Welcome to ISville!

[Vesnic]

Madam Ves sends HORDE-O'-WHORES reinforcements to Apoth's farm in exchange for a percentage of the poppy plant to feed her growing habit and sell to inebriated customers at 4,000% markup.

Define: HORDE-O-WHORES.

HORDE-O-WHORES is a WEAPON used in combat against male heterosexual or female homosexual enemies. HORDE-O-WHORES attacks in a large group, confusing the enemy with lascivious flashing, involuntary heroin overdose injecting, deadly stiletto blows to the head and kidneys and other unfathomable sexual tricks. HORDE-O-WHORES requires maintenance of +10 opium per turn to prevent possible mutiny.

Describe: Madam Ves' Brothel

Madam Ves' Brothel:
Music: Edith Piaf, "La Vie en Rose"
Appearance: Plush velvet furniture inherited from the Grand Guignol theatre that used to occupy the building. Shiny taffeta curtains hang from the large Victorian windows. On the thick carpet are scattered several plush cushions, upon which several whores and their customers are engaged in conversation over colorful glass hookahs.
Smell: Mixture of cheap perfume, sweat and opium

Madam Ves asks March: "Why how can I be of service to you today, fine sir?"

cd\
cd otrail
oregon
____________

[Locke]

DEP's sons eye Apoth's land: FIVE TURNS TO INVASION!

Locke recovers all health at HOSPITAL

Locke mortgages HARDWARE STORE to fund EXTENSIVE PLASTIC SURGERY and CYBERNETIC IMPLANTS.

Locke is discharged from HOSPITAL

Locke recieves VICODIN! +2 STA

>_

[End Master]

End Master receives a call about a disturbance at DEP's farm
End Master receives a call about a disturbance at Apoth's farm
End Master receives a call about a disturbance at Gay Sex Shop Emporium
End Master receives a call about a disturbance at Ves' Brothel

End Master makes INT check (-5)
Int check fails.
End Master is confused!

End Master wanders over to the library instead.

The Library

Katie is here reading erotic literature.
Katie says "You must be the new sheriff in town. Can't quite make out your face with that helmet on, let's take that off."
Katie removes End Master's orcish war helmet.

End Master gains 5 INT!

With new found intelligence End Master says "What the hell am I doing wearing this Hilfiger and Michael Jackson crap?"
End Master removes Hilfiger shirt and drops it.
End Master removes Michael Jackson glove.

Katie looks at End Master who is now shirtless.
Katie makes a willpower check.
Katie fails.
Katie is overcome by lust!
Katie attacks End Master!

End Master's stamina has decreased by 100!
End Master's happiness has increased by 100!

End Master has been ensnared!
End Master loses 50% of all future income!
Katie gains 50% of End Master's future income!

Katie gives End Master a black hooded robe.
End Master wears black hooded robe.
End Master gains Shadow Meld!
End Master blends in with the shadows.
End Master temporarily wears Michael Jackson glove while humming "Beat It" to slowly regain stamina.

>_

[ChubbyTeletubby]

God we are the biggest bunch of dorks_


>_

[Locke]

DEP's sons eye Apoth's land: FOUR TURNS TO INVASION!

Locke enters HARDWARE STORE.
Locke tests DEX: 12. Success!
Locke assembles COMPONENTS from fifth shelf.
Locke assembled SNIPER RIFLE!
Locke attaches SCOPE: +50 RANGE
Locke acquires PISTOLS
Locke acquires HAND GRENADE
Locke acquires TRUNCHEON

Locke begins stalking the first of DEP's many children (Pierce Edgar Poop, or PEP)

>_

[Locke]

Apoth chewsHAYSEED. +1 FARMER

Apoth tests INT: 6. Success!
Apoth walks inside.

Apoth feeds DOG: +1 Canine CHA.

>_

[apotheosis]

Apoth summons a terrible curse upon all of ISville, he chants in forgotten ancient tongues and the skies grow dark. Lighting flashes and thunder shakes the very foundations of the small humble town. Then, in the black clouds that now envelop the sky, there is an opening, and an erie off-white light shines down. Then descending from the tempest of terror comes the most horrible thing imaginable. He begins to sing... and dance...






How do the members of ISville react?

[ChubbyTeletubby]

We're going to party
Karamu, fiesta, forever

All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)
All night long! (all night)

>_

[End Master]

End Master casts “Protection from the 80s” over ISville with his Michael Jackson glove.

Lionel Richie loses 83 STR!
Lionel Richie loses 98 AGI!
Lionel Richie loses anti-gravity ability!
Lionel Richie falls off the ceiling!
Lionel Richie takes massive head damage!
Lionel Richie has died!

One of DEP’s wives has given birth!
DEP gains 1 kid!
DEP hands pistols and shotguns to all 11 of his kids.
DEP’s newest kid has shot himself in the face due to lack of firearm experience!
DEP has lost 1 kid!

The DEP clan eyes Apoth’s land THREE TURNS TO INVASION!

Megaman has met Drums.
Megaman says “There’s too much swearing in this town!”
Drums says “I agree! Let’s clean it up together!”

Drums and Megaman have formed an alliance!
Censorship has increased by 26!

Ves’ Brothel has lost 18 points of defense!
Apoth’s Farm has lost 12 points of defense!
Shabti's Gay Sex Toy Emporium has lost 38 points of defense!

>_

[apotheosis]

Apoth's necromancer cousin Arch arrives and raises Lionel Richie from the dead. Zombie Lionel Richie joins undead M.J. and all of the zombies from thriller and they begin digging trenches around apoth's farm, building towers, laying booby traps and preparing to defeat DEP's clan.

[Vesnic]

Don't forget you've got the horde-o'-whores to defend you too! They're mighty vicious!

[Dragavan]

Don't forget you've got the horde-o'-whores to defend you too! They're mighty vicious!

Perhaps those were the booby traps he mentioned.

[Vesnic]

Hahahaha! Good one, Drag.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Ya Dragavan comes up with some real gems once in a while.

>_