No announcement yet.

Men of Science comments

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Men of Science comments

    Men of Science

    Plot/Originality: 9

    I thought the plot of this story was great. I was never too sure what was going to happen next. I knocked off a point because it wasn't terribly original. Secret labs, werewolves and such. Mainly the werewolf thing. I guess I'm over werewolves. They've been shoved down our throat so often I almost can't stand them anywhere. Still, they are better than vampires or zombies which have been stomped into the ground for the next decade. Maybe if it was an original take with the werewolf, but I just felt I had seen all that before. Honestly though that is more my problem than yours. Now if it was a were-rhino I think I could of given you full points.

    Writing Style: 9

    I like how you write. I can't quite put my finger on it, but when you put real effort into your stories I just appreciate your author's voice. If I could call it anything I would say it is relatable. How you write is how I think and it just gels with me. A few grammar and spelling errors took me out of the story a couple times so I docked you a point.

    Theme: 10

    Can't really fault you in any way here. You have urban legends in there like werewolves and even a passing reference to the Sasquatch. Clever one there. Definitely some sort of cosmic horror as well that is the main plot of this story. The scenes with the warping of reality and the absolute darkness were very well written as well as genuinely scary.

    **Enjoyment: 10

    Probably my favorite story out of the bunch. You had some excellent characters in your story and they all served a purpose. Didn't seem like there was any filler here. Your addition of references to old video games just rubbed me the right way too. I love old video games and I thought that was a great element added that grounded the story in reality. Dr. Bohm was so lame he was hilarious. Your puns with him were quite clever. The pictures you put in definitely enhanced your story. I could almost feel like I was going through some sort of trippy trance as the character was. I wish you had an ending. The loose ends make me pull out my hair in frustration. Finish this! And while I'm yelling at you, FINISH “COITUS MACHINA”!

    Concerning the worthy Infinite tale MEN OF SCIENCE, the following:

    For “plot and originality”, I grant you ten (10) points. This may count twice, please.

    This short story was absolutely novel! Never have I seen its like anywhere before. I felt that I too was on this strange and perhaps unholy mission on behalf of the good doctor, tasked to do something great, maybe even to save the world! I do so hope you will finish this story. I simply must know what awaits me in the dark of the forest...or the basement!

    For “theme”, I grant you ten (10) points.

    Both of your themes were present in your story, but in such a way as to be mysterious and intriguing, not obvious in the least! A Bear has much to learn here.

    For “grammar and style”, I grant you nine (9) points.

    I must admit, I did espy a small error or two, but nothing at all to distress me! As for your style, it is mature and worthy and sometimes very, very funny! I laughed myself silly at all those science-related gags. Very good indeed.

    For enjoyment, I grant you nine (9) points.

    I enjoyed reading this story ever so much and I felt I could trust the author to take me in paw and not lead me asunder or into any unworthy tricks of the pen. My only distress: the lack of a conclusion! I want so very much to know if the werewolf is that lovely waitress, oh heaven forfend! I must find out the nature of this particular cosmic horror!


    Writing Style: 7
    Plot/Creativity: 8
    *Enjoyment*: 18
    Theme: 8

    I wasn't really sure what the cosmic horror theme was supposed to be, but I did enjoy what was written of this infinite story. It wasn't finished, which was a bit of a shame, but what I read of the storyline was really intriguing. There was a nice variety of paths, even though they didn't have conclusions, and I thought the pictures worked particularly well - especially the series of pictures one after the other on one of the paths in particular. I thought the two themes were mixed together in an interesting way. There were a few errors in the writing, but nothing that was really bad.

    For Men of Science by donteatpoop

    (*Weighted) Plot and Originality—(9): This story was well written and well plotted, cleverly using some familiar horror elements to create several unsuspected twists that kept my interest engaged. The only critique I have is that the plot seemed somewhat unevenly implemented, sometimes moving along at break-neck speed, other times seeming to drag a bit. I found this unevenness to actually be very effective in the parts of the story that are odd, surreal or the result of the POV character’s intoxicated mind, creating a very good parallel between mental state and narrative. Even at its more protracted moments, the plot retained its structure pretty well.

    Theme—(10): I felt somewhat bad for DEP getting the Urban Legends theme, which I would have found creatively fallow and restricting. However, he did quite a good job of embellishing upon the pre-existing stories so they were no longer too predictable. The Cosmic Horror theme is also challenging to work with (and I should know!), since it’s by definition nebulous and too big to be defined. DEP did a very good job of introducing this element slowly and insidiously, building up to the full impact which, unfortunately, he didn’t have time to fully develop. The elements are definitely there and I especially relished the psychedelic scene in the living room where you can’t get away from the blackness no matter how fast you run.

    Style and Grammar—(9): This story shows many marked improvements in DEP’s style and versatility as a writer. Overall the grammar is quite good and he is taking more time to bring his characters and environment fully to life. The many asides consisting of wry observations, strange coincidences and even the hammy chemistry humor were all very effective in giving full dimension to his story.

    Enjoyment—(9): On the whole, this was really enjoyable. I had absolutely no idea what was coming next and was enticed by the ongoing riddle of exactly what that crazy doctor and his friend were up to. Extra points for dah Gehman!
    The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.

  • #2
    I see a common theme here. My werebears, which I hadn't gotten around to blatantly introducing the readers to, were mistaken for werewolves. Oh well. I tried to allude to the werebear early on in the dream sequence of images, as well as the mentioning that people think it's a bear. Had I worked on it more, it would have been clearer to everyone that it was a bear.

    I hope that I work on this one extra extra a lot. But I have many stories that need work.

    Guessing on whose comments are whose, Batcunt gave me a strong clue...


    1 Bat
    2 Bear
    3 Cat
    4 Ves (way to break the animal cycle, Ves)

    Those are my guesses. This was a fun contest. I was challenged with the themes I was given and did my best with them and... well I was actually please with Cosmic Horror despite my initial misgivings.

    Thanks Bat for doing XI... Stay tuned for XII - theme already ready, and a much earlier due date so that when we extend it it won't go into 2016. lol.
    The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.


    • #3
      I can't speak for the others... but the third one was mine.


      • #4
        Originally posted by donteatpoop View Post
        Stay tuned for XII - theme already ready, and a much earlier due date so that when we extend it it won't go into 2016. lol.
        Music to my ears. I knew you wouldn't disappoint or pussyfoot around with the theme. A worthy IS leader indeed.
        My sanity, my soul, or my life.


        Do Not Sell My Personal Information