Inventors Game

[donteatpoop]

Here's how this works. The person above you will name a product/device/some-shit and you have to invent at least 3 improvements for it. You're welcome to do more, but you cannot do less than 3. Once you've named your alterations, name a new product/device/contraption/whatever for the next person.

Example:
Hair dryer

1)water proof
2) solar powered
3) sucks dick


(next item)



Make sense?

First up:

Television Remote Control

[Sven Smokevich]

1. Razor attachment on bottom. Shave while you watch, dog.

2. Switchblade on top. Cuz y'all never know when that shit'll come in handy.

3. Optional heavy-duty model. Three inches longer, iron-plated, lead-weighted, serves as nightstick. Batteries drain into capacitor that discharges thru switchblade. One-touch emergency dial summons the local Bloods. Proof against EM pulse, servicable in event of apocalypse. Slightly extended signal range. Power to the people, yo.

Next: keg of Natty

[donteatpoop]

1) filter that makes it taste decent
2) pours itself
3) self refridgerating




The Wheel

[xnull]

1.) An axel.
2.) Treads.
3.) Meals to be delivered.

Condom.

[apotheosis]

1- lubricated
2- studded for her pleasure
3- Coated in DDT (just in case you plan on sticking it somewhere that may contain crabs)

Guillotine

[Usoki]

1) Plastic-coated. Sprays off clean. There's nothing quite as tacky as a guillotine with previous-victim stains.
2) Ginzu blade. It needs to stay sharp forever. The sharper, the better. It damn well better cut through a steel can.
3) Combination guillotine and pillory. Holds him nicely while you decide his fate. Then you can behand him for that extra zing.

Frying Pan

[apotheosis]

1- Metal enriched with vitamins and minerals that are cooked straight into your food to make whatever you are frying healthier.
2- A longer, stronger handle so that it is easier to swing into someones face (when you need to)
3- Hand cuff that attaches to your woman's hand so she can't leave the frying pan until she is done cooking. (You'd probably also want to shackle her foot to the oven.)

Toilet Paper

[donteatpoop]

1) rip resistant
2) scented
3) 10-ply




Television

[Usoki]

The TV of Tomorrow

Blender

[apotheosis]

-Built in cleaning system to help move around chunks that might get it clogged, if you a blending an arm for example and bits of bone and cartiledge jam it up. This cleaning system would most likely involve concentrated water jets.
-Adamantium blades so it could cut through anything
-Option for it to automatically dispense material when it is fully pureed into a glass for you ready to be consumed.

Woman (God invented them using a man's rib, right?)

[wolfen44]

-No vocal cords
-Comes in Box with anti-preg pills
-Non-nagging button

Squigi

[Usoki]

Squeegee? As in, those rubber mop-ish things?


-Stronger handle, for ease of swordfighting.
-Stiffer rubber, for better water-slinging.
-Three rubber blades in one. It works for razors, right?

Sneakers

[apotheosis]

-A thin layer of Jesus's skin so you can walk on top of water.
-Acid releasing glands so when you curb stomp someone you can melt their face
-Powerful magnets so you can walk vertically up metal walls

Blowtorch

[wolfen44]

-flame thrower button
-Ability to burn anything to a crisp with in 4 seconds
-Decals

Common cold