Write- 7
Plot- 9
Enjoy- *9
Theme- 8
I... well, I expected nothing less from DEP. Once again, the story is set in a fantastic setting, where we only skim the top layer. I frequently forgot there were no human men. I kept expecting to see squicky scenes involving other owners and/or other robots. Have we not gotten that far yet? It's kinda weird that Andrew is the only robot in the story.
I am curious about where some of these story threads will lead, although I guess it's possible that all roads lead to the resistance, and the only real difference is how much death and carnage you make along the way. Or I suppose there could eventually be a revolution...
I was surprised at how many rooms had a large number of choices- especially considering how many of them seem similar. But, I guess you know what you're doing. Or, if you don't, you're doing a pretty good job of keeping the loose ends under check.
Plot- 9
Enjoy- *9
Theme- 8
I... well, I expected nothing less from DEP. Once again, the story is set in a fantastic setting, where we only skim the top layer. I frequently forgot there were no human men. I kept expecting to see squicky scenes involving other owners and/or other robots. Have we not gotten that far yet? It's kinda weird that Andrew is the only robot in the story.
I am curious about where some of these story threads will lead, although I guess it's possible that all roads lead to the resistance, and the only real difference is how much death and carnage you make along the way. Or I suppose there could eventually be a revolution...
I was surprised at how many rooms had a large number of choices- especially considering how many of them seem similar. But, I guess you know what you're doing. Or, if you don't, you're doing a pretty good job of keeping the loose ends under check.
I actually considered using more robots but I figured they'd be pretty uncommon out on the streets. Robots stay in the house, fuck shit and clean shit. That's about it. So most of the manufacturing Andrew models were sent back from the recall, and of those who were not sent back and were affected by the defect I'd imagine pretty much none are in the same of miles of one another.
But had this contest been open longer, say five to ten years; I would have fleshed more of the background story out so that it all made more sense.
As for the many-choiced rooms, with the exception of one or two per room; most of them were intened to lead to death scenes or be looped together.
Writing Style: 8/10
Very little spelling/grammar errors I noticed. Story had an excellent flow to it and I enjoy how the author is so descriptive, even during the *ahem* naughty bits. I actually felt sorry for Andrew the android.
*Plot/Creativity: 8/10
Love the premise of this story. A utopian society ruled by women who use man bots simply for menial tasks and sex. Genius. The lack of an ending is my complaint here. The story has a couple of interesting options where you can join a resistance against the utopian society or return back to Alice. I think both options would be interesting to expand upon. When I couldn’t read on any longer, I was quite disappointed. That, however, is the mark of a talented author, which you are. Keep going with this story please.
Enjoyment: 9/10
From start to finish I was grinning like an idiot. Suffice it to say this story entertained the hell out of me. I wish it was longer and more fleshed out, but what a journey you took me on so far. Oh the many adventures a renegade sex bot could have…So many delicious options. Hats off to you sir, for such an enjoyable read.
Theme: 8/10
Best use of theme was non-human protagonist. Andrew is a great non human character, full of all the complexities of being a robot and slowly gaining individuality. It’s a classic sci-fi theme, but one that works well for a talented writer such as yourself. The utopia theme worked to serve as a background for why Andrew was created and needed, but I felt this could have been fleshed out a bit more. The last theme was difficult for me to decipher, but I realize it was cybernetic revolt due to Andrews’s actions. Good use of the theme, but once again it could have been fleshed out a bit more. Why exactly was the problem occurring in Andrew models? Were all other Andrew models destroyed or had some escaped destruction? Overall this was a well written romp through the mind of a sex robot and I hope you continue the story to its satisfying conclusion.
Very little spelling/grammar errors I noticed. Story had an excellent flow to it and I enjoy how the author is so descriptive, even during the *ahem* naughty bits. I actually felt sorry for Andrew the android.
*Plot/Creativity: 8/10
Love the premise of this story. A utopian society ruled by women who use man bots simply for menial tasks and sex. Genius. The lack of an ending is my complaint here. The story has a couple of interesting options where you can join a resistance against the utopian society or return back to Alice. I think both options would be interesting to expand upon. When I couldn’t read on any longer, I was quite disappointed. That, however, is the mark of a talented author, which you are. Keep going with this story please.
Enjoyment: 9/10
From start to finish I was grinning like an idiot. Suffice it to say this story entertained the hell out of me. I wish it was longer and more fleshed out, but what a journey you took me on so far. Oh the many adventures a renegade sex bot could have…So many delicious options. Hats off to you sir, for such an enjoyable read.
Theme: 8/10
Best use of theme was non-human protagonist. Andrew is a great non human character, full of all the complexities of being a robot and slowly gaining individuality. It’s a classic sci-fi theme, but one that works well for a talented writer such as yourself. The utopia theme worked to serve as a background for why Andrew was created and needed, but I felt this could have been fleshed out a bit more. The last theme was difficult for me to decipher, but I realize it was cybernetic revolt due to Andrews’s actions. Good use of the theme, but once again it could have been fleshed out a bit more. Why exactly was the problem occurring in Andrew models? Were all other Andrew models destroyed or had some escaped destruction? Overall this was a well written romp through the mind of a sex robot and I hope you continue the story to its satisfying conclusion.
But yeah, sorry for the sudden dead ends. I plan on writing on this one for real. But then, I say that about almost everything I write.
As for the details on what was malfunctioning in the Android models, some day I'll write it in there; but just to accommodate your curiosity I'll skim over it. The Andrew models were a popular model because they were the one of the first designed to adapt to their masters needs and desires on an emotional level. Past Companion Bots could be programmed and commanded to do shit for you but the Andrew028-B could actually adapt so that the Master didn't have to command the bot anymore. So when Alice cries, Andrew comes to comfort her, hugging and bringing her some tissues and shit; where-as before she would have had to say "Andrew, come hug me and bring some tissues and shit."
They were also the first companion bot to programmed built to last the years; this was accomplished through a clever bit of coding that gave them self-preservation inclinations that included making certain that their master was pleased with them (which also kind of blends with the above) so that they would not be sent back for a replacement (since they were satisfaction guaranteed for like five years or something.
They adapted to well. The survival instinct, coupled with their understanding of emotions; leads to the 'awakening' so to speak.
Andrew 028-B adapted too well.
Writing - 9/10
*Plot/Creativity - 18/20
Enjoyment - 9/10
Theme - 8/10
I also very much liked this story and read all of the pages, so far. I feel a little bad, because I like his lazy filler pages the most (run like a motherfucker, motherfuck). The writing was solid and emotionally detached, which seemed really fitting for the Andrew model, but there were a few weird spelling mistakes (ridiculous doesn't have an e in it). The plot seemed like it was kind of bungled together from a bunch of different Scifi movies, so not a lot was new, but I still liked all of it and how it meshed together. I really did enjoy the story. I wish I could have actually killed the shit out of Alice, she is kind of a huge raging bitch tits. Um, and the theme made really good use of a futuristic setting that's just similar enough to day to day life to be unnerviing.
*Plot/Creativity - 18/20
Enjoyment - 9/10
Theme - 8/10
I also very much liked this story and read all of the pages, so far. I feel a little bad, because I like his lazy filler pages the most (run like a motherfucker, motherfuck). The writing was solid and emotionally detached, which seemed really fitting for the Andrew model, but there were a few weird spelling mistakes (ridiculous doesn't have an e in it). The plot seemed like it was kind of bungled together from a bunch of different Scifi movies, so not a lot was new, but I still liked all of it and how it meshed together. I really did enjoy the story. I wish I could have actually killed the shit out of Alice, she is kind of a huge raging bitch tits. Um, and the theme made really good use of a futuristic setting that's just similar enough to day to day life to be unnerviing.
I spell like crap. This happens most commonly when I should have typed it in Word and copied it into the story. (by the way, "unnerviing"? really?) Winky face.
I understand you've likely seen the tropes in various movies and what-not, that's why they were on the list. They are tropes. Seeing them elsewhere is kind of what that means. Jerkface.
Really though it's the "bungled" comment that irks me more than the "hey i saw that somewhere else" nonsense. Bungled? I didn't think it was bungled. If anything I think i revealed shit a bit too slowly. But maybe I'm just not seeing it. Whatever though, I respect your (very wrong) opinion. To each their own and all that shit.
Writing Style: 7
Plot/Creativity: 8
***Enjoyment: 6
Theme: 6
The story idea is quite an interesting one. The writing style was good and flowed easily, with very few mistakes. I found it interesting to see how mankind apparently treats robots. A sexbot is, at least, a different take on the sci fi genre - at least in the sorts of things I read. (I never actually thought anyone would take up the suggestion of a sexbot. You'd think I would know better by now).
I tend to not have very much interest in stories slanting towards the erotic side, which is more of a personal taste than a reflection on a writer. Still, I read to where the rooms ended because the plot was interesting enough once I got to the part where the reader-character was acting differently to the programming.
There were, however, a few rooms that were clearly put in place to act as fillers and weren't nearly as well-written as the first lot of rooms. I know it was to make the story eligible for the contest, but I'm afraid it did detract from the rest of the story. And there were many questions that I found had been left unanswered.
If there were more rooms and more explanations as to what was going on, I'd mark it much higher.
Oh - and regarding the themes. The only one I could tell was the non-human protagonist. There were probably others, but I didn't notice them (which is probably more down to me than the writing).
So... good attempt, but I would have liked to see more.
Plot/Creativity: 8
***Enjoyment: 6
Theme: 6
The story idea is quite an interesting one. The writing style was good and flowed easily, with very few mistakes. I found it interesting to see how mankind apparently treats robots. A sexbot is, at least, a different take on the sci fi genre - at least in the sorts of things I read. (I never actually thought anyone would take up the suggestion of a sexbot. You'd think I would know better by now).
I tend to not have very much interest in stories slanting towards the erotic side, which is more of a personal taste than a reflection on a writer. Still, I read to where the rooms ended because the plot was interesting enough once I got to the part where the reader-character was acting differently to the programming.
There were, however, a few rooms that were clearly put in place to act as fillers and weren't nearly as well-written as the first lot of rooms. I know it was to make the story eligible for the contest, but I'm afraid it did detract from the rest of the story. And there were many questions that I found had been left unanswered.
If there were more rooms and more explanations as to what was going on, I'd mark it much higher.
Oh - and regarding the themes. The only one I could tell was the non-human protagonist. There were probably others, but I didn't notice them (which is probably more down to me than the writing).
So... good attempt, but I would have liked to see more.
I've never been into erotic reading either (except during puberty when I found a copy of a book full of Dear Penthouse letters), and except for a few vague overviews of sex (like in Ducky Park, Paco Valdez, and Brothers) I've never actually written it out. But I felt it was necessary given the purpose of Andrew. Besides, I went through pain staking detail to write the erotic parts as non erotic and mechanical as I could. I still don't think I quite hit it right.
See comment above for the themes.
I'm curious as to which rooms you deemed 'filler'. Aside from the couple of nonsense "to be expanded upon in the future" rooms, that is. So you're probably wrong about that. lol. Just kidding. Seriously though let me know.
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