Hello, Infinite World!

[Bear Bipolar-Bear]

Salutations.

My name is BEAR. I am a bear.

As the sole ambassador of the ursine race in these vaunted halls of literary achievement, I feel it is my duty to put my best paw forward in my dealings with you humans and any other species currently occupying the forums.

I heard about you through word-of-maul and carefully considered the pro's and con's of membership before finally taking the plunge and signing up today. I would like to take this moment to thank the very kind member with the nonetheless distasteful name of "donteatpoop", who has granted me full membership. I would also like to extend a fond thanks to one ChubbyTeletubby, who very early noticed my presence and did not hesitate to introduce himself. Although I am generally in the habit of eating things that are round, furry and fat, I believe I will make an exception in his case.

"Since brevity is the soul of wit, I will be brief. Your noble Bear is mad." Well, perhaps not as bad as "mad", but I do have a history of mental illness, specifically of bipolar disorder brought about by my traumatic cubhood and perhaps also latent genetic factors. I therefore beseech you all, gentle sirs and madams, to please do treat me gently.

I enjoy many hobbies and interests. Chief amongst them is the art and science of knighthood, which I pursue with great gusto. My companion has for the past two years enrolled me in chivalry school, where I have learnt how to joust and even participated in the semi-annual tournament! It is my heart's one true desire to be a worthy chevalier!

On the lighter side (or perhaps it's the heavier side!) I love to eat, eat, eat! Tacos are my favorite food, though I have also been known to subsist on enchiladas, hamburgers, porridge, ice cream and LOVE.

I look forward to meeting each of you! I hope to soon embark upon a literary journey most splendid, relating my tales of...

dashing derring-do
in second person
so it's all about you!

[Usoki]

I therefore beseech you all, gentle sirs and madams, to please do treat me gently.

This never happens.

Ever.

[BatCountry]

I like bears. So i like you Mr. Bi polar bear. I hope you're a friendly bear like Winnie the Pooh and not a bastard bear who was in The Fox and the Hound and nearly killed the adorable fox.

Nevertheless I think your an ok bear since you can type. Thats pretty impressive for a bear. Are you a super intelligent bear who was modified by the government? Anyway...welcome. I look forward to reading and maybe even contributing to any stories you write.

[Bear Bipolar-Bear]

Why thank you, Mr. B. Country; it is indeed very pleasant to make your kindly acquaintance.

I must confess that I find Winnie the Pooh to be a sorely befuddled dimwit. In the spring and fall, when I am wont to wear my maroon tee-shirt which comes just short of fitting around my belly, my resemblance to one W. Pooh is most startling.

Although he is a sloppy dresser, I like to think that my manner and behavior more closely resembles the attributes of Paddington Bear, who as we all know is from darkest Peru, just as I am from darkest Everglades.

I also aspire to the high-society life of the famous dandy Aloysius, favored bear of Lord Sebastian Flyte.

Although my goals are indeed lofty, I am content merely to be a bear. I blush to think that I could be super intelligent; nay, I demur. I was, after all, merely the salutatorian of my class at the forest school. I came up short of a freakishly intelligent little Scottish Terrier by the name of Sammy. But we shan't speak of him.

I feel most welcome here and shall endeavor to do justice to your expectations. I am of course very interested in the prospect of collaborations with other authors, so long as they do not engage in profanity or indulge in gratuitously crass themes. My delicate ursine sensibilities simply wouldn't allow my participation in such...things. A story does not have to be rude and offensive to be interesting and worthwhile.

But listen to me blather on. I do beg your pardons. I shall turn in now. It is well past my bedtime.

[OldManHiggins]

Of course in those days we called it a 'lynchydoodle' and the negroes were more or less onboard. Not that we were much better, but at least we didn't eat pigs feet...

[End Master]

So you've returned...

Well?

Do something already you ugly old bastard!

Or at least talk about the time when you wanted some yogurt and how DEP gave you a prostate exam instead.

Then you were given a choice to either:

A. Wipe your ass with DEP's hair!
B. Jerk off to a picture of your daughter!
C. Fuck your mom's corpse and be done with it!
D. Shoot your dad, burn down the house and go down to Mexico to star in gay midget porn!

(KAG and Jeff chose A. but Jeff said he'd pick B. if he ever had a daughter)

[Usoki]

I'm just going to leave this link here...

[End Master]

LOL.

Shouldn't purity bear be white though? That bear was jet black with a stalker voice, seemed more like fatality bear.

Anyway should've ended with the girl giving him a blowjob and both claiming technical purity status since that seems to be standard operating procedure for people these days.

"Now this feels right!"

Thanks for the amusing link!

[Threadkiller]

Fuck you



now THIS feels right

[Bear Bipolar-Bear]

Anyway should've ended with the girl giving him a blowjob

I must disagree with you, Mr. EndMaster.

While I am not convinced that this is the best way to reach today's youth, I must nonetheless applaud the video's message of abstinence.

I myself am a virgin and plan to remain that way.

In today's culture, obsessed with the three-letter word that begins with an "s" and ends with an "x", I for one am relieved to see that some people believe there is more to life than frotting about in the bushes.

[Threadkiller]

In today's culture, obsessed with the three-letter word that begins with an "s" and ends with an "x"

wat, u mean sax? u don't like music bro? wat r u a presbtriAN?

some people believe there is more to life than frotting about in the bushes

had to look tht 1 up dude:

Gay activist Bill Weintraub began to heavily promote and recommend the gender-specific meaning of "penis-to-penis rubbing" as "frot" on Internet forums sometime in the late 1990s, and said he coined the term. "I don't use the word 'frottage,' because it is an ersatz French word which can indicate any sort of erotic rubbing," he stated. "Frot, by contrast, is always phallus-to-phallus sex."

actual, factual, real deal, no-girls-allowed, sex between men, rubbing penises together between two humping bodies or within a single hand

Slang terms for frot include "cock rub," "bumping dicks," "knocking cocks," "tummy stix," "sword-fighting", "Oxford style", "Princeton rub", and "Ivy League rub".

so... u hate gay ppl?

[Usoki]

Have we mentioned that you're on the wrong site before?

I respect people who are strictly abstinence-only the same way I respect people who take vows of celibacy- I'm glad you have that sort of devotion, but you'd have to be a fucking idiot to sincerely believe that the entire rest of the human population is going to go along with it. And if you are going to try and promote something that substitutes physical pleasure for vague religious contentment, you're going to have to do a better job than a terrible video that looks like it was made for under 5 bucks.

Also, Bear, the word is sex. It's okay. You can type it. It won't bite. It's a natural thing. Even if you think sex needs to wait until after marriage, that's no reason to treat it like some sort of other-worldly terror that cannot be named, lest it break free and unmake all of creation. Sexual ignorance is just as dangerous as sexual promiscuity.

[Bear Bipolar-Bear]

wat, u mean sax? u don't like music bro? wat r u a presbtriAN?

Touché my good sir. Well played, well played! Though I must hesitate to endorse your haphazard use of the vernacular.

In that same vein, I will have you know that I take my cues from the likes of Chaucer and Shakespeare. I do not bow my nose to the likes of some upstart gay activist on the world wide webworld who feels he has the ability and the right to re-engineer the English language, much less to re-engineer my sensibilities.

Although I tolerate the gays and I have known some gays who are good people, I nonetheless cannot endorse their lifestyle. Love is between a boy bear and a girl bear. I'm sorry if this makes me seem hateful and reactionary.

I am not hateful or reactionary. I just know my own mind. I am much cuddlier than the foolish little bear in that video!

[Bear Bipolar-Bear]

Sexual ignorance is just as dangerous as sexual promiscuity.

This is a very interesting point that you make, Mr. Usoki. I see that you are quite an intelligent fellow. I shall take your thoughts under careful consideration and respond in due time when I will have ascertained a response which I feel adequately summarizes my own views vis-à-vis your own.

[Threadkiller]

...other-worldly terror that cannot be named, lest it break free and unmake all of creation...

u got that rite LOL