My Ex-Boyfriend is Dead

[wolfen44]

Eh I'm not that good at noticing sarcsm when I see it so I'm not surprised I didn't see it but hey guy's thanks for the insults I actually get a good laugh out of them even if there turned towards me. Also that was a good simulation go figure that some of the people that I know denied me the help when I asked for it (damn assholes) all well. [To be truthful I just want to get some more people in here so maybe you guys could have a little fun with them when they mess up, just like you guys do with me] OH and by the way I'm the one that you'll never be able to drive away Hahhahahaahahah Peace

[Ryan_DuBois]

Wofen, my man. The only people who have even semi-insulted you are DEP and Usoki. Every one else is completely fine with you, as far as I can tell.

I'm not sure I follow you on the whole "denying you help" thing -- are you referring to actual "real people", or us?

[Usoki]

Missing out on sarcasm is the biggest and easiest way to make yourself a forum laughingstock. This forum is filled with sarcastic bastards. And Katie.

[apotheosis]

This message is hidden because wolfen44 is on your ignore list.

I believe the term is, "nuff said"

[wolfen44]

Yea Ryan I meant real people out side the forum that are good friends but they can be dicks when I ask for help from them
Also so apoth Im on your Ignore list huh sweet
And Usoki I just miss it every once and a while like when I missed ryan's
So as apoth says

"nuff said"

[Edit]Hmmm they remind me of some of the people on the forum...Do I...Know you guys from some where.......For this you guys get a cookie

http://infinitejestchallenge.files.w...hip_cookie.jpg

[Vesnic]

This dirty limerick was supposedly recited in 1950 by an inebriated Dylan Thomas in a thankless effort to entertain the deans of Yale University, where he had been invited to give a reading of his work:

There once was a woman named Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina in North Carolina
and bits of her tits down in Dallas

[donteatpoop]

This dirty limerick was supposedly recited in 1950 by an inebriated Dylan Thomas in a thankless effort to entertain the deans of Yale University, where he had been invited to give a reading of his work:

There once was a woman named Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina in North Carolina
and bits of her tits down in Dallas

That was magical.

[Vesnic]

Keats had the right idea:

On death

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?
The transient pleasures as a vision seem,
And yet we think the greatest pain's to die.

How strange it is that man on earth should roam,
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone
His future doom which is but to awake.

[Vesnic]

(Note: this is not a cry for help, just an exercise. Riding on the tails of Mr. Keats, I expect it'll look especially bad, yet the theme is not so very different.)


Suicide, P.S.
by Ves

Just look at you clowns
all huddled around
watching me drop
six feet down in the ground

This plank submarine
just won't submerge straight
but wibbles and wobbles
rolling drunk with the fates

A deaf-and-dumb bunch
Bat-blind too to the vise
But now that I'm dead
you're all so very nice!

Is it sunny or cloudy?
What are the star signs?
Can you already hear
hushed voices in the pines?

Where were you at the end
of my sad, silly race?
Did you search teeming crowds
for one wind-battered face?

A ship's complement is never
the very same twice
Just today are you joined
in your singular vice

It disperses, it whirls
It struggles, then sinks
And God alone knows
what each of you thinks

What each of you thought
as I sank and I sought
to burble from the depths
To mouth, forget me not

Ah, but what does it matter
as you separate and scatter?
Rats jumping onto waves
Canaries choking in caves

Neither villain nor victim
Your futility must be vexing
Why is death so prosaic
while life remains perplexing?

Whatever you tell yourself,
do try to be convincing
Don't stand at the bathroom sink
your bloodied hands rinsing

Go on, do what you must
Let platitudes abound!
Fill days with noise, above all
avoid the oceanic sound

I only wonder if you know
the spot will always stay
and you will always wonder
Did today have to be, today?

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

Pygmy Pie
by ChubbyTeletubby

Let's butter a pygmy!
We'll slather it good!
The pygmy will struggle...
Like a good pygmy should!
The pygmy will cry!
The pygmy will shout!
The better to butter!
Let there be no doubt!

We'll preheat the oven...
to 375...
We'll slide in the pygmy...
And bake it alive!
Its cries of terror...
Will haunt us at night!
We'll awake in cold sweats...
Alone in our fright!

We'll catch us five pygmies...
And make pygmy pie!
A pie made of pygmies!
We'll pair with a wine!
We'll eat them all up...
Like ravenous loons!
Our guts full of pygmies...
We'll howl at the moon!

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

Note: This ISN'T a cry for help, either. And I'm actually sober as I sit here writing this. Thank you all very much!

Maggots in my Morbid Mind
by ChubbyTeletubby


My thoughts... like flies...
BREEDING
Incessently they swarm
NEEDING
Every morsel in my mind
FEEDING
Maggots in my brain
BEATING
Heart within my chest
FLEETING
Time
NEEDING
I am
BLEEDING
I am festering and dour
Locked alone within my tower
It devours
Hour by hour
I am powerless
THE TORRENT
Time, the ever surging roar
I need more
I need more
THE MONSTER I abhor
Death the only door
ESCAPE
No more
The past is gone
The whore!
Humanity
THE BORE!
Facebook
I refuse to face
THE HORROR!
A fusion of seclusion and delusion
I refuse to be included
This collusion of intrusion
Fueling my confusion
A RUSE
I am using
DOOM
I am choosing, losing all I had in youth I am sad and aloof
I have had not a single worthy path
Slipping through my
FINGERS
The poison past
LINGERS


Nothing lasts but the laughter
God's a sick sick bastard
God I'm plastered

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

ONE GAY DAY IN MAY

---

The time: A day, bright and clean in late Spring. Maybe now, maybe then. Maybe when...

The place: A meadow somewhere in the midst of a merry wood, with the trees all astir with the flitter and flutter of little critters busy going about their doings and dontings and wanting and wontings. For even critters have an inherent code of conduct, do they not? Dos and don'ts, as it were.
A cardinal does not scurry about like a squirrel, a squirrel does not flap its little squirrely arms abound like a cardinal, a rabbit does not go hunting and prowling about like a wild bobcat. Right?

I'm right. Alright then.

On a blanket in that meadow on this bright clean day there sit two young lovers, caught in one another's gaze.

"Oh, Edmund," says a lovely young lass of around eighteen, with hair the color of...well...it doesn't matter. "I wish only we could do this more often. Be together like this."

Edmund smiles that devious yet endearing smile of his as he gently strokes and caresses the lass's warm, ruddy cheeks. "My dear, sweet, soft, ignorant Cynthia. My only wish is that we could spend every waking hour together in peace and seclusion. But the times simply won't allow for it. There are larger forces at work..."

Cynthia turns her head away abruptly. "Oh stop it!" she blurts out in perturbed annoyance. "You sound more and more like that cousin of yours every day! You know I don't like him, Edmund. Him and his smooth talk, infiltrating your mind with that rubbish he calls 'ideas' and 'ideals', from whatever rubbish pile it is he dug them out of!"

"Whatever rubbish pile it is? They're called houses of higher education, Cynthia! And he's right! Whether you like it or not!" Edmund takes his lover's face back into his calloused hands and gazes deep into her eyes. His own eyes are twin pools of infinite affection, bright and blue as the sky above. "He's right," he goes on, barely above a whisper. "The times they are a'changing, and we must change with them, my simple little girl."

Cynthia slumps ever more, but does not turn away from her beloved. "Oh, but he's not right, Edmund, don't you see?"

A breeze sends the trees into a soft, hypnotic rustling that scatters the rays of sunlight peeping through their many branches and onto the merry, mellow meadow below. Seed pods float gently down from the treetops and land all about them.

The birds sing sweet songs of springtime as a butterfly alights upon a nearby flower.

"I have a duty, you know," Edmund prattles on. "A duty to my..."

"You have a duty to ME!" Cynthia gushes, startling the young man. "You have a duty to me, you selfish son of a bitch!"

The slap comes suddenly, and hard. It echoes through the meadow, shattering the peaceful silence of that gay day in May. The young man falls back in the wake of it, his eyes wide in shock and pain and...something else. He shakily and warily struggles to his feet, then rubs the glaring red mark on the cheek that bore the brunt of his sweetheart's rage.

He stares at Cynthia, his anger mounting.

"You...you hit me! I can't believe it! You...you...how DARE you!? You fucking hit me, you cunt! You whore!"

Cynthia springs right to her feet like a kangaroo on crack, and walks up to him with unabashed zeal. "You're damn right I did! That's what you get for calling me ignorant, you jerk!"

Edmund begins to shake all over as a smile slowly forms on his reddening face. "You wretched, wretched cunt," he says in a softer tone. "I'll kill you for that."

Cynthia smiles back. "I dare you to try."

Edmund advances upon her in slow, lumbering steps. "I'll kill you."

"Do it," she dares him, licking her lips in anticipation. "If you think you're man enough to..."

On the verge of a defining moment, he halts in his tracks and breathes in deeply of the flower-scented air. "I'LL KILL YOU!" he says finally, and with resolve.

"WAIT!" cries a voice from the nearby trees.

Both lovers turn suddenly toward the voice, jolted rudely from their special, erotic moment.

"Wait, dammit!" the voice continues. The bushes a few yards away rustle angrily as a figure appears from the underbrush, then rushes toward them with reckless abandon.

"Well, I never..." says Cynthia in utter disbelief.

Edmund rubs his eyes. "Camden!? But what are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from doing something dreadful!" the man, who apparently goes by the name of Camden, explains, short of breath and desperate. "Don't do it, Edmund. Please!"

"Don't do what?" says an exasperated Edmund. "Make wild love to my beloved Cynthia, here? What are you doing in those bushes? Why...why are you out here? Were you following us? Were you watching us?"

Cynthia merely stares at the man who has polluted her beloved's head over the weeks and months.

Camden, mouth agape, catches his breath as he turns his gaze from first one and then the other and then back again. "You...you said you were going to kill her. And YOU. You slapped him! And, and..."

"What the fuck were you doing in those bushes, Camden!?" Edmund demands, ignoring his cousin's line of questions.

"Yes, CAMDEN, do explain," adds Cynthia in her gleeful tone.

"I was. Well. Um. I was. Taking a nature hike..."

Edmund takes a step toward his cousin and his blue eyes narrow on the man. "You were following us, you little creep!"

The young college professor shakes his head vehemently, causing twigs and leaves and other assorted woodland nonsense that cling stubbornly to his long brown hair and even longer brown beard to be flung free. "I swear, I was just...I was...okay. Okay. I was following you, okay?"

"No, it's NOT okay. Why on EARTH were you following us? Be honest. Don't make me kick your ass, Camden."

Camden shrugs and turns away shyly. "I was just...watching..."

"You knew we were going to fuck and you were gonna jack off while you watched us!" says Cynthia.

Both men look at the girl, startled at the bluntness of her words.

"Is this true, Camden!?" Edmund rages.

"I don't know..." the bearded man with the high ideals stammers. "I guess. I didn't mean any harm. Honest. I was just...I don't know. Bored. There's no pot in this town lately and...I knew you guys came out here once in awhile and got jiggy with it. And I don't...there was nothing else to do on a Saturday afternoon. Besides...grade papers and...I didn't realize you guys played so rough or I woulda just stayed quiet..."

"Got jiggy with it?" Cyntghia giggles. "Jesus Christ, dude. It's 2016. Haven't you ever heard of Porn Hub? This is your cousin! And...I don't even want to think about it...I am SO creeped out right now..."

Edmund grabs his cousin by the collar and and shakes him once or twice.
"I'll tell you what, Camden, you get the fuck out of here RIGHT now and I won't stomp your ass into the ground like the miserable little fuck you are!"

"Ahhh, c'mon," Camden protests. "I wont be a bother, I swear. You wont even know I'm here. I'll just be in the bushes. Pretend I'm a squirrel..."

"NO!!" Edmunds spits in disgust, releasing his cousin from his grasp.

"C'mon...I'll....pay you fifty bucks!"

"NO, GOD DAMMIT! I'm serious, Camden. Get the fuck out of here before I kick your ass!"

"Well...fifty bucks IS fifty bucks..." Cynthia intones.

Camden's face brightens.

Edmunds reels about in stunned silence to face her.

Cynthia shrugs. "I mean...the Stratus needs new tires and...well fifty bucks would help...."

THE END

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

the king





Unblinking eyes
Stinking corpses
Piled high
One upon another
No noise or violent shrieking cries
Defile the silence of the night

Quiet and peaceful
All has ceased to be
And I am least of all these
How I relish my new friends
Soaring high up in the sky
Circling
Watching keenly
Alive

I alone survived

While the warmth was in their veins
I had my way with who I may
Celebreties and models
I have mated with them all
I have done every act
Once deemed sinful and appalling

There are none here to judge me
I alone am king
I am emperor of all I see
All I survey
All I deem

I see all that I deem worthy
I am no longer worthless
I am the only lingering thing

Where is your laughter now!?
Where are your mocking voices!?
Where are your happy faces!?

WHERE!?
WHERE!?
WHERE!?

Only me, only me
And the dogs
And the lowly feeding things
We roam the streets as kings
We parade victoriously

The onlookers are silent
Their eyes plucked out by vultures
Their stink fills the air
Their rotten carcasses
Under the glaring yellow sun
The darkness is a darkness I never knew before
The stars
I can touch at night
Night
The deepest I have ever known

And I am all alone

The King

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

Im on a mission to wellness and get back on my feet

-you're on a mission to hell, you'll be high in one week-

if you think that im helterin
and some kinda skelteriin
you dont know me too well
cause hell it is swelterin
ive been there and dwelt therein
I know it quite well sir and
there's no use for shelterin
in places ive dwelt in
where I have tales I could tale
where the feelings I felt
where of the lowest design
ever in space and time
and the loneliness I
can not even describe
when the friends in my mind
where the only I'd find
And a skeleton
I was indeed I was blind
And the maggots they ate
all the flesh they could find
And I fell into my
Pit of despair where I'd
lie for days at a time
Like a corpse in a bind
And when I would awake
I would seek to forsake
My redemption at stake
That fatal mistake
Burning bridges with fire
Fueled by weakness and ire
and I did it quite well
so I stayed in my hell

And swallowed my poison

to escape all I felt