1. True Love exists. It's just incredibly rare and it still isn't without flaws since "Perfection" is impossible. Basically the two people care about each other and have to be completely committed to one another's well being. Looking past flaws, making the occasional sacrifice, and obviously being loyal to each other and content in the idea that they are going to stay with said person until one (or both) of them dies.

If one person's being abused (mentally or physically) or controlled in someway to enforce the relationship well that's not true love.

2. Oddly enough nobody. At least not at this time. Anyone who's ever wronged me in such an extreme way that I felt the need for their deaths has already been dealt with in one way or another. That being said, the ability to just kill someone at any given time without anyone knowing would come in handy for the future, but then again if I could do that, I'd be probably be tempted to abuse it severely.

3. Nobody really. Kind of pointless if I have to use mind control. And if I had such a power I'd probably end up using it for greater evil than just sex.

4. Hmmm, I'm sort of cheap, so I imagine I could probably get by on something in the millions, but just to have fun I guess maybe 10 billion.

5. America. It's still better than most places in the world and it's my home.

6. Simple invulnerability would be nice. Not having to worry about pesky diseases or things like bullets seems useful.

7. I wouldn't. I'm not screwing up the timeline and risking making things worse. I think things are pretty good for me right now. Could be better, but hey it's been a good life so far.

8. Spanish since it's probably going to end up being our national language in 20 years. I guess the others would be Arabic since there's a large community of them in my area anyway and it would be nice to know what exactly they're saying. I guess the third choice would be Japanese since I think that would be generally useful.

9. Not sure. I don't think I like any play enough to actually want to act in one.

10. Heh, I pretty much like the archivist job I have now. Just increase the salary and I'd be fine.

[Vesnic]

Cynicism has arrived!

1.) True love is bunk. From what I have seen in couples who have stuck it out in the long run, their relationship really boils down to convenience and co-dependence. If you live with another person for too many years, you simply forget how to be alone. Love is beautiful in the beginning, and it has its hidden high points later on as well. However, I think that love reaches its highest potential when it is finite, like every other passing thing in this world. This opens the door for several loves within the course of a lifetime, which is infinitely more entertaining and experientially enriching than hearing the same old cow/donkey braying about the same old things over and over, and over again.

2.) I have gotten to the point where I have been able to create some sort of forgiveness for the people who wronged me...or at least, I've taught myself to push them from my mind so I don't become obsessed with the idea of their imminent departure from the planet. Mostly, the people I want to kill are all the people I pass on the street on a regular basis: the fatties, the mothers with their broods trooping along behind them (I don't like children), lecherous old men, etc. I cannot understand the human drive towards procreation (why would you want to make more of that) and I'm really sort of hoping that something at least semi-apocalyptic happens in the near future so that many, many people, much more than ten, will be eliminated from the board.

3.) You guys wouldn't use your charismatic abilities to seduce? Why the deuce not? I would have to take Tom Brady (consolation sex), Goran Visnjic (angry Eastern European sex), Christian Bale (my! what a six-pack sex) and pretty much anyone else who happened to strike my fancy. Do 'em. Leave 'em. Move along. This power would just enhance what is already my M.O.

4.) I have no idea what the exact number would be. I actually tend to feel very shitty after spending too much money on myself. It doesn't make me feel happy, but rather hopelessly depressed. I don't like consumerism. However, I will not deny my desire to live securely and, ideally, comfortably. I also want to be able to travel whenever the urge hits me, so whatever would put me in the upper income bracket would be just fine, and naturally I would spend all the monies that are just flowing out of my pocket on building the Fascist Internment Camp that I've dreamt of since childhood.

5.) I would take control over Argentina. Deep in the pampas is where I would place said fascist facility. Also, just to fuck with the way things have been forever, I would turn all their cattle ranges into organic celery farms, just for shits and giggles. I would also maintain an active harem of several hundred gauchos to keep my occupied. I speak the language too, so that's a plus.

6.) I still want to be able to fly. I don't think of superpowers in terms of how practical they could be, but rather in terms of how purely awesome they might make my life. I have wanted to fly almost as long as I've wanted to own a Fascist Internment Camp, and I asked Santa for both for years and years and years before Billy the Jerk told me there was no Santa (11th grade). So yes, dammit, I want to soar like an eagle, unfettered, high above life's woes and cares.

7.) I would go back to fin-de-siècle Imperial Vienna, enjoying all the modern art and grand balls in the Hofburg Palace. I would be a Klimt muse, rich beyond all repair and draped in the finest silk this side of the Danube. When I tired of Vienna, I would hop a carriage to Buedapest and do the same thing there, except this time have a gypsy band play for me.

8.) I would master Arabic, Mandarin and Russian. This would bring my total of languages spoken to seven. This would really rock.

9.) Hmmm...there are so many good plays out there, I just don't know. I've always been a fan of Lady MacBeth. Yeah, I'll take her for lack of any better ideas at the moment.

10.) I'd be a writer, of course! Maybe dabble in screenplays so they can fly me off to Hollywood now and then and I'd get the royal treatment for a week.

[Vesnic]

You know, I was thinking over this questionnaire while sweating it out at the gym today and one thing did occur to me.

I say I am adverse to love, yet every time I hear Elvis' "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You", I fall to bits. Go figure.

Edit: Oh, and Michael, perhaps you should consult first with Chubby to see how his conversation with me went.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

She called me an internet stalker and threatened me with violence.

[Vesnic]

She called me an internet stalker and threatened me with violence.

That's a lie, Chubby, and you know it.

I'd only be violent towards you if you found it arousing.

[apotheosis]

1. “True Love” is a speculative concept at best. That said, how do you describe it?
- Ultimate mutual altruism.

2. Most people have a “Top Ten” list of people they’d kill/have killed if they wouldn’t get caught/couldn’t be linked to it. Who’s in your number one spot?
- Any one of the politicians who is currently fucking America over, or the pope, that guy is an asshole. (Not John Paul, he was cool, the Nazi one is the one I'm referring to)

3. If you held the ultimate personal charismatic sway over human emotion (and had this person right in front of you), who’s the person you would most like to convince to have sex with you?
- Scarlet Johanson.

4. There is an amount, known in economic circles as the “Number of Excess”, past which any further wealth you could accrue in life would be unspendable, and therefore impractical. What amount is this for you?
- 1/20th of the current world GDP

5. A singular king takes over the entire world and decides to give you control over any single country. Which one would it be, and why?
-US, has the most potential (as of this moment anyway, subject to change)

6. It’s super-power day. Any power you could imagine in the world can be yours. It can be intrinsic, or ascribed to a sacred artifact. How would you rather have it, and what would it be?
- The ability to fabricate anything into existence with simply my force of will. If this is to much then Wolverine's power would be fine.

7. If you could travel in time in your own body at your present age, knowing what you know now, to what time would you go, and what would you hope to do?
-Go back a few days with the lottery numbers or knowledge of which stock to heavily invest in. Just something to make me really rich.

8. Someone is heading around town with his “staff of knowledge” and handing out fluency in languages. You may keep any English fluency you already have, but will get the opportunity to master three other languages. Which ones will they be?
- Spanish, Chinese and Italian

9. The greatest Broadway director of all time has come knocking at your front door. He wants to give you the opportunity to have whatever role you wish in whatever play you wish, and it will appear on Broadway! What role; what play?
Whatever is easiest to act in and will make me the most money.


10. If you had to work one single job (that already exists - nothing like “moon farmer”) that you loved for the rest of your life, and all you made was a decent living at it, what would it be?
Either a fantasy writer, screen play writer, director of a vast scientific program focusing on modifying human genetics or a very very high profile gigolo.

[Vesnic]

I take it all back. I believe in love! Yes, I believe in love!

[Vesnic]

Nah, just unwittingly overdosed.

But I'm still keeping my mind open on the subject.