Bowm Chicka Bowwwwm Bowwwwm!

[apotheosis]

-Drunken Text Removed-

[Usoki]

Hah! I have a contest piece planned out! Go me! It's an alleporn. Or a poregory. I'm not sure which.

The Sneeze

"Sorry I'm late, guys" said Jacob, as he walked up to his friends. It was a Friday afternoon, and it was tradition, practically a ritual, for them to hang out in front of the local gas station before deciding what they were going to do that day. There is nothing quite so American as a group of small town youths hanging out in front of a gas station on a hot summer day.

"It's about time you showed up," said Rod. "Anna's almost done with her popsicle already. Mmmm," he added, his eyes watching the novelty treat in her hand.

Her mouth had enveloped most of the orange ice, and her lips moved up and down the base of the popsicle as her tongue caressed its sides. She stopped the vigorous in and out motion to glare at Rob, her mouth making one last slurp before removing the popsicle from her mouth with a loud 'pop'. "Grow up," she said, wiping the loose juices off of her hands.

"Oh please," replied Jacob. "Like you can blame us for...for...achoo!"

"You ever wonder why we're supposed to say 'bless you' when someone sneezes?" asked Rob, turning abruptly to Anna.

"Well, I heard it was because they used to think your heart stopped momentarily, and so it's supposed to bring you back to life," Jacob said absentmindedly, wiping the snot on his jeans; rubbing it until the white mucus turned clear.

"Nah, I thought it had something to do with someone talking about you behind your back," Anna replied.

"I thought that was just a sneeze in general," said Rod, laughing. "I feel better now, though. I'd heard it had something to do with your soul being vulnerable, and so saying 'bless you' helped prevent evil spirits from inhabiting your body."

"Don't be silly. Who'd believe something like that?"

Both Rod and Anna turned to stare at their friend in shock; Anna's popsicle fell to the ground, slowly melting into a bent shape.

"What? What are you staring at? Come on guys, it's me- your friend Jaik'nob!"

"...Jaik'nob?" asked Anna, raising an eyebrow.

"Come on," he said, laughing, "who else would I be? You act as though I've been possessed by a demon from the sixth circle of hell sent on a mission to possess a mortal being and proceed to cause massive amounts of mayhem or something."

"Yeah...so, umm, I've got to go now. Bye Anna, bye Jacob," said Rod, running for his car.

"Hey! Don't leave me here!" shouted Anna, watching Rod pull out of the parking lot. He always kept his car unlocked, and he'd installed the keyless ignition himself only days before.

"Don't worry, Amna, I can drop you off wherever you need to go," said Jaik'nob, wrapping his arm around Anna's shoulder.

"No! I mean, umm, no, that's alright. I...I'll just...yeah," she said, staring at the ground.

"So...what now?"

[Vesnic]

Interesting start to the pornegory. Sneezes and spirits and popsicle sex!

I think you've won already...

[KaticaLocke]

What happened to not calling a race until it was over? What the fuck am I writing this shit for if you're handing out trophies already?
(Was thet verbally abusive enough for y'all?)

[Vesnic]

Keep your fucking skirt on.

[apotheosis]

This fucking drunken text wont be removed because I wont' eb a psusyy about it this time. Bowm chicka bowm fuck you are all wasting your timem the end is comign and th ebest you can conjure up is a pathetic excuse to ignore the warning signs and weight helpess and ignorant tot he oncomeing apocolypse.

Stop with you rbown chicka bowming and start facing facts. Change needs to happen and fast or all of this will have been for naught!

Yeah, suck my dick you cock sucking mother fuckers. I hope this is the first thread a newbie on this forusm reasds. Yahahahahaahaha! I win. 10 points fo rme.

No deleting this post for me. I win, and I accept that.

[apotheosis]

I just read and laughed at my own post. I think that warrants 10 more bosu points.

[Sven Smokevich]

Okay bro, 10 bosu points to you. Don't blow em all at once.

[apotheosis]

Something about this thread title must really appeal to me when I'm trashed.

[xnull]

Update on "Serial Rapist" (my entry to this year's competition):

Three pages done! 0 branches done!

But things are forming in my mind and in my pants. This is going to be a great story. I might even take top spot and make you all write in iambic pantameter next year!

Bo-yah!

[Vesnic]

A little sampling from my contest story...My apologies to Usoki, I didn't remember that you had a character named Anna too, but the coincidence is sort of funny don't ya think? I can't change my character's name because it has allegorical meaning.

"Suddenly, there is a sweet acrid aching in your jaw and you double over someone’s lawn, loudly throwing up the grotesque contents of your stomach. You start choking as a barely-chewed piece of lettuce catches in your throat. You collapse to your hands and knees, the sky spinning in circles above you. A grayness begins to creep in from the edges as you fall flat on your stomach. The impact sends a reflexive cough through your whole body, propelling the lettuce sideways from your mouth. You lie gasping on the ground, your whole body abuzz with the thrill of death. You get to your wobbly feet as quickly as you can, brushing yourself off dismissively as you half-run, half-stagger back to your apartment. You close your eyes, desperate not to lose that feeling.

You bolt the door. You grab the torn pair of panties. You claw your pants off. You throw yourself onto the bed. Your chest rises and falls in quick succession. You open your mouth wide, slowly feeding the wet cloth down into your throat. You push it down further and further. You start to gag. With both hands, you grab furiously at yourself, rubbing and pulling and thrusting with your fingers. The same grayness begins to seep in from the sides of your vision. You thrust your hips up and up with the last of your life force."

[Usoki]

Meh. No worries. I chose it because of its palindromic nature. That, and it's almost like "anal", though the reference is not nearly as straightforward as Rod is.

[ChubbyTeletubby]

Sadly, the first part of that little excerpt is something I can relate to. As far as stumbling through suburbs late at night and puking in random assholes lawns.

Asphyxiation has never been quite my cup of tea, though. Well...at least not when self-inflicted. I'm all for strangling OTHERS, though. Great stress reliever!!!

True story!

HAHAHA! And you people think I joke.

I joke! Look forward to the finished product, Ves!

And on a completely unrelated subject: YAY FOR NIPPLES!

[Usoki]

I've looked at that snippet several times now, and it never ceases to disturb me. Whatever the final result will be, it shall certainly be epic.

[Vesnic]

Aw, shucks!

Yes, if this story continues along its predestined path, then it should have a piss-in-your-pants-cry-out-for-mommy-while-furiously-jerking-it kind of effect!