Holy blood soaked spectres Batman! This story did worse then Darkblade! What!? I wasn't expecting that; but I wasn't expecting alot of things I now realize. These raters blind sided me like a baby fawn on the freeway. SPLAT!
This is all good though. I finally have taken off the rose tinted shades and accept that everything I crap out is not a golden nugget. I can now see the glaring problems in my stories thanks to the raters of this contest. So to them, I thank you. Thank you for crushing my child like innocence, throwing me into a world of darkness and self-loathing. Really, thanks. You pricks.
Ratings ho!
Well hello Usoki. I know it's you this time even though you said the first comment would always be you about a half dozen times on the forum. That must really get under your skin. The fact that you say something and nobody listens to you. Your wife, your children, your parents; not heeding your words of wisdom. You scream to them that the weather is too warm to go skating on the lake, but do they listen? Not to Usoki. They go play hockey. Then drown into the icy abyss where you can no longer hear their muffled cries of pain. You stand there Usoki, pleading to the gods "why oh why does nobody listen to me?!" Does it at least give you satisfaction that you were right? Or does it leave a bittersweet taste in your mouth? ANSWER ME USOKI!!
Wow. There's a paragraph I can never take back...I should of listened to you Usoki. Herp derp, I'm sorry.
Anyway, you got me on the grammar again. Proof read maybe once and it shows. I think I did better here than Darkblade though. I see you had issues with a little kid becoming a demigod creator of a robot civilization. Well, I mean it's sci fi, what can I tell ya? Would it have been any more realistic if it was an old man cyborg doing these things? The kid had a natural talent for building things, so his natural talent combined with robotic superness assisted him. He only made the prototypes; having access to robot assembly factories helped out. I think the main point is you just don't think children can accomplish much. You cynical bastard. The children are our future and all that garbage. You are dumping on the future Usoki. I've seen kids build skyscrapers out of legos, you can't count the imagination of a child out.
Well look at the resident Dyson sphere expert here. It's Usoki! Your "soul burned inside" because of my lack of scale? Yeesh, remind me not to do that again. It sounds unpleasant. I lightly researched dyson spheres. Excuse me if my scale is wrong, I've never been in a dyson sphere before. Oh and neither have you, ya cheeky slimewad. I should of just said it was big inside. Really big. Bigger than the Death Star. I mean besides giving out mathmatical equations for its size I guess thats all I can do. Sorry for burning your soul brah.
I agree this story was hurt by no ending. I did have it planned out. Four endings actually. I'm not sure how much I'll continue on now that the story wasn't really enjoyed by most. My procrastination hurt me on this story. I didn't start this until late december, so it didn't get finished or have decent branching paths. Food for thought next time. In all seriousness though, thanks for the input Usoki!
This must be Kaze. You rated the story a 9 on the main site so it must be you since everyone else is throwing tomatoes at me. I'm really happy you liked the story. Maybe I'll finish the story just for you. From all the tips I'm receiving the next rooms can only get better!
This is all good though. I finally have taken off the rose tinted shades and accept that everything I crap out is not a golden nugget. I can now see the glaring problems in my stories thanks to the raters of this contest. So to them, I thank you. Thank you for crushing my child like innocence, throwing me into a world of darkness and self-loathing. Really, thanks. You pricks.
Ratings ho!
Write- 6
Plot- 7
Enjoy- *5
Theme- 8
This was a lot more linear than I would have guessed, thanks to your choice of which loose ends were continued. I think this story had better grammar than Darkblade... yet this one had some really, painfully obvious 'your/you're' errors which made me cringe. It totally ruined the moment.
I really found it hard to enjoy this one. Partially because I wasn't a big fan of the darker vibe, but mostly because of the sheer amount of ridiculous elements. A tiny kid manages to become the demigod leader of a religion, possibly the creator of an entire civilization? After all of these years, there is still a human resistance, which is only just now trying to do something? Let alone details like your complete lack of scale. The Dyson Sphere scenes alone made my soul burn inside.
It's certainly not bad- there's definitely potential here. I wonder how much of this you have planned out. This is the type of story that suffers without any sort of specific ending.
Plot- 7
Enjoy- *5
Theme- 8
This was a lot more linear than I would have guessed, thanks to your choice of which loose ends were continued. I think this story had better grammar than Darkblade... yet this one had some really, painfully obvious 'your/you're' errors which made me cringe. It totally ruined the moment.
I really found it hard to enjoy this one. Partially because I wasn't a big fan of the darker vibe, but mostly because of the sheer amount of ridiculous elements. A tiny kid manages to become the demigod leader of a religion, possibly the creator of an entire civilization? After all of these years, there is still a human resistance, which is only just now trying to do something? Let alone details like your complete lack of scale. The Dyson Sphere scenes alone made my soul burn inside.
It's certainly not bad- there's definitely potential here. I wonder how much of this you have planned out. This is the type of story that suffers without any sort of specific ending.
Wow. There's a paragraph I can never take back...I should of listened to you Usoki. Herp derp, I'm sorry.
Anyway, you got me on the grammar again. Proof read maybe once and it shows. I think I did better here than Darkblade though. I see you had issues with a little kid becoming a demigod creator of a robot civilization. Well, I mean it's sci fi, what can I tell ya? Would it have been any more realistic if it was an old man cyborg doing these things? The kid had a natural talent for building things, so his natural talent combined with robotic superness assisted him. He only made the prototypes; having access to robot assembly factories helped out. I think the main point is you just don't think children can accomplish much. You cynical bastard. The children are our future and all that garbage. You are dumping on the future Usoki. I've seen kids build skyscrapers out of legos, you can't count the imagination of a child out.
Well look at the resident Dyson sphere expert here. It's Usoki! Your "soul burned inside" because of my lack of scale? Yeesh, remind me not to do that again. It sounds unpleasant. I lightly researched dyson spheres. Excuse me if my scale is wrong, I've never been in a dyson sphere before. Oh and neither have you, ya cheeky slimewad. I should of just said it was big inside. Really big. Bigger than the Death Star. I mean besides giving out mathmatical equations for its size I guess thats all I can do. Sorry for burning your soul brah.
I agree this story was hurt by no ending. I did have it planned out. Four endings actually. I'm not sure how much I'll continue on now that the story wasn't really enjoyed by most. My procrastination hurt me on this story. I didn't start this until late december, so it didn't get finished or have decent branching paths. Food for thought next time. In all seriousness though, thanks for the input Usoki!
Writing - 9/10
*Plot/Creativity - 20/20
Enjoyment - 9/10
Theme - 10/10
I really loved this story, like, for real. I read every page. I did bump down the writing score for a few weird grammar mistakes that kept throwing me off. I also bumped down the enjoyment level, because the story is actually really linear with very few story options. Every branch that you can take off the main story is either a dead end or not written yet. That's really the only thing that stopped me from giving this story all 10s. It was right up my alley.
*Plot/Creativity - 20/20
Enjoyment - 9/10
Theme - 10/10
I really loved this story, like, for real. I read every page. I did bump down the writing score for a few weird grammar mistakes that kept throwing me off. I also bumped down the enjoyment level, because the story is actually really linear with very few story options. Every branch that you can take off the main story is either a dead end or not written yet. That's really the only thing that stopped me from giving this story all 10s. It was right up my alley.
Comment