AnorexiVes!

[Vesnic]

Hello friends!

This morning I have had a brilliant idea!

How could our dear Ves possibly get any more brilliant and enchanting? you ask yourselves.

Here's hows! I have decided, after much careful consideration and mental acrobatics, to become anorexic! Because it's something I haven't done yet, and as you all know, I am more of a glutton for new experiences than I am for food.

And also I hate fat people. Especially fat women.

This deep and abiding psychological heebiejeebie all started in my earliest youth, when I did way too much ballet. Of course my right ankle has never been the same ever since Miss Nanuschka started me on pointe shoes at the tender age of ten, beating the soles of my feet mercilessly whenever I didn't perform to the lofty standards of the New Soviet Style.

Fifteen years of intensive ballet starting at age three have forever fucked up my body image, and I am therefore a ripe candidate for anorexia nervosa. I felt a chilblain hoodie-doodie run down my spine on the day Kate Moss first uttered those prophetic words, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Amen, sister. Amen.

Last year, when I was in marginally better mental health, I did something somewhat similar. I fasted for a week, for spiritual reasons only, or so I convinced myself. I turned my thoughts towards an alternating loop of Jesus, Buddha, and the Karmic Kahuna. By the end of a week drinking only water and eating only dirt, I felt...I felt...enlightened! It's true that starvation has incredible benefits for one's mental acuity (up to a point) and sense of sanctification. By the end of that week, I was clean. I was wise. I was thin. Then I ate a pizza and it all dissipated like methane out a window on a cold winter's eve.

So this time I will stop fucking around and just call it what it is: AnorexiVes Fabulosa!

I ain't no Gandhi Gimmebeefawanda. I ain't no Bobby Head-in-the-Sands. I ain't no Jeebus the Christmas Crystalball. I'm just completely cruckin' fazy!

After enjoying my Last Lunch of egg-and-cheese croissant and a tube of white cake frosting (white is for purity!), I will begin my fast of length still-to-be-determined on this very day, the twenty-sixth of January in the Year of Our Lord two thousand and twelve.

I will report in daily, or maybe hourly, to tell you all how I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing, and whether I've died yet. My mind may soar to strange and wondrous places. Surely my belt notches will deepen--cuz' let's face it, at the end of the day, it ain't about philosophical asceticism or the quest for goodness or even physiological detoxification. It's all about...

BEING A skinny bitch! HOORAY!

[apotheosis]

I cannot support your endeavor because if you fast for too long your body will start to eat away at your muscle tissue, vital organs, and eventually your brain... and your brain is far to fascinating/disturbing/wonderful to simply be used as fuel for your cells in a desperate involuntary survival bid.

Secondly, if you fast your body will probably slow down your metabolism to compensate, so when you break your fast you will be much more likely to put on fat.

However, I completely agree with your reasons for wanting to do this. Obesity is a plague on our society, taxing the healthcare system, killing hundreds of thousands of people per year in the United States alone, and simply making our populace weaker and less productive. But, becoming anorexic will only fuel fat pride arguments. Better to eat a healthy, balanced diet and exercise regularly. Eat lots of protein and vegetables and avoid carbs. And green vegetables, not starchy vegetables.

To summarize:

Being Fat = Failing at Life
Being Anorexic = Failing at Life (just because it takes discipline doesn't mean its not failure)
Being Thin but not eating nutritious foods- Failing at Life (See Malnutrition)
Being Fit and eating a balanced diet of protein and vegetables- Winning at life

I should write self-help books.

Anyway, good luck and I sincerely hope you don't starve yourself to death or injury.

[End Master]

Nah.

Fucked up body image aside you're still too self aware of all the danger and too old. You'll never be a true anorexic at this late stage.

You'll get to eastern european super model thin and then get hungry.

You'll then eat enough to keep from dying and then go through a hilarious period of self loathing.

You'll then rant about having to wear size 0 "Fat Pants" on the forums much to the amusement for us all and then everything will go back to normal until the next cycle.


On that note, you will probably see this post as a challenge and believe me to be motivating you much like a sadistic Russian ballet teacher. Well whatever you do, don't go bulimic, that's just nasty.

[Vesnic]

Yay! Apoth is back. I was beginning to wonder how he was spending his extended hiatus. But back he is, and in full-blown Prudie mode to boot!

At the moment, I am fixing to fast for a full week, which I understand is still well within the safe limits, especially when it is a true fast, and the body enters into a fat-munching state of ketosis after only one or two days of eating its own tissues. However, I will attempt to attain this potentially healthy bodily state while maintaining as unhealthy a mindset as possible: watching thinspo videos on YouTube, listening to Garbage and perhaps even blowing the dust off my favorite old rusty-razor shaving kit. The possibilities abound!

As for the "hilarious period of self-loathing", my only hope is that I will still be around to document this stage for everyone's amusement. I aim to entertain, after all. However, if I really do get supermodel skinny then I'll probably also become unbearably obnoxious and vain(er), prone to acts of yet unimaginable exhibitionism and self-obsession.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Okay, so I really thought - up until thirty seconds ago - that picture was of a glass ballerina figurine. I've always been amazed at the well...cruelty of ballet and gymnastics. And you read about some of the stuff that was really going on in the soviet union. Its just. Wow. As a child who was never enlisted in any kind of extra curricular activities whatsoever, I honestly can't relate.

As someone who has an excellent sense of body image, I can't relate. Sometimes, when I'm coming out of the shower I'll catch myself stealing a peak. And it turns me on. What can I say. I turn myself on. I do it everyday. I can't stop. And I won't.

I don't think eating less is the key. I think its all about doing more amphetamines. Trust me, Ves. I've seen it work time and time again. Two hardcore months on the pipe can make anyone look like Skeletor. Really a miracle drug. We call it the glass dick method. The pipe resembles a glass dick.

Anyway, im sure you're not a fat chick. Cuz I'm pretty sure the forums have a 'no fat chicks' policy, right? On a similar note, I'm on the "too poor to eat" diet. I heard its worked for millions in africa and asia and so far I'm pretty pleased with the results. Pretty pleased.

[BatCountry]

I'm with apoth on this. If you're a big huge tub of crisco, waddling down the halls, getting winded after eating a whopper jr too fast; then people laugh and snicker behind your back. Conversley, super skinny skeletor creatures that look like a stiff breeze could sever their spinal column; get the "Oh my God, that girl looks awful, shes going to die any minute" pity party. Both are bad things.



Exercise and a nutritional diet is the best method. A little meat on the bone never hurt anybody, and in this mans opinion, is sexier. I love a lady that has some curves, yet is healthy. Just my opinion though; I don't know how anyone else feels. I would think most people wouldn't want to be with a giant lard mountain OR be with a modern day concentration camp wannabe.


Once again, my opinion. I'm sure that there are some people that get aroused from diving into the fat folds or dirty dancing with a weightless corpse. Probably oldmanhiggins on both counts.


Ves I respect the fasting thing but please don't extend it for too long. You are probably a lovley young...(older? cougar? idk) woman just the way you are. Don't starve yourself because society would consider you "ugly" otherwise. You seem like an intelligent person though, so I'm sure you will make the right choice.

[OldManHiggins]

Why don't you all shut the Hell up, you damn fools!? Nobody asked for your measly, unqualified opinions!!!!! And Vesnic, or whatever this fluzzy's name is, is obviously a damn idiot. Back in my day we kept our ballerinas in the stables. I think. I don't remember now. That's not what's important. What's important is that in my day we liked our women fat! That way they'd get you through the winter! The skinny ones die too quick! You damn fools wouldn't know the first thing about that, would you?

On a side note, I've seen that teletubby guy naked and all I can say is, "get a tan! And get that mole checked! I want my prune juice.

[End Master]

What's important is that in my day we liked our women fat! That way they'd get you through the winter! The skinny ones die too quick! You damn fools wouldn't know the first thing about that, would you?

It also allowed them to float on water better which proved they weren't a witch!

EDIT: She should've called it Anorvesnic. Flows a bit better

[ChubbyTeletubby]

That wasn't a mole, omh. It was my pet tick, "Lymey". I miss the ol guy. Look everybody, in the interest of full disclosure, it should be known.....A couple years back, I made a mistake. A big mistake. It was a one night stand/gang rape. Before you get all bent out of shape it was simulated rape, ok? I payed good money for it. And that girl couldn't have been a day under 14 and the old man promised me she couldn't speak english. Well....long story short; I made a booboo. Life goes on. I've payed my dues and I'm moving on with my life. I'm not gonna let you hold this over my head anymore, Higgins. I simply won't.

Anyway, good luck starving yourself, ves. I hope it works out for you.

[End Master]

http://day-by-day87tips.tumblr.com/

http://proanatips.net/







HAWT.

[Locke]

Hey, you finally found something that disturbs me. Thanks for that, End.

[Vesnic]

It also allowed them to float on water better which proved they weren't a witch!

Floating on water means they ARE a witch. That's what's so twisted about the whole thing (I mean, besides the fact that a more-or-less modern society still believed in the existence of witches). If the girl was a chunkster (or a swimmer) and managed to float, then she was promptly pulled from the water and burned. If she sank, then it turned out she was innocent. Still dead, yes. But at least then eligible for full burial rights in the local churchyard.

Thanks for those hot pics and the pro-ana websites, which I've of course already visited. You can call the page anorvesnic if you want. We'll have a duel like we did over allegoriporn/pornagory.

And to the rest of the crew, thanks for your wisdom. I'll be reporting in later today!

P.S. Number 3 looks a lot like my mom, 'cept with tits.

[Vesnic]

DAY 1

12:00 p.m. Not feeling particularly hungry yet, a bit jumpy maybe but that's hardly unusual. I got a very upsetting phone call this morning from my old friend Bad News, so all I can think at the moment is how much I am looking forward to the flattening of emotions that happens during a fast. I could do with a few fewer of those right now.

2:00 p.m. Now I'm beginning to feel hungry. However, I'm also completely depressed, so the urge to sleep just barely eclipses the urge to eat.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I haven't ate yet either. I feel like this is a bonding moment between us. Bad news, huh? That sucks.

[End Master]

Floating on water means they ARE a witch. That's what's so twisted about the whole thing (I mean, besides the fact that a more-or-less modern society still believed in the existence of witches). If the girl was a chunkster (or a swimmer) and managed to float, then she was promptly pulled from the water and burned. If she sank, then it turned out she was innocent. Still dead, yes. But at least then eligible for full burial rights in the local churchyard.

I know, I was going with the whole old person wrong facts thing to supplement OldManHiggins' own senility. Guess it didn't come across very well though, I should've added "used to tie an onion to the body too since that was the style at the time."

Oh well at least I disturbed Locke, that's the important thing.