Ves Ranting

[Leblanc4prez]

I think That the governmet is the cause of most of the worlds problems... Let's start an Anarchy!

No, but really, Steryotypes are bad. Mmmkay? I mean, us Aussies aren't all beer swilling dead-beats, nor are we surfers, or farmers living in a dust-bowl. True theese people exist, but they are only a minor part of the population. And to answer your next questuion chub, we don't all have sex with roos either..... At least I dont... Damn things are too fast... shit! is this thing still on? *Transmission stops suddenly*

[Vesnic]

It's been one year.

On March 16, 2007, I stared out my window after a night of struggling to breathe, contemplating death and wondering why I couldn't feel my left foot. I called my surgeon, who told me to come in immediately. But I didn't make it all the way to the hospital. On the way, I suddenly lost normal sensation in all of my limbs. It felt like there was a motor running through my entire body. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Soon there was a firetruck and an ambulance and two squad cars. I remember getting bumped around the inside of the ambulance. They're so hard and unpadded. Someone rolled me into a room. They shot me full of steroids to get the swelling in my spinal cord down. Then they doped me beyond human recognition and sent me to the other hospital, where they inexplicably made me wait four hours to be admitted. There was a snow storm that day. It was like the end of the world, but it all just sort of slid away from me. I would have been happy to hear that it actually was the apocalypse. Somehow, an MRI happened. Then there was a quiet room with an Irish nurse who called me "her darlin'". She was happy because the next day was Saint Patty's. Four days in the hospital followed. They thought I was going to die in my sleep because my respiration was so depressed, the machines started blinking and beeping late at night. They woke me up just to tell me to breathe. They put pure oxygen under my nose, which sent me off to cold blue sleep with frozen sweat gleaming on my hair. They stuck a huge needle in my spine. They tested my heart. So much pain, the brain does the body a favor and shuts it off. I'd have been so happy to let go of just one skin cell, because it would be one less piece of body wracked with pain. And I hadn't even had surgery yet! Fun times, so many fun times then and since.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.

[Vesnic]

Boo hoo.

Pain. Wow.

Neat. New.

Chubby, I use this thread to talk about things that matter to me. I know you've never had the pleasure of actually having your body shut down on you, but it's terrifying in ways that defy description. Your callousness is really disappointing. I know you're probably drunk, and that's your habitual excuse, but really I thought I could expect better from you. Did you know that during your absence from the site, I would often sign on hoping to see that you had somehow reappeared? I admired your work a lot. I even nursed a vague hope of being able to collaborate with you in the future. However, I have really lost all interest in having any sort of interaction with you, whether here on the forum or in writing projects. I'm tired of your groundless condescension, your sporadic abuse, and your general destructiveness to many conversations. For this reason, I want you and everyone to know that I am placing you on ignore. I regret that we couldn't have had a more fruitful relationship, but I don't currently have the emotional resources to handle someone like you, either virtually or in real life.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Your loss, dude.

[apotheosis]

I wouldn't be terribly surprised if we found out Chubby has never consumed a drop in his life but instead uses it as a justification for the filter he hasn't replaced in 20 years between his mind and his mouth.

Still, I find the image of an overweight teletubby nursing a bottle of Jack belligerently attacking everyone and everything much more amusing.

EDIT: By the way, 800 posts. w00t

[Dragavan]

By the way, 800 posts. w00t

Hooray for pointless internet achievements.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

The filter's never been there to begin with, apoth.

I'm pure, unrefined, undiluted, 100 proof stupid!

Ves just cant handle it. Why is she flipping out anyway? It's like meeting your hero and finding out they aren't who you thought they were.

So sorry, Ves. That I couldn't live up to your expectations. I'm on ignore now. Wow. That bad? Anyway I thought EVERYONE had me on ignore!

[apotheosis]

Chubby, you are going to need to burn down some government buildings and start the revolution to appease her.

[Leblanc4prez]

I don't have anyone on Ignore. Also Ves is my second best female friend online. My best one online still scares the crap outa me... why are chicks so scary?

[Vesnic]

It's been a very long time since I posted a rant here, but I've noticed that it's still quite a popular thread, that someone is often reading it and perhaps a mysterious kult has even grown up around the enlightened rantings (read: timeless teachings) of the great and mighty Vesnic! Perhaps my love of allegory is due to my love of parable and my love of parable is brought about by the fact that I am, prepare yourselves, the MESSIAH.

Speaking of the Messiah, I was watching a YouTube video of Janis Joplin bleeding out her soul for the redemption of mankind when I noticed an infuriating little comment which had regrettably been bumped up to top status because lots of like-minded idiots seemed to agree with its demented sentiment, namely:

"I'd totally hit that!"

I beg your pardon?

"I'd totally hit that!"

Oh, I thought that's what you said. (Ves proceeds to "hit that". With a hammer. Until dead.)

I fucking hate it when people, and by people I mean socially maladjusted men-children, say "I'd totally hit that!" There are three main reasons why I want to scream and rip things into ribbons whenever I hear these particular words spoken or see them splattered all over the ignominious internets:

1.) The word hit. There are so many good terms out there for having your wicked way with a lady. I won't list them here because you know them all already and it would be a little self-indulgent going out of my way to tell everyone I'm a walking thesaurus when this is already an obvious fact of life, and the additional consideration that I am currently sucking on some kind of genetically engineered blue curium candy and am therefore due to slip into a diabetic coma at any moment. My point, however, is that hit is just not a nice word. It's violent and mindless, hateful and abusive. It lacks all color, nuance or historical value. It's already an overused word in its more standard utilization, and I am nigh well sick of seeing it in its expansive new guise. Do not advertise to the world that you're a redneck wilfebeater-clad asshole who sees his despised mother's face superimposed over the form of every passing female.

2.) The word that. "That" is an impersonal demonstrative used to indicate the relative placement or position of a thing. Long ago, someone of deep wisdom decided that personal pronouns should be used by way of differentiation because we have deeper feelings about people than we do about things and people merit, by way of their sentience, a more personalized grammar. What's wrong with saying "her"? Even saying "that one" would be infinitely better than just "that". THAT is the thing you point at with disgust and confusion. You don't call a woman THAT, and once you're done calling, you certainly don't then proceed to HIT THAT. For fuck's sake, a little fucking respect please, motherfuckers. Just a little motherfucking respect. Assholes.

3.) Now putting the whole phrase back together after having broken down its individual parts, saying "I'd hit that" is just laughably arrogant. It's a special kind of pathetic person who utters such a phrase because if he thinks hitting is what's involved with that, then he really doesn't know the birds and the bees. This is the kind of statement I see invariably under pictures or videos of rock stars, actresses, models and other celebrities. While I appreciate the conditional "I would hit that" rather than the more declarative and potentially creepy "I will hit that", there is nonetheless no apparent consideration for whether or not that wants to be hit. Have you tried asking her?

I'm tired of being privy to everyone's hopelessly selfish sexual fantasies. If you want to be worthy of Janis, or any girl for that matter, why don't you try digging into that awesome vocabulary of yours and getting a little twisted and creative? "I'd totally hit that" could transform into the far more interesting and evocative, "I would like (remember, it's always nice to say please!) to tie her up with her guitar strings and frot her with the frets until she busts an A-major scream, thereby ushering in the apocalypse!"

So you see I'm not a puritan, I just hate the idea of cretins fucking, even just mentally, someone who deserves better.

(Disclaimer: this story is NOT about me. It's about Janis Joplin.)


Oh, and one more thing:

FUCK Thanksgiving. It's such a stupid holiday, it doesn't even deserve any more rant than that.

[apotheosis]

A couple of thoughts on your rant:

I fucking hate it when people, and by people I mean socially maladjusted men-children

I've heard women use the term "I'd hit that" on more than one occasion. Whether they are being humorous or are sex-crazed pigs like their male counterparts, I'm not certain.

Also, I've always been more partial to "I'd tap that" rather than "I'd hit that." I think this is probably due to the fact that I use "hit" to hit up an ATM, liquor store, or some sort of store or vendor to get a good or a product. Then again, if you make maple syrup, "tap" would have a whole different meaning to you... so I guess its a matter of taste. Though I will say tap doesn't have nearly the level of violence connoted with it.

"That" is an impersonal demonstrative used to indicate the relative placement or position of a thing.

I believe that is the point. When someone uses the expression, they are not saying anything about the individuals personality, their soul, or their spirit. They are saying if they had free reign with that persons body living, breathing body they would have sex with it and enjoy it very much. They are not saying they would want to make love, experience passion, share a connection, or have any sort of interplay. Basically they are saying the other individual's body is very attractive to them and they would enjoy to stick their junk in it until they climaxed. It is most definitely a dehumanizing statement, but I think that's the point.

there is nonetheless no apparent consideration for whether or not that wants to be hit. Have you tried asking her?

I once again point to the fact that they aren't talking about the personality or mind of the individual, just their body. It's almost like they are saying if they could magically clone or replicate that persons body they would have sex with it a lot. There has been no thought given to how it would work out if they actually approached that person in real life. A lot of times, this is due to a lack of information, they have only seen a picture or video and know nothing of the personality of the "that" that they'd hit, or if they are even the type of person they'd like to talk to. But talking isn't the point, rather, it is, does the physical attributes this body contains get certain biological processes going and chemicals releasing that facilitate orgasm. Basically, they are reducing the individual to a masturbatory aid.

Also, I agree it isn't creative, but it gets the point across.

So disrespectful, dehumanizing, unoriginal? That about sums it up.

And thanksgiving is awesome if you are an ectomorph.

That's all.

[End Master]

Eh, I doubt if any of them actually wanted to sex up the corpse of ol' Janis. I'd imagine it was just one person that thought it would be funny to post mainly because she isn't exactly what you'd call beauty queen material, then a mob mentality ensued. Throw in people getting pissed by the original comments and inevitably you get people saying it all the more. It is Youtube after all.

Really though I haven't heard anyone in person say "I'd hit that" since like the early 90s. Since that time I've only heard the phrase used on TV shows, movies or the internet and I think 90% of time it's used on the internet, people are using it as a throw away line and there isn't any deeper psychological meaning to it. If anything I've seen it used more to refer to someone who ISN'T "classically beautiful", or a little kid or something similar in a lazy form of shock value.

[Vesnic]

May I posit that relentlessly seeing the human body as something to be consumed in the most mindless manner possible counts as yet one more way in which our hyper-capitalist society has had us violently over the table with a hulking black strap-on. It threw out the ben-wa balls long ago.

OOONKA OOONKA OOONKA!!! Ok I'm done now. Bye, bitch.

That's pretty much monkey level right there. We have finally regressed so far that we are no longer even in our same species. Everyone knows that the defining characteristics of humans are the ability to talk, make spiffy tools, commit genocide, and invent awesome toys and Zorro disguises that bring a taste of honey to what would otherwise be just one. more. biological. function. This whole "hitting that" or even "tapping that" or boomptity boomptity say-what-you-want has impoverished our lives! *clears throat, brings it up an octave* IMPOVERISHED OUR LIVES!

And what has capitalism got to do with it? Capitalism is a monster that eats everything in sight and then finally devours itself from the inside out in one great ultimate act of destruction and sexual deviancy. When completely unfettered, it goes after anything and everything that once mattered to us. It can't abide the presence of art, imagination, existence for existence's sake, or even many of the practical sciences and applications if they're not made to slave entirely to the almighty BOTTOM LINE. May I theorize that chestnuts like, "I'd hit that!" are symptoms of the Capitalism Disease, which is at its heart a sickness of chromatology. It turns everything that was once colorful into bleary, dreary scales of gray!

"Stop, hey what's that sou-ound, everybody look what's goin' dow-own!" Damn I'm off key today.

As for Janis, I would totally hit that. I want her every way from Tuesday, and I know she'd like me too. And not just because I'm a fellow lady looney tune.

[donteatpoop]

Joplin? That chick was ugly. She had a lot of soul, an amazing voice, but she was not a pretty lady. Why would anyone want to hit that? Youtube commentors are retarded. Except for when it's me commenting.