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The Galactic Adventures of Pierce Darkblade

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  • The Galactic Adventures of Pierce Darkblade

    First of all, ouch. I was lambasted in this contest and it really caught me off guard. I REALLY thought I was going to do better than I did. I didn't think I was going to beat Usoki, but I thought my story was top 3 material. Well, goes to show you that overconfidence is clearly my weakness. With all that said, I don't think I got shortchanged. I haven't written fiction seriously in probably 4 years.

    What entering this contest did do for me though, is help me realize some mistakes and issues I have in my writing style (The category that was bashed the most). I do however feel alot of you reading the story didn't quite "get it". This story was a kooky sort of parody of Star Trek. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously. It was meant to be ridiculous and have the reader choose how he or she wanted the story to progress. You can be a nice guy or a crazy bastard; that was my vision I guess.

    But I digress; I can explain more by the ratings themselves.



    Write- 6
    Plot- 6
    Enjoy- *8
    Theme- 7

    I'm not a huge fan of the sprawling nature of the story. In one half, we have a captain who is doing silly and ridiculous things for no apparent reason. In the other half, we have the noble humanitarian who is doing great things for no reward whatsoever. Even the plotlines were weird... I still can't believe that a peasant uprising and a Q-like entity were in the same story, let alone the unwritten Indiana Jones bit.

    Seriously, though... Volturb? Really? Gosh, where have I seen that before... Oh, I bet it was halfway through the same story, where you reverted to the spelling of Voltorb for some odd reason that is probably unrelated to the self-destructing pokemon with the same coloring.

    It's not a bad story... I'm just not convinced you have any idea what you're doing with it. The plot threads have wandered all over the place, and I don't see how you can possibly end the story with a neat bow.

    This story was originally meant to have alot of other users contributing to it. This was my first story on this site and I thought I'd make 20 or so rooms, come back in 6 months and tons of people would have contributed. Years ago I frequented a site similar to this one and thats how it operated. Sadly I was mistaken and had to write all the rooms myself for a story that was intended to be like a sci fi "hall of infinite doors".

    I don't plan to tie the story neatly with a bow. I knew what I was doing; this story is meant to go on forever. The adventures of Captain Darkblade are infamous and neverending. Who are you to end his chauvinistic journeys?! Seriously, WHO ARE YOU?! So I can hunt you down like the cowardly dog you are and slash your tires for giving me such low scores!

    I'm half kidding of course, but I think you thought this story was supposed to be more serious and confined when I never intended for it to be that way. You of course are entitled to your opinion. I am happy you got the Q reference. Solitaire is basically Q. See how it's a parody of Star Trek?! Do you see?! DO YOU SEE?!!?!!!

    And yes the Voltorb thing was a blatant reference to the exploding pokemans. I REALLY thought all those elements in my story made it clear this was a silly adventure story, but I guess I failed in that regard.


    Writing - 6/10
    *Plot/Creativity - 16/20
    Enjoyment - 7/10
    Theme - 6/10

    Admittedly, Pierce Darkblade was a little labrynthine, so I only went through the paths I found the most interesting (the resort island, the self-destruct line, and the pirate alternate dimension thingy). I also skimmed over the larger storylines (like the pirates and the original good will mision), but found it hard to get into those stories. Um, which is part of why I gave an okay-ish rating for writing. While I love the plots of the Spooty McSpooterton variety (calling Dr. Liv a slut was my secret favorite part with telepathically raping the Lt. being a close second), the pacing of the more serious parts were hard to get past. There was a lot of detail about how awesome the ship was and what the alient creature were like and while sometimes it served to flesh out the story, more often than not it served to bring everything to a grinding halt. The actual premise was a little weak when you try to take the story seriously,But, otherwise, I found it enjoyable.


    BOO on you mystery rater for not fully reading all my rooms and skimming! SHAME! I'm no hack; each room was crafted with love and I desired to spurt my love all over your face! You dirty picker! You picker and chooser of what storylines you like and don't like!PICKER! Actually, you sort of read the story as it was meant to be read. You chose the paths you liked, how you wanted Captain Darkblade to develop. I see you enjoyed the options where he was a bastard. Me too good sir, me too.

    I see my in depth descriptions ruined the pacing for you. Well...I must agree with you because thats what seems to be the main complaint in both stories from everyone is that i have too much description. I don't know what is wrong with me, I must think everyone who reads my stories are stupid or something. I guess I found it tough in a sci fi setting to NOT describe certain things in detail. Should I just say "the blue alien" instead of going into a history lesson? What does everyone prefer? Thank you for the input though, I do think you are correct in that regard.

    Writing Style: 7*
    Plot/Creativity: 8
    Enjoyment: 7
    Theme: 9

    I was somewhat disappointed with this story, as the author's forum posts suggest that he is capable of a much higher quality of work.

    This story has a lot of punctuation and grammar problems. On the first page alone I noticed issues with capitalization, spelling, and grammar such as the distinction between it's /its and your/you're. These seem to be the result not of ignorance so much as sloppiness. Rather than writing two stories, Bat should have spent more time revising and improving upon one.

    Another problem is the amount of exposition. A perfect example is the following passage:

    "Your ship goes into orbit around Freevus, a snowy world with a population of approx. 1 billion Freevians. A race adapted for the cold, they have thick skin and are capapble of radiating heat through their pores. The average height of a Freevian is 6foot5, so they are generally taller than humans."

    Is this a story or an encyclopedia? Are you writing or reciting? This is a major stumbling block with science fiction, which slides very easily into the didactic. However, the best science fiction manages to avoid it, or at least minimize it.

    Some of the choices are a bit muddled and don't lead in the indicated direction. On more than one occasion, two choices were too similar to really merit being different choices.

    Another pitfall of science fiction into which you have lamentably fallen is the "Thank goodness for our blah blah blah!" feature which works as a fill-in for narrative floppiness. In an intractable situation? Just invent the super special space laser and suddenly no problem solving is required! You can do this to a point, but I think you've overused it. In your story, the protagonist's ability to control his own thoughts appears suddenly and for the first time as a way to patch up the narrative difficulty of the villain being able to read thoughts. It was then followed by utterly unnecessary exposition about mind-control training. This makes for somewhat arduous reading.

    On the plus side, you had some nice brisk plot development and simple yet quirky descriptions. For instance, I liked the bit about "nailing a bug with a toothpick from 20 feet away". The villain is appropriately creepy if also somewhat prototypical, and the idea of the tag game with the killer cacti was fun and engaging.

    Overall, though, there was nothing terribly new or innovative in this story and there were too many things that just didn't add up. Sometimes the plot moved too quickly and didn't leave enough room to introduce a real flavor or sense of reality to the story. The characters seemed flat and underdeveloped. The entire thing needs more work, more forethought and more dedication to story-building. However, I do believe the framework is in place already to create a potentially excellent story.

    I am assuming these ratings come from Ves. I am forever shamed for dissapointing you my skinny goddess. I would throw myself to shark infested waters and be torn to ribbions for dishonoring you, but alas I'm scared of dying. First things first. You called me sloppy. You bitch. You dirty dirty...wait...I guess I was sloppy....and lazy. You happen to be correct. You know what is really sick? I KNEW about the grammar errors and I....Did nothing about them. I could of taken a couple minutes and fixed them, but...I was as you said, sloppy. Sloppy like poppy. Arrogance has bested me, I really thought my entry was good enough to take a top 3 spot. How utterly moronic of me. I'm looking in the mirror right now and all I see is an ugly tumor of a man.

    Secondly, you said I go into too much detail. You mustard guzzling whore. I'm going to fillet your calves with a 12 inch razor....Oh wait...Again I seem to be in error because you are correct. I do sound like an encyclopedia don't I? A valid point I hope to impove upon in future writing.

    Thirdly, you talk about how I randomly came up with the mind powers. Well, I didn't. The mysterious single contributor to my story did. I liked it, so I kept it. I understand how it seems random and "cheap", but this story was never meant to be fair. It's a silly story with kooky plotlines, but the complaint is valid.

  • #2
    I believe I am capable of higher quality work. My laziness and arrogance has let everyone down. But this does not discourage me. Not in the slightest. This only puts a fire in my soul to deliver my truly best effort next contest. I won't be cocky enough to expect victory this time, but I will come in swinging much harder. You haven't seen the last of me! MWAHAHAHAHA!

    Writing: 10, I can see that the story is written real well, there was barely to no mistakes.

    Plot: 10, This story, as far as I know, is orgininal, hope there would be more rooms.

    Enjoyment*: 9, The story is great and all, but there should be more rooms.

    Theme: 7, The Themes are there, but they don't blend most of the time.

    While I feel I may have been rated too low by other raters, this persons ratings are much too high. Writing style is obviously my weakest point, yet I get a perfect 10?! The others I agree with as they are opinion, but I'm confused on theme. What do you mean by blend? I have more than 3 themes in this story. I felt I conveyed them well; I'm just not sure what you mean by blending.

    I'd like to blend some strawberries, bananas and mangos right now and make a delicious smoothie. Yummm.


    Writing Style - 5
    Plot/Creativity - 6
    * Enjoyment - 6
    Theme - 8
    Dialogue seems forced in most places. The first few lines of this page were excellent for dialogue though, most of it has to do with you describing more than just the lines; but also mannerisms and description. You conveyed the mood of the characters without having to explain it. Every one speaking seemed to have their own unique character. If you try to emulate this further in your writing you will only get better.

    For real on the ‘Pachyderm’?

    A few grammatical issues early on, something you appear to have improved upon as you wrote more. This was definitely a story that improved as it went on, but I have to be honest, the introductory first two pages of the story were a bit of a chore to get through. Had it not been for the contest I might have skipped past reading it based on the introductory page or two. I’m glad I kept reading, but you need to polish those opening pages up when the judging of the contest is over.

    This is undoubtedly my favorite room in the story. There were a few goofy ways you said things, but it was entirely awesome. “Your killing him, thats what your doing obviously.” (Though a grammatical train wreck, it’s still a marvelous line. By the way, when combining ‘you’ with ‘are’, the word becomes you’re. The apostrophe is like saying “there’s a whole nother word jammed the fuck into the back end of the first one”. ‘Your’ refers to possession, like “that’s my dick in ‘your’ mom’s throat.”) I think you’d even get more emphasis if written in two separate sentences too. Solid line though, for real. It’s a shame a marvelous line like that leads to a dead end.

    You seem to have a tendency to have two logical choices and one completely insane one. Like:
    You are hungry. You have bread and you have ham.
    1. Eat the bread.
    2. Eat the ham.
    3. Kill anything in a ten foot radius.
    I’m not sure if I’m in favor or not. Anyway, good digs. I’m glad I was forced to read past the first few pages. This story was like the tale of the diamond elephant. Have you heard that one? It goes like this:

    One day a rich man’s elephant ate twenty diamonds. These were no small diamonds, but large ones. Diamonds so large that they blocked the poor creatures digestive system right up. As the story goes, the elephant hadn’t shat for three weeks. It was in pain all the time, but no matter what they did they could not get the elephant to shit out the diamonds.

    So the rich man called everyone nearby to get his elephant to shit. One man fed it great heaps of peanuts, another gave it broccoli, and another had the creature drink gallons of rum. But nothing would avail. Then one day a man showed up and offered to fuck the elephant in the ass. He said that his dick would knock the diamonds loose and the rich man agreed and that little guy got up there end went to town; thrusting his butt back and forth while his tiny dick ravaged the elephants butthole. Eventually even that failed.

    But one day a travelling man arrived that said he had the cure and the rich man offered to pay him a large sum of money upon the man’s success. The man cooked up a great heaping of beany-as-fuck chili with some hot-hot chili peppers. He slow cooked the damn thing for like 12 hours and then he fed the elephant three gallons of steaming hot chili. The elephant had tears rolling down its face.

    An hour or so later the elephant got to grumbling and farting and soon a volcano of elephant shit erupted form its posterior; shooting forth and clumps and spraying anyone within a dozen feet. When the diamonds finally shot out the creature screamed in rage. Now it measures everything it eats first.



    I'm guessing this is Usoki? Well your first point is about dialogue. I feel I am very weak at writing dialogue, but you have given me a reference in my own work for improving that weakness. Thank you kindly.

    Next you are mocking the "Pachyderm". You ham fisting mud fiend. I should eye gouge your mother with a corkscrew, shoving wet concrete into the orafices so she can never again see what a cruel jackalope you have been to me. Have you ever tried to penetrate the skin of a Pachyderm? Not with your penis but with a sharp object. Said object will break in half (As will your penis); so I thought it was a fitting name for a space ship with tough shielding. All kidding aside, the name wasn't supposed to be serious. Silly space story that shouldn't be taken seriously, yet everybody did! The real name of the ship is the G.A. Sexual Tyrannosaurus.

    My grammar is bad. I know. I didn't edit, even when I easily could have, I didn't. I'm an ass. Sorry.

    You bring up how there is usually two logical choices and one crazy choice. This is true and to be honest I like that method. I don't think there is anything wrong with that considering the story progresses how the reader chooses and if they want to do something nutty, then go ahead! I do like how your favorite room was when you are murdering the Freevian diplomat in cold blood. You and I must of fallen off the same tree.

    Lastly, thanks for the elephant story. You know an elephant is a...Pachyderm, right? Maybe next time you insult a pachyderm one will come crashing through your bedroom wall like the Kool-Aid Man and stomp you to a bloody pile of bones; very much UNLIKE the Kool-Aid Man.


    Writing Style: 5
    Plot/Creativity: 7
    ***Enjoyment: 7
    Theme: 6

    There are a number of spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes, which have a tendency to throw me out of a story. I won't say that it made it unreadable, but I think it could do with being proof-read and edited to get rid of the mistakes. Some are to be expected, but a lot gives the impression of laziness (which is probably not the case. It can be quite hard to catch mistakes and very often, when a person reads back something they've written, they automatically change it to what it should read as).

    I noticed there were some very interesting choices, but I'm not sure how many of them are actual choices you could realistically make. Choosing to have a meal works. Choosing to take a crap in your pants doesn't - although it makes for an amusing mental image. There were some things, also, that didn't make sense in some of the paths. The doctor-character is mentioned once, but if the reader-character lets her die by not going with her, he apparently loved her from afar (not mentioned at all previously), enough to kill himself eventually over her.

    After the first few rooms, the story got more exciting with Solitaire's appearance. He added more of an interesting element to the whole storyline. The idea with Solitaire and his whole 'game' was a very interesting one. I'm not sure about the rest of the storyline, though. The other choices seem to end fairly quickly and don't have the interest of the Solitaire one.

    I'm not sure how well the three or more themes were used. Psionic powers is in the story, but it seemed somewhat tagged on and there was no foreshadowing. When it was needed, it was there. It seemed almost like the writer realised they needed a way of stopping Solitaire and added it in as a way to make the reader-character not have an opponent who was super-powered. It also wasn't mentioned in any of the other paths.
    Oh wise rater how wrong you are. Laziness WAS the reason for the bad grammar. I was a lazy fool who laughed at the thought that my story could of been bested in literary combat. Alas, I was given a cruel Reality Shift. Cooooool.

    The choices were supposed to be interesting and unrealistic. But I'm not sure really how unrealistic they were. People lose bowel control when they die or in moments of great terror. Captain Darkblade knew death was imminent and was so scared, he pooed himself. If an asteroid was coming right at you, can you really say you wouldn't of done the same thing?

    Lastly, I had a TON of themes in this story. Stranded, Galactic hero, space battles, psionic powers and others I can't remember. So I don't understand your gripe with this category. Also, Psionic powers was used in another path in which the Captain attempts to destroy the ship and is sentenced to confinement. He uses his mind powers to escape his cell.





    Overall I feel I was judged a bit harshly, while maybe my ratings to others were too nice. I didn't realize you would all be so tough! A mistake that shall not be repeated.But the critiques had alot of valid points and I will take them to heart. I will return next contest and next time I will return with a vengeance! All this has done is awaken the beast!
    Last edited by BatCountry; 02-10-2012, 02:43 AM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by BatCountry View Post
      I'm guessing this is Usoki?
      I'm usually pretty terrible at guessing who wrote what comment, but the one you think is Usoki's could be him due to the "grammatical train wreck" comment.

      However despite the lower ratings, that comment seems almost too "friendly" for him and the last bit involving a tale with fucking elephants in the ass and shit erupting from it, sounds more like DEP.

      If it isn't Usoki, I'd guess his is the first comment you posted. The general sneering condescending nature of the comment and the knowledge of the pokemon reference sounds more like him. Never known him to to discuss Star Trek on here though, so the knowledge of the Trek reference is throwing me off, but then Q is sort of common scifi nerd knowledge so who knows. (Told you I was bad at guessing.)

      The one you think is Ves is probably correct though.
      Writing: It's more fun than a barrel of Ebola ridden monkeys!

      Comment


      • #4
        You are incorrect. My comment is the first one. My comment is always the first comment. Since I know exactly what you said about my story, I figure that it's only fair that I let you know what I said about yours.

        That being said, a lot of my word choice is just unusally harsh- I may not have even mentioned the things which drove my ratings. The pacing of the plot was pretty weird, and the only way to get past one opening plotline of a branch was to help the Freevians. I'm not a big fan of the forever-unending stories. I like having a sense of closure- or at least a sense of, okay, I can stop reading now. And I still don't think you have any idea what you're doing with it.

        As far as the Voltorb thing goes... Pokemon and Star Trek really don't have much of an overlap. As the only Pokemon parody element in the story, it's a pretty jarring thing. Especially since it's less of a parody, and more of a blatant ripping off with only a small letter change to signify a difference. Which you then proceed to ignore, switching back and forth between the two spellings like someone who can't be bothered to use grammar, let alone proofread. Maybe if there were other alien races with obvious pop culture elements to them, it wouldn't be as bad.

        The tragic thing here is that you could have scored much higher if you had written like this in your story. Your response to all of the critiques is awesome.
        Originally posted by Ryan_DuBois
        Usoki, you're the crankiest asshole we know. Not that it's a bad thing, it just means that you smell funny and are best left hidden in darkness.
        And it's embarrassing when you make any noise at all.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by BatCountry View Post
          I do however feel alot of you reading the story didn't quite "get it". This story was a kooky sort of parody of Star Trek. It wasn't meant to be taken seriously. It was meant to be ridiculous and have the reader choose how he or she wanted the story to progress. You can be a nice guy or a crazy bastard; that was my vision I guess.
          Actually, I think a lot of people did get some of the parody elements in your story. Certainly Solitaire's "Q" factor wasn't lost on me. I actually took to thinking of him as sort of a Q/Jigsaw combination because he was a wicked fella who also enjoyed random games and heaping doses of absurdity.

          However, your story does not tend to work as a parody because the parody is not clear enough. I appreciate if you're a fan of subtlety, but this is way too subtle to work effectively as a spoof of any sort. As another rater mentioned, merely changing the lettering on the name of a Pokemon isn't enough. Naming the ship the Pachyderm isn't enough. Even introducing a character with very recognizable characteristics isn't enough. The problem is that these things never come together, and they don't really affect the overall tone of your story. People took your story seriously because the style was mostly serious. The style did not generally lend itself to parody, as it was too restrained and too unsure of exactly which direction it wanted that parody to go.

          Originally posted by BatCountry View Post
          I see my in depth descriptions ruined the pacing for you. Well...I must agree with you because thats what seems to be the main complaint in both stories from everyone is that i have too much description.
          The fact that you have in-depth descriptions is not in and of itself problematical. After all, some of the best writers in history were verbose motherfuckers who just had to romance every last dust mote before they'd set their pen down for the day. I think it's the quality of your descriptions that people are reacting to. They tend to be a bit on the dry side, in need of both moisturizing and spicing. Even something as fluffy as literary description does need to have an ultimate point in mind, a destination, an objective, a raison d'être. Turn the eczema into caviar and you're golden!

          Speaking of "you're" (which was brilliantly explained to you by everybody's favorite shroom-seeking English teacher), I must now point out one or two other bloopers that keep appearing here in your forum posts. One is the almost unthinkable mistake for someone of your intelligence of saying, "Could of" or "would of". You do understand, that while the sound you're hearing is sort of like "'uv", that this is the case because we are dealing with yet another contraction, namely could've, or would've? This contraction is short for "could have" or "would have", which makes much more sense when you think about it than could of...A could of water? A could of courage? What is a could?

          Also, "a lot" is always two words, never one. Same goes for "all right" versus "alright".

          Damn, I should start charging for my services. For ALL my services.

          Originally posted by BatCountry View Post
          I am forever shamed for dissapointing you my skinny goddess. I would throw myself to shark infested waters and be torn to ribbions for dishonoring you
          Yes, very good! I love to see this sort of slavish devotion in my men.

          Originally posted by BatCountry View Post
          I'm going to fillet your calves with a 12 inch razor....
          Oh dear. Does this mean the engagement's off? I always seem to bugger things up just as they're looking the most promising. Accept my apologies for such untoward harshness, my dear? Tonight you can use the whip and I won't utter a single whimper of complaint. Just please leave my calves alone because they took a lot of work at the studio and in the pool!

          You are understandably reeling a bit from the sheer intensity of this contest. I was actually worried this would happen. You take a group of unloved misfits like us and nowhere do you see the simmering exactitude, the unforgiving judgments and the dead-serious red-pen rape that characterize each and every one of our contests. It's a beautiful if mysterious thing. Once a year we all don our legitimacy caps, put on a serious pout and knock ourselves out in the name of self- and collective improvement. Now that you've been properly initiated, I do indeed look forward to next year's entry when you will, as you have so sexily threatened, come back with a red-hot VENGEANCE!
          My sanity, my soul, or my life.

          Comment


          • #6
            Speaking of "you're" (which was brilliantly explained to you by everybody's favorite shroom-seeking English teacher), I must now point out one or two other bloopers that keep appearing here in your forum posts. One is the almost unthinkable mistake for someone of your intelligence of saying, "Could of" or "would of". You do understand, that while the sound you're hearing is sort of like "'uv", that this is the case because we are dealing with yet another contraction, namely could've, or would've? This contraction is short for "could have" or "would have", which makes much more sense when you think about it than could of...A could of water? A could of courage? What is a could?

            Also, "a lot" is always two words, never one. Same goes for "all right" versus "alright".

            Damn, I should start charging for my services. For ALL my services.

            Holy hot damn you're right....I do the "could of", "would of" thing! Oh my gawshers! How utterly horrified I am at the cold hard facts that are being thrown right into my face! You vicious peons! Can anyone tell now that I've been out of the writing game for a while? Jeeeeeez.

            I must say that when doing forum posts I don't really care much if my grammar is incorrect. Otherwise I'd always be paranoid about posting if I was going to re-edit my posts over and over again. I think fast and type fast, which is probably the main problem in my stories. Typing at the speed of light and rarely proof reading is an issue. But Ves I must THANK YOU for the advice. I will be more aware of my glaring writing problems in the future! I'm really glad I can get all the pro tips from everyone! Oh and Ves, I'm not in the habit of taking things for free. You will receive compensation; anything you desire. ANYTHING.

            I know what girls love. They love big....bowls of ice cream. Right? Girls like big bowls of ice cream? You may be skinny but I've seen even skinny girls cream their pantaloons for a sprinkled ice treat.

            Comment


            • #7
              By the way, I do know what a pachyderm is; that was the inspiration for my charming little anecdote... Well that and the obvious 'wade through shit to find some gems.' It was a combination of the two, really.

              Still though, not a bad story. The elements of parody were very much lost on me. I likely would have scored you slightly higher had I realized it was intentionally cheesey in places.
              The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.

              Comment


              • #8
                I will be honest, I have not read this story (or any of the contest stories for that matter), but I saw this statement and had to comment on it.

                Originally posted by BatCountry View Post
                I do however feel alot of you reading the story didn't quite "get it".
                I listen to a lot (two words, by the way) of writing podcasts and nearly every single one of them says the same thing about this comment. If a good number of your readers didn't "get" your story, you didn't do a good enough job making it clear what your story was about. It's very rarely the reader's fault, unless they are completely out of their depth.

                I also noticed something else that appears a lot (still two words) in these posts that I think you need to work on. I wonder if you can figure out what it is. You seem to do it a lot (still not one word).

                Dragavan: Dragavan Games - Lootin' Wizards - The Land of Karn - Central U (adult) - Dragavan's Adult Stories

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Dragavan View Post
                  a lot (two words, by the way)
                  Thanks for reinforcing this, Drag. I already raked ole Batsy over the coals for this. More than once, in fact. Quite a lot, you could even say.

                  Originally posted by Dragavan View Post
                  If a good number of your readers didn't "get" your story, you didn't do a good enough job making it clear what your story was about. It's very rarely the reader's fault, unless they are completely out of their depth.
                  Or unless the author's name is James Joyce.

                  As I suggested in my last post, parody can indeed be tricky. A couple of pointers for writing good parody, if I may be so bold:

                  1.) Exaggeration is key. Many people fear that their writing will come off as ham-haded or corny if they make the satirical elements too apparent. However, the flip side of this is having a satire that's so subtly satirical, everyone takes it as a straight story--which I think is what happened to you. Parody is by definition an embellishment upon reality, so don't be afraid to let things get a bit balloony.

                  2.) Embellish, but remain consistent. Like any good story, even a parody must still obey some sort of internal logic and remain consistent throughout. Lots of authors seem to think that stepping into the surreal is the same thing as diving into chaos. When this happens, the story is quickly twisted from a potentially good satire to a rolling juggernaut of painful randomness.

                  3.) Don't try to spoof too many things at once. I know it's been all the rage in Hollywood for quite some time to make terrible, derivative, self-reflexive movies that make constant references to absolutely everything which came before. I believe this to be a mistake. You should try instead to spoof a particular genre, or even a particular work, rather than a whole collage of sources. This way, the final product is much more your own and things are much clearer for the reader, who can then appreciate the fine departures and subtle digs vis-à-vis a single point of reference.
                  My sanity, my soul, or my life.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Ok DRAGavan. I get it. You don't have to humiliate me further. Haven't I taken a cactus up the poop shoot enough today?! It makes me want to kill you. Alot. And hurt your family. Alot. Even skinning your little kitten, Sir Muffin, with a rusty steak knife is too good for you. This is ALOT to handle isn't it Dragavan!?

                    ALOT!

                    ALOT!!


                    ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!!ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



                    ALOT OF SPERM WHALE DIARRHEA ALL OVER YOUR STUPID SUNGLASSES!!!!!!!!!

                    jarpunch.jpg


                    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLZEEE EEEEEEEEEEBUUUUUUUUUUUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !




                    Phew! Ok I'm done. Suffice it to say, I GET IT. Every forum member now has the right to publicly annihilate me if I ever say "alot" ever again. If my AP teachers knew how i've been raping the english language the past year they would've shot me in the face with a bee hive bazooka. Part of me thinks the english language deserves it though. It's almost begging to be abused. Like that little orphan annie...

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                    • #11
                      Do they make beehive bazookas? I want one.
                      Originally posted by Ryan_DuBois
                      Usoki, you're the crankiest asshole we know. Not that it's a bad thing, it just means that you smell funny and are best left hidden in darkness.
                      And it's embarrassing when you make any noise at all.

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