Movies (recently seen)

[apotheosis]

Would it be gay to beat another man to death with your penis?

Because I don't think it would be, it would just be completely awesome.

[End Master]

I suppose it depends on the status of your penis and where you’re beating him.

Now for the purposes of this example we’ll assume that your penis is made of some sort heavy material or magical in some way that causes excessive damage. Beating someone in the head would get the best results for death, so we’ll assume that’s where you’re primarily doing it. (Like you’re using a blunt object that just happens to be attached to your pelvic region)

Beating the guy in the head, but focusing on the mouth is an automatic GAY.
Beating the guy anywhere below his waist is an automatic GAY.
Using thrusting motions rather than swinging ones is an automatic GAY.

Now on to the penis status.

If your penis is floppy the whole time you’re beating the other guy to death, you’re in good shape, since you’re obviously not aroused by any of this and just interested in your opponent’s death. However the fact that your penis has been touching another man several times, well that does raise some questions...

If your penis is erect, you’re steadily approaching GAY, because while you may be interested in your opponent’s death, you’re also getting aroused by all this. You’re probably a foot away from stepping out of the closet while singing showtunes. At best you’re just a Necrophiliac, though you’re probably still a GAY one. (Though at least nobody can tell on you, in this case)

If you ejaculate in anyway, that’s an automatic GAY.


In other words, just don't do it unless you're gay, then I guess it's alright.

[apotheosis]

Well, let's take this hypothetical situation. There is a damsel in distress. She is really hot and as soon as you see her you get a raging hard on. Then, as you approach to rescue her and take her to the nearest cheap motel, the evil man who kidnapped her jumps out from behind a bush ready to fight out. Not having any weapons except your erection, you knock the man over and proceed to beat him senseless with your penis. You then jab it in his eye not for sexual gratification, but to finish the job. Anytime during this when you feel you are going flaccid, you look at the damsel to get it hard to add force too the blows. When he is dead, you wipe off the blood, and take the damsel away to a cheap motel where your battle hardened penis is used to show her a jolly good time.


Would that be gay?

[donteatpoop]

Why didn't you use your fists?

[End Master]

“Battle hardened penis.” That’s hilarious.

But I’d question why you didn’t use your fists, like DEP said. I can only assume you either don’t have any hands or feet and the penis has more of a reach than your stumpy limbs.

Anyway, I suppose an exception could be made for this usual scenario. You’re still going on gay watch until further notice though.

[donteatpoop]

You’re still going on gay watch until further notice though.

Consider our butt cheeks firmly clenched.

































Okay, apoth; that's not how I meant it. You can stop considering it now.

[westernjesta]

I seen, "I Am Legend," last Saturday and can say that it wasn't what I thought it would be. There really is no explanation for this, just that I didn't like it.

Anyone else seen it? How'd you like it?

[apotheosis]

I saw Devil's Rejects last night. It had some entertaining moments and wasn't as retarded as House of a Thousand Corpses.

[End Master]

I'm still pondering whether not to see I am Legend or not. On one hand it's Post Apocalyptic, but on the other it's got Will Smith in it...

Peter Jackson is on board for The Hobbit. Somehow I find that reassuring.

And I don’t give a shit what the fuck the elitists say. I liked the LOTR Trilogy. Yes, we know they had a “Skateboarding” Legolas and they cut out some stuff, but I still think Peter did a good job with it.

EDIT: And I liked Willow too, so there!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

I LOVED Willow!

And I'm still debating on whether or not to see Legend as well. I know it raped the box offices, but did it get good reviews? I thought it looked pretty interesting.

They're coming out with a Hobbit movie!?!?!?!

That is by far one of my favorite books of all time. CLASSIC!!

Peter Jackson did a good job with the films. And this coming from a guy that read that series five times through.

Not a GREAT job. I think he cut out parts that were integral to the story, and added parts that had nothing to do with advancing the plot.

And Saruman and Sauron were never in league with each other. Saruman was trying to be like Sauron, but in the end fell WAY short.

You know, I think Peter WILL do a good job with it (The Hobbit). It's a much easier story to make into a movie, and he did an expert job at capturing the 'FEEL' of the books. The sets were perfect. And New Zealand was a great place to film the LOTR trilogy.

He did a GREAT job with the Shire and Bag End. That scene were Bilbo and Gandalf are sitting on the hill smoking is one of my favorites.

The problem is NO ONE would have been able to make those movies live up to the grandeur of the books. There's just no way. He made a valiant attempt, and ended up with a product he should be proud of.

Much less could be said of George Lucas. The man should move to a deserted island and never show his face in public again.

BANISH HIM, I SAY!!!

DO you know when the release date for the Hobbit is, End? And you better be right about this. If you get my hopes for a movie and you're wrong I will make it my life goal to...do...something mean...to you...

ZzzZzzzz...

[End Master]

Dunno when the Hobbit is supposed to come out. I only just heard about Peter Jackson finally coming to an agreement about doing it, since there were problems between him and studio and they were going to get another director.

EDIT: Crap, he’s just producing, not actually directing. Still I’m guessing he’ll probably have some input. Here’s some links briefly about it. Apparently they’re splitting The Hobbit into two movies and they’re supposed to be coming out in 2010 and 2011.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7150644.stm

http://www.imdb.com/news/sb/2007-12-19/

http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2007-12-19/#2

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Sir Ian McKellen as Gandalf again! WOO HOO!!!

This is definitely good news for me. The Hobbit holds a special place in my heart. And a two-parter, too! I really hope they stay true to every detail of the book. It isn't that long so there's no excuse not too.

This is going to be great! I'm going to have to post-pone my suicide plans for another couple of years!

I wonder who's going to direct it, though?

[donteatpoop]

I really hope they stay true to every detail of the book. It isn't that long so there's no excuse not too.

I hope so too. That way the first forty minutes can be about what the hobbit hole looks like.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You know what, DEP? I don't like your attitude.

[Vesnic]

This is great news! The Hobbit holds a special place in my heart too. I was in a play adaptation and it was just marvelous to be wrapped up in the Tolkien universe for a few months. Have you guys seen the cartoon version of it? I know it's sort of old and crappy, but that song from it has just stayed with me even though I haven't heard it for years. It reminds me of a very sweet time in my life. I'll also be happy to see more cinema fantasy that isn't overwhelmed with violence. As exciting as it was to see thousands of bloody men in 300 and others like it, it's just wearing a little thin.