Movies (recently seen)

[End Master]

Finally saw 13 Assassins. I liked it, though it reminded me of a variation of 7 Samurai. Instead of defending a village they're trying to kill a decadent noble in a village. (And there's 13 instead of 7)

Basically a lot of fighting and blood, some brutal scenes and the bad guy was suitably rotten, though given that Takashi Miike directed it I wouldn't expect anything less.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Moneyball

Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt actually did a pretty decent job at making a movie about baseball statistic analytics fairly watchable.

Pretty interesting how they (the real life people they were portraying) sort of turned the game topsy turvy and led the Oakland A's to a 20 game winning streak in 2002 the likes of which had never been seen.

They still ended up losing the next game.

And they still haven't made it to the World Series.

And the Red Sox, who offered Brad Pitts character (he's the GM of the team, Hell if I remember his name) 12,500,000, ended up winning the World Series two years later. After Brad Pitt's charaCTER REFUSED THE OFFER.

Oops. Caps. Anyway, pretty entertaining movie. I liked the wheeling and dealing.

Not everyone's cup of tea, but it was an interesting true story and an interesting movie.

I give it two thumbs up, because I only have two thumbs. Well, even if I had more than two thumbs I dont know that I'd give it more. But....

...

[End Master]

And now it's time for another one of End Master's Reviews of Fucked Up Movies!

As an added bonus they could both potentially qualify as Eurofag art films (For movie snobs like Ves)

A Serbian Film

Okay I finally got around to seeing this after all the hype surrounding of how sick, twisted and hardcore it is.

My verdict is: Yeah it lives up to the hype as in it didn't disappoint or lack in what awfulness it was trying to accomplish (As opposed to say Human Centipede).

First off the film is well made and there is a story there. Not an ultra complex one, but it doesn't need it. It's not a low budget grindhouse film even though it's certainly exploiting the whole graphic sex and ultra violence thing. Definitely fits under the Torture Porn category, and actually it probably does it a hell of a lot better than Hostel did. In fact when I first went to see Hostel, I expected to see something more like A Serbian Film.

So on that basis alone, the movie worked for me. I got to see a well made movie with an adequate plot which involved a bunch of fucked shit. Cool, I can proudly add it to my collection.

Now the bigger question, is there any more to the movie than human suffering and sexual depravity?

Well...I suppose the argument could and has been made about it having artistic merit or even a political statement on Serbia, but I didn't really give a shit about all that. Art is usually something that most can't agree on anyway, so I'm not going to bother. Personally like I said, I thought they put effort into making the film, but I'm not exactly sure if it reaches "art" level. (I know Katie didn't think so) As for the political statement, yeah there's some off hand remarks by the snuff director about how Serbia's a shithole and he's looking to prove they're worth something etc etc. but really you could just chalk that up to the snuff director being mentally deluded enough that he thinks he's actually shooting art and part of his motivations have political meaning. I didn't really take it very seriously.

I suppose another thing that might not qualify it as "art" to me, would be I didn't particularly feel any sort of emotion for any of the characters. Granted I'm probably a borderline unfeeling sociopath at the best of times, but the protagonist and his family just didn't stand out to me. About the only thing interesting about the protagonist is that he's this super porn star that got wrapped up in all this because he wanted to make more money for his family to be set for life. Really change it to any sort of movie protagonist that has a criminal background (one last job before going straight) and you've got the same plot.

The protagonist isn't an unsympathetic sort, he's not really unlikable, and he certainly doesn't deserve any of the stuff that happens to him, but eh, I just didn't care. His family is the same way. As for the bad guys, they're even less compelling. Just regular mooks really and I've seen better over the top villains than the snuff director (Like the doctor from Human Centipede if we compare "shock movies").

Anyway like I said, I think it lived up to it's shock/horror value, but I don't see anything deeper in it. If you are into watching these sorts of movies I do recommend watching it at least once though.

Okay moving on...

I Stand Alone

This one is an older French film. Technically it's also very loosely connected to a later movie the same director did called Irreversible. (Which is another twisted film) since the protagonist in I Stand Alone pops up in the beginning of that film. Right from the get this one comes off as an artistic film, and it works better probably because the French tend to excel in this sort of thing.

The basic premise of this film surrounds the thoughts and actions of an out of work butcher with a criminal record and a severe case of misanthropy. And I mean A LOT of misanthropy. The funny thing is, he's not some serial killer or anything like that, he's just some damaged guy that hates life in general because his life has been pretty shitty.

All throughout the film he's basically going on about how life sucks, people are worthless and being miserable. He does a few bad things, but nothing on Serbian Film level, but he doesn't really need to because the movie probably more invokes a lot more hopeless nihilism just in one of his monologues than compared to all the torture porn that was in A Serbian Film.

Now the protagonist in this one is a complete miserable fucking bastard, but I liked him. Or rather I found him a lot more interesting that anyone in A Serbian Film. Hell I even agreed with some of the stuff he was ranting about and despite all the nihilism, there's actually a happy ending, of sorts.

Anyway I liked this movie better (And definitely liked it better than Irreversible). I proudly add this one to my collection and it's another one I recommend that you watch at least once if you're into these sorts of movies.

That's it. Guess I better start hunting down Human Centipede 2...

[Vesnic]

Thanks for the reviews, End. I actually came very close to buying Stand Alone "reel unseen" at the local discount DVD emporium before I was edged out of the aisle by the herd of men vying for position in the adult section, which was conveniently placed right next to my favorite genre of Euro-faggotry.

I think you and I have even talked about A Serbian Film before, and certainly your review has solidified the position I have always taken on this one: I refuse to watch it. I have seen a lot of Serbian films, but never one that announced itself as such. It is of course very hard for anything from Eastern Europe to see the light of day beyond the European continent, or quite often, beyond its own national borders. In order to be a successful international filmmaker, a Serbian must also be a savvy businessman with a keen sense of pop culture and marketing. Maybe you're right. Maybe the film has some value from the vantage point of, "So this is all you think Serbia is? You are so fucking stupid." But that's not much to go on, and certainly not much to draw out into feature length. At that point it's just like a reflection of a reflection of a reflection, more of that annoying identity politicking where Person A says something wrong about Person B, then person B sends it back to Person A, except this time with irony, to which Person B gives a surprisingly realistic and self-aware twist, to which Person A just responds with total absurdity, and eventually the copy-fade phenomenon degrades to the point where it all just ends in SNUFF PORN!!!!!. Blech.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you want to see a real Serbian director, liked by both Serbians and the rest of the world, who is a completely crazy fuck (he is Serbian, after all) yet dripping with originality, check out the work of Emir Kusturica.

Kusturica's best, according to me:

1. Underground (Won the Palme d'Or at Cannes in 1995)
2. Black Cat, White Cat
3. Time of the Gypsies

In that order.

There's still plenty of rape and murder, but there's also symbolism, heartbreak, hope and, yes, feelings.

Here he is, the hunk!

I would totally hit that!

There's also an old favorite goes by the name of Montenegro. Involves a strangely hot sex scene involving a rickety chair, or maybe that's just how I remember it, as a movie inside a movie, with a young girl, a gypsy and a turkey watching intently.

There are some interesting recurring themes in Kusturica's movies. Nearly everything he does has:

1. An ethereal floating bride, or bridal attire.
2. An anthropomorphic animal who has a deep attachment to a central character and is often a lot smarter than many of the people.
3. A self-hanging, sometimes comic, sometimes not.

In that order. Or...

End, I think you knew you'd get me going on this one. As you all might have guessed at this point, I am totally crazy about film from this undeservedly ignored region. I have quite a few more recommendations, and I may very well decide to share this knowledge with you all someday...if you're lucky and worth enough, that is.

EUROFAGS FTW!!!

[End Master]

End, I think you knew you'd get me going on this one.

Yeah had to bring up reviews of both movies with you in mind, especially since protagonist's wife in ASF was also a translator. Ha ha.

But yeah ASF is one of those movies I didn't really expect anyone on here to want to watch. (Well Ryan and Apoth might be interested if they're out there lurking.) Like I said it's quite possible I missed the point of the movie and there was some sort of deeper message in between all the mouth rape, anal rape, corpse rape, baby rape, father-son rape, and eye socket rape, but I'll be damned if I could find one!

(And I now just spoiled the "best parts" of the movie for all of you. Lol.)

I do think you'd like I Stand Alone though and I'll try to get around to seeking out some of the other Serb movies you mentioned some time.

[Vesnic]

I do think you'd like I Stand Alone though

Luckily for us, they just happen to currently be hosting this movie on YouTube!

I Stand Alone

...and I'll try to get around to seeking out some of the other Serb movies you mentioned some time.

Hooray! Just a quick note about the three--the first one is a huge sweeping historical epic, generally considered to be his masterpiece. The second one is just a lot of fun. The third one is hella depressing but has a couple of scenes that are impossible to forget for their visual qualities alone. I've only seen Montenegro in fits and starts, but that too seems to be up on the Tube, though I'm not sure how they worked around the X rating of the uncensored version.

[End Master]

So I watched another "Found Footage Film", this one was called Grave Encounters.

Basically these ghost hunters filming their show go to an old insane asylum which is rumored to be haunted (aren't they all?) and it just gets worse from there.

While nothing in the movie is excessively original, the one thing that caused me to appreciate it a little more is the fact that it's a blatant parody of all those "real" ghost hunter shows like Paranormal State, Ghost Adventures, etc. Having seen episodes of those shows before because they're good for a laugh sometimes, the movie does a pretty good job of imitating them. (Locking themselves in, "tough guy" host, overly dramatic psychic, occult girl, dramatic build up of the haunted area, etc)

The other thing I liked was the distortion of reality effect going on in the movie. Made it more believable that they couldn't escape at least and added to the downward spiral of doom that was going to befall all of the characters.

Anyway unlike those ghost hunter shows, you actually get to see some ghosts in this at least.

[End Master]

Just finished watching the 1st season of Game of Thrones. It is one the best series I've seen in a long time. I don't think there's a single thing bad thing I can say about it.

Favorite characters so far are Tyrion and Daenerys.

[Vesnic]

I'm a huge fan of the books, one of the people drooling vociferously over the distant release of the mysterious Book 6. I think the general consensus is that books 2 and 3 are really the best, although the first one (from which the name and the content of the HBO show were taken) is exciting for introducing such an incredibly complex and sometimes uproariously dysfunctional cast of characters. I can't wait for the new season to start. In the books, I'm a fan of Sansa and the Hound, and also Cersei, though by "fan" I just mean the characters whose chapters I look forward to because they're always guaranteed to be interesting, if also toe-curlingly cruel. Peter Dinklage stole the TV show though, hands down. Tyrion is probably the best developed character in the whole series, and I was hoping ahead of time that they would choose him for the role. I first saw him in The Station Agent, and then in Death at a Funeral. Wonderful actor. I'm glad at least some people have evolved past confining dwarfs to freak shows and circuses. Not that these don't also have their place. But yeah. April can not come fast enough.

[donteatpoop]

Wait, there are actually Sansa fans out there? I had no idea. I was convinced that she, and Catlyn, are among the most universally detested characters in the series.

In the books, I'm all about the Hound, Tyrion, Bronn, Arya, Creepy-ass Littlefinger, and Varys. I also enjoyed King Robert and Eddard before... Well, you know.

In the show... Dinklage does a pretty good Tyrion, though his 'accent' irritates me. I love the show, too.

They're doing a pretty good job at remaining true to the novels, though they have understandably altered a few things. Some of the other things they've altered make no sense though, like the introduciton of the red-haired whore in Winterfell who travels to Kings Landing and has a hot lesbo scene for absolutely no reason in front of Petyr. Litterally, this did nothing to advance the plot. Don't get me wrong, I jerked off to it like everyone else; but it had nothign to do with with story.

[End Master]

I'm all about the Hound, Tyrion, Bronn, Arya, Creepy-ass Littlefinger, and Varys. I also enjoyed King Robert and Eddard before... Well, you know.

Yeah in the TV show I've like Arya, the Hound and Bronn too. I also liked Khal Drogo until... well you know.

Sansa, Joffrey and Viserys were probably the characters I liked the least, though in the last two cases it sort of "works" for them since they're supposed to be horrible people and Viserys isn't a factor anymore anyway.

[donteatpoop]

If you haven't read the books, do so. They're freaking excellent.

[Locke]

It's rare that something is as well-written and accessible as those books (A Song of Ice and Fire). It's rare that something is that long, and not boring, or broken by the weight of material or storylines gone awry. The Dark Tower suffered a little there, I think.

The plot can be very bitter. People have complained that the last two books were meandering, but the writing is good enough that I am content to meander. I don't care if anything actually happens; that's just icing on the cake. I just want to soak in more of that world.

I am genuinely bothered by what's happened to House Stark.

I wish Tyrion got what he deserved, when he was trying.

Through the last book, I would have said that Arya was the heart of the story. Now, I'm not sure.

I identified a lot with Jon Snow. That ....hurt.

I like how much mileage he got out of the Mountain.

Not sure what's going on with Catelyn/Dondarrion

Joffrey was almost unbelievable. He was two-dimensional. That's why I disliked him. Theon made a much better villain, and he's probably the most believable.

I am irritated by Connington's greyscale.

Segments I generally liked: Jon Snow, Arya, Jaime, Tyrion, Connington

Those I disliked: Cersei, Sansa, most of the King's Landing stuff.

Jaime's character development is excellent. I really enjoy watching him progress. Most novels lack this (Pillars of the Earth).

I like Braavos and the Wall.


I think I will read these books again at some point, and enjoy them as much or more than I did the first time through. That's an anomaly in my life.


It's a rare thing when I can say that I admire anything our society puts in the limelight. Martin's work is only there because of his incredible persistence, and it's a crime that he's gone so long unrecognized.

I look forward to seeing what the series brings to our culture. If Martin never writes another word, I think this is still a great - possibly defining - work of literary art that will change things just by existing.

And Peter Dinklage's Tyrion is awesome, too.

[Vesnic]

I identified a lot with Jon Snow. That ....hurt.

Don't worry about Jon. His guardian angel is quite literally always by his side and there is more yet in store for him. Don't ask me how I know. I just do. Some people really are too important to die, tropes be damned!

I have to disagree with everyone about Arya. I liked her in the first book and most of the second. She was spirited and tomboyish and even reminded me of myself a bit. But she's just become frighteningly psychotic and I find her stubborn hatefulness and unwillingness to forgive or to see more than one side of an issue as a character flaw that will take on Hellenistically tragic proportions before the books are finished. I feel terribly about what's happened to her and I understand that she's just, for lack of a better description, traumatized as all fuck, but none of this will serve her in the future.

Locke mentioned Pillars of the Earth. I remember that being a fun read and incredibly quick for what a hulking tome it was. But I totally agree about the two-dimensional characters, especially the villains. I knew from the beginning that Bishop Waleran would never be redeemed, just as Percy Hamleigh would not be. I found it something of a subversion that the heroes in the book actually had more dimensionality than the villains. Prior Philip had his complexities, as did Jack. However, one way in which Follett and Martin differ wildly is that Martin generally gets his female characters right while Follett just doesn't get those chesty creatures. Aliena was a Mary Sue and Ellen was like some sort of occultist sexual fantasy. They were both too forcibly modern, and for that reason they rang false.

The real trick is to invent a character who truly belongs in the time period and yet make her full and interesting despite the "ancient history" handicap. Follett basically Disneyed his ladies. You know how it is: the Princess might live in 7th Century Arabia or 17th Century France or under the fucking sea yet you're still sure you can see that dogeared copy of The Feminine Mystique clenched tightly under her hairy little armpit.

[End Master]

Saw John Carter.

It's getting blasted by everyone, but I liked it.

Other than the usual bad marketing and lesser known story source (for the general public) It probably also suffers from it not having a recognizable actor in it and the guy playing John Carter not being very impressive. I imagine the other problem is the target audience it was trying for since some of it comes off geared for kids and then the next scene John is chopping up a shitload of green aliens as their bodies comically pile up or cutting his way through a giant white ape thing. (The blood is all blue though, so its not violent!) It's a long movie as well and they might've done better to cut down a few scenes.

In any case I went in wanting to see an action adventure and that's what I got, so it worked for me.

Hunger Games movie is next on the list.