Movies (recently seen)

[BatCountry]

I haven't seen the movie but thought it looked interesting. I don't know what Disney is doing though, their marketing is terrible. I know titles don't make a movie but for a new series just starting to hit theatres you don't win people to plop down 10 dollars to see something called "John Carter". I know thats the character from the books name, but lets be honest it isn't a well known series of books. It is such a basic boring name with nothing interesting going on in the title.



What was wrong with "John Carter of Mars"? or "Warlord of Mars"? I don't know I could be wrong but I think alot of people just thought "John Carter? That sounds super boring. PASS." Now this movie is being dubbed as one of the worst flops of all time. Hmm I seem to remember another Disney flop called "Mars needs Moms". Another movie I felt suffered from an awful title, but maybe Disney just needs to stay away from Mars for awhile.









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Didn't some kids also die on that "Mission to Mars" ride at Disney World??? For the love of all that is holy Disney...NO MORE MARS! It only breeds failure and death!

[End Master]

John Carter of Mars probably sounded too cumbersome and Warlord of Mars might've sounded too violent though they could've just went with the original name: Princess of Mars which would've fit with Disney's obsession for princesses. Funny enough The Asylum which is infamous for making mockbusters of recently made movies actually did call their version by that name.

The movie didn't really need to be in 3D either, but I say that about every movie.

[Vesnic]

FUCK 3-d and FUCK the people who don't give me an option not to see that shit.

I can't fucking see what the fuck is going on!

And I'm not alone either. About 10% of the population doesn't get a damned thing out of 3-d movies. It's just darker and more expensive. At least at first I could go to the 2-d version. But now some of these releases are basically saying "Put on the glasses or get fucked".

Well again, I say FUCK YOU CHARLIE.

Whose brilliant idea was that anyway? The legitimate uses of this technology are really pretty limited. They don't actually make a standard movie better. They should relegate themselves to where they belong--to special-interest IMAX-type things and Disney eye-candy crap like Michael Jackson's Captain Emo or whatever the fuck that was called. Some shit I saw in the late 80's where some wonky-ass bird came flying at my face. No wonder I can't see that shit no mo'. Scarred me for fucking life.

Seriously though. FUCK 3-D.

In other news, I just saw an Irish comedy from the early 90's called The Snapper. It had Chief O'Brien in it and a lot of gay-ass unbelievable proletarian bonding. Blech. I'm far too high-brow for such dreck. Two big butt-cheeks way down.

I hate the fucking sun. Why is it out in such fucking force on March fucking 20th? The whole planet is about to explode in one big solarflaresupernovaglobalwarmningabombboomboom and the whole town is fucking cheering! Suddenly everyone's so fucking happy to see me, just because Mr. Sun decided to fart in our general direction. My skin hurts!

Fuck 3-D. Fuck the sun. And fuck everything else too.

[dreamshell]

I love ASoIaF, books and show alike. Dinklage as Tyrion couldn't be any other way for me and I'm also a big fan of the usual suspects; Arya, Bronn, Littlefinger, Varys, King Bob, Khal Drogo, the Mormonts, Maester Aemon, Greatjon Umber and Syrio Forel. And I am totally for Team Dany to win the throne.

Downsides were some limitations as a result of the initial budget (hopefully less of an issue in the new season), the inclusion of Roz the Omnipresent Whore and the middling to poor casting of Shae and Renly Baratheon. She's a bit of a skeazy harpy and he just doesn't have the kingly charisma his counterpart in the books is always said to possess.

Things I'm looking forward to are Davos Seaworth, Melisandre, Arya and Gendry on the kingsroad, Harrenhal, the Brave Companions/Bloody Mummers, Jaqen H'gar, Bran and the Reeds, Dany in Qarth, Brienne of Tarth and the shenanigans Theon get into after a visit to the Iron Islands. Also, a conspiracy between Varys and Tyrion? How can that not be awesome?

Moving on, I would like to see John Carter. A shame it tanked, but I can't say yet whether or not it deserved it. Though it seems to have not really even gotten the chance.

Also, even though it probably spells doom, I'm happy we've skipped right into this nice, bright, warm weather. Watch me eat my words in a few months, though, when I fry like an egg on the sidewalk. The price of the combustion engine, folks.

[End Master]

I saw The Hunger Games movie. I figure everyone being a well read individual on here probably already knows the series.

Anyway I liked it. Not much more to it I guess. Given that they weren't shying away from the whole kids killing each other and dying on camera thing in this, I sort of wonder if they'll go through with the US version of Battle Royale now.

[BatCountry]

I just want to state how happy it makes me that a film/ book series about kids killing each other in a live televised gladitorial like event, has become so wildly popular. It gives me hope. For murderers.



I happened to see it today as well and I must say I enjoyed it quite a bit. They obviously couldn't make the violence too graphic, but it worked well with what they chose to show and what they chose not to show. I look forward to the sequels and may even give the books a read if I ever finish the mountain of books I'm working on now.


Spoiler alert for Hunger Games

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I had an awkward moment when I laughed hysterically at the little frizzy haired kid getting mauled by the big blonde tough guy with the axe. No one else was laughing. Didn't see the humor in it I guess. I knew that kid had no chance and would die within the first minute. It was awesome.

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Ahem....well...um...So who is stoked to see "The Avengers"? Will it be great or a monumental flop fest? I think we can all agree the movie is going to make gajillions, but plot wise I'm a little worried.

[dreamshell]

Saw Trollhunter. Firstly, I have two questions;

A) In a movie otherwise aiming for realistic explanations for fantastic creatures, what's with this "blood of a Christian man" BS? I wasn't aware the smell of a Bible-thumper's DNA was any different from a regular Heathen Joe's.

B) Why do Mountain Kings have cock-shaped noses??? Seriously, I’m not exaggerating at all, their noses are long, bumpy shafts ending in mushroom cap-like bulbs. It's hilarious, and yet the scene these dick-schnozzed monsters feature in is really tense.

But yeah, this one's pretty fun to watch. I enjoyed the bridge scene and the recreation of 'Three Billy Goats Gruff' they had going on with that. Seeing the Jotnar at the end was also pretty awesome. I wish there'd been more payoff with the one guy's injury, but oh well.

A US remake wouldn't work at all unless it either swapped out trolls for Sasquatch or had Americans abroad in Norway, which is sorta fucking pointless. Nice that we have to remake every goddamn good foreign film instead of encouraging people to stop being willfully ignorant assholes and watch the originals.

[End Master]

So I finally got around to seeing Human Centipede 2.

For all those that couldn't get enough of mouth to ass horror in the first one, the second has it in abundance, but that's to be expected.

They attempted to go an art film type route with this one by doing nearly the entire film in black and white doing the whole self-referential thing. It probably was about the only way they could have done it without it just being another "Oh hey there's another movie about a psycho sewing people's asses and mouth together again." (Which is exactly what it is anyway)

This one takes place in England where the psycho is a grossly fat asthmatic berk who has no dialogue and waddles around half naked (or completely naked) covered in blood most of the time. He got molested by his dad and has a crazy mom, you know the usual kind of thing for those types in these movies. He's obsessed with the movie Human Centipede so he goes out starts smacking people in the head with a crowbar or shooting them in the legs to capture them so he can imitate the movie. Naturally he's a little more ambitious so he does this with twelve people instead of three. He even manages to capture the actress that survived in the first movie so he can make the centipede even more authentic like any obsessed psycho would.

The movie itself isn't played as much for laughs like it was in the first one. (Though it does have its moments) They tried to be as dirty and disgusting as they could get and it probably succeeds in that endeavor, since they show the gory details of cutting tendons, smashing out teeth, people shitting blood when a knife is going up their ass, etc. It's all a bit traumatic for the psycho when he realizes that people can die of blood loss and shock pretty quickly when you start inflicting such massive bodily harm on them. He perseveres though and with the remaining ten he resorts to just stapling their mouths and asses together (Along with a bit of duct tape around their heads to keep them level)

Of course the disgusting climax comes when he injects them all with laxatives and they proceed shit all over each other. He then anally rapes the girl at the end of the centipede while having barbwire around his dick. Then the pregnant woman (who he thought was dead and was put off to the side) manages to escape (and have a miscarriage at the same time). Then one guy manages to pull his mouth from an ass, splitting up the centipede and attempting to escape as well.

At this point the psycho goes on a rampage and just starts executing everyone until it all sort of cops out by having a sudden return to the psycho at his garage attendant stall watching Human Centipede just like he was in the beginning of the movie implying it was all in his head...or was it?

Yeah, that's about it.

It was alright for one viewing I suppose. I imagine the director was also trying to make some sort of statement in response to various critics, haters and fans of the first movie, but eh, who really cares about all that? It's more torture porn no matter which way you slice it.

It's no Serbian Flim though. Lol.

[Dragavan]

Just got back from seeing Cabin In The Woods and I have to say it's one of the cleverest and well made horror films I've ever seen. I haven't enjoyed one this much since Red State. It even has the ability to make sense out of all the crappy formulaic horror movies of the 80s and 90s while only telling you the story of this one. Joss Whedon (of Buffy fame) and Joel Goddard (of Buffy fame) really made something great here, which I hope they never ruin by making any sequels.

[End Master]

I'll give another recommendation for Red State.

The funny thing is Katie just put it on and I wasn't paying attention to what it was at first. Then I was wondering why she chose a movie that looked like it was a typical tale about a bunch of teenagers trying get laid and then it went into the whole God Hates Fags cult compound and I realized "Oh wait, this is that movie they mentioned on Infinite Story a while back."

Anyway I though John Goodman did pretty well in his role and I especially liked the actor playing the cult leader.

The alternate ending sounded interesting, but I'm guessing Kevin wanted to keep it more reality based and less ambiguous to as whether the cult got punished or not.

[Vesnic]

Wanna see a crazy chica stick a fishing hook up her snatch?

Wanna watch a murder followed by a cover-up involving the sinking of a moped with a cinder block?

Wanna see a fish get hacked to bloody bits?

Wanna see someone swallow a fishing hook (someone else this time), then drop through a hole in the dock, nearly drowning before finally being resuscitated with a combination abdominal pump/minor surgery?

Wanna see hookers?

Wanna see small-time gansters?

Wanna see lots of Orientals?

Wanna see ALLEGORY? Tee heeee!!!

Wanna see lots of RAPE RAPE RAPE?

Check out The Isle by Fishykawa Dick-Park. Ok, that's not his real name. But I'm too lazy to bother with IMDB right now. Korean movie. Watch it. I think he stole some ideas from my Todestrieb, but I'll hold off on suing him until they make the film version of my story, which will make a lot more money than those silly Asian types ever dreamt of.

Next on my list...back to Eurofaggotry with a fine film called La Grande Ourse featuring that guy who played the creepy choreographer in Black Swan.

Speaking of minor surgery, I have to sterilize a needle and puncture the massive oozing blister that has formed on my heel. The last time I did this, it actually squirted me in the eye and dripped down to my mouth. Tasted just like tears.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

The last time I got squirted in the eye I made fifty bucks. Also ended up with an eye rash. Anyway...

The Sound of Music

Really? Really.

Don't you fucking judge me. Maria...first of all, nice (totally 60s) vidal sassoon shtyle haircut for a movie that's supposed to take place in the thirties. Just like kevin costners mullet in dancing with wolves. The musical numbers were as catchy as iremember from my childhood. I could sing along word for word even after twenty years. The austrian alps were amazing. The love affair between the captain and maria? Not so convincing. But necessary I guess.

And just like when I was twelve the actress who plays the captains eldest daughter made me want to touch myself in bad, bad ways.

Oh, dragavan, my boss saw cabin in the woods and hated it. It must be good.

[Vesnic]

...the middling to poor casting of Shae...She's a bit of a skeazy harpy

I'm sure many of you are watching the second season on HBO, as I am. I think it's holding up pretty well, though I have to agree with dreamshell about the poor casting choice of Sibel Kekilli as Shae. The worst thing about it is that she's actually a fairly decent actress, but only when she's speaking Turkish or German. I think her main problem is the language barrier. She's too busy trying to wrap her tongue around English to make the words convincing.

Speaking of wrapping her tongue around things, Sibel did get her start in porn...

Check out Head On if you want to see a good, disturbing movie where she puts in a good performance.

Shae is a somewhat minor character, though, so her casting is not as important as the major roles. I am hugely disappointed by Lena Headey's portrayal of Cersei. I once read on some blog somewhere that Lena Headey has only two facial expressions, one of which I forget and the other one being the "Ewww, I smell dog poop" face. The more I see of her in this series, the more I wonder why such a high-tech production didn't come equipped with a sufficient number of pooper scoopers. Or better casting agents, for that matter...

She's just a one-note song. Yes, she's pretty, but pretty in a rigid sort of way. She looks like a wax statue, with nothing discernible behind her eyes. Cersei is an incredibly conniving, mean-spirited and twisted bitch who is also a bit of a loose cannon capable of shocking childishness and vulnerability. She is a complicated woman. However, if I hadn't read the books and had to make all my Cersei conclusions based on Lena's performance, then I'd only be able to say, "Well, she's kind of sneaky, but she seems to really love her kids and her family. She's not so bad. She's got a great wardrobe". Toning down the pure reprehensibility of Cersei's character is a misstep because it prevents the character from being fully realized and that in turn messes up the subtleties of her relationships with other characters. I read the entire series as a study in motivation and purpose. If one of the major cogs isn't turning correctly, then the whole works gets jammed. If we can't make sense of Cersei, then the other major characters begin to fade a bit. Greyscale shouldn't come in until later, so I hope they'll sharpen and enliven things a bit by giving Ms. Headey a refresher on what makes Cersei go tick-tick-tock.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

War Horse

A fine flick. Old fashioned, overly sentimental, and unapologetic. World war one is quite ignored. Its nice to see the two methods of warfare colliding, old and new. Good job, spielberg. I either hate his movies or I love them. And its 50/50. War horse was fantastic.

The scene with the british calvary charge was amazing. The offensive was ultimately a complete fiasco, but at first its amazing. The movie makes you look at both sides of the confict.

The ending scene had me in tears in such an old fashioned way
The horse as a protaganist was done well. The ware scenes were delightful, but stil done ina pg way. Amazing. Truly an underrated flick.

Well done spielberg. This is amovie everyone should see. From seven year old to seventy year olds. Well done. Bravo.

Ps. This is one everyone should see. Its that good. How this movie didn't garner more attention is beyond me. A great movie. Truly. A great movie. Done in an old fashioned way, which we need in this age of idiots and laziness. We need this.

Again, well done spielberg. I hate most of your work lately, but war horse almost redeems you, my lad. Cheers!

Well done!

[Vesnic]

calvary charge

I wish I was a better visual artist, because this quote immediately called to mind an image of Jesus barreling up the side of a mountain, nostrils flaring, flanks sweating, the cross on his back bouncing about with a proper little jockey's cap attached to the upper end.

Now THAT'S a Calvary charge!