Introduction

[Schoolboy]

Thanks, Dragovan! Now where can I find Dowager Poop...

[donteatpoop]

It'll cost you three Lincolns, cutting you a break because she's into schoolboys.

[Dragavan]

Thanks, Dragovan!

It amazes me how many people can't even type a simple name like Dragavan correctly, even though it's right there on the screen in front of them several times. Just don't understand.

[Usoki]

If this was done on nearly any other board I frequent, they would be sent running and the people who started it would be banned... but here it works out so well for some reason.

Can this be our new forum slogan? I feel like this sums up the spirit of the place so nicely.

That's why I love this place so much. Anywhere else, you have to play nice, keep it civil, watch what you say, tread carefully just in case somebody's feelings get hurt... God forbid anyone state an opinion. Here, you can say whatever the fuck you want. At the end of the day, they're just words. No one cares.

[Schoolboy]

Whoops! Sorry Dragavan!

[Vesnic]

Indeed, Dragavan's name is spelled just as it's pronounced, though you must admit there is something of the exotic in it. I can picture myself in a small open-air bar on the Dalmation Coast, smoking chains of cigarettes and muttering to myself, "Dragavan, Dragavan, why did you not bury that kalashnikov in your grandmother's yard while there was still time?"

Or maybe that's just me.

Did something break in Usoki's head during my absence? He seems a good deal more embittered than when first I met the callow young lad from Kansas who always held the virtual door for the ladies. There he was, his flaxen hair blowing in the breeze, the dairy cows bleating piteously for the loss of one whose hands were so very soft. But it was time for him to step forth into the world, to see the big city and meet some slightly less bovine women. It's a great American story, that of Usoki--he even gives his story characters names like "Biff", as though to acknowledge that he's been plucked straight from the heart of the American playbook as a sort of male ingenue in crisply starched collar and five-dollar tie. I think I shall always remember him thus, no matter how much he changes.

Oh and Schoolboy, Poop has given you a 25% discount on his mom, but there's probably an expiration date (and I don't just mean the fact that the Dowager Poop isn't as young as she once was) so I'd get going sooner rather than later!

[Schoolboy]

That was a very moving story, Vesnic... It really... moved me... On another note, I'm meeting Poop's mom tonight... It's gonna be hot!

[Usoki]

Err... well, I guess that depends on when you started to know me. I definitely had a stick up my ass in the beginning, but I started getting less and less touchy over the years once I left the insane protective bubble of my childhood. Although, I'm pretty sure you guys have always found me to be embittered in some form or another. It took awhile for everyone to come to a consensus on my gender... but once that got hammered out, I became a cranky middle-aged Japanese man. There's also the fact that I'm cranking up the assholery for this thread, as a sort of show. If Schoolboy here had joined the site without lurking first, why, imagine how shocked and horrified he would be when he realizes how fucking terrible we all are.

Oh, wait, sorry, I forgot we were writing a trashy Willa Cather novel.

Usoki glanced around the town, with its paved roads and impressive white-washed storefronts. Not a single hitching post was to be found. He found his dorm room to be quite cosy, and soon he had forgotten all about the farm he had left behind. Usoki slowly stopped waking up before the crack of dawn, and gradually stopped pulling the suspenders out of his closet. Letters from home arrived weekly, as his mother had promised, but he found less and less time to reply to them. His classes required a lot of reading, and his encounter at the harvest dance had steadily become a romantic interest. Soon all of his time was devoted to his beauty of the plains, and when Winter Break came, he stayed behind to stay with her. He didn't even notice when the letters had stopped coming. A harsh freeze and a bout of pneumonia had claimed his family. Usoki had chosen the big city over the farm of his childhood- and now he could never return.

[Schoolboy]

Haha! Yeah, I lurked a little! You all are seriously the craziest motherfuckers on the internet! That's one of the reasons I joined this insane community.

[apotheosis]

Welcome Schoolboy! Add to the story Hall of Infinite Doors... or get the fuck off this site.

[Dragavan]

Welcome Schoolboy! Add to the story Hall of Infinite Doors... or get the fuck off this site.

Or don't, and stick around anyway.

[Schoolboy]

Hi apotheosis. I saw Hall of Infinite Doors and read one of the stories. It was great! I'll add a story to HOID after I post my story on the site. More about my story: As I said before, the story will have a school setting. (Shocker). It'll also be based on a true story (a rather tragic story that made it on news...). With that said, I'm going to show Dowager Poop a good time!

[apotheosis]

Fair enough Schoolboy. You are okay in my book and I look forward to your work.