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[ChubbyTeletubby]

So I was smoking some amazing, quality shards of meth I use as a cocktail base for all the other amazing drugs I do. Keep in mind I usually only post here when just drunk. And drunk only. I vent drunkness here because I can. Anyway. I dropped a shard on the floor. Picked it back up. Put it in the glass dick. Went to smoke it. It was plastic. Let's have a black celebration. Oops. Gotta call. Gotta go. America is so dull. Unless u people do extreme sports or have lots of sex u can't be living better than me. My brain is free while still a slave.

[Locke]

Edit: Fine. I speak from some experience and it's more of a slow, incremental, life-wasting thing, but whatever.

[BatCountry]

Post pics of this chubby. I wanna see first hand the warped nightmare tunnel you are driving through. Or is it a magical, sparkly tunnel with a pile of golden twinkies at the finish?

[Vesnic]

Speaking of golden twinkies, I was at the corner market the other day, waiting in line with a little container of pasta salad and positively gawping at the woman in front of me who was purchasing her dinner of hulking deli meats, a carton of cigarettes and about twenty bags of assorted twinkies and chocolate things.

Having sampled Austria's finest pastries while dancing the night away in the Imperial Palace, I am always somewhat amazed to see people who can actually force themselves to consume those chemically volatile things which seem to grow in mossy profusion at every convenience store.

No, that's not a bag of Ho-Ho's you see in my cupboard. Just be quiet a minute while I tell my tale.

Anyway, this woman looked to be about 45-ish, short and squat with an oversized black logo tee-shirt and black stretch pants. Her hair was all a-jumble and I'm fairly certain I could smell the cat hair on her.

Does this story have a point, you ask?

Well maybe. Some of the best stories don't really have points, though. For more on plotless fiction, check out my other thread, "From Coal to Diamond to Coal" in which I espoused the delicate intricacies of Proustian prose. You people are like statues on a now deserted island and I, a lonely sailor expecting those statues to become animated just for me.

The conclusion is this: twinkies and middle age don't mix.

If you eat twinkies over the age of forty, you will find yourself denied of love and human connection. One of their chemical properties is in fact to actually and factually cockblock the individual who consumes them. I think this has to do with their phallic shape. There's only room for one of those dinkies here, and his name is either twinkie

...or Bill.

But not Bill AND Twinkie. Two's company. Three's a crowd.

Where's my wine?

No, no, it's not 1:00 in the afternoon. I'm in Moscow, you see.

I'm just biding my time here before I have to go to the doctor's office. Why do I get the feeling that she's keeping tabs on me? Just because I ripped off her clerical assistant's head and drop-kicked it into the adjoining playground? Lame. That bitch wouldn't stop calling me "sweetie doll" and complimenting my hair even when I told her to halt her trap and treat me like both an adult AND her intellectual superior.

But little people love to do little petty things like that. It makes their world spin. That, and lunch break.

Speaking of lunch, there are these awesome slushy Italian ice thingies at the convenience store next door to the doctor's (opposite side from the playground). Since ice is non-fattening, I can enjoy that particular treat with impunity.

Avoiding twinkies is no problem for me.

So ChubChub, suck away on your glass dick. I didn't hijack this thread; there was really nothing to take. And besides, this counts more as rambling or musing, so I can't fairly put it in my "ranting" thread. Also, the Bear has been pretty funny lately so I feel a bit less pressure upon me own pate.

Ugh. Twinkies. How revolting.

I'm hungry now.

[donteatpoop]

This won't destroy anything Locke. Don't believe the hype. Everything in moderation and all that.

Anyway, chubby; this was an example of art inspiring reality. Remember in Crack Attack, the protagonist smoked a ton of plastic. lol.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Thanks for the concern Locke, but the fact is I'm BRILLIANT at taking drugs. I’ve been doing this for eons now. And while everyone else in my "click" (meaning the zombies who inhabit the underworld of American society aka scumbags, people who snatch purses from old ladies, drive stolen cars into pools, kidnap children, masturbate in public, post mindless drivel on Infinite Story forums ect.) have fallen off the wayside like the rest of the lemmings we call “Humans” and are either in prison, on probation, or….sober. I’m still here.

Why? Because homie don’t play that. I don’t stay up for weeks on this shit. I use it as a base to take painkillers and mood tranquilizers. I like food and sleep. I can sleep on meth. Most people can’t. I can tantric masturbate because of my meth use. No more jerking it. I’m a connoisseur of fine narcotics.

People ask me, “What drugs do you do?”

I’m like, “Let’s shorten the list, I’ll tell which drugs I DON’T do.”

Some people like uppers, some like downers. I like ‘em all. Just not by themselves. Each one has a side effect I hate, so I take another drug to balance it.

In other words, I got tiger blood like Charlie Sheen. Meaning I’m hardly a fiend. This country is just so God damn dull. And drugs are just so fun and amazing when you have the brain power to appreciate them and handle them professionally coupled with the wisdom that comes from ten years of constant use.

And trust me, I was just as stupid then as I am now.

People warn me about drugs while they slop down their big macs. This country is a fucking fiasco. Fuck. LIFE is bad for you when you live like most of these fat fucking freaks. Fuck that.

I fuck better. I think better. I talk better. I work better. I do everything better when I smoke my fantastic shards and revel in pure ecstasy. Not many people go where I go. What’s even more fun is when you mix Mushrooms, meth, xanax, and oxycontin. Trust me.

It’s a trip to another Universe. And it’s FUN FUN FUN. FUCK Disneyworld. I’m hittin up my dealer, Bitches!!!


Nice story, Ves. You scare me. Smart women are scary. Stop being scary. Well, ALL women scare me. But smart women are so few and far between.

It’s uncanny. Where are you from? Mars?



POST SCRIPT


LOL!!!!!!!!!! I Just realized Im gonna have to scrape melted plastic outta my pipe before I can smoke again this weekend!!!!!

Fuck it I'll just buy a new one. I'll post a picture. It was quite a moment. I didnt inhale.

Im not that stupid. I could tell the instant it started melting it was plastic.

P.P.S. Plus music plays in my head like Bethoveen. Sounds just like it's playing on my MP3. And you can appreciate music more. It becomes surreal. Im addicted to music. It plays through my head all day. I think I'm really quite different than everyone. And I'm so glad. Because everyone is so dull.

So, so dull.....








So dull....

Edit: life is a slow, life wasting thing. But I do appreciate the concern.



OH, and Threadkiller - It's both. You just gotta enjoy the ride and bite the bullet when things get bumpy. Because they will get bumpy. Very, very bumpy.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Btw. Gilletes the best a man can get. Hey vessy poo, maybe you're fishing in the wrong pond. Before you go calling us a bunch of statues why don't you tone it down first. I dunno about these guys but ur posts gimme a headache after awhile. Just tone it down. We get it. You're smart. Join the club. And I will suck away at my glass dick. And then prolly rape something or somone. And then ponder. Ponder. As I do. Then murder the fucking worthless cunt I just raped and spread my dna all over.

[Vesnic]

Hey Chubby, why don't you find someone else to take issue with? If you'd actually read what I wrote, you'd have seen there was a lot more there, and also in the "Dear Ves" thread where I tried to explain where I was coming from. You missed the metaphor entirely if all you can get out of it is that I'm "calling you all a bunch of statues". Maybe you would find me a lot less tiresome if you actually fucking tried to understand where I'm coming from a little bit, rather than just resorting to the same inane, "You're smart and that makes me uncomfortable" bullshit. You honestly think that the only reason I say what I say is to prove, yet again, that I have a few brain cells and I am, like, really proud of that fact? Wow, I never knew your view of me was THAT skewed. I say what interests me. I speak what I believe. I sound an alarm when I feel something is amiss. These are all things outside of myself, about topics that stretch beyond individual egos and try to land on larger themes and ideas that we all share.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Damn. Okay. Sorry. You're right. I'm wrong. Women. Can't murder them. Can't rape them. Cant find a failproof disposal method - when you're poor and live in the hood. But my orignal statement still stands. Which was? What year is this? Anyway, ill shut up and listen like a good boy should.

Damn.

Sorry! Okay? Jesus.

Btw I'm doing this all on my phone while I hang out with my fag friends. Why? Because I love fags. They are my people.

Seriously, sorry. I'm stuck in my own tailspin and I have no time for anyones views. And that's because I've already made up my mind. I hate you all. But not as much as I hate god. We are all victims of the same derranged lunatic called god. I'm the only one who sees it. That's okay. No excuse for laziness tho. I need to read more, rant less.

Hey ves. If you're ever in louisville swing by my place. Let's play master and servant. Trust me. You won't forget it. You may even like it. You can even be master.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You can even leave cuts and bruises if u want. I haul seventy pound blocks up and down cliffs all day. I'm tired and bruised all over. But maybe you could put me in check. At least for a night. I'll do whatever you want vessy poo. Make me a good servant.

[Vesnic]

Dear Chubby,

I am holding in my hand (the one I'm not using to type) a pair of freshly worn black lace panties, although the whole one-handed thing is really taking a bloody long time. It must suck to become a court stenographer after a fencing accident. I suppose I could throw them on the ground for a brief moment; I just don't want the delicate aroma to be altered or for my pet targ to find them.

I can send them to Luuhhhville if you want. I feel like that second "u" should really have an umlaut, because it's a new syllable. The New Yorker magazine makes use of that particular tidbit of lost grammatical wedgification. I always found it deliciously snobbish.

You say you're bruised and battered? In my book, the only thing better than a bruised man is a bloody one.

I've got my cat-o'-seven ready to use on you. I bought it from a bunch of Italian nuns. That story is extra funny because it's true.

You'll probably be on some downer by the time you read this and respond with some nasty reply telling me to go get fucked by a doormouse or run over by a segway. I hope not, though.

[Vesnic]

Hey ChubChub, why do you want to blow it all over some stupid little asshole named Ken? That's not even a real name.

The dude hangs out with drug dealers but then he goes and calls the cops like some kind of spoiled little bitch when someone fucks up his car? He can't even make fucking eye contact?!

If you're bent on taking Chubby's Last Stand Against Universal Assholery, don't waste it on this douchebag. He's a dollar-store douche. As you have so poignantly and repeatedly pointed out, most people are asswipes. So if you're going to get your engine revved over asswipery, I think you should choose the Grand High Poobah Maharaja Asswipe Eternal as your opponent. You two can have a cosmic deathmatch and restore order to the universe or some such shit.

My bets are on you ChubChub. Don't fucking fail me. And I bet you can guess what your prize will be when you win...

[Vesnic]

In fact, ChubChub, if you're looking for something usefully illegal to do, try taking this place out. I hate fat people. You hate fat people. It's a win-win situation!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You want me to assassinate mitt romney, don't you???? You sick fucking cunt. I shoulda known. Fine. If he wins I will. I have the time, the firepower, the lack of mental clarity, and the......technology.