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Started a new novel

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  • #16
    I've been off and on on this, but it's also been the ONLY thing I've been writing.... I've had to do some "research" with the actual Galaga game lately....

    What do you think of the mood of the story so far? How is it? Do you find it difficult to read through?

    I know that I need to describe the game play, and have; but I don't want to bore the reader with video game details. How am I doing on that?

    I also need to work in an additional plot line or two. One plot will be easy, the next laundromat visit there will be an attractive female and thus a 'romantic' sub-plot, though it will be a minor subplot.

    I don't want to write any scenes that take place outside of the laundromat, however; so any additional info will likely be the character in thought, or some flashbacks... Not really sure... Any ideas?

    I appreciate any feedback, even negative feedback that I will likely get defensive about.

    High Score

    Thanks in advance to any of you who take the time to check this out.
    The organ is grinding but the monkey won't dance.


    • #17
      The game details were fine, you pretty much got it all out of the way so you won't really need to elaborate too much more on it in the future and you can concentrate on other things.

      There's sufficient colorful description about the laundromat, so that's good

      Does directly outside the laundromat count? You'd still be in the same vicinity.

      For additional info, I'd go with whatever is appropriate at the time. If its minor piece dealing with just that character, you can easily make the character explain something in an amusing anecdotical way if he's talking to someone else in the laundromat.

      Or if he's by himself you could just do something like: "John thought about the first and last time he went fishing. It was a horrible experience since a mutant Sharkalope attacked him. Sometimes the sounds of the water in the machine made him think of that dark day."

      If it's a little more complex than those where the character would be having long conversations or interaction with one or more people in the past, then you could go with a flashback.
      Writing: It's more fun than a barrel of Ebola ridden monkeys!


      • #18
        Actually, I think the game segment ran a bit long. It'd be better as a few lines here and there throughout the story, usually present but mentioned in smaller blocks of text, interspersed with dialogue and so forth - more like a backdrop against which your story is set, rather than the singular focus of the story. As it's a novel, I think the laundromat could play a significant part, but including other scenes - apartment/dorm, school/work - would make it a better story as the character adapts to the city. Flashbacks in that vein would work, I suppose.

        If you are intent on keeping it laundromat-only though, I agree with End that outside the laundromat is fine, particularly if your character smokes; there's bound to be a group of smokers, some of whom have nothing to do with laundry, out there. Then again, the story has kind of an eighties feel, so smoking could conceivable occur indoors. Also, I hope this guy gets some friends and maybe a babe during the course of the story.
        Last edited by Locke; 06-27-2014 at 12:16 AM.


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