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In an attempt to get some discussion going, could you guys offer some advice on this short (I don't know if it should be called a story) that I wrote. It was just some little post I made to amuse people on Facebook that took about 10 minutes but I'm not one to ever turn down free writing critique.
"I can't escape.
I want to murder a leprechaun. Don't judge me, that asshole said he was just a midget and didn't give me his pot of gold. I was drunk at the time so I took his word for it and let him go. I see glimpses of him from time to time now. It used to be in my dreams but now... He's everywhere I go.
I can't escape.
Sometimes I ponder ending it all just to escape him. I doubt it would work though, I think he would follow me to Hell. I don't think he would care about being on fire though, he wants to cause me as much pain as I caused him humiliation for getting him caught.
Sometimes in my dreams... he talks to me. Tells me about how his wife left him, about how his kids resent him, about how he is a social pariah since he got caught. No wonder he won't stop haunting me. I've even seen him in cars driving down the road I think.
I can't escape
Killing him is the only way to end this. I need someone's help for the undertaking. Please, help set me free from the horrors he has unleashed upon me.
The paranoia leads to insomnia. I wonder if he is in my room, watching me, plotting against me. Is he going to kill me? Will he let me live?
I don't know.
He is probably reading this as I type. I saw what looked like a small child's shadow jump out of site as I looked out the window but I know it's him... it's always him. Someone help me rid myself of this evil that stalks me. Without your help...
I can't escape."
As you can see, I hesitate to call it a story since it has no plot so I'm not really looking for criticism on that aspect but feel free to post some anyway. I'm asking for help mostly for my writing style which seems flawed in my opinion.
"I can't escape.
I want to murder a leprechaun. Don't judge me, that asshole said he was just a midget and didn't give me his pot of gold. I was drunk at the time so I took his word for it and let him go. I see glimpses of him from time to time now. It used to be in my dreams but now... He's everywhere I go.
I can't escape.
Sometimes I ponder ending it all just to escape him. I doubt it would work though, I think he would follow me to Hell. I don't think he would care about being on fire though, he wants to cause me as much pain as I caused him humiliation for getting him caught.
Sometimes in my dreams... he talks to me. Tells me about how his wife left him, about how his kids resent him, about how he is a social pariah since he got caught. No wonder he won't stop haunting me. I've even seen him in cars driving down the road I think.
I can't escape
Killing him is the only way to end this. I need someone's help for the undertaking. Please, help set me free from the horrors he has unleashed upon me.
The paranoia leads to insomnia. I wonder if he is in my room, watching me, plotting against me. Is he going to kill me? Will he let me live?
I don't know.
He is probably reading this as I type. I saw what looked like a small child's shadow jump out of site as I looked out the window but I know it's him... it's always him. Someone help me rid myself of this evil that stalks me. Without your help...
I can't escape."
As you can see, I hesitate to call it a story since it has no plot so I'm not really looking for criticism on that aspect but feel free to post some anyway. I'm asking for help mostly for my writing style which seems flawed in my opinion.
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