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First of all, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read this story and comment on it. I really enjoy this sort of exchange, and there's no other occasion that brings it about quite as well as the Infinite Writing Tournament. I will post here a few selections of commentary, particularly those that seem to reflect the opinions of all or most of the raters, and/or which raise interesting points to which I would like to respond.
Ves holds back the information you need, teasing you to ask the right questions and then dangling the answers a couple rooms later. This is a well-constructed piece. If she didn't draw a diagram/layout before writing it, I'd be shocked.
Actually, I did not use a diagram, and used much more improvisation than you might expect after reading this story. I was even a little surprised, reading it over once more for any final editing, just how highly structured and puzzle-like it was. I did have a couple of "Aha!" moments during the writing, for instance when I made the decision that Anna could never take revenge on Frank directly because he had already died. The closest I came to an outline of any kind was my "ideas" list, which is something I have done for every story I've written on IS. It's a disorganized compendium of everything I somehow want to incorporate into the story. I erase it slowly down to zero as the project reaches completion. Still, the highly structured nature of this story is slightly mysterious even to me. I think that maybe it was a story I already intuitively knew; it just needed to be recorded.
There was some redundancy, for example Anna always "collapses" into bed and is always "exhausted" or "spent" before sleep
I agree that this is redundant. It was mostly intentional, as I was trying to consistently demonstrate the idea that this girl is working on the edges of her sanity and resilience. I agree, though, that some of this repetition could be written in a different fashion so as at least to not seem like repetition.
There was one thing from this story I am unable to visualize. That's Anna.
Anna is in many ways a fantasy construct. Everyone around her sees her more as a symbol for something than as an actual person. The reader is included in this group. Beyond the basic descriptions peppered throughout the story, the rest really is left up for how you yourself would choose to fulfill her image.
This story was different. It was disturbing, powerful, moving and difficult to read at times. I also noticed several autobiographical details thrown in which was even more unsettling.
Per your first sentence, I will add that this story was also quite difficult to write at times. The subject alone was challenging, and the element of a partial autobiography added an even more daunting dimension to it. Almost all writing has a good deal of the author in it, regardless of how true it is to the objective facts of that individual's life. While it can be an interesting exercise to analyze the author's history, I think that the ultimate objective of any work of fiction is to erase the individual who created it, standing up on its own merits and possessing its own life.
The story is extremely intelligent and presents romance in an abstract way that I find kind of appealing as well as disconcerting.
This is a good observation. It was not with a sense of irony that I categorized this story under "Romance". It's horrific, to be sure, but especially in the relationship between Dr. Morton and Anna, I wanted to present a feeling that resembled real love.
Very well done both as an allegory and as a porn adventure.
This was essentially intended as an allegory for the Dark Night of the Soul, of the variety written about by St. John of the Cross. Anna is an exceptionally observant and willful individual, and much of her behavior that comes across as merely self-destructive has the deeper dimension of leading her to the only path that can bring about healing for her. She knows, on some level, that she must go down before she can come back up.
There are also strong hints of Anna being a redemptive/Christlike figure, though adjusted to a more modern conception. When Morton chooses to reenact her trauma with her, he is essentially bearing her cross, and thus bringing about his own chance for redemption.
I also worked a lot with seemingly contradictory themes. Anna does dirty things, yet is strangely innocent. The descriptions of her abuse are horrific, yet in some ways also exciting. Clinical psychology is simultaneously honored and ridiculed. "Anna O." is a nod to a famous Freudian case involving a highly intelligent young woman who went to pieces after the death of her father.
I did not understand the doctor's issues, or why the hell he'd bring a knife to his cure by hellish exposure session.
Dr. Morton's issues might have been explored a bit more, but I wanted to keep the story's focus on Anna. Perhaps if I rewrote this as an expanded, third-person, linear narrative, I would add more about him. His reason for bringing a knife to the reenactment session was simply that he wanted to offer her an opportunity to exact the revenge that was denied her. At this point, he has said that he is willing to do anything for her, including putting himself in physical jeopardy. Anna needs to reach a point where Frank/Morton's fate is fully in her hands, where it is entirely her decision whether she will forgive him or not.
The only problem I found, which totally broke the structure of the story, was the file method...it would have been better to have the files interlinked, or to have had a short hub room
I agree entirely. I realized a second too late that the "hub room"' would have been a much better way to go about this, and I was kicking myself for it for quite awhile. I wish that we were able to change the number of choices when editing a room.
Finally, a note about the endings. The gory/violent ending concluding with Morton's disfigurement and Anna's final plummet into insanity was meant as a testament to the spiritual destruction that accompanies the inability to forgive. When John announces that he is going to be a father, the mood is one of dread and fear that the same sins will be committed in the next generation. The destructive cycle continues unbroken.
In the other ending, which I was pleased to see received more hits than its grim counterpart, Anna is "healed". It is left purposefully vague just how healed she is, what exactly she will be doing in the future, or even who the other person in the car with her is. One reader found the cemetery scene to be sappy and Hollywood-y. I disagree completely. There is no real happy ending here. Anna has still lost her mother. This was the final thread that needed tying. The story begins with the news of her mother's death, and ends at a point where she is finally able to grieve this loss. It ends on a sad note, but one containing love and hope.
Ves holds back the information you need, teasing you to ask the right questions and then dangling the answers a couple rooms later. This is a well-constructed piece. If she didn't draw a diagram/layout before writing it, I'd be shocked.
Actually, I did not use a diagram, and used much more improvisation than you might expect after reading this story. I was even a little surprised, reading it over once more for any final editing, just how highly structured and puzzle-like it was. I did have a couple of "Aha!" moments during the writing, for instance when I made the decision that Anna could never take revenge on Frank directly because he had already died. The closest I came to an outline of any kind was my "ideas" list, which is something I have done for every story I've written on IS. It's a disorganized compendium of everything I somehow want to incorporate into the story. I erase it slowly down to zero as the project reaches completion. Still, the highly structured nature of this story is slightly mysterious even to me. I think that maybe it was a story I already intuitively knew; it just needed to be recorded.
There was some redundancy, for example Anna always "collapses" into bed and is always "exhausted" or "spent" before sleep
I agree that this is redundant. It was mostly intentional, as I was trying to consistently demonstrate the idea that this girl is working on the edges of her sanity and resilience. I agree, though, that some of this repetition could be written in a different fashion so as at least to not seem like repetition.
There was one thing from this story I am unable to visualize. That's Anna.
Anna is in many ways a fantasy construct. Everyone around her sees her more as a symbol for something than as an actual person. The reader is included in this group. Beyond the basic descriptions peppered throughout the story, the rest really is left up for how you yourself would choose to fulfill her image.
This story was different. It was disturbing, powerful, moving and difficult to read at times. I also noticed several autobiographical details thrown in which was even more unsettling.
Per your first sentence, I will add that this story was also quite difficult to write at times. The subject alone was challenging, and the element of a partial autobiography added an even more daunting dimension to it. Almost all writing has a good deal of the author in it, regardless of how true it is to the objective facts of that individual's life. While it can be an interesting exercise to analyze the author's history, I think that the ultimate objective of any work of fiction is to erase the individual who created it, standing up on its own merits and possessing its own life.
The story is extremely intelligent and presents romance in an abstract way that I find kind of appealing as well as disconcerting.
This is a good observation. It was not with a sense of irony that I categorized this story under "Romance". It's horrific, to be sure, but especially in the relationship between Dr. Morton and Anna, I wanted to present a feeling that resembled real love.
Very well done both as an allegory and as a porn adventure.
This was essentially intended as an allegory for the Dark Night of the Soul, of the variety written about by St. John of the Cross. Anna is an exceptionally observant and willful individual, and much of her behavior that comes across as merely self-destructive has the deeper dimension of leading her to the only path that can bring about healing for her. She knows, on some level, that she must go down before she can come back up.
There are also strong hints of Anna being a redemptive/Christlike figure, though adjusted to a more modern conception. When Morton chooses to reenact her trauma with her, he is essentially bearing her cross, and thus bringing about his own chance for redemption.
I also worked a lot with seemingly contradictory themes. Anna does dirty things, yet is strangely innocent. The descriptions of her abuse are horrific, yet in some ways also exciting. Clinical psychology is simultaneously honored and ridiculed. "Anna O." is a nod to a famous Freudian case involving a highly intelligent young woman who went to pieces after the death of her father.
I did not understand the doctor's issues, or why the hell he'd bring a knife to his cure by hellish exposure session.
Dr. Morton's issues might have been explored a bit more, but I wanted to keep the story's focus on Anna. Perhaps if I rewrote this as an expanded, third-person, linear narrative, I would add more about him. His reason for bringing a knife to the reenactment session was simply that he wanted to offer her an opportunity to exact the revenge that was denied her. At this point, he has said that he is willing to do anything for her, including putting himself in physical jeopardy. Anna needs to reach a point where Frank/Morton's fate is fully in her hands, where it is entirely her decision whether she will forgive him or not.
The only problem I found, which totally broke the structure of the story, was the file method...it would have been better to have the files interlinked, or to have had a short hub room
I agree entirely. I realized a second too late that the "hub room"' would have been a much better way to go about this, and I was kicking myself for it for quite awhile. I wish that we were able to change the number of choices when editing a room.
Finally, a note about the endings. The gory/violent ending concluding with Morton's disfigurement and Anna's final plummet into insanity was meant as a testament to the spiritual destruction that accompanies the inability to forgive. When John announces that he is going to be a father, the mood is one of dread and fear that the same sins will be committed in the next generation. The destructive cycle continues unbroken.
In the other ending, which I was pleased to see received more hits than its grim counterpart, Anna is "healed". It is left purposefully vague just how healed she is, what exactly she will be doing in the future, or even who the other person in the car with her is. One reader found the cemetery scene to be sappy and Hollywood-y. I disagree completely. There is no real happy ending here. Anna has still lost her mother. This was the final thread that needed tying. The story begins with the news of her mother's death, and ends at a point where she is finally able to grieve this loss. It ends on a sad note, but one containing love and hope.
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