Bowm Chicka Bowwwwm Bowwwwm!

[ChubbyTeletubby]

CRACK ATTACK, episode 2 : Whitney Strikes Back!

[End Master]

There definitely was the temptation to do Love SICK 2, but like I said I came up with a different idea...

Exploitation Theater

It was a dark and stormy night…

And you have dragged your girlfriend kicking and screaming to an exploitation double feature. You both get out of the car as the rain pours down, but you aren’t even paying attention to getting drenched; you’re too busy admiring the theater’s marquee sign in all its neon glory.

As you’re appreciating the crooked and sometimes missing lettering on the marquee sign your girlfriend is urging you to move.

“Will you come on? I’m getting fucking soaked over here!”

You quickly run into the theater and nearly trip over a passed out bum laying near the doorway. Ah just like the old days.

You and your girlfriend attempt to dry yourselves off when you’re in the lobby. One quick glance and it’s very apparent that this place has seen better days. The ceiling is cracked, the walls are peeling with holes in them and the floor is stained with unidentifiable substances. The lobby is currently empty save for a lone worker at the ticket desk reading some sort of magazine. Your girlfriend jumps a little when a fairly large roach scuttles across the floor seemingly perturbed at humans walking all over its “territory”.

You take all this in stride, but your girlfriend feels a lot differently.

“Christ, I know you like these movies, but why the hell do we have to come to some run down theater that should’ve been shut down by the health department years ago? Couldn’t you have just rented the things?” your girlfriend asks.
“No, because the big screen is the best way to see these things and when I heard they were showing some here, I had to bring you so you could experience it too! I’m telling you when I was a kid, I used to love seeing these old exploitation movies!” you answer.
“Yeah, yeah I know. But you were watching these things as a kid? Aren’t these things filled with a bunch of sex and violence?”
“Yeah, well Dad didn’t make enough to take me to Disneyland so he took me to the movies on the weekends instead. He said it was better since these movies would teach me more about the real world and the facts of life.”
“Didn’t your Mom’s stripper job already do that?”
“Well yeah, but this was different! When I was in the strip club, I could only watch these pathetic guys wasting their paychecks on whores that didn’t really love them. But here in the movie theater I could see all these bad asses get the girls and kill their enemies! And sometimes I’d get so into the movie I could actually believe that I was in the movie doing all the same things! So it was a totally different experience!”

Your girlfriend shakes her head.

“It never ceases to amaze me how you can be so warped and be completely oblivious to it.”

You ignore your girlfriend’s comment and focus on getting the tickets. When you approach the ticket desk, the ticket guy looks up from reading the latest issue of “Beavers and Blowjobs” to address you.

“Yeah?”
“Two tickets please.”
“Well, that’s just dandy, but what the fuck do you wanna see? We got two movies showing.”
“Both of them of course, isn’t it a double feature?”
“Fuck no, we barely stay in business as it is thanks to the internet and DVDs and you want a free movie? You wanna see both, you gotta pay for both.”
“We are NOT paying to see both of these things! In fact I want to spend as little time as possible in this place.” Your girlfriend interrupts before you can even say another word.

You’re a little disappointed by this. You wanted to see a double feature just like in the old days, but it looks like you can’t go home again. You wish your girlfriend was into this as much as you are.

Still, you’re here now and you can see something. And maybe you can change her mind on things. At very least you can enjoy a movie and relive your misspent youth for a little while.

In the meantime the ticket guy wants to get back to his literature.

“Hey buddy, so what’s it gonna be? I ain’t got all fucking night.”

1. White Devil Black Heart

2. Dead Head

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Great. DEP already got the pizza delivery boy angle, and now End works his magic thusly. What's left?

What's left?

I'VE GOT IT!

It's 50,000 BC and you're a Neanderthal trying to hook up with some homo sapien tang. All you got is your huge 2 foot long cock and a crude smashing implement. Maybe a sidekick sabre tooth tiger.

Nope. Blew it again.

Seriously though, End. That's a great start. And I really mean that.

[End Master]

It's 50,000 BC and you're a Neanderthal trying to hook up with some homo sapien tang. All you got is your huge 2 foot long cock and a crude smashing implement. Maybe a sidekick sabre tooth tiger.

You MUST write this story NOW.

Except maybe make his 2 foot long cock ALSO his crude smashing implement.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

You know, I meant this as a joke initially. But it's starting to grow on me as well, End. It's time I 'pick up the pen' again, anyway. I think the club is more of a phallic extension, maybe adding to the whole 'allegory' theme. Allegories confuse me, though. They really do. And in most cases I don't really appreciate them.

And ya, Sven, I think you underestimate the writing talent over here at I-S. Sex is a vital part of being a disgusting earthling. By no means are we debasing the 'moral fiber' of this site. There's a reason Sev added an 'MA' rating.

You're a hard nut to crack, Sven. Just like that silly Finn I've been arguing pointless politics with. I like you though.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Under a blameless blue sky you stand proudly erect upon the lone outcropping of rock that has served your tribe so well for time out of mind. The wind swept plain below you stretches out as far as the eye can see, yet in your mind’s eye you are keenly aware of what lies beyond the distant gray autumn haze. You have always been a wide wanderer - in your sing-song, primeval tongue you are known as ‘He Who Walks Erectly’. Although this is simply a loose translation.

You smile at the promising panoramic view laid out before you, a banquet table laden with the bounty of the fall migration. You take a long drought of the frigid air, laced with the pungent scent of your prey, and your smile broadens. Your stomach is full and your thoughts are as crisp and clear as the cloudless sky above. A savage laugh escapes you.

It’s not mammoth you’re after today.

[Sven Smokevich]

Lol. The man who isn't aware that there is more to the site than forums is upset with the topic. Prior to this change, we were such a high class writing community, too.

My story will be about Sven's penis. It will be a very short story.

Hey bro, call the shit I put on paper "writing" and dat be a compliment it don't deserve. I know it, but art's art, and I's a rapper wit Tourette's, I's a painter wit Parkinson's, I's a historian wit Alzheimer's, okay? The stuff I write down's some weak shit, aight, but I still digs good work and I's seen some on da main site. Porn's writing like my Vega's reliable transportation, to me, is all. A brother reads it when he's gotta work it, he writes it for his papers or his kinks, dig? You want good writing, you go read some damn writing, you can't score and you want wankage, you pull dat x-rated shit. Y'all don't seem to mind though, anyway, and I give y'all y'all's props and respect witout no smack talk, but it don't make sense to my black ass, and weak as my shit is, this time around it's gonna beat down, own up and violate at least one of them abortions you gonna call a story.

What's wit da hata vibe anyway, dog? What I do to you? I be pissed, aight, but I know da score. You go on and write about what I got under the hood, bro. You still be at it when ya cold, dead old hands can't txt me no more compliments. I be dere to laugh at ya funeral, bitch, I do it wit hardcore fly sisters at my side and ya girl waitin' on me back home. You gotta be hatin', let my pride & joy alone. Let y'all's own shit do da talkin come judgement, aight? I's in, playa, watch out for ya girl and ya game cause you's fixin to get served down in North Philly.

Massa, dat intro remind me of somethin' outta one of them old movies, Existenz.

Tubby, dat poor brotha remind me of one of them pornos where the dude gets down and actually fixes tha heater fore he gets himself down to business.

Montgomery style, dog. Peace.

[donteatpoop]

Hey bro, call the shit I put on paper "writing" and dat be a compliment it don't deserve. I know it, but art's art, and I's a rapper wit Tourette's, I's a painter wit Parkinson's, I's a historian wit Alzheimer's, okay?

Painter with Parkinson's, nice.

What's wit da hata vibe anyway, dog? What I do to you? I be pissed, aight, but I know da score.

Hater vibe?

You go on and write about what I got under the hood, bro.

Oh that. I'm an asshole, is all.

Are you one of those guys who can't take jabs? Here's how I roll, I cut people up like Jeffy Dahmer. No vibes of hatred, just amuzing insults. I expect to get them in return, honestly.

What is it the brothers call it? I'm just crackin' on ya.

No harm intended, I just make jokes. I haven't actually seen your junk (and really don't want to, so please stop sending me those e-mails) so I have no way of knowing how tiny that shit is.

Anyway, of course I'm not writing a story about your penis. I have twenty rooms to fill for the story to post, man.

I think a lot of the "hata vibe" can be attributed to my refusal to use those stupid fucking smiley face things. You know how it is, people say something rude and include one with a tongue sticking out and it dismisses the rudeness so that people know that person was just joking. Just assume one of those is at the end of everything I write.

As to the porn theme, I understand where your aprehension is coming from, but keep in mind that the focus of these stories will still be "plot". You can expect some crazy ass stories from us, and I hardly think they'll be the standard "porn" that you are fearing.

Chubby's caveman idea looks like gold to me. Wish I'd thought of that first.




By the way, here's what I'm thinking for mine: Post Apocolypse Zombie Porn

[End Master]

By the way, here's what I'm thinking for mine: Post Apocolypse Zombie Porn

But Dead Head was going to be that or rather that was one of the ideas for it.

It was either going to be about a serial killer who chops off women's heads to get oral sex from them because he was searching for the perfect blowjob.

OR

It was going to be about this girl who in her last act of misguided love, blows her dead boyfriend and it somehow brings him back to life. At which point the zombie plague spirals from there and all the zombies don't lust for brains but for the genitals of the living! Put on your iron underwear folks!

[donteatpoop]

But Dead Head was going to be that or rather that was one of the ideas for it.

It was either going to be about a serial killer who chops off women's heads to get oral sex from them because he was searching for the perfect blowjob.

OR

It was going to be about this girl who in her last act of misguided love, blows her dead boyfriend and it somehow brings him back to life. At which point the zombie plague spirals from there and all the zombies don't lust for brains but for the genitals of the living! Put on your iron underwear folks!

Damn you, EndMaster.

Maybe I'll just write about Furries.

[Vesnic]

I feel somehow responsible for this Frankenstein of a forum thread. Is there anybody in the house who's still planning on doing a straight-up allegory? I will sweeten the deal with extra plot points!

[Usoki]

I always get confused between "allegory" and "story with far too much fucking symbolism", personally.

[Vesnic]

Allegory tends toward a larger message, partially through symbolism. If it's bogged down with tons of random metaphors, then it might still be an allegory, just a shitty one.

[End Master]

My whole story is an allegory on how easy graphic porn and violence is accepted by people once exposed to it and how its only contributing to the increased decadence of our once moral society.

[Vesnic]

Lick my balls, End Master.