Best Christmas Wishes!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Best Christmas Wishes!




















































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Ronny?

[Vesnic]

I just finished a MASTERFUL Cornish pasty! (No, Chubby, that's not the same pasty that you tape over your tender, tender nipples.)

A Merry Christmas to all!

Love and fluids,

Ves

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Merry Christmas!!!

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

We had our family Christmas dinner around noon today. It was a marvelous feast, and we all gorged ourselves as is the annual tradition. Anyway, after we had stuffed our faces, everyone collapsed in the living room filling up the couch and chairs. Just as our lethargy was really setting in someone put one of those Yule log programs on the television. It was kind of nice sitting around the fire, chatting and drifting in and out of dreamland. The fireplace was popping with little merry crackles, and flickering between shades of yellow and red. The air was scented with that lovely pine smell that comes indoors along with real Christmas trees. Life was feeling pretty festive…

-until the cries began. At first we thought it was one of the kids upstairs, and my stepsister got up to go check on the little runts. Meanwhile the rest of us sat around waiting for the crying to stop- it didn’t stop; it got louder. My stepsister re-appeared, looking completely perplexed,- the kids were fine, playing quietly on their own.

A pleading mumble joined the whimpers, and we all kind of looked around, not really sure what to think. The words became increasingly clear as the minutes passed.

“Please, no. Don’t hurt me.”

Meanwhile the fireplace was still popping happily. Someone, one of my cousins I guess turned off the sound, and the crying stopped. We all assumed that the joke was over, and we could just go back to being lazy. Except that when the volume on the TV came up again the screams were louder. There were two distinct voices, a screaming woman, with a high girlish sound and a man with a deep voice. He kept saying twisted shit too.

“You’ve been real naughty for Santa,” and “Ho ho ho, I’ve got a present for you.”

Each time the man spoke his words were punctuated with loud slaps and whips. The girl’s cries echoed through my stepdad’s new surround sound.

“Turn it off, this is sick.” My mom was the first one to suggest the obvious. Whatever was happening outside of the view of the camera, it had nothing to do with Christmas joy or good tidings. That creepy feeling had settled in my stomach, but it was like a train wreck, I was in denial but for the first time in my life truly riveted to a screen with a burning log.

A few people got up and left the room, one of my younger cousins added to the ambiance by barfing up his meal in the bathroom. But, then there were the rest of us, unable to look away from the cheerful little fireplace.

The scenery never changed, even as the violence off screen got louder and louder, and then even more terrifyingly quieter and quieter until a last soft gurgle could be heard. We listened to the sound of boots crossing a wooden floor, and then watched in awe as a blood soaked poker prodded the dying embers of the fire. The fire brightened in response, and went back to burning quietly.

A little while ago my step dad got off the phone with the cable company. He was pretty mad about the experience, after all, the adults felt completely sullied and if the kids had been around it would have totally altered their view of Christmas. Of course, the company denied it, and from what I’ve seen around the internet no one else has had the same experience. So, I don’t know what to think. At least we won’t be forced to watch that lame Yule log burning next year, it kind of goes without saying that we’ll never put that on our telly again.

Anyway, hope your Christmas was less frightening.
XOXO
~Katie

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Um, first and foremost...

Really?

If so...

Wow. Nice.


If not...

Good story nonetheless.

I want this to be a true story, though. Katie, please say it is even if it isn't.

My Christmas? Uneventful. But happy. And.......whatever.

I'm a sucker for Christmas. It's an alcoholics favorite time of year. Drinking becomes acceptable for a month or so. It's great. I mean real hardcore drinking. Like, before noon shit.


Santa must have lowered his standards because I wasn't even on the naughty list this year.

*raises a glass of cheer*

Cheers! To all humanity!

(Even though I hate you all)


I really do hate all of you, though.

[Dragavan]

I actually got "Christmas Coal" in my stocking this year... no joke.

How the hell did I end up on the naughty list and Chubby didn't? Come on people, the controversy over my story over on the ASN board wasn't that bad. Who cares if I offended the sensibilities of a few of the people who congregate to read stories of forced stripping and humiliation? I don't think that qualifies me for the naughty list.

[Hi! My name is: Katie]

Um, first and foremost...

Really?

Yes. Really. End was there for some of it. He can probably fill you in on any gory details I missed.

I actually got "Christmas Coal" in my stocking this year... no joke.

How the hell did I end up on the naughty list and Chubby didn't? Come on people, the controversy over my story over on the ASN board wasn't that bad. Who cares if I offended the sensibilities of a few of the people who congregate to read stories of forced stripping and humiliation? I don't think that qualifies me for the naughty list.

I've always wanted to give Coal to someone for Christmas, I almost hope I have a naughty kid, so I can give them Coal and Switches. That should teach them a thing or two. But I doubt you deserve to be on the naughty list, it must have been a mistake. Demand a recount!

[Dragavan]

But I doubt you deserve to be on the naughty list, it must have been a mistake.

That would depend on how you define naughty. ;-)

[Locke]

Merry Christmas, I guess. Except for those on the East coast and in other countries; happy 26th to you.

[End Master]

For a moment I thought DEP unbanned Chubtub for the holidays.

Though I'm pretty sure he popped up on here as "Laughingstock" a few months ago.

[Locke]

For a moment I thought DEP unbanned Chubtub for the holidays.

I figured I'd get someone with that. Thought it'd be a noob, though, and not you, End.

[End Master]

Didn't realize it was all a fatal trap, but wouldn't you be MORE likely to catch someone who is a regular here rather than a noob, who probably wouldn't have any idea who Chubby was or his colorful history?

I mean unless it was a lurker, but that's different from a noob.

Anyway its the New Year and its too early to focus on these deep philosophical questions.

[Vesnic]

Ho ho fucking ho in advance. I've been told I may no longer live in the early 21st century and must now repent for my sin of self-determination by purchasing a tablet for use in my daily life. Seeing as it will soon be the holidays, I thought this would be a great expense to foist off on my family.

So guys, what kind do I ask Santa for? iPad or android? Fluffy or feathery? Moogomatic Banalia or Flashintine Ultra? Please help me.

And while you're at it, untie me from these train tracks. Thanks so much.

[Vesnic]

Bueller? Bueller?

Is it just that nobody here knows or that you're not particularly keen on gifting your neighbor a cup of sugar?

[End Master]

I figured it was someone else’s turn to speak. If Drag was still around I’m sure he’d probably know more about this stuff.

Well anyway, not sure how helpful I’ll be with my limited knowledge on the subject.

The only one I’ve ever used is an iPad and the one I currently own is hilariously old though Apple has still been upgrading the iOS for it, mainly because it’s the iPad 2 and a lot of people bought those, so hence the continued (if bare minimum) support.

Naturally you’ll be getting one of the newer models. From what I can tell, like all apple products they’re all pretty simple to use and more or less follow the same pattern with only a few minor improvements.

You can get access to just about whatever app you need and they tend to be reliable and easy to use.

Whenever they give you an available update though, it’s probably best to wait a bit and not do it right away. While they do fairly good job in working all the bugs out with their updates, sometimes shit happens.

They’re more expensive and you can’t use a flash drive with them. At least last time I checked you can’t. Maybe the newer models allow you to download stuff to some sort of external drive. Not sure.

From what I know about the Android is that it’s more customizable than the iPad. It’s designed more for people that like to tinker a bit with their devices. It’s also cheaper, but like with most things, you get what you pay for, so if you want a good one, you’ll probably still have to shell out some money.

There is a more limited app selection and some of those tend to be less stable than the stuff you’d be able to get through the Apple Store. Besides the less uniform nature of the device, piracy is more of a problem for the Android, so companies are less willing to risk creating something for it.

Not sure what you’ll be using your device for primarily, but it’s anything to do with gaming, get an iPad. Way more good stuff for it.