I'm not a Nazi

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

R.O.C.K. in the USA

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

*Steps up to the podium, shaking like a leaf, sweating profusely, and reeking only slightly of cat urine*

Hey guys! Hi! It's me! Remember? Do you remember?

*Silence*

Cool. Well it's great to be back! Teehee! Sorry about that um....title...that was my....um. I mean the title. I mean this title. For this post. I mean the title for this post. Lolz. Sorry. That was my...um....that was, uh...my uh, you know...what I said during my Federal Indictment thingy a while back. It was just....nothing.

Anyway. You guys are lookin' great! End! How's it going, bud!? You look awesome, dude! Lost some weight? You look fucking fantastic! I never told you that enough in the past.

*silence*

DEP, you looking fucking fantastic, too. I think you probably gained some weight but regardless, I would still let you fuck me in the ass RIGHT now and come all up inside me or like all up in my mouth or wherever. Like WHEREVER you want to come, bro. Do that shit. All up in me or on me. Do that shit. I'll be your sponge.

No homo.

A lot has happened over the last couple of years. So...hello from the other side. It's kinda like that Adele song. Except I'm not Adele and this isn't a song and nobody is reading this.

A lot has happened. I've grown, you know? As a person. I've met a few people. Real people. I know. It's crazy. I met some real people.

And you guys are probably all like, "Oh dude! I bet you had sex with all these hot chicks!"

LOLZ. Come on guys, will ya? Of course I did. Of course I did. Like...everyday. Practically. That goes without saying. So let's just move on...

*Silence*
*somewhere...someone farts*

I heard that! Hahaha. You guys are great. Anyway...Um....

I may or may not have done some things with another grown man that I'm not really that proud of. That doesn't mean I sucked his dick, guys. You just JUMPED to that conclusion. I saw that. I said I MAY or MAY NOT have sucked his dick. And even if I DID suck his dick (and his friend's), so mother fucking what? I probably had a good reason to do it. I hope I had a good reason.

I had a good reason.

I had a good reason, okay?

*Silence*

So, anyway, I'm back. "Like a dog returning to his vomit, so a clever man returns to his cleverness" That's an actual Proverb.

So I'm back, I'm sober, I'm quicker, I'm thicker, I'm longer, I'm shaved, I'm lubricated, I'm throbbing, and I'm ready to go for more than two minutes.
I've learned a lot over the stormy course of years since we last beheld one another, face to face, leering at each other amidst the surging crowds of pygmies and other assorted freaks.

I remember those staring contests we used to have...and how I used to be the one to always break away first. Well...no more.

I've learned that my drunken musings aren't so amusing, but actually rather tedious. But at the same time I've learned that um...well...I learned something else, too but I forget what it is now. Sometimes my brain feels like hurting.

I've learned that there are things that happen. And those things can usually be blamed on the police and the God damn snitches who called the police.

I've learned that guys named Bubba that pick you up on meandering mountain roads in Appalachia may not always have your best intentions in mind.

I've learned that chickens fight back....and so must I.

I've learned that pigs have penises shaped like corkscrews.

I've learned that sometimes what you THINK is meth actually turns out to be bath salts. And then you spend the next two days thinking that you're living in a world inside of your cell phone.

I've learned that sometimes...everybody cries when they masturbate.

I've learned that even the toughest guys need a hug and a rubdown and a foot massage.

I've learned that....knives are dangerous in the hands of the wrong people.

I've learned that....pygmies are people, too (except not really).

I've learned that...sobriety is peace.



Anyway. Sorry for being a butthole.

*silence*

[End Master]

*Steps up to the podium, shaking like a leaf, sweating profusely, and reeking only slightly of cat urine*

Hey guys! Hi! It's me! Remember? Do you remember?

*Silence*

Cool. Well it's great to be back! Teehee! Sorry about that um....title...that was my....um. I mean the title. I mean this title. For this post. I mean the title for this post. Lolz. Sorry. That was my...um....that was, uh...my uh, you know...what I said during my Federal Indictment thingy a while back. It was just....nothing.

Anyway. You guys are lookin' great! End! How's it going, bud!? You look awesome, dude! Lost some weight? You look fucking fantastic! I never told you that enough in the past.

*silence*

DEP, you looking fucking fantastic, too. I think you probably gained some weight but regardless, I would still let you fuck me in the ass RIGHT now and come all up inside me or like all up in my mouth or wherever. Like WHEREVER you want to come, bro. Do that shit. All up in me or on me. Do that shit. I'll be your sponge.

No homo.

A lot has happened over the last couple of years. So...hello from the other side. It's kinda like that Adele song. Except I'm not Adele and this isn't a song and nobody is reading this.

A lot has happened. I've grown, you know? As a person. I've met a few people. Real people. I know. It's crazy. I met some real people.

And you guys are probably all like, "Oh dude! I bet you had sex with all these hot chicks!"

LOLZ. Come on guys, will ya? Of course I did. Of course I did. Like...everyday. Practically. That goes without saying. So let's just move on...

*Silence*
*somewhere...someone farts*

I heard that! Hahaha. You guys are great. Anyway...Um....

I may or may not have done some things with another grown man that I'm not really that proud of. That doesn't mean I sucked his dick, guys. You just JUMPED to that conclusion. I saw that. I said I MAY or MAY NOT have sucked his dick. And even if I DID suck his dick (and his friend's), so mother fucking what? I probably had a good reason to do it. I hope I had a good reason.

I had a good reason.

I had a good reason, okay?

*Silence*

So, anyway, I'm back. "Like a dog returning to his vomit, so a clever man returns to his cleverness" That's an actual Proverb.

So I'm back, I'm sober, I'm quicker, I'm thicker, I'm longer, I'm shaved, I'm lubricated, I'm throbbing, and I'm ready to go for more than two minutes.
I've learned a lot over the stormy course of years since we last beheld one another, face to face, leering at each other amidst the surging crowds of pygmies and other assorted freaks.

I remember those staring contests we used to have...and how I used to be the one to always break away first. Well...no more.

I've learned that my drunken musings aren't so amusing, but actually rather tedious. But at the same time I've learned that um...well...I learned something else, too but I forget what it is now. Sometimes my brain feels like hurting.

I've learned that there are things that happen. And those things can usually be blamed on the police and the God damn snitches who called the police.

I've learned that guys named Bubba that pick you up on meandering mountain roads in Appalachia may not always have your best intentions in mind.

I've learned that chickens fight back....and so must I.

I've learned that pigs have penises shaped like corkscrews.

I've learned that sometimes what you THINK is meth actually turns out to be bath salts. And then you spend the next two days thinking that you're living in a world inside of your cell phone.

I've learned that sometimes...everybody cries when they masturbate.

I've learned that even the toughest guys need a hug and a rubdown and a foot massage.

I've learned that....knives are dangerous in the hands of the wrong people.

I've learned that....pygmies are people, too (except not really).

I've learned that...sobriety is peace.



Anyway. Sorry for being a butthole.

*silence*

Can't let you suddenly delete that one. And thanks.

[Bucky]

*Steps up to the podium, shaking like a leaf, sweating profusely, and reeking only slightly of cat urine*

Hey guys! Hi! It's me! Remember? Do you remember?

*Silence*

Cool. Well it's great to be back! Teehee! Sorry about that um....title...that was my....um. I mean the title. I mean this title. For this post. I mean the title for this post. Lolz. Sorry. That was my...um....that was, uh...my uh, you know...what I said during my Federal Indictment thingy a while back. It was just....nothing.

Anyway. You guys are lookin' great! End! How's it going, bud!? You look awesome, dude! Lost some weight? You look fucking fantastic! I never told you that enough in the past.

*silence*

DEP, you looking fucking fantastic, too. I think you probably gained some weight but regardless, I would still let you fuck me in the ass RIGHT now and come all up inside me or like all up in my mouth or wherever. Like WHEREVER you want to come, bro. Do that shit. All up in me or on me. Do that shit. I'll be your sponge.

No homo.

A lot has happened over the last couple of years. So...hello from the other side. It's kinda like that Adele song. Except I'm not Adele and this isn't a song and nobody is reading this.

A lot has happened. I've grown, you know? As a person. I've met a few people. Real people. I know. It's crazy. I met some real people.

And you guys are probably all like, "Oh dude! I bet you had sex with all these hot chicks!"

LOLZ. Come on guys, will ya? Of course I did. Of course I did. Like...everyday. Practically. That goes without saying. So let's just move on...

*Silence*
*somewhere...someone farts*

I heard that! Hahaha. You guys are great. Anyway...Um....

I may or may not have done some things with another grown man that I'm not really that proud of. That doesn't mean I sucked his dick, guys. You just JUMPED to that conclusion. I saw that. I said I MAY or MAY NOT have sucked his dick. And even if I DID suck his dick (and his friend's), so mother fucking what? I probably had a good reason to do it. I hope I had a good reason.

I had a good reason.

I had a good reason, okay?

*Silence*

So, anyway, I'm back. "Like a dog returning to his vomit, so a clever man returns to his cleverness" That's an actual Proverb.

So I'm back, I'm sober, I'm quicker, I'm thicker, I'm longer, I'm shaved, I'm lubricated, I'm throbbing, and I'm ready to go for more than two minutes.
I've learned a lot over the stormy course of years since we last beheld one another, face to face, leering at each other amidst the surging crowds of pygmies and other assorted freaks.

I remember those staring contests we used to have...and how I used to be the one to always break away first. Well...no more.

I've learned that my drunken musings aren't so amusing, but actually rather tedious. But at the same time I've learned that um...well...I learned something else, too but I forget what it is now. Sometimes my brain feels like hurting.

I've learned that there are things that happen. And those things can usually be blamed on the police and the God damn snitches who called the police.

I've learned that guys named Bubba that pick you up on meandering mountain roads in Appalachia may not always have your best intentions in mind.

I've learned that chickens fight back....and so must I.

I've learned that pigs have penises shaped like corkscrews.

I've learned that sometimes what you THINK is meth actually turns out to be bath salts. And then you spend the next two days thinking that you're living in a world inside of your cell phone.

I've learned that sometimes...everybody cries when they masturbate.

I've learned that even the toughest guys need a hug and a rubdown and a foot massage.

I've learned that....knives are dangerous in the hands of the wrong people.

I've learned that....pygmies are people, too (except not really).

I've learned that...sobriety is peace.



Anyway. Sorry for being a butthole.

*silence*

This was both inspiring and poetic.

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

Thanks, guys! You're the best! Um, actually....I hope you don't find this too audacious of me...but I was gonna conduct a little question and answer thingy. You know. Those thingies. You guys ask me a question, and I'll give an answer. I know you guys are fascinated by me and my hardcore rock n' roll lifestyle and I like to take time...to MAKE time, rather....LOLZ...I'm so mother fucking busy these days, you know? And successful...time to mingle with the 'normies' as I call you, is still a MUST. So I do it. I LIKE to do it. I'm still Jenny from the block, you know?

*silence*

You there! The old man! In the front! No...not you, Dragavan....YOU...Old Man Higgins, yes, you!

Old Man Higgins: Ahem! Uh, yes. Old Man Higgins, Chicago Tribune. I was wondering, Chubby Teletubby, is it? Is that what they call you around here? *Ahem! Lame!* Um, are you, sir, a BIG bitch or a LITTLE bitch? The pygmies want to know, and they deserve an answer.

Okay first of all, Old Man Higgins, I'm not a bitch whatsoever, okay? That's actually extremely rude of you to insinuate, and I'm not going to stand here and take it. I haven't come this far just to be demeaned by the likes of you, okay? I don't know if you think you're being funny or trying to provoke me or what. Whatever you're trying to do, it's not working, okay? So just give it a rest.

Old Man Higgins: Typical bitch response. I'm going to go ahead and put a check mark next to little bitch, then.

Dude. What the fuck?

Old Man Higgins: Oooh, waaaaa. Boo hoo! What? You gonna go cry to your mommy like always, you little cry baby mommy's boy bitch?

*fights back the tears* SHUT UP!

Old Man Higgins: Go on! Go ahead and tell these people the truth! 'Hardcore Rock n Roll Lifestyle'!? YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE BITCH, YOU LITTLE BITCH!

YOU SHUT UP! You....are a stupid mean OLD MAN!!!!!!!

Old Man Higgins: Look who's talking Mr. "I turn 35 this year".

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Old Man Higgins: Tell me, do they even ID you anymore when you buy your whiskey from the liquor store?

This isn't whiskey you God damn heart-attack-waiting-to-happen! This is top shelf Kentucky Bourbon!!

Old Man Higgins: Oh! I see...so much for the sobriety then, eh?

SHUT UP!!!!! Why are you even still alive!?!?!? You were old in like 2005 or whatever the monkey fucking a pygmy in the ass year it was when I first introduced you onto the forums. Go fucking fuck a fuck in the fuck you fucking fuck.

Old Man Higgins: Clever wordplay. Another strength you've improved upon, I see. Those brain cells keep a'dyin' but you just keep on at it, don't you, you little bitch?

Okay. Can we get security over here? Ya. Right now

Old Man Higgins: Ooooh. Look at that! Mr. Snitches-Are-Bitches-187-On-a-Mother-Fucking-COP calling security on a weak old man! Who are you trying to impress on these forums, Chubby? Hmmm? WHO!?!?!? GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME, I'M AN OLD MAN!!! DAMN YOU! I'LL GO! I'LL GO! YOU GOD DAMN NAZIS! I HOPE YOU FEEL LIKE BIG MEN, PUSHING AN OLD MAN AROUND......

*his words trail off....*








Heh.































Sorry about that guys. Just one of those speed bumps I guess. LOLZ. Okay, at this point I guess I'll open the floor up to any other questions?


Any of you normies got any questions? I know I basically DON'T have any questions for you, obviously. LOLZ. Not because I can't think of the right questions....but because I know the answer will TOTALLY MAKE ME SNOOZE LOLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Sorry. Uncalled for. I lash out. Even THESE days. *takes a huff from a gasoline can* This is PREMIUM. Not REGULAR. PREMIUM gasoline I'm huffing these days guys. I'm balling.

I'm calling shots. Ask me a question. Please.



Please. Someone ask me a question. Please.


I'm begging you. I just need the human attention.



Please. PLEASE.


I'll suck your dick. THERE. I said it. Was that what you were waiting for? You sick bastards. Well, you got it. There you go.

I'll suck your fucking dicks. Just please ask me a question. PLEASE.


Thank you.

[Vesnic]

Picture proof.

Thanks, guys! You're the best! Um, actually....I hope you don't find this too audacious of me...but I was gonna conduct a little question and answer thingy. You know. Those thingies. You guys ask me a question, and I'll give an answer. I know you guys are fascinated by me and my hardcore rock n' roll lifestyle and I like to take time...to MAKE time, rather....LOLZ...I'm so mother fucking busy these days, you know? And successful...time to mingle with the 'normies' as I call you, is still a MUST. So I do it. I LIKE to do it. I'm still Jenny from the block, you know?

*silence*

You there! The old man! In the front! No...not you, Dragavan....YOU...Old Man Higgins, yes, you!

Old Man Higgins: Ahem! Uh, yes. Old Man Higgins, Chicago Tribune. I was wondering, Chubby Teletubby, is it? Is that what they call you around here? *Ahem! Lame!* Um, are you, sir, a BIG bitch or a LITTLE bitch? The pygmies want to know, and they deserve an answer.

Okay first of all, Old Man Higgins, I'm not a bitch whatsoever, okay? That's actually extremely rude of you to insinuate, and I'm not going to stand here and take it. I haven't come this far just to be demeaned by the likes of you, okay? I don't know if you think you're being funny or trying to provoke me or what. Whatever you're trying to do, it's not working, okay? So just give it a rest.

Old Man Higgins: Typical bitch response. I'm going to go ahead and put a check mark next to little bitch, then.

Dude. What the fuck?

Old Man Higgins: Oooh, waaaaa. Boo hoo! What? You gonna go cry to your mommy like always, you little cry baby mommy's boy bitch?

*fights back the tears* SHUT UP!

Old Man Higgins: Go on! Go ahead and tell these people the truth! 'Hardcore Rock n Roll Lifestyle'!? YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE BITCH, YOU LITTLE BITCH!

YOU SHUT UP! You....are a stupid mean OLD MAN!!!!!!!

Old Man Higgins: Look who's talking Mr. "I turn 35 this year".

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Old Man Higgins: Tell me, do they even ID you anymore when you buy your whiskey from the liquor store?

This isn't whiskey you God damn heart-attack-waiting-to-happen! This is top shelf Kentucky Bourbon!!

Old Man Higgins: Oh! I see...so much for the sobriety then, eh?

SHUT UP!!!!! Why are you even still alive!?!?!? You were old in like 2005 or whatever the monkey fucking a pygmy in the ass year it was when I first introduced you onto the forums. Go fucking fuck a fuck in the fuck you fucking fuck.

Old Man Higgins: Clever wordplay. Another strength you've improved upon, I see. Those brain cells keep a'dyin' but you just keep on at it, don't you, you little bitch?

Okay. Can we get security over here? Ya. Right now

Old Man Higgins: Ooooh. Look at that! Mr. Snitches-Are-Bitches-187-On-a-Mother-Fucking-COP calling security on a weak old man! Who are you trying to impress on these forums, Chubby? Hmmm? WHO!?!?!? GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME, I'M AN OLD MAN!!! DAMN YOU! I'LL GO! I'LL GO! YOU GOD DAMN NAZIS! I HOPE YOU FEEL LIKE BIG MEN, PUSHING AN OLD MAN AROUND......

*his words trail off....*








Heh.































Sorry about that guys. Just one of those speed bumps I guess. LOLZ. Okay, at this point I guess I'll open the floor up to any other questions?


Any of you normies got any questions? I know I basically DON'T have any questions for you, obviously. LOLZ. Not because I can't think of the right questions....but because I know the answer will TOTALLY MAKE ME SNOOZE LOLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Sorry. Uncalled for. I lash out. Even THESE days. *takes a huff from a gasoline can* This is PREMIUM. Not REGULAR. PREMIUM gasoline I'm huffing these days guys. I'm balling.

I'm calling shots. Ask me a question. Please.



Please. Someone ask me a question. Please.


I'm begging you. I just need the human attention.



Please. PLEASE.


I'll suck your dick. THERE. I said it. Was that what you were waiting for? You sick bastards. Well, you got it. There you go.

I'll suck your fucking dicks. Just please ask me a question. PLEASE.


Thank you.

[IMNOTCHUBBYTELETUBBYLOLJK]

Uh, yes you there. The man in the black trench coat and matching fedora. Yes, you. The one with the bright orange Air Jordans. No, not you Michael Ray Holt. You there! The one with the large inflatable cock!

Uh yes, John Johnson here, Seattle Times. Just out of, well, idle curiosity; why exactly are you such a cranky, faggot-ass piece of shit?

Well, that's actually a very good question. Thank you. The answer to that question is actually fairly complex...

John Johnson: Well never mind, then.

Excuse me?

John Johnson: If you'e just going to drone on about existential nonsense then never mind.

Oh. Well, okay then...um...

John Johnson: You DO know they talk about you, right?

I'm sorry, who does?

John Johnson: Everyone. The "people" here on these forums. The people in your "real" life...

How are you able to talk in quotes like that? And anyway, what do they say?

John Johnson: Oh, nothing much. Just, well, mostly just what an incredible piece of shit you are. Stuff like that. The usual.

Well I'll just have to fucking kill them all, wont I?

John Johnson: Oh? With what?

With my bare fucking hands.

John Johnson: Riiiiiight....

Look, fuck you, and fuck them.

John Johnson: Why don't you get some fucking counseling or something?

Look, buddy. I cleaned pig shit! THAT was my counseling. I cleaned pig shit. I mucked a pig sty, with the pigs still in it. I'm a new man...

John Johnson: But you sound like the same whiny little faggot you've always been.

Well....fuck you. And fuck China. And fuck Ronald Reagan....

John Johnson: Here, dude. Take this. You need it more than I do.

Why! It's a large inflatable cock! THANK YOU! Uncircumcised! Awesome! I've actually always wanted one of these! Thanks, bro! My nipples are like SO totally tender right now!

John Johnson: Of course they are...of course they are....

This is the best day EVER! Any OTHER questions out there?