Letters to Obama

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Today I was on Obama's website and I noticed he has a link where you can go and submit new ideas. I have an idea, and I thought some of you might too! I'll start, here's my letter to the future president of the United States...

Dear Mr. Obama,

I have an idea that could generate enough money through sales tax alone to potentially finance an entire universal health care system or any number of programs. The solution is quite simple, but seems somewhat silly when I suggest it for some reason. Tax marijuana... a lot.

Marijuana is readily available in America, but we can't really control the stuff, because everyone feels compelled to hide it. First we legalize it. Then we tax it like there's no tomorrow! It seems rather silly at first, I know. However, logically it solves so many problems, here are a few of the results:

1. Less people will be living in jail and therefore available to tend to their families and personal business.

2. Less people in jail means I pay less, because I am not housing and feeding people and/or paying to take care of their families.

3. We get lots of money that can be used for drug education, rehab, or just an overall healthcare program. I'm sure lots of people will buy and pay whatever taxes are assigned the stuff. Given the choice I believe people would prefer to indulge themselves legally.

4. We get to monitor what is going into the drugs people are buying. In this way we can protect individuals from harmful additives.

5. Amsterdam is absolutely awash with tourists, America would become extremely popular even with the insane tax on top. Tourism boosts the economy.

6. We can control the distribution. I have a theory that it is a gateway drug because you can often get it from the same place you get more dangerous drugs. If it is sold at your local drugstore, then it will cut down on that tremendously.

7. It will undermine the illegal drug trade. How long can the business make it if Americans have access to the legal stuff? My guess: not long. As it goes under violence will go down.

8. I imagine that many people would be happy to work in a grow house, whereas they may not be excited about picking apples. Therefore, we will have created more jobs, that we can keep right here in the USA!

9. Pretending that we don't have problems is as bad as contributing to the problem. The solutions presented previously for the problem are disgustingly inept. The prohibition of marijuana is archaic, and it is time for change.

Yes, you can laugh at me now. Just thought I'd throw it out there.
~Katie

Anyone else want to write a letter to Obama?

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I'm not laughing. I think that's a brilliant idea. We're fighting a losing war against marijuana, much like alcohol prohibition in the twenties.

Now alcohol destroys families and lives. But at least we came to terms with the REALITY of the situation. It's a free country and if people want to drink or smoke LET THEM!

You never hear about people going crazy on weed and getting into fatal wrecks or shooting someone at a club. EDIT: Although making it illegal makes users into criminals and promotes a violent criminal underground trade with no regulations except the rules of the street and drug game.

We could then concentrate our efforts on the REAL drug problem in America right now: Crystal Meth.

I really don't understand why we haven't come to terms with marijuana in this country. I do believe within the next 20 years you WILL see it legalized.

It's no better or worst then tobacco or alcohol. It's not as addictive as nicotin and it's not as harmful as alcohol. I can assure you that. It is still a mind-altering substance but the high is generally well-tolerated and does not promote violent behavior. And in fact many smart, hard working people smoke marijuana.

There are also lots of lazy bums who smoke it and sit on their ass all day. More power to them. In general though I don't see it as a major social ill.

Brilliant letter, Katie!

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

gee thanks guys. Don't you have anything you'd like to say to Mr. Obama? I'd love to see what kind of letters you two would come up with on how to fix this country's ills.

[apotheosis]

Great idea Katie.

I have one, I will be playing the role of a middle aged mother though.

Dear Obama,

My youngest son is 13 years old, and the rest of my children are off in college. One of them is already in a successful relationship that looks like it will lead to me being a grandmother. My 13 year old, on the other hand, is what the youngings call "emo" meaning he mopes all day and dresses like a girl at a funeral. He backs talks me considerably and doesn't carry his own weight and I already have successful children that will make me a grandmother and well.... I'll get to the point. Can you legalize up to 40th trimester abortions? It would make my life a whole lot easier.

Sincerely, Jane Doe

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Dear Ms. Doe,

While Mr. Obama supports the right to choose, and in fact has rejected bans on partial birth abortions, there is not enough research currently for him to make an informed decision on 40th trimester abortions. Do not give up hope.

Senator Obama is going to make health care so affordable that you may be able to provide you child with the chemical modification he clearly needs.

Thanks for bringing your concern,

Sincerely
Me- not an Obama representative.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

It was fun. How about this for a creative writing exercise: for every letter written, someone can respond as "not an Obama representative."

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Haha, ya! How do you get THAT job!

[Vesnic]

It's a good letter, but you'd do yourself a favor not to twice call yourself silly before you even get started. Self-derision isn't necessary or effective.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

True. I considered the self derision factor, but then, I never expect one letter to make a difference. I find that disarming people with apparent stupidity and following up with a more solid letter tend to get the best results. In this case however, I don't intend to follow up. I don't think right now is the best time for him to mention his marijuana campaign. So, if I write again it will be an extremely formal letter.

Here are a few letters to some other candidates I may have neglected...


Dear Ms. Ves,

there is something criminally wrong with the stewardship of my predecessors in America. I feel cut out on health care, education, social security, and even my ability to obtain land is in jeopardy. What is your assessment of these problems? If I elect you to office, what can you do to make life better for the future of America?

Thanks,
Katie

Dear Mr. End,

your stories give me something to believe in. The candor of your written word make me go wild. You have charisma, and I like your stand on gun control. You are a true patriot. I was wondering what your stance is on the illegal immigration crisis? How would you secure our borders from terrorists? Would you stand by our forefathers in their call for the huddled masses?

Thanks,
Katie


Dear Mr. Chubb,

I feel elated when I see your yellow bubble butt waddling across the screen rejoicing in the rise of a new evil looking baby sun. I notice you seem to frolic outside. I am very interested in your take on the environment. What steps would you take to conserve our most precious resource, mother nature?

Thanks,
Katie


Dear Mr. Apoth,

It has come to my attention that you are a brilliant scientist. I was wondering as you face this election how you intend to balance your moral compass with only scientific theory to guide you? What keeps you grounded, and how will I know you won't go all Helium and float off once you reach the oval office?

Thanks,
Katie


Dear Mr. Thoric,

Your interest in art has long fascinated me. You are a poetic politician, and I deeply respect your attention to detail. I was wondering if you could blend the contrasting political views to make art as well as you do your paints? If elected, how would you bridge the gaps in America?

Thanks,
Katie

[End Master]

Dear Mr. End,

your stories give me something to believe in. The candor of your written word make me go wild. You have charisma, and I like your stand on gun control. You are a true patriot.

I am honored by your praise. It is my hope that all right thinking Americans see that this country needs to be protected by the evil forces that constantly threaten it.

I was wondering what your stance is on the illegal immigration crisis?

Several rifles and many bullets.

How would you secure our borders from terrorists?

Several more rifles and even more bullets.

Would you stand by our forefathers in their call for the huddled masses?

Sure, because if we get them in a mass, we can save on bullets and use a grenade instead.

Thanks,
Katie

You're welcome.

And remember if someone suspicious is wandering around your neighborhood that you don't know, shoot them.

[apotheosis]

Science is enough to keep me grounded... until I create a race of super cyborgs. Then you guys are fucked.

[Vesnic]

Dear Ms. Ves,

there is something criminally wrong with the stewardship of my predecessors in America. I feel cut out on health care, education, social security, and even my ability to obtain land is in jeopardy. What is your assessment of these problems? If I elect you to office, what can you do to make life better for the future of America?

Thanks,
Katie

Dear Ms. Katie,

You ask some very informed questions, and I would be more than happy to elaborate my stance on these various issues you have raised.

Health care: Every American deserves health care, regardless of his or her age or employment status. The right to be healthy is a fundamental human right guaranteed in our Constitution. When I am president, I will instate full, free universal health care for all Americans. I will find the HMO's unconstitutional and thereby abolish them completely.

Education: The educational system is a disgrace. I will start by building many new schools so that class size nationwide will be capped at 20 students. I will offer great incentives for qualified individuals to become teachers, and even greater incentives if they choose to work in more challenging neighborhoods. I will also remove junk food from the cafeteria and make sure that there is mandatory physical education for all grades. Children will be weighed regularly and will be subject to a vigorous specialized weight-loss plan should their BMI reach abnormally high levels. I will also make sure that art programs are fully funded in all schools. Kids who are exposed to music, for example, are smarter and much less likely to be violent.

Social security: This will be bolstered significantly. It is not right for an American to work his or her entire life only to not be able to make ends meet when old age arrives. All retired persons shall be fully supported and treated with the utmost in respect and care.

Land Ownership: Now just how did you think all the above-mentioned programs are going to be made possible? A magic spell? A money tree? No, my dear, Katie. The government will allow you to live on the land, but ultimate ownership of it belongs to the State. Didn't see that coming, did you?

"Con la revolución, todo! Contra la revolución, nada!

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Dear Ms. Ves,

I reviewed your previous response, and I don't completely agree. However, bulldozing through my discomfort, I'd like to pose a question to you similar to the one posed to Mr. Apoth. In what direction does your moral compass spin? There have been some who lament not having you in their bed, but those who have experienced the pleasure of your company seem very pleased and extol on your virtues. If you could get votes based on your sexual prowess with whom would you score highest? With whom would you score lowest? Do you think it is fair to choose candidates based on their libido? Some candidates (Mr. Obama) believe that children should be educated starting in kindergarten. Do you agree or disagree with this stance? Why?

Thanks again,
~Katie



Dear Usoki-san,

it was remiss of me to exclude your letter earlier in the campaign. I still have yet to completely understand your platform. Is it true you want to make Proper English the official language? Some people say you will ban the obnoxious phrase "fifty cent." What is your actual goal in running for this office?

Thanks,
Katie


Dear Mr. Nappi,
your absence on the campaign trail has left many of your followers feeling disenchanted. What do you have to say about your behavior? Is it a reflection of the funds you failed to raise early in the season? How do you compare on the political level?

Thanks,
Katie


Dear Mr. Poop,

the anti-poop-eating mantra has carried weight for years. There are so many followers of your doctrine that don't even know they are followers. You have succeeded in demonstrating an ideal that gets to the core of America. If you become president, how would you combat world hunger, and continue the fight against eating poop?

Thanks,

Katie


Dear Mr. Dragavan,

your organizational skills are renowned across the board. You have the ability to create your own world, and run it, as evidenced by your Sims and bustling cyber city. How would you adapt your keen sense of leadership to ruling the United States?

Thanks,
Katie

Dear Mr. Holt,

you have been running the campaign for LeBlanc for nearly two weeks. Under your tutelage he has shown increasing signs of distress and multiple personalities. Is this part of your campaigning tactics, or has the candidate really lost his marbles?

LeBlanc has a good platform, and some feel that his ability to express himself in multiple personality form is his way of getting in touch with the diverse fabric of American society. Do you think LeBlanc could in truth become president?

Thanks,
Katie

[Usoki]

Dear Ms. Katie,

A transition towards proper grammar is indeed the central point of my campaign- not just a proper usage of English, but of any language in general. America is a diverse country, filled with many interesting cultures and languages. To assimilate all residents into English would be to deprive the fine arts community of these cultural elements. Many of my favorite works are inspired by the traditions and folk tales of other cultures, and I think that you would agree too. It is a lack of proper grammar which stagnates the intellectual appearance of the average individual.

However, an abrupt transition toward proper grammar would be both unpopular and impossible to enforce. I propose a more gradual transition. For the first year of the program, proper grammar would merely be encouraged, and improper grammar would be corrected. In the second year, usage of proper grammar would be rewarded with a flat tax deduction, the amount of which would be reduced in proportion to the amount of improper grammar used. In the third year, usage of improper grammar will result in fines based on the type and frequency of the infraction. By the fourth year, most of the population will be using proper grammar in most elements of their daily lives. The system will allow forgiveness based on the frequency of errors, and the difficulty of correctly using the grammatical rule in question- an occasional mishap will not be penalized. The system will, however, penalize those who frequently confuse second person possesive pronouns with second person contractions, or who neglect to use capital letters, and so on. Slang may be used in casual conversations and correspondances, but should not be included in more formal means of communication.

The usage of proper grammar will result in the appearance of a high level of intelligence; a side-effect which will greatly boost foreign relations, as well as many other programs across the board. This is why I feel proper grammar is an excellent central point to my presidential campaign.

Sincerely,
Usoki

[xnull]

Dear Obama,

I have a great idea and I think you should listen.

Don't allow any more people to upload ideas through your site.
a.) There are reasons why you are a politician and most everybody else is not. Let's face it, most people don't exist on the plane a politician does. They don't understand what "Why don't we just do this?" really entails. Being a politician means you do whatever you can to get (re)elected, which is why most of our bills have a bunch of "And the state of Alabama gets $X for their cattle shit disposer".
b.) There are already many places (online and not!) to restate 15 year old "Let's tax marjuana" solutions. Such places include http://forums.infinite-story.com/.
c.) We have a representational democracy for a reason. Nowhere is it implied that presidents (or presidential candidates) are allowed to speak directly with the people. In fact, this breaks our political model. The congressmen and women are supposed to represent the interests of their people and you are supposed to be a role model. Stop being unconstitutional.
d.) Because it is a good idea, campaign-wise ("OMG, he really listens!"), your competitors are sure to follow suit. Soon it will be just like mailing your local congress(wo)man. I hope this trend doesn't get to the point of texting 1-800-GO-OBAMA to give l33tsp34k suggestions.
e.) On the note above, someone has to pay all the college dropouts for reading suggestions from every incoming medium. That either means... we get taxed more, or... more money for your campaign gets donated by interest groups. Either way it is bad for us. We pay more, or we get even less of a voice for suggestions.