Exploitation Theater

[End Master]

It's sick, it's twisted, it's cheesy and it may or may not be funny, but most importantly it's 22 rooms long and fucking finished!

So go ahead and enjoy.

Or not, because that's fine too.

In any case I'll be right here not making excuses for it for I know that I remain an honorable man who kept his word and entered a story for this blasted contest.

[Vesnic]

In any case I'll be right here not making excuses for it for I know that I remain an honorable man who kept his word and entered a story for this blasted contest.

Indeed, you became an honorable man. It's amazing what a little gentrification can do to even the wildest of animals.

Can't wait to read it, but I have to hunker down and finish my own thing first. I'm in danger of becoming the biggest hypocrite on IS, and that is really saying something.

[End Master]

The traitors will now be exposed and shot!

Xnull
Plot/Originality: 7
EndMaster did not create anything particularly new for this piece, but did parity his own writing in an original and humorous way. I give him two points above average for the stunt.

Sounds about right. I was toying with the idea for a long time and thanks to my slothfulness ultimately I decided it would just be easier and quicker to go for parody.

*Enjoyment: 7
It was alright and certainly a good content entry. I do not think I would have read it if it were not for the competition.

I really liked the changing of person- how the main character got into each movie. The transitions EndMaster used to achieve this worked very well.

I didn't like how fast-paced the story was. The reader is brought to each moment where something "very interesting" happens- no text is placed to savor the in-between moments or create characters (beyond their immediate 2D personalities).

It was fast paced due to the "movie" quality that I was trying to maintain even when it wasn't in "movie mode".

The movie characters aren't deep because well they're badly written, and the real character aren't deep either because they don't have any real substance either. The fact that the protagonist is "living through the movies" is about the only thing that makes him quirky enough to be interesting. His girlfriend is supposed to be "normal" and therefor rather boring in the scheme of things. The other movie goers aren't expanded on since they're just people that the protagonist happens to encounter briefly for the most part.

Writing Quality: 5
I don't really mind, but I noticed a strong bias for simple spelling mistakes in this story.

I noticed that almost all dialog was written not for the interaction of characters, but to tell important information to the reader. For example "Oh yes daddy, I love to suck your big cock and swallow all your cum just like I did when I was a little girl." Zero people actually talk like that. The only reason the princess would say this is to tell the reader, "Hey, I sucked my dad's cock when I was a little girl." I would rather have had the narrator tell me these details, or figure them out with well placed clues and character development. Finally, to be fair here EndMaster was emulating a porn parody, which typically doesn't feature character development. He sure could have used some for the main character, his girlfriend and the other people at the theater.

See that was supposed to be the whole porn "dialogue" bit. They talk like that all the time in porn. The whole "suck it bitch" "oh fuck me in the ass, I love it when you do that to me!" is pretty standard. Badly written movies in general have tons of examples where they speak redundantly or actually explain things to the audience in a ridiculously obvious way (Such as the the little girl sucking daddy's cock you mentioned) So the movie characters are pretty accurate as far as dialogue goes.

EndMaster's text moved too fast for me. "Cur some interesting exchange here. Nothing happens until 4 black men appear. Cue some interesting exchange here..." I mentioned this before so I won't digress any further.

Despite these things, I thought the text was clear. It presented what needed to be presented and he was a adept at avoiding repeated phrases and redundant descriptions. EndMaster also did a good job emulating poorly-written film plots.

Note to EndMaster:
I liked the post-modernism. You get away with it because it was humorous.

Well I explained the reasons for fast text bit further up, but yeah I really tried not to repeat any sex descriptions, so fortunately I succeeded in that.

Apoth
Exploitation
Plot/Originality: 8
Enjoyment: 8
Writing Quality: 7

It was definitely amusing, but the story itself just lacked the depth necessary to top out in the ratings. Don’t get me wrong, it was a great job and an entertaining story for what it was. I just can’t give it any 9’s or 10’s after reading Todestrieb. Loved the offensiveness though, and I think my favorite part was the fight with the gothic couple in the theater.

I think if I'd not waited until the last minute I would've made a longer story. I can think of a few things I might've added, but oh well.

Usoki
Exploitation Theatre

Plot: 8
Enjoyment: 9
Writing Quality: 6

Very amusing. I particularly loved how you worked in your old classics for pornification. I wish Necromancer had been longer, but the porn take on all of its events was great. The drums child robot sex reference was hilarious, but that was about all I enjoyed from Ground Zero's bit. I'm not amused by post-apocalypic works, but I understand that other people are- there's no deduction from that standpoint. Rather, I hated choosing the direction the movie would go. The very thought of the frame tale as a movie theatre made me hesistant. Movies, by their very nature, are linear. You can't decide how a film is going to play out in theatres- having things like "who will you beat up" or "go check the car" worked much better.

I can see where choosing the movie outcome might be a problem, but in an effort to parody Ground Zero better I needed a lot more branches and choices in it. GZ is a big ass choice filled story, while Necro is a lot more linear so the parody's also reflected this. Plus I had to fill it up with different demented sex scenes somehow!

Ves
Exploitation Theater

Plot/Originality: 8*
Enjoyment: 7
Writing Quality: 8

Overall, this was a decent read. It had an advantage for being both complete and faithful to the topic. It was not at all original, however. Spoofing your own work seemed to increase the sense of redundancy about the whole thing. The story was also quite “flat”. There was no real variation in the narrative energy or angle. It seemed almost bored with itself.

I think that if you’re going to write a rape story that is supposed to be funny, then there needs to be something more absurd about those particular scenes. I’m not referring to the necrophilia, incest and general grossness of it so much as to the spirit in which it is presented. Your mutant character is brutal in a way that is not particularly funny. His disregard for pretty much everything could have been made more colorful or just generally more outlandish so that the humor in the situation could be more visible. Reading some of those scenes really was not pleasurable because once the original shock and amusement had worn off, it was just the same rote cruelty over and over.

Your writing is effective, engaging and for the most part presented with a sense of ease that makes reading a fairly light task. However, there are still some chronic spelling and punctuation mistakes, and your formatting could use some work. I would of course like to see you branch out from your tried and true subject matter and style, but you seem to be convinced that this is not possible for you.

Well...the rape wasn't really supposed to be funny even if the overall the story was. The Groin Zero parody was also copying the style of the several 80s Italian post apocalyptic movies that came out, where more than a few of them did have "like a rape occurring every 5 minutes" (Though not nearly as inventive) The Post Apoc movie was supposed to be "nasty" in every sense of the word like a grindhouse film would be. That's why the "real life" scenes are a little more lighthearted. Even the bad things that can happen to the protagonist don't result in death or rape of his girlfriend (or him for that matter)


Katie
Endmaster’s story ratings
I’m torn on how to rate this, is it still original if the stories are based on stories you wrote previously? The plot was amusing, although at times when the movie was cut off for whatever reason I felt kind of at a loss because I wanted to know more. As a reader that was frustrating. Perhaps that helped me relate more to the characters,but still how frustratin! Frustration aside, I couldn’t help but enjoy the story. I didn't miss the fact that a lot of it had to do with us, things we say etc. I’m flattered. <grin>
Plot/Originality: 9
Enjoyment: 10- flattery works I guess
Writing Quality: 10

Well at least someone loves me.

[Usoki]

Eurofag? Theatre is a Thespian, Liberal Arts stick-up-the-ass prissy picky bastard spelling. There's nothing Eurofag about it. I wrote "theater" in front of my HS drama friends, and was nearly lynched.

Seeing your ratings makes me glad I read Ves's work last. I will totally agree that everyone's ratings would've dropped had that been read first. There's no contest.

[Vesnic]

I am proud to be a Eurofag, and when I do my own writing, I spell it "theatre", and will always spell it this way.

However, I did not impose this belief on your story. Since you seem interested in knowing who is who, I don't mind telling you that my comments were second to last.

[End Master]

I assumed it was Ves since we had this conversation before, where she pointed out that I spelled "theater" wrong.

So basically I mistook Usoki for a girl, well it's not like he isn't used to it at this point.

[Usoki]

I still don't see it, but I loved how confused everyone about my gender when I first joined. Once it was pointed out, I stopped using the third person, but as Drag pointed out, I'd already let some slip. Still, it took you guys a suprisingly long amount of time to figure out.

Especially MRH, who would send me odd PMs along the lines of "I don't know why everyone's so confused. I thought it was obvious. Anyone should be able to tell. ...you are a girl, right?" Knowing what I do now, I'm a bit disturbed by the fact that he probably whacked off to the deku shrub as he wailed loudly to himself before curling in the fetal position to sob himself silently to sleep in his father's rat-infested basement.

[End Master]

I'm a bit disturbed by the fact that he probably whacked off to the deku shrub as he wailed loudly to himself before curling in the fetal position to sob himself silently to sleep in his father's rat-infested basement.

Lol.

Actually I never thought you were female though, I just thought you were gay.

[apotheosis]

Yeah, I can understand mistaking Usoki as gay, but not as a woman. I think Michael got confused since he'd fuck anything that moves anyway, he never really bothered to understand gender distinctions.