Halloween

[Sven Smokevich]

I suppose I don't really need to wish everyone a happy Halloween - after all, it's noon and half of you are probably already well on your way to getting trashed, drinking, partying, and masturbating in preparation for party hopping tonight (social leeches, all of you), so you're doing okay without my best wishes - but for those of you who haven't started just yet (I'm looking at you, Thoric), I thought I'd go ahead and say it anyway.

By way of marking the occasion, I suppose it's also worth mentioning that this will likely be my last post on the forums. You see, tonight is an unusual night for most of us, with the possible exception of Chubby, who I can only assume will spend it like all the others, imbibing various exotic substances in a noble but forever doomed attempt to exceed his own inhuman levels of tolerance.

Whether it's about the vandalism, the mooching of commercial goods from your foolish neighbors, getting wasted, getting laid, or spending some quality time with your kult, as the witching hour draws near, many of you will be donning assorted types of edible body paint, makeup, blood (store-bought or self-drawn), face masks and disguises of all sorts...

[Vesnic]

Please don't leave us, Sven. You're the most insane thing to come around these parts in donkey's years. Are you planning on being sacrificed? Most people don't go into their Halloween festivities with an acute awareness of their mortality...far from it. But you seem to have decided on something sad and dark that you only allude to, but I beg you, Mr. Pot Leaf, please reconsider. The world is full of bunnies and chipmunks and 364 days of the year that are NOT All Hallows' Eve. Come down from the fire escape and we'll talk, okay?

[Locke]

...so it seems suitably ironic that I take this opportunity to discard my own. The forums will admittedly be somewhat different without Sven's rather unique pseudo-ethnicities and observations from the mean streets of North Philly, but perhaps if there were any among us lacking a reason to drown our miserable lives in a good, destructive party tonight, this is it. It's only fitting, after all, to hold a pagan anarchist Irish wake of orgiastic Roman proportions for our dearly departed Nordic ebony poseur, that pale-faced upper-class Montgomery gangster from the ghetto, that small-time trash-talking prince among men. Sven Smokevich: rest in peace, brother.

[donteatpoop]

By way of marking the occasion, I suppose it's also worth mentioning that this will likely be my last post on the forums.

Dammit, sven; the most coherent comment you've ever posted icluded a forum suicide? Don't leave, stick around. Is there a reason you're leaving? You hate us don't you? Or did you get busted by the fuzz? You did didn't you? The red and blue lights were flashing outside of your window even as you typed your comment box. They were busting down the door but you managed to hit "submit" before they dragged you away.

I knew it. Be safe in prison, Sven; and be sure to never ever drop the soap. Also, go Eagles! Philly is getting less disappointing with each game. And we got the Seahawks this weekend, should be another W.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Sven man I love you bro.

I want you physically. Please...I need your body, bro. Physically. I want to...touch you...physically.

Please.

[xnull]

Man you guys were easy to trick. The whole time I've been pretending to be Sven. Notice how little I've been posting recently? Correlate my posting history with Sven's and I think you'll see something very revealing.

Better yet, if Sev ever shows up, ask him for an IP compare. I think I slipped up with my web proxies a time or two.

Happy Halloween guys!

[Usoki]

Do you notice how little you post anyway? Does it really matter if you use an alternate account? XD The question was never "Is Sven fake" so much as "How fake is Sven". I, personally, would not have gone as far to think that the fake philly was also someone else, but to think that he was from the streets is ridiculous.

Still, I'm highly amused. Congrats.

And it also means I can post my amusing Halloween story without breaking the flow of the thread.

My costume was a polo, striped shorts, and a lot of hair gel. That wouldn't count as a costume to a lot of people, but...as evidenced by my membership here, I'm a geek. I don't have anything even close to that in my wardrobe. That, coupled with me taking off my glasses, meant that I looked a hell of a lot different. A lot of my close friends had to pull double takes. It was hilarous.



I'm rather proud of it.

[End Master]

Congrats Usoki, you've just ensured that Ves will now want to do you, now that she's seen what you look like. She's got a thing for clean cut farmboys types.

You have now joined the ranks of other illustrious citizens here such as Apoth and Chubby.

A winner is you!

[Locke]

Did anyone notice how my post continued directly from where "Sven's" left off, or were you all going for subtle? It would've been more obvious if Ves hadn't snuck in with a post before I could type the second one, I guess, but still. I guess I can attribute everything to the Halloween binging; I'm posting today just as you're really starting to feel that post-Halloween hangover, so I'll take pity on your migraines by being blatant.

EDIT: Seriously, though, mad props for trying, Xnull. At least you got Usoki.

[Sven Smokevich]

It's true; I am Locke.

[xnull]

So easy to do. The purpose of my post was of course to make the true alter-ego of Sven to reveal themselves.

Clever working with the continuation of his post. I didn't realize it, actually. Nice work.

Please keep Sven alive in some form or another. He was a great character, and I love him. Dearly.

Peace out bro'!

[donteatpoop]

We love Sven as well. Much more than you, actually. Is there anyway you can go away yourself and leave Sven behind?

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You mother fuckers.

How come I get banned when I do the Old Man Higgins thing and yet you assholes get away with this shit?

Stupid sev wouldn't have even let me back were it not for the 'bring chubby back' campaign. I think there was a 'BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND - CHUBBYTELETUBBY!' banner on here for a week.

It was sufficient enough.

Of course I could have come back if I had wanted. But it was simply the thought of the matter. Seriously, Locke, watch out. Sev is a total anal dipshit cock sucking cum gargling ass fucking bitch ass stupid dumbie poo face when it comes to this stuff.

Love you, Sev (not really).

Oh, and Usoki, your hair looks like you applied 5 pounds of horse grease to it and then didn't shower for a month. And why run your picture through a crappy photoshop edit? You're just as ugly with or without favorable texture and lighting.

True story.

Crazy thought though. I might be driving through kansas a few times this next year (trafficking meth and marijuana to school kids in Colorado) and...shot in the dark here...you wanna DO something sometime? Nothing homo, just harmless experimentation.

[Dragavan]

Chubby... it wasn't just OMH that got you in trouble. You had multiple accounts (more than just two) and used several of them to rate the same stories. That was, of course, before the site and the forums became separate accounts.

I would still be careful about the multiple accounts thing though. It is generally frowned upon by the house. Chubby was not kidding about that part.

[Vesnic]

Well, as End has pointed out in the past, I was trying to go through the list here alphabetically, and Usoki is rather near the end of things, but you know, fuck it.

Hey Usoki, U WANNA CYBER?

However, seeing his face ruins the image I had always had in my mind of a grumpy, androgynous Japanese midget.

But, it's a cute face, so the offer still stands. If I ever pass through Kansas I will be sure to entice you into some less than harmless bondage, unless that's not your bag, in which case some highly public frotteurism is still acceptable. Were your parents still interested in doing something in your basement?

I will miss Sven. In my mind, the question of Svenness really has little to do with the literal truth of things, ya know? Whether Sven was a "real" person or not. I mean, none of you are really real people anyway, so how is Sven any less of a character now than he ever was? Like thee stories in the Bible, who cares if they're literal truth or not? It's the spirit of the matter, that's what matters, ya know, bro? Whether Sven was from the mean streets of North Philly or the belly of the whale or the crankier shafts of xnull's rusted mental gears, it just doesn't matter. He is still Sven. As he was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, Sven without end. Amen.